Should I End It And If So How?

Feeling Down wrote: »

I've been in mainly live-in relationship with my boyfriend for 13 years, we were engaged but this seems to have fizzled out. For the last 3 years his behaviour has been getting so bad that I left and got a job in another city and felt much better, but he prevailed upon me to try again and so I left this job (with secure pension) and got a part-time job where he lived in order to move back in again. I was made redundant a year ago and have only been able to find the odd freelance contract work which makes me about 14,000 a year.

In what ways in his behaviour bad? He says he does not find me sexually attractive any more, he refuses to have sex with me or kiss me, he won't do any mutual activities together, he texts other women and they text him (3 that I know off, although I'm not a little mouse and I put a stop to this - I think), he is generally very critical of me and judges me by very harsh standards. I admit in the early stages of the relationship I was more immature and perhaps a bit harsh on him at times, but he can be unreliable and is constantly late. I think its generally summed up in his comment to me "I just don't like you very much".

I gave him nearly 100,000 (from the sale of my house, which had a tiny mortgage on it) to put towards his buy-to-let mortgages, which he would'nt have got otherwise. I manage these properties for him, they are in his sole name but this is not an issue because we have a partnership agreement saying if we split up we get 50/50. However his idea of 50/50 is to sell when the market is poor, with the properties in slightly poor condition and paying Capital Gains Tax on them. Basically I wouldn't have given him the deposits had we not been engaged to be married at the time and we planned to keep them as our pensions. I also gave him free accommodation in my other house so that he could pay the mortgages. I now have no pension and this one house with a sizable mortgage on it in my name which is rented out and we currently stay in another house which he owns another house which has huge potential for development as it stands in its own grounds but he refuses to do anything with it.

I'm 42, because of this arrangement I made no seperate pension provision, I've lost the gains I would have made if I had kept it as my own property investment and he's benefitted from free accommodation and my work all these years. And I'm so, so sick of being criticised and told I'm not good enough. I don't smoke or drink, I'm a petite yet curvy size 8 and I keep getting attention from other men because I go everywhere and do everything on my own and probably come across as really sad, but anyway, I'm told I am very attractive indeed, although I'm really not the flirty type (I actually think I'm a bit scared of men).

I just don't understand why he is behaving like this, fair enough if I'd let myself go but I've not. He says its all my fault. I feel like he's ruined my life and I don't want him to profit out of me or to be left without a pension, or indeed job, at this age. I can't understand why someone would just let things go like this without making any attempt to put an effort in, I'm quite a loyal person so maybe its my own fault I'm not more shallow. At times I feel so frustrated because I feel I've been treated so unfairly that I have suicidal thoughts - I would never act on them, I'm a pretty level headed person.

Any advice from anyone ever in a similar situation?