tell us all a joke

"Knock, knock"

"Who's there?"

"The paper delivery man"

"Just leave it outside the door, you lazy, workshy prick"

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the sea??






Bob

What do you call an epileptic in a bush?

Russell ('rustle', just in case.........you know........)

a fella goes into the library and says to the woman behind the counter

'can i have the book for fellas with small cocks'

'its not in yet' she says

'yeah thats the one' says the bloke

chin_grin wrote: »

How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a lightbulb?



To get to the other side.

great people to borrow money off

A penguin walks into a bar and orders a pint, asks the barman, 'Did you see my son in here tonight?'.

Barman scratches his chin, thinks for a second, then asks, 'What does he look like?'

chin_grin wrote: »

How many alzheimers patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

Alzheimers patients ? what's Alzheimers :pac:


Husband goes to the hospital as his wife was having a baby. Upon arriving, the Nurse says 'Congratulations, your wife has had quins - 5 big baby boys.'

Husband says, 'I'm not surprised, I have a Willie on me like a chimney.' The nurse replies, 'You'd need to get it cleaned because the babies are all black.'

Best one I've heard recently:

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.

The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".

"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"I see your ears are working", says the duck, "Now can I just have my beer and my sandwich please?". "I'm working on the building site across the road, and I'm on my break. ", explains the duck.

The landlord serves him and he drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".

"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".

"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".

"At the circus", says the landlord.

"The circus?", the duck enquires.

"That's right", replies the landlord.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?", asks the duck.

"That's right!", says the landlord.

The duck looks confused, "What the hell would they want with a plasterer?"

I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket.
He said, "Grandson... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

Q. Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small

A. Because there not his