To what extent do you pay for food/drinks for your girlfriend?

Saermegil · 26-10-2010 07:42PM

If I treat her to dinner, she insists on buying drinks, or the next dinner. I used to pay for a lot more things in the early stages of the relationship, even if she insisted. Now I just accept that it makes more sense for us to split it roughly 50/50.

Mimikyu · 26-10-2010 07:47PM

This post has been deleted.

Logical Fallacy · 26-10-2010 07:50PM

50/50, unless only one of us has in income, in which case we don't tend to go out much anyways.

Snakeblood · 26-10-2010 07:58PM

foxinsox wrote: »

Well, it seems that your idea of manners and mine differ vastly..

I don't really get how it's manners for a man to pay for a woman's meal on the first date. That smacks of an unequal relationship and him trying to win your approval.

Micky Dolenz · 26-10-2010 08:00PM

Snakeblood wrote: »

I don't really get how it's manners for a man to pay for a woman's meal on the first date. That smacks of an unequal relationship and him trying to win your approval.

Well, that's usually the idea, win the woman's approval.

On a first date I would buy dinner but I'd expect my date to buy drinks in turn at the bar.

evercloserunion · 26-10-2010 08:01PM

Right now my GF is paying for me more often than not because she has a job and I'm broke and unemployed

but when I have cash I tend to pay for a lot of things. As some randomer once remarked to me on the bus, "that's the price o' dippin' the wick".

Dudess · 26-10-2010 08:01PM

0verblood wrote: »

I'm paying pretty much 100%, every meal, every cinema ticket, almost every drink, and I do kind of mind!

That's crazy - you just shouldn't do it... unless she's earning absolutely nothing.

foxinsox wrote: »

I would think it's manners for a man to pay for the first few dates...

Especially the first date..
If a man suggested going splits on first date..
It would be the last date..

I'm not attacking you but that seems to be more a traditional chivalry thing than straightforward manners. Why wouldn't it for instance be manners for the woman to pay for the first few dates? What if she is earning more than him? I do think it's unequitable for that to automatically fall on the man. Like I said though, I'm not attacking you - guys tend to insist on paying on the first few dates anyway, because of this pretty much ingrained notion.

I wonder are there any guys who would feel emasculated by the woman footing the full bill?

CathyMoran · 26-10-2010 08:02PM

We keep a small amount of our wages for ourselves - the rest goes for the morgage/food/the very odd meal out ect. We are married though.

southsiderosie · 26-10-2010 08:06PM

0verblood wrote: »

Yeah I we should go 50/50 like you guys! Because I pay for so much food and drinks I end up not wanting to buy her surprises & treats etc. cos I've been spending a lot of money on her anyways. We go for dinners a lot, coffees during the day, I even pay for the feckin cinema! Feck.

Anyways what do the girls think of this?

The last three people I dated were older and made significantly more money than me, and they always insisted on paying for dinner, so I always tried to reciprocate by buying drinks afterwards...but they usually paid anyway. I tried to make up for it by occasionally cooking for them, or figuring out things we could do that were cheap/free (gallery openings = FREE BOOZE!). And the last guy was a history buff, so every now and then I would show up with a new book for him, which he loved.

The one thing I never figured out though was the "do I/do I not" pull out the wallet dance at the end of a meal. I knew they were going to pay, but I didn't want them to think I was taking them for granted...but it all ended up a bit like "date night kabuki theater" (does this even make any sense?).

tl;dr - Guys shouldn't have to pay all the time, but if they insist, girls should try to make up for it in other ways (not THAT, sucio!

)...and they should definitely not expect champagne and lobster every Saturday night

foxinsox · 26-10-2010 08:06PM

Snakeblood wrote: »

I don't really get how it's manners for a man to pay for a woman's meal on the first date. That smacks of an unequal relationship and him trying to win your approval.

I came in here because the OP asked what do the girls think..

In my opinion I think it is good manners and a gentlemanly thing to do for a man to pay for the first date..

I am not 12yrs old and would not be interested in a man that would think I would go splits on a first date.

Isn't that what a first date is about?
Trying to win each others approval?

My post that you quoted was a reply to someone who said..

"Well, I hope you sleep with them on the first date, manners ya know"

I don't know where that statement came from and thought it was quite bad manners to imply that I should sleep with a man because he bought me dinner :rolleyes:

I stated my opinion..

From reading some of the male posters answers it seems that most of them do/did pay for first few dates...

I believe its called chivalry

squeakyduck · 26-10-2010 08:07PM

A lot of lads in here have to cop on and grow a pair.

I say this as a girl. Stop being whipped pushovers. You'll get walked all over for the rest of your lives. Roughly 50/50 or nothing.

WindSock · 26-10-2010 08:08PM

0verblood wrote: »

I'm paying pretty much 100%, every meal, every cinema ticket, almost every drink, and I do kind of mind! I just don't know how to tell her to start paying her half. Maybe next time the bill comes after a meal I'll just sit around and not say anything... she'll be like "What's up?" and I'll say "You're paying this time ya hewer".

Why are you paying for everything if you are not happy about it. Do you think she would flea, otherwise? Next time she suggests you go out somewhere tell her you are low on cash, you are funding a lifestyle she has come to expect because you keep doing it with no hint that it bothers you a little. / serious answer...

.... kick her in the gee to imobilise her and run off when the bill comes.

Pyr0 · 26-10-2010 08:10PM

I don't have a gf to spend money on..

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_mI8BYlP2-gY/TJLliVl3wmI/AAAAAAAAEiQ/HhoSCeBvFko/s1600/forever+alone+face.png

bonerm · 26-10-2010 08:10PM

WindSock wrote: »

Why are you paying for everything if you are not happy about it. Do you think she would flea, otherwise? Next time she suggests you go out somewhere tell her you are low on cash, you are funding a lifestyle she has come to expect because you keep doing it with no hint that it bothers you a little. / serious answer...

.... kick her in the gee to imobilise her and run off when the bill comes.

While I applaud the sentiment, we're never gonna reach a consensus in the battle of the sexes by going round kicking women in the gee.

foxinsox · 26-10-2010 08:14PM

Dudess wrote: »

I'm not attacking you but that seems to be more a traditional chivalry thing than straightforward manners. Why wouldn't it for instance be manners for the woman to pay for the first few dates? What if she is earning more than him? I do think it's unequitable for that to automatically fall on the man. Like I said though, I'm not attacking you - guys tend to insist on paying on the first few dates anyway, because of this pretty much ingrained notion.

I wonder are there any guys who would feel emasculated by the woman footing the full bill?

Yeah I know what you mean...

manners/chivalry I think they tend to overlap..

I would defnitely pay my way, I have on many occasions...

I just think it's not a good sign to have to do it on the first date...

I think it's old fashioned romance/manners/chivalry and that's what I want on a first date...

I think some guys can/might/tend to feel a bit put out if a woman pays the bill..

Dudess · 26-10-2010 08:15PM

bonerm wrote: »

While I applaud the sentiment, we're never gonna reach a consensus in the battle of the sexes by going round kicking women in the gee.

Develop an expertise in doing other stuff to her gee and you might just find there will be rewards...

saywhatyousee · 26-10-2010 08:15PM

i tend to always pay that way your guarnteed lovin:)

lamai · 26-10-2010 08:16PM

I pay her and she sucks me off. The ride is more

hondasam · 26-10-2010 08:16PM

foxinsox wrote: »

Well, it seems that your idea of manners and mine differ vastly..

if he was hot you would admit it

Dudess · 26-10-2010 08:17PM

foxinsox wrote: »

I think some guys can/might/tend to feel a bit put out if a woman pays the bill..

In this context, I think you should revise your use of the the term "put out". :pac:

foxinsox · 26-10-2010 08:19PM

Dudess wrote: »

In this context, I think you should revise your use of the the term "put out". :pac:

I think I'll just get my coat...

It's one of those days...

WindSock · 26-10-2010 08:19PM

foxinsox wrote: »

I would think it's manners for a man to pay for the first few dates...

Especially the first date..
If a man suggested going splits on first date..
It would be the last date..

If I was with someone "officially" it just falls in to place that we take turns paying or whoever has the money..

No big deal..

foxinsox wrote: »

Well, it seems that your idea of manners and mine differ vastly..

foxinsox wrote: »

I came in here because the OP asked what do the girls think..

In my opinion I think it is good manners and a gentlemanly thing to do for a man to pay for the first date..

I am not 12yrs old and would not be interested in a man that would think I would go splits on a first date.

Isn't that what a first date is about?
Trying to win each others approval?

My post that you quoted was a reply to someone who said..

"Well, I hope you sleep with them on the first date, manners ya know"

I don't know where that statement came from and thought it was quite bad manners to imply that I should sleep with a man because he bought me dinner :rolleyes:

I stated my opinion..

From reading some of the male posters answers it seems that most of them do/did pay for first few dates...

I believe its called chivalry

foxinsox wrote: »

Yeah I know what you mean...

manners/chivalry I think they tend to overlap..

I would defnitely pay my way, I have on many occasions...

I just think it's not a good sign to have to do it on the first date...

I think it's old fashioned romance/manners/chivalry and that's what I want on a first date...

I think some guys can/might/tend to feel a bit put out if a woman pays the bill..

Your Life of Brian quote in your sig is slightly off.

hondasam · 26-10-2010 08:23PM

time for a group hug I think

and its free

Seaneh · 26-10-2010 08:27PM

Dated a girl whos income was roughly 3.5 times mine for a while a while back. I made good money but she made a mint (worked for it too). She would refuse to let me pay for things, even if I was trying to treat her. At times it bothered me, which I know is my problem not hers. but what really annoyed me was, she'd pay for trips away for the two of us and not tell me until the last minute and the refuse to accept any of the money back. Felt like a kept man at times.
And like I said, I made GOOD money. She was just stupidly well paid.

Back to the OP's question. Trouble in paradise with your Kenyan girlfriend's traditional values?

az2wp0sye65487 · 26-10-2010 08:31PM

Can I assume that most people in here are talking about their bf/gf as someone they're seeing causally? - or are you talking about someone you've been going out with for a long time, or living together etc.

If you're talking about a casual relationship then fair enough about splitting costs...

If you're talking about being in a long term relationship or living with someone etc. then what's the difference with which person puts their hand in their pocket?

With myself and the O/H we don't have much of an emphasis on money. We put aside a set amount each month to cover mortgage, bills etc. and the rest is for both of us, regardless of what account it sits in...

To anyone who's in a long term relationship and is constantly thinking about money in the "my money + his/her money" sense.... I'd say you're focussing on the wrong things in life.

Dudess · 26-10-2010 08:34PM

hondasam wrote: »

time for a group hug I think and its free

Til you drop the hand - I'm on to you! :mad:

AnnyHallsal · 26-10-2010 08:35PM

Say one person is unemployed and one person earns 40,000? Is it ok if the one earning pays for (almost) everything? Four years together, live apart, no complaints from either.

Feelin' a bit guilty

Logical Fallacy · 26-10-2010 08:37PM

Snakeblood wrote: »

I don't really get how it's manners for a man to pay for a woman's meal on the first date. That smacks of an unequal relationship and him trying to win your approval.

Call me old fashioned, but i would never buy a girl dinner unless we have had sex three or four times.

starbelgrade · 26-10-2010 08:38PM

I've no idea. I rarely carry cash & I don't have any cards.

KeithM89_old · 26-10-2010 08:39PM

starbelgrade wrote: »

I've no idea. I rarely carry cash & I don't have any cards.

Remind me never to mug you

To what extent do you pay for food/drinks for your girlfriend?

Comments