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Got really drunk on 1st date...and did silly stuff

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  • #32
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,313 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    I would like advice on what to do on the 2nd date?? Places to go, things to see??
    Ok cool, but I'm tending to agree with:
    Adam wrote: »
    you came looking for advice, i'm giving mine. the fact that you're defending your actions means you think they're ok, so why are you asking for other peoples opinions? if you're happy then do what you do and be done with it, non?
    more and more. Though I think its more about looking for external reinforcement myself.

    If it was a simple "we went out had a laugh, so I'm looking for something different second date wise" then why get into the gory details of the first date? And some tone of self justification? Are there some part or parts of it you're concerned may have given him the wrong impression? If not why mention them? Apologies if this is not the reasoning behind it, but that's how its coming across to me and early on how it was coming across to one other poster at least.

    You do seem somewhat surprised he's up for a second date. Frankly so am I. Nada to do with your age and his, or even the drinking and dancing on tables to some degree, but leaving the guy high and dry while you go off with others would put off most men. Rightfully so. It's nothing to do with whether they're "sound" or not. Most men would consider it the height of simple bad manners. As would most women in his position. As would I. If it was me, the age, drinking, dancing on tables would be fine(if they werent a constant fixture of someones personality), but the manners bit would have me pulling the "its not you its me, actually no, its you" line. It smacks too much of self centered mindset. "I'm a free spirit out to enjoy myself and so long as I am the feelings of others are in second place".

    As for him not looking for just sex. Well its only been one date, so unless he's pretty obvious about just wanting a one night legover, even the biggest whoremaster is gonna play some sort of waiting game if he's just looking for a good time girl for a while.

    As for the second date, unless someone has knowledge of the place you're posting from any specific advice beyond the vague is gonna be wanting. Gandalf pretty much nailed it with this :
    Just a bit of advice if you are interested in meeting him again how about you reboot the 1st date and go somewhere were you both can try and get to know each other without going overboard on the alcohol.
    You say the cinema is out as you have a tendency to fall asleep. Which is a bit of a :confused: but OK. There are museums(not exactly exciting mind), going for a coffee during the day or early evening, going for a bit of a hike if you're in some area of natural beauty.

    You could also go for a meal. You don't need to get into the wine either. I've gone for meals in France, Spain, Italy and Greece, all lands of Vino and on occasion have stuck to the fizzy water and absolutely nada was said about it. If you were some 18 year old wanting to fit in then I could see some reasoning behind it, but you're not. So maybe get him to show you the local sights(if he's local), go for a meal in the evening and then maybe somewhere after for a couple of drinks. That should sort a second date and give him the chance to see more of what you have to offer and vice versa.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #33
    Imhof Tank
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,123 ✭✭✭Imhof Tank


    [quote=[Deleted User];66814784]I'm saying that's how it is. To think otherwise is really naive. There's nothing inherently wrong with how the French view things.

    I lived in Belgium last year, and the Belgian girls were laughing at me for drinking Leffe because 'girls don't drink Leffe'. I think that's really over-prissy, it's not like I was getting wasted on it, but those attitudes are still the norm there. I drank it anyway, but I was aware that people were looking down on me for it. It's not that you can't do what you want, but you can't tell other people what to think of it. I think it is a bit arrogant to try to impose Irish cultural values and norms on French people. They're hardly going to change all their thinking, are they? OP is free to party and be as wild as she likes, nobody is stopping her, but what I'm saying is, she is just not going to be respected for it. Fact. That's just how it is. What you might see as 'going against the grain' would be seen as 'losing your dignity and making a fool of yourself' in France. Who is to say which idea is right or wrong? It's just two different cultures.[/QUOTE]

    It may be how it is but that doesnt mean she has to pander to them. And I thought you acknowledged in an earlier post that these attitudes are unfair - which I agree with and which sounds pretty black and white - so how is that "unfairness" not inherently wrong?

    Re the bolded bits above - there is a lot of focus on what other people think going on in your post. Why cant she just be herself and have fun instead of obsessing about what the whole French town might be thinking?
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #34
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,313 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    [quote=[Deleted User];66815156]So why are you asking what you should do? How come you don't know yourself? What's your 'issue' here because I'm not getting it. :confused: You seemed to be saying you made a fool of yourself by drinking too much and now you're saying you weren't drunk at all, and everyone loved you. What do you need to recover from if everything is fine?[/QUOTE]This as mine is TL;DR
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #35
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,313 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Imhof Tank wrote: »
    Re the bolded bits above - there is a lot of focus on what other people think going on in your post. Why cant she just be herself and have fun instead of obsessing about what the whole French town might be thinking?
    Simply because that's what the OP herself seems to be doing in her very first post.

    Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.



  • #36
    Imhof Tank
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,123 ✭✭✭Imhof Tank


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Simply because that's what the OP herself seems to be doing in her very first post.

    What I got from the first post was she was concerned about what this one bloke may have thought of her based on the first night - not what the rest of the town might have thought.

    By her further posts he sounds like he's cool with the OP's personality so clearly he couldnt be representative of French men generally who would apparantly be disgusted by her.

    As she isnt worried about the rest of the men in France - only the one guy from the first night - then why should she undergo a complete personality transplant just to be more acceptable to the rest of them.


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  • #37
    Roger Early Suffix
    Posts: 0 ✭ Roger Early Suffix


    Imhof Tank wrote: »
    It may be how it is but that doesnt mean she has to pander to them. And I thought you acknowledged in an earlier post that these attitudes are unfair - which I agree with and which sounds pretty black and white - so how is that "unfairness" not inherently wrong?

    Re the bolded bits above - there is a lot of focus on what other people think going on in your post. Why cant she just be herself and have fun instead of obsessing about what the whole French town might be thinking?

    I didn't say the attitudes were unfair. I said I thought my lumping all French men into one category could be considered unfair. And the OP seems to be worried about what other people think, no matter how much she's trying to convince us otherwise. My point is, people think things, and they're hardly wrong for doing so. Whether or not you pay attention to them or not is a personal decision.


  • #38
    Imhof Tank
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,123 ✭✭✭Imhof Tank


    [quote=[Deleted User];66816025]I didn't say the attitudes were unfair. I said I thought my lumping all French men into one category could be considered unfair. And the OP seems to be worried about what other people think, no matter how much she's trying to convince us otherwise. My point is, people think things, and they're hardly wrong for doing so. Whether or not you pay attention to them or not is a personal decision.[/QUOTE]

    Couldnt agree with that - some things are black and white.
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #39
    Roger Early Suffix
    Posts: 0 ✭ Roger Early Suffix


    Imhof Tank wrote: »
    Couldnt agree with that - some things are black and white.

    What? Who are you to tell other people what they should think?


  • #40
    Imhof Tank
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,123 ✭✭✭Imhof Tank


    [quote=[Deleted User];66816399]What? Who are you to tell other people what they should think?[/QUOTE]

    Well, I was thinking about some admittedly extreme examples such as white supremacist groups or people who carry out honour killings of their sisters/ daughters - some of those guys think their beliefs are reaonable
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #41
    Emme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    None of us are perfect all the time. If the OP is working on her PhD she needs to let off steam some time. I admire the French guy for not trying to sleep with her on the first night and if she meets him again fair play.

    Maybe she was thinking "I'd better have as much fun here in France as I can because it's pretty bleak at home from what I read on boards!":D


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  • #42
    Roger Early Suffix
    Posts: 0 ✭ Roger Early Suffix


    Imhof Tank wrote: »
    Well, I was thinking about some admittedly extreme examples such as white supremacist groups or people who carry out honour killings of their sisters/ daughters - some of those guys think their beliefs are reaonable

    Eh...we're clearly not talking about that here, so why bother bringing it up? People looking down on other people for drinking a certain drink or dancing on a table aren't committing a crime, and I don't think their beliefs are unreasonable, just different. I think you're being rather intolerant here. You don't go to other countries and moan when people don't act and think the same as in Ireland.


  • #43
    Adam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,866 ✭✭✭Adam


    Emme wrote: »
    None of us are perfect all the time. If the OP is working on her PhD she needs to let off steam some time. I admire the French guy for not trying to sleep with her on the first night and if she meets him again fair play.

    Maybe she was thinking "I'd better have as much fun here in France as I can because it's pretty bleak at home from what I read on boards!":D
    he didnt really get a chance, she left him outside the club!


  • #44
    Imhof Tank
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,123 ✭✭✭Imhof Tank


    [quote=[Deleted User];66816742]Eh...we're clearly not talking about that here, so why bother bringing it up? People looking down on other people for drinking a certain drink or dancing on a table aren't committing a crime, and I don't think their beliefs are unreasonable, just different. I think you're being rather intolerant here. You don't go to other countries and moan when people don't act and think the same as in Ireland.[/QUOTE]

    I bothered because you challenged me to give examples of unreasonable beliefs and those examples sprang to mind just to illustrate the point at hand.

    Regarding the concept of tolerence, its the French who have the probelms by the sounds of the posts on this thread. And I dont think it was a case of the OP moaning about the French - posters felt that the French men and women would be privately disgusted by the OP - so they are the intolerant moaners not her
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #45
    Roger Early Suffix
    Posts: 0 ✭ Roger Early Suffix


    Imhof Tank wrote: »
    I bothered because you challenged me to give examples of unreasonable beliefs and those examples sprang to mind just to illustrate the point at hand.

    Regarding the concept of tolerence, its the French who have the probelms by the sounds of the posts on this thread. And I dont think it was a case of the OP moaning about the French - posters felt that the French men and women would be privately disgusted by the OP - so they are the intolerant moaners not her

    No, I didn't. I swear you're reading a different thread. Look, I think a lot of people here expect others to share their idea of what a 'good time' or a 'laugh' is. It's no more intolerant to look down your nose at someone for getting drunk and dancing on a table than to look down your nose at someone for NOT doing it. Some posters have commended the OP for 'letting loose' and 'not caring what anyone thinks' - in France and plenty of other places, this is a BAD thing! The good thing would be to show some restraint and behave properly in public because getting drunk is the 'easy' thing to do.

    I'm not saying I liked the attitude of most French men I met, but I wouldn't go as far as to say they were wrong. I was in their country, so I wasn't going to expect them to live by my rules. I just didn't date them because I didn't like their views and knew we wouldn't be compatible. A lot of people in the world would be privately disgusted by a drunk woman dancing on a table singing 'my back my pussy my crack.' That's hardly a revelation to you, is it?


  • #46
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Imhof Tank wrote: »
    I bothered because you challenged me to give examples of unreasonable beliefs and those examples sprang to mind just to illustrate the point at hand.

    Regarding the concept of tolerence, its the French who have the probelms by the sounds of the posts on this thread. And I dont think it was a case of the OP moaning about the French - posters felt that the French men and women would be privately disgusted by the OP - so they are the intolerant moaners not her

    I am not Irish, not French, and I think OP's behaviour that night was not proper.

    I dont think having a bit of manner and behaving yourself = not having fun.

    Well, but every one makes mistakes.


  • #47
    Imhof Tank
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,123 ✭✭✭Imhof Tank


    [quote=[Deleted User];66817257]No, I didn't. I swear you're reading a different thread. Look, I think a lot of people here expect others to share their idea of what a 'good time' or a 'laugh' is. It's no more intolerant to look down your nose at someone for getting drunk and dancing on a table than to look down your nose at someone for NOT doing it. Some posters have commended the OP for 'letting loose' and 'not caring what anyone thinks' - in France and plenty of other places, this is a BAD thing! The good thing would be to show some restraint and behave properly in public because getting drunk is the 'easy' thing to do.

    I'm not saying I liked the attitude of most French men I met, but I wouldn't go as far as to say they were wrong. I was in their country, so I wasn't going to expect them to live by my rules. I just didn't date them because I didn't like their views and knew we wouldn't be compatible. A lot of people in the world would be privately disgusted by That's hardly a revelation to you, is it?[/QUOTE]

    I would say the most agreeable people are those who don’t look down their noses at anyone. Is it naïve to think non judgmental people exist in this world?

    Izzy, my problem is with people advising the OP to change her entire lifestyle – even though she seems happy with it herself - for the sole purpose of making herself less scandalous in the eyes of the local folk.

    And yes, I can imagine what people would have thought of a drunk woman dancing on a table singing 'my back my pussy my crack.' (although I think she was dancing to it as opposed to singing the words and I do think there is a difference there) - some probably would probably have been shocked and stunned - but thats not the point - the point is whether she has to join AA and generally amend her ways so as be less shocking in the future
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • #48
    Roger Early Suffix
    Posts: 0 ✭ Roger Early Suffix


    Imhof Tank wrote: »
    I would say the most agreeable people are those who don’t look down their noses at anyone. Is it naïve to think non judgmental people exist in this world?

    Yes, it's incredibly naive. We all judge people. You've done it in this thread.
    Izzy, my problem is with people advising the OP to change her entire lifestyle – even though she seems happy with it herself - for the sole purpose of making herself less scandalous in the eyes of the local folk.

    But we all thought she was asking for advice about that, about how her behaviour might have come across to the locals. People advised her not to drink so much and she's since said that isn't an issue. People said French men don't generally like women who get drunk and dance on table, she's said that isn't an issue.
    And yes, I can imagine what people would have thought of a drunk woman dancing on a table singing 'my back my pussy my crack.' (although I think she was dancing to it as opposed to singing the words and I do think there is a difference there) - some probably would probably have been shocked and stunned - but thats not the point - the point is whether she has to join AA and generally amend her ways so as be less shocking in the future

    That's up to her. My point is, you can't expect other people to live by your standards. You can't expect nobody to ever think negatively of you when your behaviour is outside the norm for the community. If that isn't a problem, fine, but as I said, you can't control how people see you.


  • #49
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    Im a very fun girl. I dont "need" alcohol to have fun.

    if thats true, then just go for dinner with him, a conventional date.

    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    So ive no idea where we could go to avoid alcohol. Even if we went for dinner it would involve alcohol...as you usually get a bottle of wine with meal. Its just so difficult to avoid Wine.

    why do you actually have to go out of your way to avoid alcohol?

    you can just go to a restaurant and not drink wine... drink sparkling water, soda water and lime etc


  • #50
    Jim_Bob_2010
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17 ✭Jim_Bob_2010


    magneticimpulse wrote: »
    Ok where to start.
    We had already had a bottle of wine in my friends house before we met him. Downed some Baileys and Cointreau. Then we had another bottle of wine at the party, followed by punch with Martinique Rum in it (70%). At which point I got up and started dancing on the table to "My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack".

    We got bored (myself and my friend) and went to a pub...which was followed by more alcohol. My date drove us to a nightclub. Outside a guy kept calling me English and I got pissed off (then other men thought i said FCUK and they got angry for no reason...all French men...I live in France). So 2 British friends arrived in their car and I left with them...leaving the date outside the nightclub, without even saying goodbye. Of course I texted him to say some men were getting in a fight with us.

    Please OP, if people think you're English do your country a favor and don't correct them.

    Honestly, in your heart of hearts do you really think he considers you more than an easy ride?


  • #51
    dellas1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    Ahahahaha sorry-OP your story reminds me of that video from the prodigy "smack my bitch up".
    Um Im not quite sure what the problem is - Ive tried reading through the thread but other posters seem to be confused too.
    Is it about the french guy? i.e. did your behaviour put him off? I guess not if he is looking for a second date.


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  • #52
    The Lovely Muffin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,595 ✭✭✭The Lovely Muffin


    I totally agree with Miss Fluff is correct in her post.
    sam34 wrote: »
    you can just go to a restaurant and not drink wine... drink sparkling water, soda water and lime etc
    Totally agree.

    I am 19, and don't drink alcohol. When I go out I usually drink water/minerals and I still have fun.


  • #53
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Jim_Bob_2010 Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
    Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
    Have a nice day.
    Thaedydal


  • #54
    katie99
    Closed Accounts Posts: 205 ✭✭katie99


    Any more than three pints of beer or two glasses of wine constitutes binge drinking. Google it.
    You are a fool and irresponsible person to be getting totally pissed regardless of how old your date is.
    It reveals a total lack of personal responsibility towards yourself but more importantly to your date.
    Cut down on the drink big time.
    You are 29 not 16.
    If you don't believe the above stats then next time you have your chlorestoral checked ask your GP for the liver readings from your blood test.
    He or she will have some startling news for you.
    Remember life is too short, so don't foreshorten yours by excessive over indulgence.
    And show some self respect.


  • #55
    knitwit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12 ✭knitwit


    Hi OP,

    We all go a bit mental from time to time, I'm sure your date has done it too. I do think it would be a good idea to let him see you in a more calm state on your next date. Maybe go for dinner and limit yourself to 3 drinks? It would be a good opportunity to chat and get to know each other better. I know there are language difficulties, but getting plastered won't help. Naturally you might feel a bit anxious beforehand, but don't meet him with a few drinks in you already. I personally hate men who need a bit of dutch courage before they can meet up. It smacks of weakness and I sometimes wonder if they have a problem with drink and/or confidence.
    I wouldn't worry about the age difference, loads of men are totally fine with that, some even seek it out.
    Btw, if his english isn't great, maybe he didn't understand the lyrics to that song!


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