Girlfriend telling me to not go on my holiday with lads

LegacyUser · 05-05-2010 02:48PM #1

so background info is gf and i planned a holiday, i sort of dragged my feet on it and then her work wouldnt let her go, i was excited about the trip so asked some of the lads who are going so im now going with 3 mates. she flipped the lid at me as i started asking them before she knew she couldnt get time off work (which is retarded, its a crap shop job) and says i should have asked her permission, shes annoyed that im still taking my holiday with the guys while she has to work and ive used up nearly all my holiday time now so we will only manage a weekend away. i took a girl i work with out to a last minute dinner with one of them who is going, nothing more then work colleagues but my gf doesnt see it this way and has now demanded i dont go on the holiday.

any ideas to make her see sense or shhould i just go regardless

LegacyUser · 05-05-2010 03:04PM

So she can't get time off because you dragged your feet.
You asked your mates along on your holiday without checking with the other person you were going with.
Now she is wrong for wanting you to hold off on the holiday until she can get time off?

If she wasn't your GF could you understand why she might be a bit annoyed over that.

slowmoe · 05-05-2010 03:10PM

sorry maybe i will be out on my own here but it sounds to me like the trip is more important to you than your gf.

before she even knew if she could go or not you had started inviting other mates wwithout asking her?tbh i think thats quite disrespectful, if my oh was inviting his mates on our romantic holiday without asking me i would be a bit annoyed and the same for him if the situation was reversed. id your mates know it was yourself and your girlfriends holiday? if so i cant even understand why they would want to go, unless you didn't tell them?

you say you draggeed your heels, does that mean that you didn't plan it on time for your girlfriend to get off work? did she ask you to organise it earlier?

why did you take a girl yoou worked with out to dinner? why didn't you take your gf? and from your post the last minute thing it sounds like your gf didnt know till either during or after. so you went on whats possibly a double date with your mate and now your going on hols with him without your gf while shes working?

tbh i would be pretty annoyed too, demanding you dont go is a step to far but it sounds like youve disrespected her and possibly put some trust issues in her head and i would say she is concerned something will happen on the holiday. you sound quite intolerant of her and it doesnt seem like youve properly discussed anything from your post so maybe discuss both the dinner and the trip and see where you go from there

Ickle Magoo · 05-05-2010 03:15PM

Hey OP,

I don't understand? Were you dragging you heels not wanting a holiday with your girlfriend and before she knew she wouldn't be able to go, you started getting enthusiastic about a trip away with your mates, one of whom you've been on a date with? And you can't get your head around why she's annoyed?

I don't think it's her place to tell you whether you can go on holiday or not - and it's not my place to say whether you should just go or not but I think your relationship is heading for disaster if you continue treating each other with so little respect.

Best of luck!

LegacyUser · 05-05-2010 03:15PM

When I say the title of the post, I immediately thought 'dump her'.
But after reading it, I do see where she's coming from, although I'd never ever demand my OH not to go and do something- he has free will.
You and her 'planned a holiday'. If her work wouldn't let her have the time off, then the logical thing to do would be to plan the holiday for when her boss will give her the time off.

Instead, you've completely disregarded her feelings. I imagine it was out of her control about getting time off work. She must feel absolutely rubbish that you're choosing to use your leave from work to do something without her, when she really wanted to go.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to have asked her if it was ok to invite your friends along on the holiday. You were going to book a holiday together. When people do this, whether it's friends or a partner, surely before inviting extra people along, you'd mention it to the person/people who are meant to be going in the first place.

Your post appears to be very one sided. You come across as lacking in empathy and respect. Try to see things from her perspective.

sbsquarepants · 05-05-2010 03:45PM

Speaking as a bloke, i'm a big fan of doing your own thing and not letting the missus or anyone else put limits on what you can and can't do.
BUT..........
How in the name of sweet zombie jesus did you think any woman would put up with this? You basically derailed the holiday you planned together and now you want to go on the same holiday with some bird from work?? Are you well or what? If your girlfriend done the same would you drive her to the airport and wave her off with a smile on your face? Or dump her like a ton of s'hit?
I rest my case:eek:

reprazant · 05-05-2010 04:03PM

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

so background info is gf and i planned a holiday, i sort of dragged my feet on it and then her work wouldnt let her go, i was excited about the trip so asked some of the lads who are going so im now going with 3 mates.

So basically, you didn't want to go on holiday when it was just you and the girlfriend but jumped at the chance when she couldn't go and it was going to be you and the lads?

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

shes annoyed that im still taking my holiday with the guys while she has to work and ive used up nearly all my holiday time now so we will only manage a weekend away.

Obviously she is. She wants to go on holidays with you and yo, from what you have written anyway, don't seem to want to go with her.

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

she flipped the lid at me as i started asking them before she knew she couldnt get time off work (which is retarded, its a crap shop job)

This bit confuses me. You said that you invited the lads when she couldn't go but then say that you asked them before you or she knew that she couldn't go? And what does they type of job she has got to do with her ability to go on holidays? Unless you are implying she should quit to go on holidays with you.

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

i took a girl i work with out to a last minute dinner with one of them who is going, nothing more then work colleagues but my gf doesnt see it this way and has now demanded i dont go on the holiday.

Did you take her out to dinner while you were seeing your girlfriend? Because if you did, I can see why she would get upset.

Tbf, from what you have written, you just seem completely ignorant to her point of view. Bizarrely ignorant really. I am surprised that you cannot see why she would be annoyed.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2010 04:14PM

i went to dinner with my mate and his bird and took the girl from work as it was last minute, my girlfriend knew when i told her probably halfway through the meal.

at the end of the day she cant go so why should i miss out? its unreasonable of her to demand i dont go

ziedth · 05-05-2010 04:41PM

Did you already have the time off booked on work?

Can she and you both change time off so you could go at a different times?

The answers to these two questions change the whole slant on the story OP.

christmasinjuly · 05-05-2010 04:43PM

All I can say is you are indeed one sided and well don't expect your girlfriend to be waiting with open arms when you return back from the holiday she has a point and you aren't takng her feelings into consideration

Faith · 05-05-2010 04:59PM

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

i went to dinner with my mate and his bird and took the girl from work as it was last minute, my girlfriend knew when i told her probably halfway through the meal.

at the end of the day she cant go so why should i miss out? its unreasonable of her to demand i dont go

Wait, what? You went on a double date with a woman who wasn't your girlfriend? Why did you not bring her?

You sound like the unreasonable one. I shudder to think of being in a relationship with someone who had so little regard for me feelings. Do her a favour and dump her. You can find someone less "bossy" and "unreasonable" and she can find a decent guy who cares about her.

Redpunto · 05-05-2010 06:40PM

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

i went to dinner with my mate and his bird and took the girl from work as it was last minute, my girlfriend knew when i told her probably halfway through the meal.

at the end of the day she cant go so why should i miss out? its unreasonable of her to demand i dont go

You sound like a spoilt brat who has no sensitivity to how your gf is feeling, its not suprising shes pissed at you.

shellyboo · 05-05-2010 09:44PM

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

i went to dinner with my mate and his bird and took the girl from work as it was last minute, my girlfriend knew when i told her probably halfway through the meal.

at the end of the day she cant go so why should i miss out? its unreasonable of her to demand i dont go

Your girlfriend is not asking you not to go on a lads' holiday - she's asking you not to take the lads on a holiday INSTEAD OF HER. When the only reason she can't go is because YOU dragged your heels.

It would be very cruel to go on the holiday without her, I wouldn't do that to a friend, never minds someone I'm supposed to love. The right thing to do is reschedule the holiday for a time you can both go, not bring your mates instead. I'm stunned you can't see why she's annoyed.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2010 10:46PM

i booked my ticket before she got the ok from work and my mates have booked there tickets. the trip is 2 weeks away, do ye not thinnk its really unreasonable of her to demand i dont go. shes said if i do go then were finished.

i will have used up my holidays now for this trip and have another one booked later in year, was skiing twice this year, so my four weeks are gone but she hasnt taken any so us having a holiday will be a bank holiday weekend at most so shes cranky. anyhow shes said its her or holiday and i think on principle i shouldnt bend myself to her tantrums

Darlughda · 05-05-2010 11:07PM

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

i took a girl i work with out to a last minute dinner with one of them who is going,

.
Well aren't you the Lad? Quit projecting on your girlfriend, no doubt she suspects what you are up to. Convince yourself she's the bossy, unreasonable one, so you are free to score. Your poor girlfriend should be busy ridding herself of a big lad like you than planning non happening holidays. By the way, WTF is wrong with working in a shoe shop ya git?

S23 · 05-05-2010 11:12PM

If I even came close to describing what I think of you I'd get banned from here permanently I reckon.

To answer your question, though, no shes not being unreasonable at all.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2010 11:24PM

so everyone thinks i should cancel on the lads and let them go without me and lose my money because she cant go

Zaph · 05-05-2010 11:27PM

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

so everyone thinks i should cancel on the lads and let them go without me and lose my money because she cant go

If you want to have a girlfriend to come back to, that pretty much sums it up.

S23 · 05-05-2010 11:27PM

No I'll be honest. I think you should go and I think your GF should follow through on her promise to break up with you if that happens. I reckon thats the best result all round

Darlughda · 05-05-2010 11:43PM

Oh please do let us know if gf breaks up with you! How could she possibly give up on a relationship with such a treasure like you.

Tail Wagger · 05-05-2010 11:45PM

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

so everyone thinks i should cancel on the lads and let them go without me and lose my money because she cant go

Here listen you go on your paid for holls with your mates, just send me your girlfriends phone number and I'll make sure you don't have a girlfriend to come back to....

Darlughda · 05-05-2010 11:56PM

Tail Wagger wrote: »

Here listen you go on your paid for holls with your mates, just send me your girlfriends phone number and I'll make sure you don't have a girlfriend to come back to....

LOL! Whats the bet auld Tail Wagger could show your girlfriend a better time than a big lad like you think you are ever could?Ha!:pac:

Zaph · 05-05-2010 11:58PM

OK folks, enough of the sarcasm and off-topic posts. I'll be handing out infractions if it doesn't stop.

Asphyxia · 06-05-2010 12:13AM

bossy girlfriend wrote: »

so everyone thinks i should cancel on the lads and let them go without me and lose my money because she cant go

You shouldn't of booked your flight without knowing if she could get off first, that was very insensitive. It's your own fault that you didn't wait and see so yeah I think you should cancel it. You shouldn't of asked your mates to go with you before you knew she couldn't get off, again insensitive. Judging from all the holidays you're already after taking (which she has not gone with you on) you must of been with your mates. So ofcourse she would be annoyed, it seems you only want to be with them on holidays.

Going to dinner with some other girl is NOT okay!! :eek:Whether another couple was with you doesn't make it okay. I would be angry so I understand where she is coming from. You seem to not care at all about how she feels at all.:mad:

From the way you are talking about her on here just suggests how clueless you are to her feelings, frankly I think this poor girl deserves someone better.

Bottle_of_Smoke · 06-05-2010 12:22AM

Tough scenario. How much money are you losing?

If its not much I think if you cared for your girlfriend you'd re-book the time and go away with her.

The fact you're even considering going away kind of suggests you're not that into her.

greenprincess · 06-05-2010 12:44AM

Wait did you 'drag your heels' which resulted in her not being able to get the time off or did you go ahead and book your holiday before you knew she could take the time off? Because that sounds like a contradiction.
I think you are being really selfish and insensative. How old are you? Becuase if you anything over 16 I think you have some man-ing up to do!!
Also this girl you took to dinner is she also going on the holiday?
In summary I do not thing your girlfriend is being unreasonable. Sure your allowed guy times, my boyfriend plays golf basically every weekend! But he doesnt plan to do something with me then blow me off for the guys. Its rude!!!

LegacyUser · 06-05-2010 01:01AM

Tail Wagger wrote: »

Here listen you go on your paid for holls with your mates, just send me your girlfriends phone number and I'll make sure you don't have a girlfriend to come back to....

Haha that's what you should do op because you sound like you don't deserve her to be honest, and if you do go and and she doesn't happen to dump you then I hope it will be alright with you for her to go on holidays later in the year with her mates and double dates with them too!

magneticimpulse · 06-05-2010 01:12AM

Yep I pretty much agree with what everybody has said. You have been disrespectful to your gf and you didnt even wait for her to see if she could get time off...you invited your mates to what was meant to be a romantic holiday....if you are so charming now, I wouldnt like to see what you do with the Honeymoon.

Basically if you care for this girl you will do the right thing. Shes right, if you go with the lads, you wont have a gf when you get back. So decide what you want? Relationship or single life?

LegacyUser · 06-05-2010 05:58AM

alright folks cheers for responses. im kinda surprised at the reaction. if i dont go i will lose about 800 euro. im 34. i love my girlfriend and know ive not acted the best here but i didnt think i was that bad and i thought she was a lot worse. the work girl is not going, my mate is the guy of the couple we were out with. my gf doesnt like me hanging with him because she feels from this and that he didnt mention my gf at dinner until work girl was in bathroom that hed help me cheat as such even though i would never.

sbsquarepants · 06-05-2010 07:36AM

You seem to be taking on board what people are saying, which to be honest is surprising me. Maybe there's hope for you yet!:D
Judging from all the holidays you've been on this year you've obviously got a few bob to spare so my advice would be, if you love this girl ditch the holiday. Infact ditching the holiday is the right thing to do one way or the other.
I read your earlier post wrong and thought you were bringing some other girl with you, but even out to dinner is way out of line especially if you only tell her half way through the night! Can a 34 year old man really be that naive? I have my doubts.
I'm around your age and to be perfectly honest, i was a bit slow to grow up myself! Being one of the lads and having the craic with not a care for anyone else is great and all that when you're young, but when you start reaching our age it's also kind of sad don't you think? I personally am glad i got my act together before i turned into one of those asshole auld lads hanging with their mates down the pub, pretending their still 19 and chasing young ones and whatnot, they're pathetic, don't let yourself turn onto one!!
Best of luck

newtoboards · 06-05-2010 08:01AM

I'd consider the €800 well spent not going on the holiday if it saves your relationship. Did you get travel insurance, if so there might be cancellation cover? Have you considered contacting the travel agent or airline and asked how much it would be to get someone to take your place? You're very much taking her for granted so she has every right to feel so so upset and worrying about disappointing your friends by not going on holidays is stupid when it could cost you your relationship with someone you say you love.

Girlfriend telling me to not go on my holiday with lads

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