Friends with the opposite sex

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 02:08PM #1

Anytime I go into Personal Issues, it's loaded with threads about people who either have or want to hook up with their "best friend" who is a member of the opposite sex. So do you think it's possible to have a completely platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex that you find attractive? I haven't many female friends, and only one in particular that I would consider a really good friend, but she's not attractive enough for me to want to sleep with her or go out with her, I'd imagine things would be different if I thought otherwise, but we have snogged each other drunk a couple of times in years gone by. So do you really think you can have a friendship with the other sex 100% the same as you'd have with same sex? I don't, but that's only from my experience. Your thoughts?

Coriolanus · 15-01-2010 02:09PM

It is possible for adults.

AnonoBoy · 15-01-2010 02:13PM

I have friends of the opposite sex with no drunken problems or fumblings.

I don't know how they do it though, I'm stunningly attractive.

Lillylilly · 15-01-2010 02:16PM

It is absolutely possible. I have a few very good male friends. I have never found them attractive or wanted to be with them- they're just friends, same as my female friends!

thebiglad · 15-01-2010 02:17PM

I have many friends of opposite sex including 1 going back many years whom I would consider amongst my best friends. Never had a problem with this.

I grew up in England and went to a mixed school - I believe that this slightly adjusts your view on the matter.

My wife took a while to adjust to the idea though.

InKonspikuou2 · 15-01-2010 02:20PM

I only really have platonic relationships with my female friends that i've slept with over the years. All been drunken one night affairs with some repeat performances a few months or years later. It's like i can be more relaxed around them knowing that we've both seen each other in the nip.

Proto · 15-01-2010 02:28PM

Lillylilly wrote: »

It is absolutely possible. I have a few very good male friends. I have never found them attractive or wanted to be with them- they're just friends, same as my female friends!

Thing is they probably want to "bone you"

antodeco · 15-01-2010 02:28PM

I would say 90% of my friends are female. Around 20% of them are human.

Lux23 · 15-01-2010 02:31PM

Alot of male friends would have girlfriends so on the whole I just never think of them like that. So it is possible.

bugler · 15-01-2010 02:35PM

Girls think it's a great idea, because they're not men and don't understand us.

There is a word for a man who has platonic only female friends...what is it again...oh yeah: "homosexual".

We will screw you if given half a chance (assuming you're attractive). If you're not attractive, we still might screw you if we're drunk/horny/vulnerable enough.

It's not that we don't like you as people, or think you're wonderful, and intelligent and smart. It's just that we have an over-riding, hard-coded desire to put our penises in you. And while we can ignore it, or restrain it, it probably is only the lack of the opportunity that means we won't do it. If you think that this denial of biological desire is friendship, then yes we can be friends. Just don't be surprised when you wake up in the morning and your "friend" who slept in the bed beside you because you're so close in a platonic sense-like is poking you with an erection you could herd goats with.

If you are a man and you disagree with me, please consult your GP. You are probably a homosexual.

Kiera · 15-01-2010 02:36PM

Of course it can work. One of my best mates is a guy and we've been best mates for 25 years and have never crossed the line. I see him as a girl and he sees me as a guy.

Lillylilly · 15-01-2010 02:37PM

Proto wrote: »

Thing is they probably want to "bone you"

Haha, not so much!! I think when you first become friends with a member of the opposite sex, there can be that unsure feeling of "what is this?" cos we're so used to being told boys and girls can't be friends. When you pass through that phase, it's great. It's really good to have that insight into the opposite sex through someone who can honestly tell you.

One of my best friends is a bloke and he will be my best man when I marry my boy! My boy is cool with it cos he knows how much I love and appreciate my mate!

Also, my boy has loads of really close girl friends. I think that's why we have a mutual understanding- we both know it's possible to just be friends!

It wasn't me! · 15-01-2010 02:43PM

Platonic is about what you do, not necessarily how you feel, to my mind. Even if you do like the person, if they're not single, you keep your damn mouth shut and don't let on.

Also, your demographic is skewed. You don't get people coming on PI (that I've seen anyway) saying "Hi, my best friend's a woman, but I don't really want to shag her. I know this is weird so what can I do?"

dvpower · 15-01-2010 02:45PM

This question was extensively dealt with in this documentary.

Elessar · 15-01-2010 02:48PM

Only if neither of you are attracted to each other.

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 02:56PM

Kiera wrote: »

he sees me as a guy.

You might want to girly up your wardrobe or something!

Jesus Wept · 15-01-2010 03:04PM

Ladder theory.

Kiera · 15-01-2010 03:09PM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

You might want to girly up your wardrobe or something!

Nah the wardrobe is girlie, i think it might be the ronnie tho....:o

bonerm · 15-01-2010 03:09PM

InKonspikuou2 wrote: »

I only really have platonic relationships with my female friends that i've slept with over the years. All been drunken one night affairs with some repeat performances a few months or years later. It's like i can be more relaxed around them knowing that we've both seen each other in the nip.

Presumably you also do the same with all your male friends in the interests of relaxation.

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 03:10PM

bonerm wrote: »

Presumably you also do the same with all your male friends in the interests of relaxation.

That's what I mean, people go on about them being one of the guys etc but they've slept with them in the past. I don't go sleeping with my male friends often.

AnonoBoy · 15-01-2010 03:14PM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I don't go sleeping with my male friends often.

Freudian Slip there?

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 03:18PM

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Freudian Slip there?

only if we're REALLY drunk

AnonoBoy · 15-01-2010 03:20PM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

only if we're REALLY drunk

Well played Sir.

Prof.Badass · 15-01-2010 03:23PM

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Anytime I go into Personal Issues, it's loaded with threads about people who either have or want to hook up with their "best friend" who is a member of the opposite sex. So do you think it's possible to have a completely platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex that you find attractive? I haven't many female friends, and only one in particular that I would consider a really good friend, but she's not attractive enough for me to want to sleep with her or go out with her, I'd imagine things would be different if I thought otherwise, but we have snogged each other drunk a couple of times in years gone by. So do you really think you can have a friendship with the other sex 100% the same as you'd have with same sex? I don't, but that's only from my experience. Your thoughts?

I think you can be friends in the sense of "they're in my top 10/20 etc." but i don't really think two heterosexual people of opposite sexes can be best mates without biology kicking in and those feelings growing untill they become something else.

If they are not attractive enough for you I don't think you would allow yourself to get this close to them for fear of sending them the wrong message.

Interestingly enough, I remember reading somewhere that relationships between people who were friends first have a higher success rate (I'm guessing because you already know them well so there's no surprises). I think having a short period of increasing friendship is a more natural way of starting a relationship than setting a sexual tone right from the beginning and then waiting for feelings to develop.

The Chessplayer · 15-01-2010 03:28PM

Yes it's possible and if you've been friends with them for years, then you're not likely to even see them as a potential target.

_ZeeK_ · 15-01-2010 03:30PM

well if you were to say no...

by the same logic (i.e., possibility of finding them attractive), a bisexual could have no friends at all.

Rev. Kitchen · 15-01-2010 03:31PM

Why would i want to be friends with a girl ? they smell

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 03:35PM

_ZeeK_ wrote: »

well if you were to say no...

by the same logic (i.e., possibility of finding them attractive), a bisexual could have no friends at all.

they don't deserve friends, they're greedy

minidazzler · 15-01-2010 03:42PM

Kiera wrote: »

Of course it can work. One of my best mates is a guy and we've been best mates for 25 years and have never crossed the line. I see him as a girl and he sees me as a guy.

Wow, you're over 25? Wasn't expecting that.

Hmmm, I do think there can be a very strong friendship between two people of the opposite sex, like Kiera's is, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't fcuk each other if given the chance.

I like to use http://laddertheory.com/ for explanations of these things.

Kiera · 15-01-2010 03:54PM

minidazzler wrote: »

Wow, you're over 25? Wasn't expecting that.

Hmmm, I do think there can be a very strong friendship between two people of the opposite sex, like Kiera's is, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't fcuk each other if given the chance.

I like to use http://laddertheory.com/ for explanations of these things.

Yup i'm durty 30

InKonspikuou2 · 15-01-2010 04:37PM

bonerm wrote: »

Presumably you also do the same with all your male friends in the interests of relaxation.

No. Just head.

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

That's what I mean, people go on about them being one of the guys etc but they've slept with them in the past. I don't go sleeping with my male friends often.

Ah i see. So you just sleep with your male friends now and then.

Anyways i don't see them as one of the guys just because i've slept with them. Why would i? It just means i can talk to them without any of that stupid flirting or sexual tension bullshít that i see existing between some of my friends for years. While they are dancing around it i've already danced on it and stomped it into the fúcking ground. They try side with everything the girl says and be nice and stuff. Whereas i seem to be able to have proper conversations and debates with the girls i've slept with. Yes there are girls i have not been with that i get on great with and vice versa. But for the most part the above has been true for me.

Chris Rock said it best. Men don't have plantonic friends. They just have women we haven't fúcked yet.

Friends with the opposite sex

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