Virgin

LegacyUser · 24-05-2010 3:38pm #1

Im going unreg as this is a bit personal for me
- - - Im a virgin,19,female and Im so aware of this in my society
I mean, what if it never happens?
Lads have teased me and persumed im a virgin! I dont even socialise with them and they think they have a god given right to tease me about my personal life. Like, why do guys persume whos a virgin and whos not! It was one comment and has stuck with me to this day. Its upsetting as my love life is dead and look, I know its immature, but why is it making me so anxious and ugly? If guys like virgins or whatever is being claimed these days, why am i being made feel worthless and ugly because of their persumtions? Its not like I announced I was. They just made the judgement.
Sorry, i know this sounds babyish, but its getting to me

krudler · 24-05-2010 3:54pm

you do realise thats guys in your age bracket are complete morons most of the time right? never mind what people assume about you, if you're happy being a virgin then so be it, fair play to ya I say, do it when it matters and with someone you want, not because everyone else is doing it and adding to the teen pregnancy stats.

Xiney · 24-05-2010 3:54pm

These guys teased you about being a virgin and you didn't take the opportunity to say something like, "Yeah well, look at the assholes I have to choose from eh?"

Seriously though OP, being a virgin at 19 is not uncommon, and it's not a bad thing. Wait until you find someone who's worth having sex with.

entropi · 24-05-2010 3:59pm

And I'll add to the others here by saying that probably half of those lads are virgins themselves, just too afraid to admit it...

More lads aged between 18-23 are virgins than you think OP, don't despair. It'll happen when it happens, no worries eh:)

skooterblue · 24-05-2010 4:05pm

Xiney wrote: »

"Yeah well, look at the assholes I have to choose from eh?"

What a simple but class comeback.

I am not saying you should remain a virgin until you get married but the earlier you become sexually active the more likely you are to get an STI, teen pregnancy, you have all those hormones growing up as a teenager. Then you have to add in this massive complication of sex on top of it.

Dont let anyone pressurise you. Take your time and find someone worth while. If we had a show of hands did we regret who we slept with first I think many of us would say yes (*shudders at the though).

When you find someone be sensible and it will be well worth the wait.

LegacyUser · 24-05-2010 4:07pm

Hi guys
Its just - ive never gotten close with a guy emotionally to do it. They have even made me feel unwanted and like im a back up. But this isnt about that.
Im just feeling im holding out for a "prince" who doesnt exist to be honest. Do princes exist?
I want to be with someone who likes or loves me enough to be at least accepting of everything. Im a bit too romantic for my own good. Would you believe girls have even teased me. Someone even sneakily suggested that im ugly because im a virgin, like its a bad thing. I know its not a disasterous thing but my head keeps saying it is. Clearly confubbled! My bestfriend has called me "the virgin mary" on occasion. Even in public. Im so mortified. I dont want to make this seem like a girly dilemma insecure thread. It just gets to me. Sorry if i come across that way. It just seems to be an issue of late when the girls talk about sex and i nod along. Feeling im missing a part of the puzzle is all

Sanjuro · 24-05-2010 4:11pm

OP, I'm a 29 year old guy. When I think back to some of the things I said and did, right up until the first half of my 20's, I curl up inside, cringing with embarrassment! Do not for a second take anything they say to heart. Young guys are for the most part, idiots. Unfortunately you'll have to put up with it until they start hitting the mid-20s! There is nothing wrong in being a virgin at 19. Don't rush into something just because some clowns make idiotic comments. Take your time, and make it special. I did that, and I'm am so glad I waited. I had the opportunity to lose my virginity at a younger age than I did. But I waited, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made! There is nothing quite like sex with someone you love. It's incomparable with just a ride with someone for the sake of it. Wait until you find someone who cares for you, and who you care for. You only get one first time. May as well make it special!

Xiney · 24-05-2010 4:15pm

When people tease you, and it upsets you, you have two options:

1) Come back with some slagging of your own
2) Tell them that it's not nice of them to tease you like that and that it upsets you. If they are a good friend, they'll stop, and if they don't stop, you've just made the valuable discovery that they are not a good friend.

As for the whole being ugly because you're a virgin thing... that's bull. You do sound like you need a confidence boost though, and confidence is sexy. So join a club, start doing a sport... get good at something that you enjoy. You'll feel better about yourself and you'll instantly be more attractive.

You don't seem too romantic, I think it's perfectly acceptable to want to like or even love the person you sleep with.

LegacyUser · 24-05-2010 4:25pm

i have confidence. My confidence in guys is gone though. But since I can remember, there was a vibe about virginity when I hit secondary school - there was a sell by date.
Im gonna just say it - I havent gone that far with guys as in - - well you know, I havent done anything other then kissing.
Regarding this, it feels like a race. Its bad enough some people persume right about my virginity. Never mind minor stuff compared to it. People have laughed when i was 16 nevermind now. Ive tried to ignore it. This niggling feeling.
I just feel IM backwards sexually. - make sense? Thats how i feel

LegacyUser · 24-05-2010 4:39pm

and my dad has suggested im a lesbian, and then laughs it off. And my mother has said "if your gay, you could talk to us" - Should I be insulted?
Shouldnt they be delighted im holding back? Or am i an alien?

krudler · 24-05-2010 4:42pm

unregging wrote: »

and my dad has suggested im a lesbian, and then laughs it off. And my mother has said "if your gay, you could talk to us" - Should I be insulted?
Shouldnt they be delighted im holding back? Or am i an alien?

Thats BS to be honest, most parents would be delighted that their teenage daughter ISNT sleeping around.

Contessa Raven · 24-05-2010 4:43pm

Hi OP,

I think you are focussing too much on what other people think. I know you feel like an alien (I felt that way too

) but you just have to learn to drown out the assholes and idiots and listen to yourself. You know what's right for you deep down.

There are princes out there. I found one!

I met him in college. I had only ever kissed people before too and we lost our virginities to each other. I was 20, he was 22. It was good. We loved each other and we waited until it was right for us. It can happen but you have to believe it will happen.

Seriously OP it is nothing to be embarrassed about and the people making fun of you are the people who are immature. Not you.

It will happen when it's supposed to. You shouldn't rush something as important to you as this.

CR

LegacyUser · 24-05-2010 5:04pm

Contessa Raven wrote: »

Hi OP,

I think you are focussing too much on what other people think. I know you feel like an alien (I felt that way too ) but you just have to learn to drown out the assholes and idiots and listen to yourself. You know what's right for you deep down.

There are princes out there. I found one! I met him in college. I had only ever kissed people before too and we lost our virginities to each other. I was 20, he was 22. It was good. We loved each other and we waited until it was right for us. It can happen but you have to believe it will happen.

Seriously OP it is nothing to be embarrassed about and the people making fun of you are the people who are immature. Not you.

It will happen when it's supposed to. You shouldn't rush something as important to you as this.

CR

Thanks.
But, for some reason, im surrounded by assholes everywhere i look . Even the guys who pose as nice and geniune - are the worst. I dont wanna end up being trashed by guys for the rest of my life :O id love to find a nice guy like you did. Your lucky

LegacyUser · 24-05-2010 5:11pm

unregging, I have the exact same problem. Difference is I am 18 and a guy lol. A lot of my friends have talked about what they have done with their girlfriends and when I hear what they say it really puts me down because I feel I am so inexperienced.

I have not been teased over it simply because i change the subject whenever I can. For a while I thought I was the only one my age with this problem but there really are many girls/lads still virgins at our ages.However, If you have a group of friends who have already done it and you the only one who hasnt It is a tough thing to deal with.

LegacyUser · 24-05-2010 8:20pm

unregging wrote: »

Im going unreg as this is a bit personal for me
- - - Im a virgin,19,female and Im so aware of this in my society
I mean, what if it never happens?
Lads have teased me and persumed im a virgin! I dont even socialise with them and they think they have a god given right to tease me about my personal life. Like, why do guys persume whos a virgin and whos not! It was one comment and has stuck with me to this day. Its upsetting as my love life is dead and look, I know its immature, but why is it making me so anxious and ugly? If guys like virgins or whatever is being claimed these days, why am i being made feel worthless and ugly because of their persumtions? Its not like I announced I was. They just made the judgement.
Sorry, i know this sounds babyish, but its getting to me

OP i would'nt take any notice of the comments from those idiots, id say there is a good chance they are virgins themselfs but of course they have this macho attitude they have to put on and live up too around friends and maybe see you as a easy target. You're only 19yrs for god sake and still have plenty of time so relax and enjoy your youth and stop worrying yourself. I'm sure when you meet a boy you will know when the time is right and don't let them or anyone else put pressure on you either, you will only live to regret this later in life if you just go sleep with joe bloggs for the sake of it.

Dudess · 24-05-2010 8:46pm

unregging wrote: »

Im going unreg as this is a bit personal for me
- - - Im a virgin,19,female and Im so aware of this in my society

Don't mind "society" - believe me, there are far more 19-year-old virgins in this world than your peers, popular culture etc would have you believe. FAR more.

Funky Kingston · 24-05-2010 9:18pm

unregging wrote: »

Im going unreg as this is a bit personal for me
- - - Im a virgin,19,female and Im so aware of this in my society
I mean, what if it never happens?
Lads have teased me and persumed im a virgin! I dont even socialise with them and they think they have a god given right to tease me about my personal life. Like, why do guys persume whos a virgin and whos not! It was one comment and has stuck with me to this day. Its upsetting as my love life is dead and look, I know its immature, but why is it making me so anxious and ugly? If guys like virgins or whatever is being claimed these days, why am i being made feel worthless and ugly because of their persumtions? Its not like I announced I was. They just made the judgement.
Sorry, i know this sounds babyish, but its getting to me

Hi OP , this is not babyish at all .

The guy that are teasing you and making you feel bad are not worth your thoughts. They sound like idiots that most women DO NOT want .

When you meet the right person you will know and it will be fantastic. You will see how important a good partner is and how silly these boys are . Other posters are right .... these guys are acting macho , any decent guy would not need to prove himself like that .

Take your time , there is no rush :cool:

kjl · 25-05-2010 3:14am

Hey relax,

I'm 29 and still have a mate or two who are virgins. You are only 19 and you haven't met the right guy its not big deal at all. Yes, your prince charming is definitely out there, but I can assure you he is not the drunken horny guy.

Don't rush into this decision, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you what so ever, tbh I recon there is something wrong with your dad, unless he is saying that in a really sick sense of humor.

It sounds to me like you want a man, not a boy and unfortunately at that age, most guys are boys.

LegacyUser · 25-05-2010 1:14pm

Hey OP,
First off fair play for not just sleeping around cause other people expect you to and try not to feel ashamed for sticking to your morals/values etc. im in a similiar situation and Im a 21 year old guy and worse still Iv never even been Kissed (Shock, GASP). Im not butt ugly either and it wasnt even a choice I made I was just never in the right situation or whatever. Also Im not ashamed (Im also a hopeless romantic) but at the same time I would never tell anyone and my friends have no idea.

Anyway I just think you have to be happy in yourself and just not care what others think.

Besides we are so much more superior than those amoral valueless sluts and prostitutes sleeping around with everyone they see. :P

LegacyUser · 25-05-2010 1:48pm

Besides we are so much more superior than those amoral valueless sluts and prostitutes sleeping around with everyone they see.

while i agree that the op should wait for the right person, and those guys are idiots (im 26 female, had my first kiss at 20, and lost my virginity at the grand old age of 22). I don't think the above attitude is healthy(wether meant as sarcasm or not). There is nothing wrong/slutty about men/women who chose to have one night stands or whatever as long as they're playing safe. Sex is a natural urge, and there is nothing "amoral" or wrong about having sex. Having sex does not make you "valueless". While yes its admirable to wait to find the right person to lose your virginity to, sex is not necessarily some "big life changing experience" to be put on a pedistal, it a primal (and intimate, bonding experience) urge, and theres nothing amoral, or wrong about it.

Handsome Bob · 25-05-2010 2:20pm

unregging wrote: »

I want to be with someone who likes or loves me enough to be at least accepting of everything. Im a bit too romantic for my own good. Would you believe girls have even teased me. Someone even sneakily suggested that im ugly because im a virgin, like its a bad thing. I know its not a disasterous thing but my head keeps saying it is. Clearly confubbled! My bestfriend has called me "the virgin mary" on occasion. Even in public.

OP, you need to surround yourself with better people. These "friends" of yours are humiliating you, in public no less, and think nothing of using such a personal issue to embarass you. They are not your friends at all, how are you supposed to build your confidence when you are around such thoughtless idiots?

As for you parents, that's shocking behaviour. Sounds like the kind of parents who would think nothing of a 13 year old having a boyfriend, never mind a 19 year old. Jesus my heart goes out to you for being surrounded with such morons, even in your own home.

LegacyUser · 25-05-2010 10:39pm

I'm in the same boat as you OP. I'm 20 and have only ever kissed a girl and tbh it doesn't bother me in the slightest. At this time in my life i dont want to be in a relationship and i dont want to just sleep with anybody and seem that I have become desperate. I too get the " it's ok if your gay" off my parents but i just laugh it joke about it. I know myself that the time comes when the time comes and no matter what my friends say or think bothers me in the slightest. The best thing you can do is just put it to the back of mind and live life and soon the prince will come strolling into life in the blink of an eye. So just be strong and confident and dont give a damn what people think you.

LegacyUser · 26-05-2010 4:39pm

Hey guys thanks for your comments
Its hard. Especially when girls in my group are going on and on about what they did last night. - My parents are brill. I guess they were joking. But theyre not morons

I mean, its hard because guys actually go as far to exclude me. Now, i dont know if its my personality but i know ive done nothing to offend any of them so- -
Its difficult, especially when you cant do a thing right with guys. I mean, my ex dumped me within a wk to get with my slutty friend.
Fact is, its one extreme to the other from my group of peers- girls who sleep around, then me - no balance - I think im good enough and deserve to be treated well instead of my personal choices being thrown in my face. Its a sad reflection on my peers. And its hard to see past them. i have been feeling theres something wrong with me, my personality, my looks etc

LegacyUser · 26-05-2010 6:30pm

my friend whos 19 didnt loose her virginity until this year. Her ex was always pressurising her to have sex but she said no because she wasnt ready. as a result he dumped her, but she now has a new bf for 6 months and is having sex with him because she was ready and knew he wasnt using her for sex and was willing to wait. She said its the best decision shes ever made. Theres more virgins our age out there than you think, and im sure youl be glad you waited aswell than if you sleep with some randomer.

lillywhite1 · 26-05-2010 6:43pm

I agree with most of the comments and you are doing the right thing. Though you should remember that it is not easy to do that and you need to be a strong character but your posts suggest that you are and I am sure you will find your prince out there some day.

LegacyUser · 26-05-2010 7:04pm

unregging wrote: »

Im going unreg as this is a bit personal for me
- - - Im a virgin,19,female and Im so aware of this in my society
I mean, what if it never happens?
Lads have teased me and persumed im a virgin! I dont even socialise with them and they think they have a god given right to tease me about my personal life. Like, why do guys persume whos a virgin and whos not! It was one comment and has stuck with me to this day. Its upsetting as my love life is dead and look, I know its immature, but why is it making me so anxious and ugly? If guys like virgins or whatever is being claimed these days, why am i being made feel worthless and ugly because of their persumtions? Its not like I announced I was. They just made the judgement.
Sorry, i know this sounds babyish, but its getting to me

just wanted to say that i was a virgin until i was 21 i felt a lot of pressure to loose it with some random guy i did have a boyfriend and when i told him he ran a mile and i was heart broken
however a few months later i met my current partner we are now together 11 years and expecting our first baby and im so glad i waited and that he has been my only sexual partner
we have the best relationship ever and love each other more and more each day i know how hard it is not to make a big deal out of it but please dont as when the one comes along it really wont matter if your a virgin or not it will just feel so right and a real man will respect you all the more for having morals
also you have to learn to be happy on your own for any relationship to work and be strong so enjoy going out with your girlies, having a laugh and a boogie and if you do feel ugly then do something about it go get a hair cut it does wonders and a bit of fake tan always perks me up show them what their missing and what they cant have after all you want a man and not some idiot boy who will probably end up with an std or getting one of their one night stands pregnant your worth more than that xxx

LegacyUser · 26-05-2010 8:10pm

the bright side wrote: »

just wanted to say that i was a virgin until i was 21 i felt a lot of pressure to loose it with some random guy i did have a boyfriend and when i told him he ran a mile and i was heart broken
however a few months later i met my current partner we are now together 11 years and expecting our first baby and im so glad i waited

Congrats on your baby

LegacyUser · 26-05-2010 10:24pm

OP, I was one of those idiotic guys that threw away his virginity when I was only 15. I regret this always, despite being fairly chuffed with myself at the time. Several more trysts later and I'm now very regretful.

One of my best friends, however, is still a virgin. He's 21 years old, and is an incredibly normal guy. We're incredibly close as friends and he had a hard time telling me this, as he thought I would think less of him. In fact the opposite is true; I think more of him for it! He has had more respect for himself than most people, including me.

OP, when the time and person is right, you will make love for the first time. Until then, be proud of who you are and of what you do. Don't let the bastards wear you down and don't let anyone make you afraid of anything!

jamesr123 · 26-05-2010 10:41pm

Hey people, I posted here earlier as unregistered but i thought i'd sign in for this.

I am in the exact same situation as 'unregging' is and I really did think that I was the only one with this problem, It still seems that I am the only one that hasnt got someone in life:mad::mad: plus everyone thinkin ur gay doesnt help either.

I have read all the replies and they have really made me feel better about myself now it has been a while since I have felt like that:eek:. I just wanted to thank you for that it really has helped.

Sorry for hijacking your post 'unregging'

:(

GirlOfGlass · 27-05-2010 12:25am

One of my boyfriends mates was a virgin until a few weeks ago.

As said, a few weeks ago at another friends party he(19) lost his virginity in circumstances that were unfair to other people and himself.
Long story short, he left three girls very upset and regretted it all the next morning.
He's had to learn the hard way, I hope you can learn from this and not rush into anything just for the sake of losing it.

Playing with emotions can be a dangerous game and people can end up torn apart.
Take it easy, don't worry about it.
It'll happened eventually with the right person. No point in regretting your first time.

LegacyUser · 27-05-2010 12:47am

well, yes it is quite common.. I am a 19 year old guy. I've had a couple of opportunites but i didnt want to I didnt feel an emcional attraction. i suppose Im waiting for the princess.. ive had those comments from parents too but tht's part of it I suppose.. i am surprised so many people at this age have not lost it like me.. There is no doubt the right moment will have to come for all of us..

Exclamation Marc · 27-05-2010 1:40am

My previous long-term girlfriend was a virgin until she was 21 , and then she lost it to me after 4 months of our relationship.

Found absolutely nothing weird about it at all. She just never felt right about sleeping with anyone else or never was too pushed about it. She's not ugly or has a bad personality, she just waited.

I'd rather someone waited until they were 30 than someone who did it early just to get it out of the way. Because trust me, doing it to simply get it out of the way is not the way you'll want to remember it in the long run. As krudler said most guys your age are dogs, plain and simple, and will do absolutely anything to get their "bit", so if you can, try and not mind what they say, as some people are quite hurtful but the best thing to do is ignore them.

When you do lose it to someone you want to lose it to, you'll feel so much better when that day comes, and in hindsight you'll laugh at those idiots who have made you feel bad, because they are just idiots, plain and simple.

LegacyUser · 27-05-2010 2:58pm

Then why do guys avoid girls who are virgins if they like it? :O Guys give mixed signals tut from my pov anyway

lillywhite1 · 27-05-2010 4:36pm

unregging wrote: »

Then why do guys avoid girls who are virgins if they like it? :O Guys give mixed signals tut from my pov anyway

I would ignore any bs about guys liking virgins. Any guy who thinks like that is not worth a second though, in my view. To be honest it would suggest to me that they are so insecure that they dont want to look silly with someone with experience. But I would not give them another thought.

And remember as someone mentioned earlier guys in the late teens early 20's can be some of the most moronic examples of humanity. I was there and I was that moron.

In my view, you should not worry about having sex for the first time. When you meet someone you really like who likes you it will happen and it will feel right. If you do it on any other occassion you will regret it.

miss5 · 27-05-2010 10:04pm

OP Do you have someone you can talk to? I think that's important as your parents
should be more supportive and grateful your not sleeping around. As for guys your
age trust me they are moron's and if they are persistently teasing you it's probably
because they are also virgin's. Being a virgin is NOT something you should be ashamed
about you would regret it if you slept with someone you didn't have feelings for.

LegacyUser · 28-05-2010 10:26am

Hey guys
I guess im just desperate to feel wanted by a guy. Ok grand, im a virgin. It wouldnt be as difficult to accept if guys didnt ignore me .Like literally, ignore me. I have no guy friends because none of them wanna be friends with me coz of this. Im convinced at this stage. I beginning to think a rumour has been spread because guys literally avoid me !!

:(

jamesr123 · 28-05-2010 3:06pm

miss5 wrote: »

OP Do you have someone you can talk to?.

Unregging, If you wanted to talk to me just pm me I think u said u were registered on here right? I'd be happy to talk to u about it if u want:D;). I know how imporant it is to have someone to talk to.As I said in a previous post I felt really bad until I read all this..

bronte · 28-05-2010 11:23pm

I was 19 when I eventually found a wonderful guy and lost my virginity Op.
I would have waited longer if I hadn't met him then.
Please don't feel that this is anything strange, you will never regret not rushing into it...or "getting it over with"

LegacyUser · 29-05-2010 12:39am

theres always worse than you, im a 19 y/o male, a nice lad, shy, would treat a girl well and has never kissed a girl...ever!

Exclamation Marc · 29-05-2010 4:26am

unregging wrote: »

Hey guys
I guess im just desperate to feel wanted by a guy. Ok grand, im a virgin. It wouldnt be as difficult to accept if guys didnt ignore me .Like literally, ignore me. I have no guy friends because none of them wanna be friends with me coz of this. Im convinced at this stage. I beginning to think a rumour has been spread because guys literally avoid me !! :(

OP dont be worrying about it. You genuinely seem like a lovely gal, but stuck in a circle of crappy friends. If guys don't wanna be your friend they be missing out, especially if their criteria of friend is someone whose not a virgin. If thats how they define friends, then you are better off without, and ya must be just meeting the wrong guys if they're avoiding ya so don't take it to heart, the right guy will come along I promise ya!

LegacyUser · 29-05-2010 11:23am

ya i hope so. its just hard cause guys always ignore me and look at my friend instead. kinda annoying since id do myself up to the nines and no one bothers noticing. . .

Exclamation Marc · 29-05-2010 3:51pm

unregging wrote: »

ya i hope so. its just hard cause guys always ignore me and look at my friend instead. kinda annoying since id do myself up to the nines and no one bothers noticing. . .

Yeah I could see why that would be annoying and quite off-putting, but it's just a matter of time before ya meet someone, and don't be worrying about guys preferring or not preferring virgins, its all rubbish, so don't take any of that rubbish to heart

ted1 · 29-05-2010 4:30pm

how do you make a girl like you? Easy ignore her and talk to her friend. How do make a guy like a girl? Flirt with him and then ignore him.

LegacyUser · 30-05-2010 9:36pm

Hi OP, and don't worry. I was a virgin until I was 21, boyfriend was 20 (yes he's younger lol) and a virgin also, and here we are 5 years later still going strong

Most guys that age are idiots (there are exceptions, and I found one of them). Don't do anything you'll regret, as other posters have said, you can only lose your virginity once, don't do it because of peer pressure. You will know when it is right.
You're doing the right thing and you should be proud of yourself. And 19 is still pretty young, I have two friends (27 and 28) both male and still virgins. And are comfortable waiting for the right person.
Good luck!!! xx

Virgin

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