Opinions on gf putting on weight please

Bottle_of_Smoke · 16-04-2010 04:28PM

Moonbaby wrote: »

Walking is an excellent aerobic exercise, the problem is diet makes more of an impact than exercise. And you need to challenge your body, by increasing pace or distance, interval training etc to reap continued improvements.

Take it you missed the part where I said "if your diet is crap"

sunflower27 wrote: »

Walking most definitely worked for me. Years ago I moved to a new place and it was a 40min walk to work and 40min back. I lost a good deal of weight. I obviously wasnt snacking as I walked, but I saw obvious weight loss that was noticeable to all my friends.

I kept an eye on what I was eating but I wasn't overly strict. An O'Brien's triple decker probably nust have around 800- 900 calories* - almost half of a woman's recommended daily calorie intake.

* Bit of a random guess what with the three slices of bread, bacon and mayo/coleslaw....

I'd say it was more down to watching what you ate to be honest. Also if you were referring to me I'm not female. If you ever go on a threadmill with an electronic calorie counter walk for 40minutes and it will show you how little calories are used

Lux23 wrote: »

I disagree I have lost nearly two stone on a low GI diet and walking an hour everyday.

Its more to plant the idea in her head that she may be need to look at her diet and exercise before he goes down the insensitve route.

Low GI is an excellent healthy diet. Thats why you lost two stone. Seriously people should read posts before going on the defensive

Barracudaincork · 16-04-2010 04:42PM

IMO love and attraction are two seperate things, hence why we are attracted to people who we dont necessarily love and we love people we arent necessarily attracted to, its when the two combine and you have love and attraction that makes a great relationship.

For my understanding OP, you still love her very much but you are losing the attraction you had for her, due to her weight gain. I think you should tell her exactly that, that way she will know how you feel and change if she wants to etc

You cant make someone love you, but you can influence someones attraction to you and i would want to know if my appearance changing meant i might lose that influence and attraction, esp if it was something i can change back, unlike say balding or stretch marks.

davyjose · 17-04-2010 01:58AM

Lux23 wrote: »

That's fine but you musn't have read the rest of my post.

OP if you were my boyfriend and you told me I was getting too fat for you I would dump you on the spot. Other girls are saying different so maybe I am overly sensitive but I would just see that as a huge insult. Even if I was fat, which I am but hey!! I am working hard to lose weight so would find someones comments really insensitive.

That's a hell of a lot more shallow than anything the OP has done, said or suggested.

LegacyUser · 17-04-2010 11:24AM

Hi OP - seems like you've had both sides of the 'should I tell her/will she hate me for it' thread so I'm not gonna ad anything there....anyhow, seems like you definitely want to tell her which is fair enough.

so how do you go about it? I'm a woman, slim (size 10) and like every woman, I'm not happy with my body....recently a guy even told me I could do with toning up, which stung a lot, dropped my confidence and made quite an impact as this was what my mind was thinking anyways and he confirmed it. Woman DO know when they need to exercise/are carrying extra pounds, it goes round and round there head, however, denial is a fantastically strong tool, and whilst you may think it, you hope that maybe nobody else notices u need to tone up...until someone says it to you.

now - how to say it - straight out 'u need to tone up' doesn't work, it'll make her avoid you/avoid intimacy in bed as a result.....suggest u both take up a sport, as u've always wanted to learn to salsa/play tennis/horse ride/pilates etc.....say that u want to do somethign as a couple, that u want to see her develop a skill in something with you as it's sexy when two people are compatable in a sport........and here's the clincher, exercising/playing a sport with ur partner will bring out teh competitive edge in u both, and is very sexy and leads to fun things after

there truely is nothing more beautiful than a body that knows how to move, that has mastered a skill....try sell it that way and u might get better results.

or suggest u need a partner as u want to take up something new/renew an old hobby...please pick something tho ur both on even footing such as a new sport, or something ur not good at....askign a woman to take up footy with u won't work as u'll be miles better (usually is the case sorry for stereotyping) and she'll feel inadequate....

or plan a holiday around a sport - ie a hike in the pyrenees, walking tours, white water rafting/sailing, jungle trek, and tell her u should both start training for it....or even train for a marathon or something and get her involved...try get her friends interested too or encourage her to get them involved so u all meet up weekly as a social occasion, maybe go for a nice meal after?

lynsalot · 17-04-2010 11:50AM

Hi OP,
I think the thread's kinda gone off on a tangent a bit about the rights and wrongs of your question... which is valid in itself I suppose.

I met someone a few months ago and he's a big guy but i'm overweight myself (quite overweight) It took me a while to "fall" for him if that makes sense. It was casual for a while but we've both been burnt in the past and it wasn't really his appearance that caused that.

Anyway for whatever amount of reasons I find myself back to square one with my weight. I joined weight watchers and it's a slow slow journey. I've asked him to do it with me. He made excuses but i'd like him to lose some weight. I like that he's big but would prefer him to be healthier/fitter etc. I do love him and I expect you love your girlfriend too but it can be off putting if someone is not motivated to lose weight.

Out of interest whats ur diet like? Are you eating the same as her but not gaining weight? Are u eating lots of take aways etc? My boyfriend has not choice. There's a bad on take aways/all that crap. Made dinner last night and we had stir fry instead of the usual curry from the take away and had rhubarb for desert. Has your girlfriend mentioned her weight to you?

Without knowing her it's hard to know, but I would approach the subject very lightly. Maybe start with the exercise... as in encourage her to come with you walking/ whatever physcial activity you enjoy swimming can be great.

Then if thats going well, tell her you are going to make a conscious effort to eat better because you're pleased with how fit you're feeling from the exercise. If you are an active person, then really your partner should be active also.

countryliving · 17-04-2010 11:01PM

not sure if your other half is on the pill or not (if your in your mid 40's- apologies if i am coming across rude) i know that when i start on the pill - i put on heaps of weight - oh its awful.......i hate it. as a woman i feel it i know when i put on weight and i hate it. i know my friends hate it too when they put on weight and we know when we have and we beat ourselves up over it. i guess we get comfortable in a relationship as well and we put on weight. i am prone to putting on weight unfortunately i love my food but have to be careful and luckily i love exercise and do a lot of exercise. i am also sensitive and i would HATE if my other half mentioned i had put on weight - personally it would devastate me to know that whoever i was with, didnt find me attractive. all women are different though and some women wouldnt mind being told.......i am just expressing my opinion. also, i know when i do have a boyfriend in my life i tend to spend more time with them and not enough time getting all my exercise in, hard to fit everything in. i think the best thing to do is - suggest exercising together.......suggest a charity event - aim towards a charity event as it would be for charity as well. personally, i wouldnt mind a boyfriend suggesting a challenge - as it happens i am into challenges and exercise. however, i would so hate if a guy couldnt accept me for what weight i was as in all women fluctuate. but for my own sake i would like to keep my figure.not for any man. i guess its a different story if your other half put on heaps of weight ie 6 stone. maybe you need to figure out the psychological reasons why........... sorry for rambling on here - hope it helps and good luck

countryliving · 17-04-2010 11:03PM

oh yes - another thing that you could do is get a dog...........dogs have to be exercised......perhaps that would help however they are a responsibility.

Dudess · 18-04-2010 01:00PM

Sharlovesjohn wrote: »

what happens when there 30 years down the line and because she's older she's got wrinkles

That's something you can't control (well you can minimise it via lifestyle), weight is. Your metabolism slows down in your 40s all right but if you have a healthy diet and you exercise, you won't put on weight/you'll lose weight - more slowly than you would have at 21 yes, but you will still lose it.

Talk about promoting size 0

That's an awful accusation.

OP, she no doubt knows she's gained weight on the stomach so there's no point in saying it. It's nearly summer - lead the way by going exercising in the evenings.

Lux23 · 19-04-2010 12:55PM

davyjose wrote: »

That's a hell of a lot more shallow than anything the OP has done, said or suggested.

Well i guess its no wonder I am single. I am just being honest with the OP, its how I would react and I imagine there are other people who would do the same.

Opinions on gf putting on weight please

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