Is being deeply unhappy a valid reason to break up or is it just me being selfish?

LegacyUser · 09-10-2010 01:15PM #1

I'll cut to the chase i'm with my boyfriend for 4 years but i'm so uhappy, i have told him time and time again how i feel but he doesn't seem to care. I just dont know what to do anymore, i feel like i'm being selfish.Any advice?

Sound Bite · 09-10-2010 01:29PM

IMO, life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship, especially when you've tried to work on improving it but your partner won't.

If you're not happy, what are your reasons for staying?

Ickle Magoo · 09-10-2010 02:45PM

What reason is there to be in a relation unless it enriches and adds to your life in some way? I can't see any reason to stay in a relationship that you are unhappy in, especially if your partner doesn't seem to care. What's selfish about wanting a nice partner who cares and a relationship you enjoy being in?

LighterGuy · 09-10-2010 05:48PM

+1 for ickle.

Op,
You should never stay with someone when you are unhappy. Nothing wrong with breaking up.

Sure you even have let him know your feelings. Which is a respecful thing to do. So if you break up with him you wont be the bad guy in any sort of way.

dudara · 09-10-2010 08:09PM

Can you go into any more detail as to why you're unhappy?

Zen65 · 09-10-2010 08:35PM

f252 wrote: »

I'll cut to the chase i'm with my boyfriend for 4 years but i'm so uhappy, i have told him time and time again how i feel but he doesn't seem to care.

Is it his behaviour which makes you unhappy, or have you just lost all positive feelings for him?

If this isn't a workable match, why would you stay?

Be at peace,

Z

the gob · 09-10-2010 10:05PM

being unhappy is not a reason to break up

telling your partner you are unhappy and him ignoring you certainly is!

if he doesnt care about your happiness why would you stay with him?

Bottle_of_Smoke · 09-10-2010 10:35PM

Just to be clear - would I be right to infer you are unhappy in the relationship and not just in general?

Stephanos · 10-10-2010 03:04AM

the gob wrote: »

being unhappy is not a reason to break up

telling your partner you are unhappy and him ignoring you certainly is!

if he doesnt care about your happiness why would you stay with him?

Him ignoring your feelings is definitely an issue!

And as the last poster said, you need to ask why you are unhappy. If you're unhappy in life, you'll definitely feel unhappy in your relationship.

And wanting to breakup because you are unhappy is far from selfish. It's brave. So many people stay in relationships for the sake of it. Admitting you are unhappy is a big step.

LegacyUser · 10-10-2010 04:23PM

Well there's many reasons why i'm unhappy firstly i feel like we are more friends than boyfriend and girlfriend, we havent had sex in over a year not much physical contact at all. I also feel trapped with him i don't even know if i love him anymore.

I feel unloved and rejected i feel we would be better as friends,i have told him how i feel on many occasions but i just feel i need to give up.

LighterGuy · 10-10-2010 07:38PM

I think you listed more than one reason above to break up with him op.
So there is your answer

Can I take a guess at something?
Due to the title of your thread it suggests you feel bad about breaking up with someone for such reasons. Would that be correct op?

If so,
well... people break up with others all the time for stupid reasons. Take a look at the following reasons you probably have heard why two people broke up who you knew in your life (then see if your issue isnt a good enough reason)

Money/Job - Many a woman has broken up with a guy because his "job" wasnt good enough.
"friends didnt like them" (usually a common excuse to hide something else) But many a person has broken up with another because their friends said they could do better. :rolleyes:
someone else - the most common reason why you see two people break up. Someone else has come along. And its not always because the partner lacked/wasnt right for them. Alot of the time its just desires.
... i could probably go on and on. But you get the point.

People break up all the time over nothing more than what they want. So op, after reading the above. Yeah I think you should move on.

LegacyUser · 11-10-2010 01:29PM

op here, yes i do feel bad about it but i am at my wits end with him.I'm worried about it because i don't know where i'm going to live after as i live with him and we have bills together. I really don't know where i'm going to go and i think that's why i have put up with it for so long.

Thanks everyone for your advice it has been very helpfull.

sbsquarepants · 11-10-2010 01:56PM

I'm surprised you're even asking the question!
You aren't happy, he's doing nothing to help (this is the important bit in my opinion), why stay together? For more of the same, no thanks!
If he was trying, it would at least be something, also no sex in a year?? Major sign that something is seriously wrong, sex is the glue that holds relationships together, if a couple aren't having sex and there is no reason why other than 1 of them just doesn't want to, then that couple are not a couple, plain and simple.
Time to move on i think!

Is being deeply unhappy a valid reason to break up or is it just me being selfish?

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