Opinions on gf putting on weight please

LegacyUser

In a new relationship about 8 months..all is fab..we even moved in together..but...........


She has put on quite a bit of weight since we met ..and her belly now resembles a jelly mound ..

She does actually eat a lot more than I at the moment which is kinda weird TBH..

Some of the weight could be down to her going on the pill?

it does bother me, and even slightly puts me off...so is this something I cold seriously bring up with her??? One of the initial attractions was I LOVED her figure :-)

I know the ladies will lash me over this post but when you meet and fall for someone, you dont expect them to pile on weight over a few months...girls imagine if that lean guy you met a few months ago now had a beer belly..what would you do??

Sharlovesjohn

Many women put on weight when they get comfortable in a relationship I know I did I put on a hole two stone in the past 18 months iv been with my current bf now Im not huge nor is your gf but I wasnt comfortable with the weight Iv put on. My bf has always been behind me saying what ever makes me happy makes him happy he loves me no matter what size I am and he works out alot so eats what he likes while I dont im not at all into going to the gym so i got lab with all the extra weight Ive only recent started to make changes buying healthier fruit going for long walks with friends even thinking about doing some dance/aqua classes for fun!

Ive been on the pill for a few years now but when I first went on i was eating as if for two i was always so hungry.

if the weight is starting to get you down and you want to do/say something about it then dont say it to her face she may end up runing to food for comfort suggest doing more things together go out for walks -since weather is picking up go to the park avoid places with fatty foods try healthier more filling ones,

if its really bothering you that much about her figure and you should try and forcus on other parts of her like her personality that makes her sexy too, supposly the way i say certain words is a turn on for my OH

Elle Collins

Some women will lash you out of it for your feelings on this OP, but I'm a woman and my personal opinion is that if I put on weight and it was turning my partner off me sexually I'd want to know.

If you're going to say something about it, be truthful but careful of her feelings in how you word what you say.

LegacyUser

Id just say it to her, Im a woman, and although some women might lash you for it, they are probably the chubby ones that dont want to hear that looks still matter and that if your partner is not as attentive as he used to be, its probably down to the muffin top, I would tell her out straight, it might hurt a bit but at least your being honest and if she chooses not to do anything about then take it from there. I understand some women are going to say Love is more than Skin Deep, but if you had a perfect 10 and shes now slipped down the scale a bit and has suddenly become a 7, you cant help but want back what you origionally had.

Lux23

To be honest I don't think there is anyway anyone could tell me I have gained weight without me losing the plot. If a boyfriend said something especially if I was only with him a few months I would dump him on the spot.

Most likely she knows she has gained weight so I think the best thing for you to do is lead by example, instead of slouching in front of the TV eating crap suggest going for a long walk. If eating out order something light and say oh with summer coming I want to make sure I am trim enough for my hols. If it doesn't work then you may just have to figure out if you can be with someone you are finding less attractive. If you don't find fat attractive that doesn't make you shallow; you can't help that.

Sharlovesjohn

unreg777 wrote: »

Id just say it to her, Im a woman, and although some women might lash you for it, they are probably the chubby ones that dont want to hear that looks still matter and that if your partner is not as attentive as he used to be, its probably down to the muffin top, I would tell her out straight, it might hurt a bit but at least your being honest and if she chooses not to do anything about then take it from there. I understand some women are going to say Love is more than Skin Deep, but if you had a perfect 10 and shes now slipped down the scale a bit and has suddenly become a 7, you cant help but want back what you origionally had.

Have to say that seems a bit heartless whats to say she's still not a 10 just cuz she's got a bit of a belly? It be a hold different ball park if she went from a size 8 to 16.

Just because she has a bit of weight doesnt mean she's not the same person that her BF is in love with what happens when there 30 years down the line and because she's older she's got wrinkles should she go get botox because she's now only a 7?!

Talk about promoting size 0 I think alot of girls look better with some curves otherwise why would we have skin not to hide and protect our bones.

Age changes the body no matter how healthy you eat or how much you work out. You should be more concerned if your GF isnt happy and if thats why she's eating.

ilovetosing

Lux23 wrote: »

To be honest I don't think there is anyway anyone could tell me I have gained weight without me losing the plot. If a boyfriend said something especially if I was only with him a few months I would dump him on the spot.
.

I don't agree with this. This is just the type of thing people have already talked about. Rash and very little thought put into it. 8 months is long enough to fall in love with what you have and if you are finding yourself being less and less attracted because of this increase in weight then you have to tell her. I know I would and I would obviously watch how I word it. I have to say I'm happy with the responses i have seen so far as I despise when people people are all for the "oh if you love me you love me and how I change in my looks and weight should not change that" way of thinking!!! That is horsesh!t! Communication and talking about things is KEY and every strong relationship will have no issues in communication.

Loving someone and staying with them includes constantly being attracted to them and people who believe otherwise or would take the actions that the above poster would do are fooling themselves OP so talk to her and sort it out. Then you can be more active instead of sitting watchin tv or whatever!

Lux Im not having a go - I am just disagreeing with your argument. Nothing personal.

LegacyUser

See the way I look at these things is quite simple. I understand that what attracts you to someone can very much be rooted in the physical for most people.

BUT I never consider true love to be bound by this. If I was this girl I would want to know how you feel simply because I'd finish things with you. Why? Well because we all change over time. As we age or get sick. Or something worse could happen due to an accident etc.

REAL love involves loving the person no matter what. If my partner put on 5 stone tomorrow or lost a limb or became disfigured, I'd still love him with every bit of my heart. That's because I love him as a person. I love who he is. And that makes me love what he looks like, no matter what.

OP I don't think you feel real love for this girl. If you did, her weight wouldn't bother you.

Like I said, for many relationships attraction and physical bodies are of utmost importance. But what happens when looks fade as you get older? And the person sitting across from you at 60 full of wrinkles, grey hair, false teeth, saggy boobs looks nothing like the fit, form bodied 25 year old you supposedly fell in love with.

I would want to know that my partner loves me no matter what and vice versa. And I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where love is conditional on physical appearance.

LegacyUser

Im not promoting size zero. nothing of the sort. the OP clearly says that his GF has put on "Quite a bit of weight" not just a little bit. Look, the same goes for women as it does for men, If my partner put on "quite a bit of weight" I would approach the subject, and I had to do just that with a previous partner who popped on 2 stone within a matter of weeks. Im not saying your contracted to stay a certain size throughout the duration of your relationship, but if he is unhappy with her size and he isnt as physically attracted by her, whats the problem with being open and honest and trying to help her get back to her best, Im not suggesting he ties her to the car and drives down the M50 making her run behind him.

LegacyUser

"REAL love involves loving the person no matter what. If my partner put on 5 stone tomorrow or lost a limb or became disfigured, I'd still love him with every bit of my heart. That's because I love him as a person. I love who he is. And that makes me love what he looks like, no matter what."


Ok but you can lose weight, its not something thats out of your control. Clearly Losing a limb and gaining weight are two completely different physical changes. They cant even be compared, "IF" your partner gained 5 stone, its very easy to say when he HASN'T gained 5 stone that it wouldnt bother you

LegacyUser

Hi OP here..

Just to clarify..

we're both in our 40s, divorced, kids etc etc ..so a wee bit 'lumpy' around the sides LOL

I do love her and love looking after her doing things for her etc etc etc .... but simply find the extra weight a wee bit off putting..

I'm not asking for peoples opinions as to whether this should be an issue or not as all folk are different in matters such as these..some care some dont..

Just wondering how I could 'approach' the subject as in no way do I ever wish to upset her in any way..

The idea of excercise together seems good..that may well be the route :-)

Emme

Unless your girlfriend has health problems or the weight is a side-effect of the pill there is no excuse for her putting on so much weight in such a short period of time. I put on weight with an underactive thyroid despite exercising like mad so maybe she should get checked out for that.

I consider looking after your health and fitness a necessity just like having a shower in the morning. Age is no excuse, you just have to work that little bit harder. I would tell her up front that she has put on a lot of weight since you met and that you find it offputting. Pull no punches, there's no excuse for letting yourself go.

Lux23

ilovetosing wrote: »

I don't agree with this. This is just the type of thing people have already talked about. Rash and very little thought put into it. 8 months is long enough to fall in love with what you have and if you are finding yourself being less and less attracted because of this increase in weight then you have to tell her. I know I would and I would obviously watch how I word it. I have to say I'm happy with the responses i have seen so far as I despise when people people are all for the "oh if you love me you love me and how I change in my looks and weight should not change that" way of thinking!!! That is horsesh!t! Communication and talking about things is KEY and every strong relationship will have no issues in communication.

Loving someone and staying with them includes constantly being attracted to them and people who believe otherwise or would take the actions that the above poster would do are fooling themselves OP so talk to her and sort it out. Then you can be more active instead of sitting watchin tv or whatever!

Lux Im not having a go - I am just disagreeing with your argument. Nothing personal.

That's fine but you musn't have read the rest of my post.

OP if you were my boyfriend and you told me I was getting too fat for you I would dump you on the spot. Other girls are saying different so maybe I am overly sensitive but I would just see that as a huge insult. Even if I was fat, which I am but hey!! I am working hard to lose weight so would find someones comments really insensitive.

LegacyUser

ooB wrote: »

Hi OP here..

Just to clarify..

we're both in our 40s, divorced, kids etc etc ..so a wee bit 'lumpy' around the sides LOL

I do love her and love looking after her doing things for her etc etc etc .... but simply find the extra weight a wee bit off putting..

I'm not asking for peoples opinions as to whether this should be an issue or not as all folk are different in matters such as these..some care some dont..

Just wondering how I could 'approach' the subject as in no way do I ever wish to upset her in any way..

The idea of excercise together seems good..that may well be the route :-)

Was your relationship based a lot on the physical aspect(appearance etc)?
I thought you were a younger couple by your post. Well to be fair a woman in her forties with children is probably not going to have the same body as her 20s/30s so it's inevitable it's going to change and become "less firm", no matter how fit/unfit the woman is.

I do see how it is off putting that your partner has put on a lot of weight. However I think that you saying something to that effect to your partner would probably not be very helpful.

You say you love cooking? Why not encourage healthy meals, do the grocery shopping and avoid keeping treats at home.. Suggest walks in the park together etc..

John Mason

so since you moved in with her, how has her life and what she eats changed ?

when my OH moved in i put weight on simply because i was eating bigger dinners, sitting on the sofa a hell of a lot more and drinking mountains more alcohol then before.

Now, my OH never noticed i put on weight but i felt uncomfortable recently i have lost 2 stone - i pointed this out to him last week and he looked at me like i was mad. he never noticed when i put weight on or when i lost it. it didnt matter to him because he loves me for who i am !!

you need to look at how you have changed her lifestyle

Miss Fluff

You should definitely act on it. I'd want to know. It's all about your approach. Accusatory "you" this and "you" that will just cause her upset so you need to take the royal "we" approach, and say that you feel that "we have been a bit lazy", or "we should get fit for our summer holidays". Do you play tennis? Or have a dog that you can both take for a walk? Doing something active as a couple will keep her motivated to keep at it. Maybe look at doing a sponsored walk for charity (MS Ireland are running one in Cuba in November) as you'll need to start training for that. Booze is normally the biggest factor when people are putting on belly weight like that, have you guys been lamping in to it? If so, try and cut down as she won't want to drink alone.

fairycakes

If I was her I would want to know I was turning my boyfriend off!

Can I suggest you say lets take up walking or running together or even swimming and say to her your thinking of starting to eat more healty food and that might spur her into thinking the same?

Good luck op!

krudler

irishbird wrote: »

so since you moved in with her, how has her life and what she eats changed ?

when my OH moved in i put weight on simply because i was eating bigger dinners, sitting on the sofa a hell of a lot more and drinking mountains more alcohol then before.

Now, my OH never noticed i put on weight but i felt uncomfortable recently i have lost 2 stone - i pointed this out to him last week and he looked at me like i was mad. he never noticed when i put weight on or when i lost it. it didnt matter to him because he loves me for who i am !!

you need to look at how you have changed her lifestyle

Thats bullsh1t, how HE has changed her lifestyle? so once you move in with someone its ok to sit around and stuff your face all day, and then you're the victim? what a load of crap, nobody is responsible for your appearance but you, end of story. the op didnt say it was after they moved in she gained weight, only since they met, which could be a bunch of things.

If I put on a few stone and my gf started to be turned off by me, you can bet your ass I'd be out jogging the first chance I got. Putting on weight for medical reasons, or things you cant help is one thing, its another just being lazy.

dublingal80

ooB wrote: »

The idea of excercise together seems good..that may well be the route :-)

Thats that i was going to suggest to you. You dont know what type of body issues she had in the past, so being 100% honest with her and telling her she has put on weight may not go down too well. If I was in your situation Id say something like oh im feeling very lazy blah blah and with the days getting brighter and the weather getting warmer, would you fancy going for walks together a few times a week, or playing tennis... just think id exercise more if i had company.

And see what happens. When i met my oh i was very sick, and was tiny. just under 8 stone. And through the years i have met him i have put on two and a half stone since I was better and able to eat. I hated it. I told him i hated how i looked because i had changed from what he met and i didnt want him to not find me attractive and he said he loved me and always would love me. But i'm currently losing weight and I have lost 10lbs. Its giving me more confidence which is making us better too

Just say it gently. Not just outright.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Lux23 wrote: »

To be honest I don't think there is anyway anyone could tell me I have gained weight without me losing the plot. If a boyfriend said something especially if I was only with him a few months I would dump him on the spot.

Most likely she knows she has gained weight so I think the best thing for you to do is lead by example, instead of slouching in front of the TV eating crap suggest going for a long walk. If eating out order something light and say oh with summer coming I want to make sure I am trim enough for my hols. If it doesn't work then you may just have to figure out if you can be with someone you are finding less attractive. If you don't find fat attractive that doesn't make you shallow; you can't help that.

This won't work. I used to work in an office and walked about 5 miles a day because I hate the bus. I was still getting fat because I was eating o'briens tripledeckers or chip dinners for lunch.

Walking will not make you lose fat. If you're diet is crap you have to be doing proper training to keep the pounds off.

LegacyUser

krudler wrote: »

Thats bullsh1t, how HE has changed her lifestyle? so once you move in with someone its ok to sit around and stuff your face all day, and then you're the victim? what a load of crap, nobody is responsible for your appearance but you, end of story. the op didnt say it was after they moved in she gained weight, only since they met, which could be a bunch of things.

It's not that HE has changed her lifestyle but your lifestyle does change when you move in with somebody, especially for a female. I've put on weight too since I moved in with my b/f, purely because I'm eating bigger portions than I would have previously and more takeaways.A bowl of pasta or similar wont satisfy him as an evening meal whereas it would have had for me when I lived on my own & it's really hard to watch somebody else eat chips & not have some. However he hasn't put on even a pound in the same time.

I think both of you need to look at your eating & exercise habits as a couple and see what can be done to improve them together.

cafecolour

Odd. It's one thing to gain weight over time several years into a relationship. It's another to essentially start packing on the pounds as soon as you start dating someone (she seems to have started gaining weight within months of dating you).

I wouldn't make it about her. Simply say you've been feeling unhealthy lately and are going to get more fit. Go to the gym and bring her with you. Start doing more of the cooking and cook healthier options. It'll be good for the both of you.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Walking will not make you lose fat. If you're diet is crap you have to be doing proper training to keep the pounds off.

Walking is an excellent aerobic exercise, the problem is diet makes more of an impact than exercise. And you need to challenge your body, by increasing pace or distance, interval training etc to reap continued improvements.

I think your shallowness is a character flaw op, There is alot more to love and humanity than firm abs.
But I also think that hints don't work, or at least they wouldn't for me.
Bring up the issue openly, and then offer opportunites to make changes in your and her lifestyle after.
Rather than criticise.

krudler

visitor30 wrote: »

It's not that HE has changed her lifestyle but your lifestyle does change when you move in with somebody, especially for a female. I've put on weight too since I moved in with my b/f, purely because I'm eating bigger portions than I would have previously and more takeaways.A bowl of pasta or similar wont satisfy him as an evening meal whereas it would have had for me when I lived on my own & it's really hard to watch somebody else eat chips & not have some. However he hasn't put on even a pound in the same time.

I think both of you need to look at your eating & exercise habits as a couple and see what can be done to improve them together.

Thats just a bullsh1t excuse tbh, "oh they had a mound of greasy chips so I have to as well" you dont have to eat more than you want just because someone else is, I'd easily eat twice as much as my gf when I cook dinner for us but I dont force her to eat it, nor would I feel bad if she only ate what she wanted(means more for me )

theg81der

OP I`m a woman and I`d want to know. Just be careful how you word it. Sometimes it comes on soooo quick you don`t see it, best to battle the bulge early - she might appreciate it.

gavney1

OP, i defo think you should act on it.

It might not bother some ppl if their OH puts on a bit of weight, but it obviously does for you so there's is only 3 ways this could go

1. You don't tell her and just become less and less attracted to her, have less interest in her and the relationship suffers as a result

2. You tell her and she doesn't like it and you break up

3. You tell her and she's a bit offended but appreciates your honesty and tries to do something about it.

To me, option 1 is the worst of these.

If you tell her, maybe suggest doing something in return for her? Like maybe she doesn't like the way you dress, or would like you to have a different shape also?

G-Money

Tricky situation OP, but seeing it's turning you off her, something has to be done (either ending it, or delicately trying to get her to lose some weight). I'm a guy and I'm overweight myself and I know I am, so I'm sure she's aware that she's put on a few lbs herself. For me anyway, I know I need to lose weight and getting me to do so would be determined by the approach. Confrontational wouldn't work for me and I'd politely say I wasn't interested but in my head I'd want to smash the person's face in for being a d**k.

I think suggesting going for walks is good as it's nice and relaxing and it won't seem like a huge effort, especially now that the evenings are longer and the weather is getting better. You could even sort of suggest the walk as if it was romantic (along the beach etc).

I haven't read all the replies so I don't know if you live together, but if you do, perhaps you could control what food is bought and maybe buy less junk and stuff like that.

There was a virtually identical thread posted here a few months back except it was the girl stating that her bf was putting on weight and it was making her lose interest. From what I remember, almost everyone suggested she delicately get him to do more exercise and eat healthily. I don't know if I'm allowed to link it here but if you do a search, you should find it easy enough.

All the best OP.

tinkerbell

If she's put on that much weight, then she's aware of it. You have to tell her that she has to stop eating so much. I don't believe in this sparing the feelings crap, if your gf is getting fat and you're put off by her, then you need to tell her how you feel so she can do something about it. Otherwise, she'll keep putting on more weight and you'll be even less attracted to her. Next thing she realises you're leaving her and I'm sure she'd rather lose the weight than lose you.

Lux23

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

This won't work. I used to work in an office and walked about 5 miles a day because I hate the bus. I was still getting fat because I was eating o'briens tripledeckers or chip dinners for lunch.

Walking will not make you lose fat. If you're diet is crap you have to be doing proper training to keep the pounds off.

I disagree I have lost nearly two stone on a low GI diet and walking an hour everyday.

Its more to plant the idea in her head that she may be need to look at her diet and exercise before he goes down the insensitve route.

Cheap Thrills!

I'm a woman too and I would know if my weight was causing a problem, I wouldn't need to be told. Women DO KNOW, they just act the baby when confronted and turn on the tears and play the martyr, don't fall for it.

It is hard to keep weight off, very, very hard but sexual attraction is based on appearances, there is no denying that.

When OP met his other half he was attracted to her figure amongst other things so that is part of the package or contract. It's not like she has had a baby since they met, their kids existed when they met and she was already slim.

I have been overweight in my younger days but I am not any more, I work damn hard to keep the weight off.

I understand people putting on weight, life is stressful and eating is comforting, but its the defiant attitude of 'you BA$TARD, how DARE you mention it to me' and then getting all stroppy and tearful and indignant that does not fly with me at all.

People can either put in the work and stay a slim size or eat what they want and accept the consequences....people can't have it both ways.

There is no point pigging out, gaining weight and then moaning when their partner no longer finds them attractive. People are not obliged or duty bound to find their other halves attractive. Its not something that is a choice.

I will say though, the exception here is a woman having a baby, she should be granted a lot more wriggle room and patience then as well as a lot of practical support so that she has time and energy to get her figure back if that is what is important to herself and her partner.

Lux23

I don't think he's a bastard for mentioning it, I just don't think it will be all the effective and will do him no favours.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Moonbaby wrote: »

Walking is an excellent aerobic exercise, the problem is diet makes more of an impact than exercise. And you need to challenge your body, by increasing pace or distance, interval training etc to reap continued improvements.

Take it you missed the part where I said "if your diet is crap"

sunflower27 wrote: »

Walking most definitely worked for me. Years ago I moved to a new place and it was a 40min walk to work and 40min back. I lost a good deal of weight. I obviously wasnt snacking as I walked, but I saw obvious weight loss that was noticeable to all my friends.

I kept an eye on what I was eating but I wasn't overly strict. An O'Brien's triple decker probably nust have around 800- 900 calories* - almost half of a woman's recommended daily calorie intake.

* Bit of a random guess what with the three slices of bread, bacon and mayo/coleslaw....

I'd say it was more down to watching what you ate to be honest. Also if you were referring to me I'm not female. If you ever go on a threadmill with an electronic calorie counter walk for 40minutes and it will show you how little calories are used

Lux23 wrote: »

I disagree I have lost nearly two stone on a low GI diet and walking an hour everyday.

Its more to plant the idea in her head that she may be need to look at her diet and exercise before he goes down the insensitve route.

Low GI is an excellent healthy diet. Thats why you lost two stone. Seriously people should read posts before going on the defensive

Barracudaincork

IMO love and attraction are two seperate things, hence why we are attracted to people who we dont necessarily love and we love people we arent necessarily attracted to, its when the two combine and you have love and attraction that makes a great relationship.

For my understanding OP, you still love her very much but you are losing the attraction you had for her, due to her weight gain. I think you should tell her exactly that, that way she will know how you feel and change if she wants to etc

You cant make someone love you, but you can influence someones attraction to you and i would want to know if my appearance changing meant i might lose that influence and attraction, esp if it was something i can change back, unlike say balding or stretch marks.

davyjose

Lux23 wrote: »

That's fine but you musn't have read the rest of my post.

OP if you were my boyfriend and you told me I was getting too fat for you I would dump you on the spot. Other girls are saying different so maybe I am overly sensitive but I would just see that as a huge insult. Even if I was fat, which I am but hey!! I am working hard to lose weight so would find someones comments really insensitive.

That's a hell of a lot more shallow than anything the OP has done, said or suggested.

LegacyUser

Hi OP - seems like you've had both sides of the 'should I tell her/will she hate me for it' thread so I'm not gonna ad anything there....anyhow, seems like you definitely want to tell her which is fair enough.

so how do you go about it? I'm a woman, slim (size 10) and like every woman, I'm not happy with my body....recently a guy even told me I could do with toning up, which stung a lot, dropped my confidence and made quite an impact as this was what my mind was thinking anyways and he confirmed it. Woman DO know when they need to exercise/are carrying extra pounds, it goes round and round there head, however, denial is a fantastically strong tool, and whilst you may think it, you hope that maybe nobody else notices u need to tone up...until someone says it to you.

now - how to say it - straight out 'u need to tone up' doesn't work, it'll make her avoid you/avoid intimacy in bed as a result.....suggest u both take up a sport, as u've always wanted to learn to salsa/play tennis/horse ride/pilates etc.....say that u want to do somethign as a couple, that u want to see her develop a skill in something with you as it's sexy when two people are compatable in a sport........and here's the clincher, exercising/playing a sport with ur partner will bring out teh competitive edge in u both, and is very sexy and leads to fun things after there truely is nothing more beautiful than a body that knows how to move, that has mastered a skill....try sell it that way and u might get better results.

or suggest u need a partner as u want to take up something new/renew an old hobby...please pick something tho ur both on even footing such as a new sport, or something ur not good at....askign a woman to take up footy with u won't work as u'll be miles better (usually is the case sorry for stereotyping) and she'll feel inadequate....

or plan a holiday around a sport - ie a hike in the pyrenees, walking tours, white water rafting/sailing, jungle trek, and tell her u should both start training for it....or even train for a marathon or something and get her involved...try get her friends interested too or encourage her to get them involved so u all meet up weekly as a social occasion, maybe go for a nice meal after?

lynsalot

Hi OP,
I think the thread's kinda gone off on a tangent a bit about the rights and wrongs of your question... which is valid in itself I suppose.

I met someone a few months ago and he's a big guy but i'm overweight myself (quite overweight) It took me a while to "fall" for him if that makes sense. It was casual for a while but we've both been burnt in the past and it wasn't really his appearance that caused that.

Anyway for whatever amount of reasons I find myself back to square one with my weight. I joined weight watchers and it's a slow slow journey. I've asked him to do it with me. He made excuses but i'd like him to lose some weight. I like that he's big but would prefer him to be healthier/fitter etc. I do love him and I expect you love your girlfriend too but it can be off putting if someone is not motivated to lose weight.

Out of interest whats ur diet like? Are you eating the same as her but not gaining weight? Are u eating lots of take aways etc? My boyfriend has not choice. There's a bad on take aways/all that crap. Made dinner last night and we had stir fry instead of the usual curry from the take away and had rhubarb for desert. Has your girlfriend mentioned her weight to you?

Without knowing her it's hard to know, but I would approach the subject very lightly. Maybe start with the exercise... as in encourage her to come with you walking/ whatever physcial activity you enjoy swimming can be great.

Then if thats going well, tell her you are going to make a conscious effort to eat better because you're pleased with how fit you're feeling from the exercise. If you are an active person, then really your partner should be active also.

countryliving

not sure if your other half is on the pill or not (if your in your mid 40's- apologies if i am coming across rude) i know that when i start on the pill - i put on heaps of weight - oh its awful.......i hate it. as a woman i feel it i know when i put on weight and i hate it. i know my friends hate it too when they put on weight and we know when we have and we beat ourselves up over it. i guess we get comfortable in a relationship as well and we put on weight. i am prone to putting on weight unfortunately i love my food but have to be careful and luckily i love exercise and do a lot of exercise. i am also sensitive and i would HATE if my other half mentioned i had put on weight - personally it would devastate me to know that whoever i was with, didnt find me attractive. all women are different though and some women wouldnt mind being told.......i am just expressing my opinion. also, i know when i do have a boyfriend in my life i tend to spend more time with them and not enough time getting all my exercise in, hard to fit everything in. i think the best thing to do is - suggest exercising together.......suggest a charity event - aim towards a charity event as it would be for charity as well. personally, i wouldnt mind a boyfriend suggesting a challenge - as it happens i am into challenges and exercise. however, i would so hate if a guy couldnt accept me for what weight i was as in all women fluctuate. but for my own sake i would like to keep my figure.not for any man. i guess its a different story if your other half put on heaps of weight ie 6 stone. maybe you need to figure out the psychological reasons why........... sorry for rambling on here - hope it helps and good luck

countryliving

oh yes - another thing that you could do is get a dog...........dogs have to be exercised......perhaps that would help however they are a responsibility.

Dudess

Sharlovesjohn wrote: »

what happens when there 30 years down the line and because she's older she's got wrinkles

That's something you can't control (well you can minimise it via lifestyle), weight is. Your metabolism slows down in your 40s all right but if you have a healthy diet and you exercise, you won't put on weight/you'll lose weight - more slowly than you would have at 21 yes, but you will still lose it.

Talk about promoting size 0

That's an awful accusation.

OP, she no doubt knows she's gained weight on the stomach so there's no point in saying it. It's nearly summer - lead the way by going exercising in the evenings.

Lux23

davyjose wrote: »

That's a hell of a lot more shallow than anything the OP has done, said or suggested.

Well i guess its no wonder I am single. I am just being honest with the OP, its how I would react and I imagine there are other people who would do the same.