A clue would be nice

LegacyUser · 19-05-2010 10:16pm #1

Im going unreg for this one, im a 24 year old man and my ex who broke up with me a few months back has been in contact with me more or less the whole time after the break up. we get on well as friends and we even arranged to meet up again for old times sake, we both suggested meeting up agian sometime and i went ahead and arranged a date which she seemed ok with.

The thing is that was a few weeks ago and its coming up to the meeting date but i havent heard from her at all, i rang to suggest meeting soon and then later to arrange a date, i dont want to keep contacting her if im not met half way, what does everyone think contact her or let her contact me, i dont think i could be friends with her if she didnt even let me know the what the story is.

Andy-Pandy · 19-05-2010 11:02pm

double post

Andy-Pandy · 19-05-2010 11:05pm

I'll be the first person to say for you to break all contact. Its the last thing you want to do, but in the long term it's the only thing that will help you keep your sanity. I've just finally come out of getting over someone, it was inpossible for me to do if i had contact with her. I've learnt that lesson the hard way. Time is the best cure for these things, but untill you find yourself in a position where you can be friends, even if that is never, then being friends is just to hard. Time, as they say, is a great healer. It took me the best part of 7 months to get over someone, and thats not to the point of me not thinking of her, but to the point where it doesnt hurt anymore. I just wish i had done it earlier. Friendship, for the time being, is just too painfull and contact usually just made it worse. You have done what you said you would, now its her turn, if she wants to reply to you she will. She got your message, so there is no point chasing the matter.

LegacyUser · 20-05-2010 6:56pm

Andy-Pandy wrote: »

I'll be the first person to say for you to break all contact. Its the last thing you want to do, but in the long term it's the only thing that will help you keep your sanity. I've just finally come out of getting over someone, it was inpossible for me to do if i had contact with her. I've learnt that lesson the hard way. Time is the best cure for these things, but untill you find yourself in a position where you can be friends, even if that is never, then being friends is just to hard. Time, as they say, is a great healer. It took me the best part of 7 months to get over someone, and thats not to the point of me not thinking of her, but to the point where it doesnt hurt anymore. I just wish i had done it earlier. Friendship, for the time being, is just too painfull and contact usually just made it worse. You have done what you said you would, now its her turn, if she wants to reply to you she will. She got your message, so there is no point chasing the matter.

I agree one hundred per cent, i am certainly at the part where it doesnt hurt anymore however i thought we could be friends (im not looking for a one night stand or anything). I am not going to contact her, its up to her now no excuses but if she contacts down the line ill just ignore her.

smileyscientist · 20-05-2010 10:28pm

+1

IMO in neigh on impossible to be friends with someone you one felt more for, I would imagine there are too many past memories there for either party that will cloud any chance of maintaining a friendship and tbh if she wanted to remain friends then she would have at least made the effort to contact you.

I understand where she is coming from thou, I personally haven't stayed in contact with any of mine, (that said we were not friends before so maybe in your case this is differnet) theres just too many old feelings and memories there to remind me of whats gone. But not having the courstesy of contacting you and explaining her wishes is downright disrespectful as well as cruel for keeping you hanging.

I agree OP, if she contacts go with your gut instinct on meeting/ not meeting but if it goes on for much longer( set a date) Id cut all ties with her. A bitter pill I know, but you have to but your interests first here as she has done.

Best of luck with it all. Hope this helped:)

LegacyUser · 21-05-2010 12:46pm

smileyscientist wrote: »

+1

IMO in neigh on impossible to be friends with someone you one felt more for, I would imagine there are too many past memories there for either party that will cloud any chance of maintaining a friendship and tbh if she wanted to remain friends then she would have at least made the effort to contact you.

I understand where she is coming from thou, I personally haven't stayed in contact with any of mine, (that said we were not friends before so maybe in your case this is differnet) theres just too many old feelings and memories there to remind me of whats gone. But not having the courstesy of contacting you and explaining her wishes is downright disrespectful as well as cruel for keeping you hanging.

I agree OP, if she contacts go with your gut instinct on meeting/ not meeting but if it goes on for much longer( set a date) Id cut all ties with her. A bitter pill I know, but you have to but your interests first here as she has done.

Best of luck with it all. Hope this helped:)

It did help thanks and i will cut her out i know what ou mean about cutting exs out i do the same most of the time but the thing is she contacted me, she kept saying about arranging a date to meet up and she implied we would be sleeping together which i sort of brushed off then i rang to make the actual date arrangements.

you see when she contacted me i was over the worst of the break up blues and because we were really good freinds during the relationship i thought it could hurt to meet, however i wanted to meet just as friends me meeting her for the day, drinks ect no staying over.

smileyscientist · 21-05-2010 1:47pm

Yeah I understand what your saying but shes trying to take advanatage o how you are feeling now. You say you were just over her when she contact you again. IMO that is downright cruel. She obviuosly decided she was missing what ye once had and has now come to the conclusion that se doesnt want to go back and revisit history.

I still say leave her off. Shes made her bed. TBH if she was a friend worth keeoping she wouldnt treat you like this She would want the best for you, for you to get on with your own life and be content and happy and from Ive read she seems to be doing the exact opposite.

Its a nice idea in theory if both persons are willing to pull together but I cn count on one hand the number of people I know who have sucessfully remained mates with there ex's.

Id chalk it down to learning OP, stop wasting precious time on her and start looking to the future.

Best of luck:)

LegacyUser · 21-05-2010 5:56pm

smileyscientist wrote: »

Yeah I understand what your saying but shes trying to take advanatage o how you are feeling now. You say you were just over her when she contact you again. IMO that is downright cruel. She obviuosly decided she was missing what ye once had and has now come to the conclusion that se doesnt want to go back and revisit history.

I still say leave her off. Shes made her bed. TBH if she was a friend worth keeoping she wouldnt treat you like this She would want the best for you, for you to get on with your own life and be content and happy and from Ive read she seems to be doing the exact opposite.

Its a nice idea in theory if both persons are willing to pull together but I cn count on one hand the number of people I know who have sucessfully remained mates with there ex's.

Id chalk it down to learning OP, stop wasting precious time on her and start looking to the future.

Best of luck:)

Thanks thats all very true i will leave her be anyway, i dont know about anyone else but if a ex of mine acts in a cowardly way like this and cant even let me know straight what the story is it really acts as a warning signal against entering a relationship with her again

A clue would be nice

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