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Girlfriend telling me to not go on my holiday with lads

2

Comments

  • #32
    minidazzler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,650 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    alright folks cheers for responses. im kinda surprised at the reaction. if i dont go i will lose about 800 euro. im 34. i love my girlfriend and know ive not acted the best here but i didnt think i was that bad and i thought she was a lot worse. the work girl is not going, my mate is the guy of the couple we were out with. my gf doesnt like me hanging with him because she feels from this and that he didnt mention my gf at dinner until work girl was in bathroom that hed help me cheat as such even though i would never.

    Go on the holiday. Seriously, I think you should. Your GF deserves a helluva lot better than what you are playing at. Give her a good out at least.

    You sound like you are playing games with her, at 34, that's just plain old sad.


  • #33
    seamus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,173 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    if i dont go i will lose about 800 euro.
    You could see if someone else wants to take your place. All you have to do is swap the name on flights, which is about €60.

    If you really do love her, then it'll be the best €60 you'll ever spend.


  • #34
    metalgear2k2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 603 ✭✭✭metalgear2k2


    34! I taught you 17-19 the way your carrying on, just go on the hol, she doesnt need to be with a child.


  • #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    so background info is gf and i planned a holiday, i sort of dragged my feet on it and then her work wouldnt let her go, i was excited about the trip so asked some of the lads who are going so im now going with 3 mates. she flipped the lid at me as i started asking them before she knew she couldnt get time off work (which is retarded, its a crap shop job) and says i should have asked her permission, shes annoyed that im still taking my holiday with the guys while she has to work and ive used up nearly all my holiday time now so we will only manage a weekend away. i took a girl i work with out to a last minute dinner with one of them who is going, nothing more then work colleagues but my gf doesnt see it this way and has now demanded i dont go on the holiday.

    any ideas to make her see sense or shhould i just go regardless

    You dragged your feet when you're girlfriend wanted to go, and then became excited when she couldn't go? Why are you going out with her?

    I'm not surprised she flipped the lid, you sound like really hard work.


  • #36
    magneticimpulse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,952 ✭✭✭magneticimpulse


    me too i was shocked to read you were 34, I thought you were 18 and this was the 1st girlfriend you ever had. im 29, and really thought you came across as 10 years younger as you didnt seem to get the idea that in relationships you should consider the other person.

    sounds like you are listening to the advice which is good. hope you do the right thing, if not, your girlfriend deserves someone more mature and who acts 34.


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  • #37
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    know ive not acted the best here but i didnt think i was that bad and i thought she was a lot worse.

    You thought she was worse because she gave you an ultimatum. I personally don't agree with ultimatums or people telling others what they can and can't do. However, in this scenario you are absolutely blind to your shockingly disrespectful behaviour because of said ultimatum. Once you hear it you instantly go on the defensive and then it becomes about principle. Instead you should be thinking to yourself "why has it got to the point where she's saying she doesn't want me to go?"

    Look, you messed up her holiday. You have been on plenty of holidays this year without her (and unless you went on your own, you were with your mates) and by your own admission you have used all your leave from work so all she will get with you is a weekend away somewhere. Why is your enjoyment more important than hers? The fact that you look down on her job the way you do is also quite telling. You seem to think you're better than her and you are fobbing her off her issues by calling her bossy, like she's the stereotypical controlling bitch of a girlfriend.

    The dinner scenario is quite disrespectful also, and I imagine that coupled with this holiday is showing her quite clearly how disrespectful you are and how inconsiderate you are to her feelings. Not exactly traits that a woman looks for in a man.

    You reckon you'll lose 800 quid of you drop out? You could do as seamus suggested and find someone to take your place, or you could arrange a time where your girlfriend can actually get time off work and change your flights for then. Easily done for a not exactly massive fee. To be honest though, it sounds like you just want a holiday with your mates, as evidenced by you asking them before you even knew she couldn't get the time off.

    By all means, go on your holiday. But don't expect her to be there when you get back (if she has any sense). I don't think it will bother you too much though as you seem far too self-involved to actually consider the feelings of another person.


  • #38
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    With any luck the volcano may give you a helping hand. Will you be happy going on the holiday without her? If so based on your prior disregard of her feelings, the negative attitude towards her job, meal with the other girl. I am going to hazard a guess and reckon you think you can do better than her? If you think so, do yourselves a favour and break up with her.

    Hope it works out for both of you's, sounds like you have to get a bit more in tune with your girlfriends feelings, and in these circumstances fair play to her for giving you the ultimatum.


  • #39
    iguana
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,909 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    Aside from the holiday issue, when your gf couldn't go to dinner with your friend and his gf why didn't you just go alone? I've been out alone with other couples lots of times, as has my husband, as have other members of a couple often been out with us without their partner. We aren't teenagers in a 1950s American teen movie, we don't need to bring a date if we are meeting another couple.


  • #40
    Denimgirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 392 ✭✭Denimgirl


    I think it's you that is in the wrong here mate! your acting like your not serious with your gf and you want to be one of the lads!time to grow up!


  • #41
    Denimgirl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 392 ✭✭Denimgirl


    plus i would flip if you were bringing girls in work out to dinner i would'nt care if you were mates or not! if i were your girl i would dump you like a hot cake not being bad but you are not considering her feelings in any of your decision making your being very selfish!


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  • #42
    Peggypeg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Peggypeg


    LOL, this is one of the funniest (and most pathetic) threads I've read in ages. I don't for one second believe you're 34, there's just no way on this earth you could get to be 34 and behave the way you have, my guess is you're actually 17, or an immature 18. Honestly if you're really baffled by her reaction to you walking all over her and completely disregarding her feelings then you really need to go get your head looked at coz you sound like one of the most selfish people I've ever come across. You know what happens to people who are that selfish? I'll tell you; they end up sad, pathetic and alone. If you want to change get yourself into counselling to figure out why your head works the way it does, if you don't want to change then at least cut her lose so she can go find a man while you're off on your little boys holiday.


  • #43
    consultech
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,956 ✭✭✭consultech


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    my gf doesnt like me hanging with him because she feels from this and that he didnt mention my gf at dinner until work girl was in bathroom that hed help me cheat

    Wow. At this whole thread. The above included.

    You made a balls of it from the start OP. I'm seriously doubting you're 34; But if you are: you're 34 and can't twig where you've fucked up!? I'm 26, and have at times been accused by my better half of showing little empathy, but you take the biscuit.

    Someone (probably correctly) hit on your subconscious motivations for your actions to this point:
    - You weren't motivated to get the holiday together when it was just with her, but it seems like the most important thing in the world to you now it's the lads and she's not involved.
    - You are projecting and trying to come out of the whole thing hands-clean, whatever happens when you're on holiday.

    €800? Is there no-one else who would go away with the lads and have the name changed? It's generally not hard to have done. I also don't accept that you have to take the holidays you've booked off work, or take nothing. I'm fairly sure that's illegal as long as you're giving a week's notice either way, and I think it's a cop-out on your part. People cancel holiday time-off all the time. Do you think poeple who have had holiday plans ruined by the recent volcanic ash cloud are sitting on their arses at home from work? No, they re-schedule their holidays.


  • #44
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Peggypeg banned for unhelpful posting.

    Can we please keep posts helpful to the op and make sure they do not slide into abuse and bashing him. If you don't have anthing helpful to post don't bother posting.


  • #45
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    thanks for the replys folks.

    we had a chat and i told her id asked other folks opinions and they all came back pretty much saying she was right and i was wrong. the holiday is next week so re scheduling isnt a great option. i wasnt being derogatory about her having a crap job what i meant was that being only a shop job with loads of other staff and not exactly being high powered business or a doctor or anything i couldnt see why they would say no to her holidays??? this is the third time shes asked this year and been turned down. she gave 2 months notice and they didnt come back to her for a while to say no. she has said if i miss the holiday she will feel guilty about making me stay but she feels rubbish about staying here in her horrible job while im away on our holiday with the lads, and one of the lads is now bringing his bird so shes more upset.

    also the dinner, tbh i didnt even ask my gf as it was after my work locally and she wasnt near, this girl in my office is always saying we should go for drinks or dinner etc after work so i brought her as i thought it would kill 2 birds with 1 stone although i can see how it might look bad to mf gf i just didnt think of it at the time


  • #46
    consultech
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,956 ✭✭✭consultech


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    also the dinner, tbh i didnt even ask my gf as it was after my work locally and she wasnt near, this girl in my office is always saying we should go for drinks or dinner etc after work so i brought her as i thought it would kill 2 birds with 1 stone although i can see how it might look bad to mf gf i just didnt think of it at the time

    lol


  • #47
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    consultech banned for unhelpful posting.


  • #48
    Annie Bananie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 137 ✭✭Annie Bananie


    I don't understand why you booked your ticket before she knew if she got time off, if you planned the vacation together? I wouldn't as things like this could happen and appearently they do!

    No matter what I or other people think you should have done or not or who is right or wrong, this is just something you have to solve with your girlfriend. Of course you can ask for opinions and advise, but it's still how you and she feels that matters.

    Have a proper talk with her, try and see it from her side (how would you feel if she done the same towards you) and try and make her see it from your side. I think understanding the other one is an issue here. Agree on what to do and decide on what to do in these situations if they ever arise again. There probably is no good solution on this one that both will be 100% happy with, but if you go, at least try and make up and maybe plan something to make it up to her as she can't go.

    Good luck!


  • #49
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    thanks for the replys folks.

    we had a chat and i told her id asked other folks opinions and they all came back pretty much saying she was right and i was wrong.

    Good.
    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    [ the holiday is next week so re scheduling isnt a great option.

    2 days ago the holiday was in 2 weeks. Now its next week? Which is it? You have absolutely no intention of not going on this holiday. Even the thread title says it all.."girlfriend telling me not to go on my holiday with the lads." Your holiday. What about her holiday, you know, the plans you originally made before you decided you wanted your mates to go? If you cared even a little for your girlfriend's feelings you would find someone to take your place or else you would cancel your hotel and change the dates of your flights to a time when your girlfriend can go with you. You were always going to go on that holiday and you merely posted here thinking everyone would say "jesus, your girlfriend is such a cow, how dare she tell you what to do." You even referred to her asking you not to go as a "tantrum." Your behaviour is deplorable to be quite honest.
    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    i wasnt being derogatory about her having a crap job what i meant was that being only a shop job

    I've bolded the part that highlights your derogatory attitude to her job.
    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    with loads of other staff and not exactly being high powered business or a doctor or anything i couldnt see why they would say no to her holidays??? this is the third time shes asked this year and been turned down. she gave 2 months notice and they didnt come back to her for a while to say no.

    It doesn't matter if you think it's "only a shop job". You have no idea of the staffing levels in terms of holidays. Your girlfriend could be very much needed there. She should go to her manager and work out a time where she can get a week or two off and you should then change your flight to that date. Not bothering to wait for her answer before booking your flight and inviting your mates along without even speaking to her is such selfish behaviour it's unreal. I'd expect from a teenager, not a 34 year old.

    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    she has said if i miss the holiday she will feel guilty about making me stay but she feels rubbish about staying here in her horrible job while im away on our holiday with the lads, and one of the lads is now bringing his bird so shes more upset.

    So why are you still planning to go? You know how upset she is about this. You have hurt her badly and you're still going to head off on this holiday that was originally meant to be you and her, and you're leaving her behind. Thats such a horrible thing to do to someone you claim you love.
    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    also the dinner, tbh i didnt even ask my gf as it was after my work locally and she wasnt near, this girl in my office is always saying we should go for drinks or dinner etc after work so i brought her as i thought it would kill 2 birds with 1 stone although i can see how it might look bad to mf gf i just didnt think of it at the time

    Why is some girl in your office always saying you should do dinner or drinks? Why on earth would it not cross your mind that bringing a work colleague out to dinner with another couple is not appropriate? Tbh, I reckon you knew well it was off-side and thats why you didn't tell your girlfriend.

    I think your girlfriend is a soft-touch and you know it. You will go on this holiday, and your other holiday later in the year, with your friends and you won't give your girlfriend a second thought. I sincerely hope that girl has some good friends that she can confide in that will make her see sense about how you're treating her.


  • #50
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    great result!!!!

    the gf says i can go on the holiday and she will use her time to reflevt on our relationship, so i've got the trip and my girl thinking about me every day until i get back. Thanks folks for all the imput, its great to get an outsiders perspective as another poster said i felt strongly that i was the victim here when she started throwing around ultimatums but i can see i influenced it a bit, thanks again!


  • #51
    iguana
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,909 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    one of the lads is now bringing his bird so shes more upset.

    Excellent, the 'bird' can buy your ticket off you. Problem solved.


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  • #52
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Honestly Op don't be surprised if you come home and find you are single.


  • #53
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,662 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    great result!!!!

    the gf says i can go on the holiday and she will use her time to reflevt on our relationship, so i've got the trip and my girl thinking about me every day until i get back. Thanks folks for all the imput, its great to get an outsiders perspective as another poster said i felt strongly that i was the victim here when she started throwing around ultimatums but i can see i influenced it a bit, thanks again!

    Really? That's really what you think she meant?

    Reflecting on the relationship means thinking seriously about whether it's worth staying with you. Not thinking fondly of you every day.


  • #54
    Kimia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,897 ✭✭✭Kimia


    Hahaha this is ridiculous. OP surely to God you aren't being serious? Your girlfriend has just told you to go away because she wants to think about if she even wants to see you anymore.

    You sound about 16!!!


  • #55
    Chinafoot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,894 ✭✭✭Chinafoot


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    great result!!!!

    the gf says i can go on the holiday and she will use her time to reflevt on our relationship, so i've got the trip and my girl thinking about me every day until i get back. Thanks folks for all the imput, its great to get an outsiders perspective as another poster said i felt strongly that i was the victim here when she started throwing around ultimatums but i can see i influenced it a bit, thanks again!

    Wow. Just, wow.

    Word of advice. Your girlfriend, having previously told you just how upset and hurt she is at your behaviour over this holiday, telling you to go ahead and go and she will use that time to reflect on your relationship is not a good thing. Do you think she's going to spend the time sitting around thinking "wow, my man is so wonderful. I really miss him while he's off on the holiday that was meant to be for me and him but that he decided was for him and his mates..." If you do, you are delusional. The fact that you think you only "influenced it a bit" show just how self-absorbed you are in this.

    I genuinely hope your girlfriend uses this time wisely and makes the right decision for her own sake.


  • #56
    minidazzler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,650 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    great result!!!!

    the gf says i can go on the holiday and she will use her time to reflevt on our relationship, so i've got the trip and my girl thinking about me every day until i get back. Thanks folks for all the imput, its great to get an outsiders perspective as another poster said i felt strongly that i was the victim here when she started throwing around ultimatums but i can see i influenced it a bit, thanks again!

    Do you even realise how arrogant, self-serving and just downright mean you are being?

    This isn't a great result, this is you getting your way. I hope during her reflection she see's what you are playing at and decides to dump you, for her sake.

    You didn't influence this "a bit", it's ALL your fault.


  • #57
    slowmoe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 561 ✭✭✭slowmoe


    op its THIS simple..

    If you go on the trip you will lose your girlfriend.

    Which one is really more important to you because its very clear you can't have it both ways and very clear only YOU are in the wrong


  • #58
    slowmoe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 561 ✭✭✭slowmoe


    is your relationship worth less to you than 800 euro?

    Really?

    You went out to dinner with a girl in your work? and didn't give your girlfriend a choice in that-no excuse for that its downright disgraceful behaviour.

    You told her you wanted a holiday with her and then dragged your feet on giving her dates?

    Her work won't allow her to go, but you go anyway.

    You invited other people without even letting her know nevermind asking her permission.

    Your mates are even inviting people themselves, with your mates gf going.

    You're manipulating her into letting you go with guilt trips of this 800 euro.

    You haven't given a thought to how she will feel at work next week with he bf living it up with his mates and a gf on holidays on a trip that she was supposed to be on.



    Do ANY of these points sound like acceptable behaviour to you???


  • #59
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    minidazzler that is far to close to personal abuse, reel it in please.


  • #60
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »

    the gf says i can go on the holiday and she will use her time to reflevt on our relationship, so i've got the trip and my girl thinking about me how I selfishly went on holiday without her even though she asked me not to every day until i get back.


    Fixed your post there.


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  • #61
    krudler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    bossy girlfriend wrote: »
    great result!!!!

    the gf says i can go on the holiday and she will use her time to decide on how to dump me, so i've got the trip and my girl heading out wit her friends getting ready to jump back in the dating pool once shes dumps me on my return. Thanks folks for all the imput, its great to get an outsiders perspective as another poster said i felt strongly that i was the victim here when she started throwing around ultimatums but i can see i influenced it a bit, thanks again!


    FYP


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