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Funniest thing your parents have said?

1356

Comments

  • #62
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    My dad's ludicrously innocent. We get a laugh out of the way he insists the 60s hippy-tastic song Puff The Magic Dragon is not about pot/LSD and just about a little boy and his dragon friend (the Robert De Niro character had a similarly clueless take in Meet The Parents). He also insists Cliff Richard, despite living with a former catholic priest, is not gay.

    Bless... :pac:

    My mum's funny because she has similar taste in movies to an 18-year-old boy - she loves action movies with e.g. Vin Diesel, zombie movies, vampire movies and the like.


  • #63
    oranjeboom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 93 ✭✭oranjeboom


    Both my older sisters are tall and most of my family are tall, Im not so I asked my mam one day why was I so small.

    Her response

    Your Dad was in a hurry the day we made you!!!

    The rest of the family cracked up and still bring it up very often


  • #64
    antocann
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,378 ✭✭✭antocann


    Dudess wrote: »
    .....My mum's funny because she has similar taste in movies to an 18-year-old boy - she loves action movies with e.g. Vin Diesel, zombie movies, vampire movies and the like.


    your ma loves p0rn too?


  • #65
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    I'd say she wouldn't mind it! :pac:

    She loves films/programmes with lots of sex. At the same time though, she despairs of "the carry-on the youngsters get up to nowadays"...


  • #66
    DeVore
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,387 ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    get off that bloody computer and get back to your study, those things will never get you anywhere in life.



    :)

    DeV.


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  • #67
    Busi_Girl08
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,668 ✭✭✭✭Busi_Girl08


    My Mum was looking for a new phone, a smart phone, particularly, so she could browse the internet on it. (She wanted it to look up something she sees on tv or whatever)

    She calls them "Google phones", and her first question to the guy in the shop was "does it have Google?"

    That was about 6 months ago, she got a HTC...something, and she HATES it.

    To be fair, it is a pretty ****e phone.


  • #68
    girlyhappyface
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭girlyhappyface


    My boyfriend's granny came to visit our new house, and I asked her out to the back garden to show her all the veg and herbs I was growing. I was telling her I was growing parsley, thyme, rosemary etc. and she just goes "I hope you're not opening one of those Head Shops!"!! She's 82.


  • #69
    merengueca
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 465 ✭✭merengueca


    My Mum and Dad are forever adding to ther collection of pets. So far 3 ducks, 2 dogs and a cat...

    Sat in the back garden the other week with my Dad, older brother and baby nephew, a bit of a lull in the conversation so all just sitting around enjoying the sun and scenery etc - for some reason Dad broke the silence with :

    Your Mothers taken an awful fancy for a red cock.


    I'm not ashamed to admit, I very nearly wee'd!!! It turns out Mum wants some hens and a cockeral.

    There is no way my Dad planned to drop such innuendo - the man still firmly believes my and my twin sister are his perfect little girls who don't know what boys are for (despite Sis having a baby and me living over the broom with a willy owner until last year!)


  • #70
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    oranjeboom wrote: »
    Both my older sisters are tall and most of my family are tall, Im not so I asked my mam one day why was I so small.

    Her response

    Your Dad was in a hurry the day we made you!!!

    The rest of the family cracked up and still bring it up very often
    Actually my mum recently said "Shur all it took was for the trousers to be hanging off the bedpost and I was pregnant"... Ew... :(
    girlyhappyface wrote: »
    My boyfriend's granny came to visit our new house, and I asked her out to the back garden to show her all the veg and herbs I was growing. I was telling her I was growing parsley, thyme, rosemary etc. and she just goes "I hope you're not opening one of those Head Shops!"!! She's 82.
    A guy I know who went to jail for dealing weed had his "business" taken over by... his nan. :o


  • #71
    joeperry
    Closed Accounts Posts: 527 ✭✭✭joeperry


    Me: Dad that venison your eating came in a package,could you not have bought some fresher meat.

    Dad: what you want me to do trot it in here?


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  • #72
    Ann22
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,006 ✭✭✭Ann22


    Way back during the 1985 Ethiopian famine, I'd been watching the news broadcast with all the horrific images. I was upset and was telling my mother that there were loads of women who's babies had all died. My mam's reply was 'but sure, would they even know?':eek:...blatant ignorance really..didn't know black people were real humans..she knows now though I think.

    On a lighter note, my oh's mate was on the sofa with him mates playing Sonic the Hedgehog on the mega drive, they were perservering with the Green Hill Zone, when his mam came in and sat in the armchair watching. After about half an hour she piped up..'this is a very boring cartoon'. My oh's mate was trying his best to get Sonic to jump etc and was enthusiastically moving his arms up and down as he was pressing the control buttons..dunno what she thought he was at:D


  • #73
    bad2dabone
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,333 ✭✭✭bad2dabone


    My ma used to make up names of diseases we'd get if we did certain things, for example we weren't allowed eat rashers in the sitting room (I dunno why it was only Rashers) and we would catch "Arisifelus" if we did. It sounded scary so we ate our rashers in the kitchen :D


  • #74
    3hn2givr7mx1sc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,838 ✭✭✭✭3hn2givr7mx1sc


    bad2dabone wrote: »
    My ma used to make up names of diseases we'd get if we did certain things, for example we weren't allowed eat rashers in the sitting room (I dunno why it was only Rashers) and we would catch "Arisifelus" if we did. It sounded scary so we ate our rashers in the kitchen :D

    I wouldn't like to get syphilis on me arse either.


  • #75
    Engelbert
    Closed Accounts Posts: 63 ✭✭Engelbert


    Dilynnio wrote: »
    That I can share my bed with my partner.............as I will not get pregnant!:D

    Scissor me timbers!!!!!!!!!


  • #76
    DazMarz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭DazMarz


    I remember one time my sister came into the house and my father looked at her over his newspaper, and said to her "Have you lost a bit of weight?"

    She replies: "Yes, I have! I weigh 8 and a half stone stripped for gym!"

    The paper starts quivering and his face goes red. I think he's having a fúcking seizure, when he finally roars out: "WHO THE HELL IS JIM?!?!?"


  • #77
    rebel10
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,047 ✭✭✭rebel10


    DazMarz wrote: »
    I remember one time my sister came into the house and my father looked at her over his newspaper, and said to her "Have you lost a bit of weight?"

    She replies: "Yes, I have! I weigh 8 and a half stone stripped for gym!"

    The paper starts quivering and his face goes red. I think he's having a fúcking seizure, when he finally roars out: "WHO THE HELL IS JIM?!?!?"
    Brilliant:D


  • #78
    El Siglo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,803 ✭✭✭El Siglo


    My mother threatening to sell me and my siblings to travellers, once she drove into the haulting site... Needless to say it's had a somewhat 'negative' impact...


  • #79
    phill106
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,838 ✭✭✭phill106


    merengueca wrote: »
    and me living over the broom with a willy owner until last year!

    I read it , and i read it, and i still dont get it. Over the broom?


  • #80
    rebel10
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,047 ✭✭✭rebel10


    This is disgusting:
    When i was young, bout 4/5 yrs old, i took a liking to eating raw sausages!:o I used to sneak over to the fridge, and suck out the sausage meat out of the skin. Ewww. Can still remember the taste.:o
    Anyway each time i used to get caught, my mom, (and this was the 80's) used to say "Stop that or it will give you cancer". :eek:
    Mind you my sister used to sneak eat raw spuds!


  • #81
    rebel10
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,047 ✭✭✭rebel10


    phill106 wrote: »
    I read it , and i read it, and i still dont get it. Over the broom?
    Something to do with not being married to him:confused::confused:


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  • #82
    Ms. Captain M
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 317 ✭✭Ms. Captain M


    My Da called my cousin's French student "Sexy", her name was "Fanny", I think he genuinely got confused


  • #83
    John C
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 326 ✭✭John C


    phill106 wrote: »
    I read it , and i read it, and i still dont get it. Over the broom?

    living over the broom with a willy owner...
    - shacking up with a man.
    - sharing bed and table with a man without a marriage licence.

    http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/9/messages/383.html


  • #84
    W.Shakes-Beer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,975 ✭✭✭W.Shakes-Beer


    Giving Dad a hand while he was climbing over a fence in Donegal, as i put my hand out I get:

    "IM NOT A FUCKING CHILD!"

    I lol'd as he nearly killed himself getting over it.


  • #85
    Ross_Mahon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,283 ✭✭✭Ross_Mahon


    Can i have a lend of that M50 album? (50 Cent)


  • #86
    skippy15
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,743 ✭✭✭skippy15


    My dad has lots: 2 best and most common were:

    Go into that room with your playboy (gameboy) and don't come out till I say so/ or when friends knock oh go into him he is in bedromm with his playboy....

    Best was every time we went to get a haircut when we were younger my dad would say ok just give him a wash and a blow-job, (blowdry)- nearly every time....and weren't always females either....


  • #87
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    Ross_Mahon wrote: »
    Can i have a lend of that M50 album? (50 Cent)
    Reminds me of: the Cork Evening Echo used to list the top 20 or whatever songs and 50 Cent was listed as "50 Pence".


  • #88
    steveoracle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭steveoracle


    "What's that under the bedcovers, is there someone in there with you?"


  • #89
    lilminx
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭lilminx


    http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=58367801&postcount=41
    My poor ol' mother went to the butchers the other day and there was a lady in the queue in front of her insisting that she wanted a male bird for Christmas. The conversation went on for quite a while and after she had left and it was my mothers turn, she turned around and very innocently said loudly.. 'Well I don't want any cock this Christmas!' The butcher, who is her brother, had to leave the shop in hysterics, not before calling to his son - Will ya ever tell your Aunt what she just said!


  • #90
    NoHornJan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 553 ✭✭✭NoHornJan


    Well if ya break your legs ya needen't come running to me for help. And at other times " Come 'ere 'till I kill ya". :confused:


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  • #91
    StraddleFor6
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭StraddleFor6


    Dad: "Whats an iphone?"

    Me: "Its an ipod and phone in one."

    Dad: "Whats an ipod?"

    Old people, lol.


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