Why couldn't she just bite her tongue?

LegacyUser · 16-03-2010 10:59AM #1

When my OH's mother asked him why he was all dressed up last night when we called in last night... he replied that we had decided to get engaged and had just been ring shopping!

I wasn't expecting her to be over the moon (she is a funny sort at the best of times) but I was a bit hurt and taken aback by her reaction and the colourful language that she used- "Will ya F**k off! Please, tell me you’re joking!"
She then proceeded to say that we were too young (both mid/late twenties) and that it was too soon (we have known each other 3 years at the end of the month and bought a house together last year!).

She also mentioned that she would not congratulate us as we were not REALLY engaged as I had not received my ring yet.......

His dad said he was just relieved I wasn't pregnant!

So does anyone have any advice on how to deal with a pig ignorant woman?
Should I say something? To be honest I was so shocked that I couldn't speak at the time, and my other half just looked mortified and apologized profusely all the way home..... He says she just has issues!

LegacyUser · 16-03-2010 03:08PM

I would ask your fiance to speak to both of them. This is your engagement and your wedding, and useless they show anything but absolute joy they are out of order.

It needs to be explained to them that their reaction was RUDE and they should really apologise.

PopUp · 16-03-2010 03:20PM

:eek: What a bitch! And the dad's not much better, jeez!

To be honest I was so shocked that I couldn't speak at the time, and my other half just looked mortified and apologized profusely all the way home..... He says she just has issues!

Definitely don't say anything. Take the high road - you will not regret it. Don't give them ammunition to dislike you more.

The important thing is that your OH handled it so well. That he's not falling over himself to accommodate their weirdness. The two of you are partners for life now and it's great that he recognises their guff for what it is.

barleybooley · 16-03-2010 03:22PM

Wow, that is such poor form, you poor thing! But the main thing is you're mad about your OH clearly and it's not a rush job so the best advice would be just to ignore her. She's probably one of those who is just totally against cutting the apron strings and thinks no one is good enough for her children. I don't think you've great cause for concern, your OH obviously recognises her bad behaviour so it's never going to be a case of you versus her in his eyes so I think that you should just enjoy this happy time and ignore last night.

By the way, congratulations OP!

sexdwarf · 16-03-2010 04:39PM

Congratulations!!

God OP that's dreadful, she really ruined your moment. Feck her, she's obviously got no class or manners at all. I don't blame you feeling very hurt. Your OH sounds great and supportive, I'm sure he was mortified. Don't you mind her, how mean of her to be like that. You've a lot to look forward to so focus on that and leave her to her madness

cafecolour · 16-03-2010 04:51PM

As everyone has said, don't say anything too her yourself - it should all go through your OH.

Her response was classless, but I'd actually just ignore it for the moment. She may just be the type that responds poorly (and gets defensive) when 'surprised', combined thinking of her son as still a kid and not an adult.

I'd give it a few weeks and see if they start to come round and become supportive when the initial shock wears off. If she doesn't, and attempts to start undercutting the engagement, your OH definitely needs to have a word with her.

miec · 16-03-2010 05:18PM

Hi Op

I agree with the others, it is best to ignore her. I also feel for your fiance as he is related to her, she is a rude woman but her reaction and behaviour can serve as a warning to you, which is when you marry your other half and if you have a family, tread very carefully around her and set your own boundaries around this woman, she has a vicious tongue reflective of a nasty mind so be careful. I would suggest that you tell your other half that you find their behaviour rude and intolerable but sympathise with him and just say that if or when you visit them you'll be polite etc but you will also be very wary of her. I am sure she will often try to put you down just keep reminding yourself that she is a rude woman, that way there is no expectation of her.

LegacyUser · 16-03-2010 05:37PM

Thanks guys!

What you're all saying makes sense no point causing world war 3 I suppose.... Even though I still wish I had punched her ;-P

His dad actually called me today to ask if it was "just a nightmare" and to ask if we were sure, I basically just said "yeah, pretty sure!" I think he took the hint because he didn't stay on long. To be fair he was joking.... I didn't find it very funny though!

I know I should just get over it but I really feel like the goodness is gone from the whole experience. I'm sure I will feel different when I get my ring next week. It's just that I had a picture in my head of how it would feel to get engaged and to tell everyone (note to self: no more romcoms). I can't help feeling cheated out of the experience somehow (spot the drama queen).

So any engagement/mother in law horror stories that will help cheer me up? lol

Oryx · 16-03-2010 07:51PM

My advice would be never argue back when confronted with comments like this. If you disagree over something, state so politely and leave it, but dont get pulled into a debate and above all dont ever start a war of words with your mil. Thats because her attitudes (bad and all as they may be) are just part of her personality and you wont be able to change her, and because if you are marrying her son youll have this woman in your life a lot. Believe me its better to ignore digs and walk away.

Youll find you manage to live your life better and have things go smoothly if you dont carry resentment over comments like the ones you mention. Its not weakness to ignore it, its strategy. The more you take offense and cause friction over it, the more hassle you and your poor husband to be will get.

When it comes to inlaws, sometimes you have to just smile and put up with their differences, then go away and live your life your way, anyway.

I know its not romcom ideal, but life never is. Youll find your mum in law may turn out to be a real lifesaver in certain situations, but tactless and useless in others. You just have to accept that as part of rubbing along with another family.

mood · 16-03-2010 08:02PM

Congrats OP.

They sound horrible!

I can't believe they didn't realise this was on the cards after you tow bought a house together. Maybe it's a little sooner than they expected but it's the next step for most couples.

I agree with others. Say nothing. I'm sure others will be happy for you.

deisemum · 16-03-2010 08:23PM

Congrats OP she's a rude woman so don't waste time over her. I wouldn't be surprised if she put your future father in law up to phoning you today.

Well you wanted horror stories so here's what happened at my wedding during the speeches. We've heard of Brendan Grace's father of the bride speech but I've got the horror father of the groom speech. During my father in law's speech he told everyone (without any hint or warning to us) that they tried to talk my husband and I out of getting married. There was complete silence during that speech with so many chins hitting the ground. People were shocked.

I was nearly 26 when we got married and we'd been living together for nearly 18 months after buying our home at that stage. We'll be 20 years married in a few weeks. Hubby's parents are not nice people, disliked by a lot of people including other inlaws. I haven't had anything to do with them for the last 9+ years so life is good without them.

They didn't know a lot about me and even less about my family as we lived abroad when we met and set up home together. They're the same with my sister in law's husband. As a parent I cannot understand how a so called loving parent would do what my father in law did to my husband without as much as a hint that he was going to do something like that. As bad and all as it was during the wedding the fury that it sparked in my family when we watched the video back a couple of days later was something else.

Now OP does that make you feel better

:D:D

BravoMike · 16-03-2010 11:12PM

My mistake

17-03-2010 12:52AM

What a horrible old hag! Reading your story made me appreciate my OH's parents who are lovely and have told me several times they'd be proud to have me as part of the family. It must be so hard to have a MIL making nasty comments. I agree with other posters that you should say nothing - starting an argument won't help anything. The best thing to do is to be as polite and nice as possible to his parents so they have no reason to tell him or anyone else that you're rude or ill mannered.

MeerKat17 · 21-03-2010 04:30AM

Mother-in-law's eh?! Who needs them?! More trouble than their worth....

MY BF's mother has short term memory loss, and is the biggest nag in the universe as well as the nosiest person you are ever likely to meet; which means she will completely intrude on all aspects of my life, nag me about everything cause I can do nothing right, and then forget the entire conversation and it starts all over again....
Drives me mad!

Why couldn't she just bite her tongue?

Comments