What positive things have come out of your bereavement?

After my dad passed away I wanted to do something constructive that reflected me as a comic book artist so I put an anthology together based on his answering machine message. I got 28 other artists to contribute and published it one year after he had passed away. I got the printing cost donated so 100% of what we raised selling the book has been given to Goal, a charity my dad use to work for. To date the book has raised over 5000 euro for Goal.

The book has had more positive effects then I could have hoped. I was aiming to raise 1000 and we've gone so far beyond that. It really helped me as a way to get out my feelings. I spent three months creating a series of monoprints based on my dad for the book and had a show of them. One young 17 year old young lad from New York submitted work for the book which I included and he bought several copies of the book to submit with his college applications to art school and I sent copies to several editors and some people in the book got work as a result.

Similar to the last poster, I would also consider myself to be a better person since losing my cousin to suicide several years ago. (This was the first of 3 sudden and unexpected deaths in 5 years but the one that i would mark as changing me most significantly)

Positive effects: I find it very difficult to not be on speaking terms with someone for any reason, i am much more forgiving - MUCH MORE, i never end a phone conversation or leave any of my friends and family without saying i love you, kisses/hugs etc, i have a much closer relationship with my immediate family, we talk about things that we previously wouldnt have (like when we are feeling low/depressed/having a hard time), i am MUCH more compassionate than before, i feel more enabled to help other people who are bereaved....this is something that friends comment on, that i was so much support during funerals etc. A work colleague at a funeral commented that for a young girl, seeing a friend in a coffin at a wake not frighten me, i walked straight over and kissed them on the forehead and stroked their face while others could not approach it. and I said no - its just become a part of life, i am able to react naturally around that sort of thing, whereas before I'd struggle to look at the coffin when offering condolances in a funeral home. (One of my biggest regrets was not spending time with my cousin before they closed the coffin, it was too traumatic at the time, i wish i has kissed him goodbye)


Negative effects: i won't go into the obvious..... but a huge negative effect is the anxiety i carry that this will happen again, of losing someone i love. I feel guilty if i don't spend time with people/if i'm not in touch enough, i am conscious that my grandmothers will not live forever and cry about it regularly, something sad on tv or a sad story in the news will bring tears to my eyes and these things can play on my mind for days after (i feel too much empathy perhaps) - all issues that are being helped by counselling but still very much present five years later

Being an only child, when my Dad passed away I had to quickly learn how to be 'the man of the house', for want of a better term. As a 21 year old female, I wasn't, and for that matter, still amn't over the moon about it, but nobody else can do it now but me.

From this time last year screaming the house asunder because there was a spider in the shower and waiting for my Daddy to charge in and save the day, to just last week dispatching wasps nests in the attic.

Its been a complete turnabout, and it's hard work, but now I'm more likely to be in Woodies buying varnish than in Office buying shoes.

Most girls, and boys, my age, have no idea about architraves (they go around your doors!), sorting through financial and legal documents, unblocking shower traps, etc, but I've had to learn. And in a way I'm proud of myself.

A car crash where one of our friends died caused me and my best friend to make amends. We were on the verge of having a huge bust up I could feel it coming...I wanted it to happen! Then our lives were basically changed forever that night.

She nearly died herself and suffered severe injuries. We realised that all the BS was simply that...a load of crap and we became close again.


The death of another friend of mine has me encouraging more healthy eating in alot of my friends. He died due to a heart attack and was basically because he was morbidly obese. I could have said something back then but then again how can you say something to someone about their weight without hurting them..... I'd have rather hurt his feelings and him be alive and well than the reality of him dying alone.

As for the various deaths of young lads I've known due to car crashes I openly voice my opinion about driving slower and more carefully.

Due to the deaths of two young lads from cancer and a brain haemorrage I'm constantly onto lads I know about going for check ups, men seriously never want to go to the doctor it drives me mad! But I'll keep harping on and will drag some of them there if I have too.

All in all the various deaths have made me realise how short life is and how we should look after ourselves and each other to have long happy lives. You can loose sight of it at times but then flashes of the people you have loved in coffins brings you back to reality and makes you cop on.

People stop hugging each other and showing affection as they get older. I don't believe in that so I'm all for the hugs and dishing them out. It can make peoples day sometimes! So get hugging! I tell the people I love that I love them alot more now because if anything happened me or them I would hope they would know I did love them.