Friends with the opposite sex

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 1:08pm #1

Anytime I go into Personal Issues, it's loaded with threads about people who either have or want to hook up with their "best friend" who is a member of the opposite sex. So do you think it's possible to have a completely platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex that you find attractive? I haven't many female friends, and only one in particular that I would consider a really good friend, but she's not attractive enough for me to want to sleep with her or go out with her, I'd imagine things would be different if I thought otherwise, but we have snogged each other drunk a couple of times in years gone by. So do you really think you can have a friendship with the other sex 100% the same as you'd have with same sex? I don't, but that's only from my experience. Your thoughts?

Coriolanus · 15-01-2010 1:09pm

It is possible for adults.

AnonoBoy · 15-01-2010 1:13pm

I have friends of the opposite sex with no drunken problems or fumblings.

I don't know how they do it though, I'm stunningly attractive.

Lillylilly · 15-01-2010 1:16pm

It is absolutely possible. I have a few very good male friends. I have never found them attractive or wanted to be with them- they're just friends, same as my female friends!

thebiglad · 15-01-2010 1:17pm

I have many friends of opposite sex including 1 going back many years whom I would consider amongst my best friends. Never had a problem with this.

I grew up in England and went to a mixed school - I believe that this slightly adjusts your view on the matter.

My wife took a while to adjust to the idea though.

InKonspikuou2 · 15-01-2010 1:20pm

I only really have platonic relationships with my female friends that i've slept with over the years. All been drunken one night affairs with some repeat performances a few months or years later. It's like i can be more relaxed around them knowing that we've both seen each other in the nip.

Proto · 15-01-2010 1:28pm

Lillylilly wrote: »

It is absolutely possible. I have a few very good male friends. I have never found them attractive or wanted to be with them- they're just friends, same as my female friends!

Thing is they probably want to "bone you"

antodeco · 15-01-2010 1:28pm

I would say 90% of my friends are female. Around 20% of them are human.

Lux23 · 15-01-2010 1:31pm

Alot of male friends would have girlfriends so on the whole I just never think of them like that. So it is possible.

bugler · 15-01-2010 1:35pm

Girls think it's a great idea, because they're not men and don't understand us.

There is a word for a man who has platonic only female friends...what is it again...oh yeah: "homosexual".

We will screw you if given half a chance (assuming you're attractive). If you're not attractive, we still might screw you if we're drunk/horny/vulnerable enough.

It's not that we don't like you as people, or think you're wonderful, and intelligent and smart. It's just that we have an over-riding, hard-coded desire to put our penises in you. And while we can ignore it, or restrain it, it probably is only the lack of the opportunity that means we won't do it. If you think that this denial of biological desire is friendship, then yes we can be friends. Just don't be surprised when you wake up in the morning and your "friend" who slept in the bed beside you because you're so close in a platonic sense-like is poking you with an erection you could herd goats with.

If you are a man and you disagree with me, please consult your GP. You are probably a homosexual.

Kiera · 15-01-2010 1:36pm

Of course it can work. One of my best mates is a guy and we've been best mates for 25 years and have never crossed the line. I see him as a girl and he sees me as a guy.

Lillylilly · 15-01-2010 1:37pm

Proto wrote: »

Thing is they probably want to "bone you"

Haha, not so much!! I think when you first become friends with a member of the opposite sex, there can be that unsure feeling of "what is this?" cos we're so used to being told boys and girls can't be friends. When you pass through that phase, it's great. It's really good to have that insight into the opposite sex through someone who can honestly tell you.

One of my best friends is a bloke and he will be my best man when I marry my boy! My boy is cool with it cos he knows how much I love and appreciate my mate!

Also, my boy has loads of really close girl friends. I think that's why we have a mutual understanding- we both know it's possible to just be friends!

It wasn't me! · 15-01-2010 1:43pm

Platonic is about what you do, not necessarily how you feel, to my mind. Even if you do like the person, if they're not single, you keep your damn mouth shut and don't let on.

Also, your demographic is skewed. You don't get people coming on PI (that I've seen anyway) saying "Hi, my best friend's a woman, but I don't really want to shag her. I know this is weird so what can I do?"

dvpower · 15-01-2010 1:45pm

This question was extensively dealt with in this documentary.

Elessar · 15-01-2010 1:48pm

Only if neither of you are attracted to each other.

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 1:56pm

Kiera wrote: »

he sees me as a guy.

You might want to girly up your wardrobe or something!

Jesus Wept · 15-01-2010 2:04pm

Ladder theory.

Kiera · 15-01-2010 2:09pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

You might want to girly up your wardrobe or something!

Nah the wardrobe is girlie, i think it might be the ronnie tho....:o

bonerm · 15-01-2010 2:09pm

InKonspikuou2 wrote: »

I only really have platonic relationships with my female friends that i've slept with over the years. All been drunken one night affairs with some repeat performances a few months or years later. It's like i can be more relaxed around them knowing that we've both seen each other in the nip.

Presumably you also do the same with all your male friends in the interests of relaxation.

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 2:10pm

bonerm wrote: »

Presumably you also do the same with all your male friends in the interests of relaxation.

That's what I mean, people go on about them being one of the guys etc but they've slept with them in the past. I don't go sleeping with my male friends often.

AnonoBoy · 15-01-2010 2:14pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I don't go sleeping with my male friends often.

Freudian Slip there?

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 2:18pm

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Freudian Slip there?

only if we're REALLY drunk

AnonoBoy · 15-01-2010 2:20pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

only if we're REALLY drunk

Well played Sir.

Prof.Badass · 15-01-2010 2:23pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Anytime I go into Personal Issues, it's loaded with threads about people who either have or want to hook up with their "best friend" who is a member of the opposite sex. So do you think it's possible to have a completely platonic relationship with a member of the opposite sex that you find attractive? I haven't many female friends, and only one in particular that I would consider a really good friend, but she's not attractive enough for me to want to sleep with her or go out with her, I'd imagine things would be different if I thought otherwise, but we have snogged each other drunk a couple of times in years gone by. So do you really think you can have a friendship with the other sex 100% the same as you'd have with same sex? I don't, but that's only from my experience. Your thoughts?

I think you can be friends in the sense of "they're in my top 10/20 etc." but i don't really think two heterosexual people of opposite sexes can be best mates without biology kicking in and those feelings growing untill they become something else.

If they are not attractive enough for you I don't think you would allow yourself to get this close to them for fear of sending them the wrong message.

Interestingly enough, I remember reading somewhere that relationships between people who were friends first have a higher success rate (I'm guessing because you already know them well so there's no surprises). I think having a short period of increasing friendship is a more natural way of starting a relationship than setting a sexual tone right from the beginning and then waiting for feelings to develop.

The Chessplayer · 15-01-2010 2:28pm

Yes it's possible and if you've been friends with them for years, then you're not likely to even see them as a potential target.

_ZeeK_ · 15-01-2010 2:30pm

well if you were to say no...

by the same logic (i.e., possibility of finding them attractive), a bisexual could have no friends at all.

Rev. Kitchen · 15-01-2010 2:31pm

Why would i want to be friends with a girl ? they smell

BraziliaNZ · 15-01-2010 2:35pm

_ZeeK_ wrote: »

well if you were to say no...

by the same logic (i.e., possibility of finding them attractive), a bisexual could have no friends at all.

they don't deserve friends, they're greedy

minidazzler · 15-01-2010 2:42pm

Kiera wrote: »

Of course it can work. One of my best mates is a guy and we've been best mates for 25 years and have never crossed the line. I see him as a girl and he sees me as a guy.

Wow, you're over 25? Wasn't expecting that.

Hmmm, I do think there can be a very strong friendship between two people of the opposite sex, like Kiera's is, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't fcuk each other if given the chance.

I like to use http://laddertheory.com/ for explanations of these things.

Kiera · 15-01-2010 2:54pm

minidazzler wrote: »

Wow, you're over 25? Wasn't expecting that.

Hmmm, I do think there can be a very strong friendship between two people of the opposite sex, like Kiera's is, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't fcuk each other if given the chance.

I like to use http://laddertheory.com/ for explanations of these things.

Yup i'm durty 30

InKonspikuou2 · 15-01-2010 3:37pm

bonerm wrote: »

Presumably you also do the same with all your male friends in the interests of relaxation.

No. Just head.

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

That's what I mean, people go on about them being one of the guys etc but they've slept with them in the past. I don't go sleeping with my male friends often.

Ah i see. So you just sleep with your male friends now and then.

Anyways i don't see them as one of the guys just because i've slept with them. Why would i? It just means i can talk to them without any of that stupid flirting or sexual tension bullshít that i see existing between some of my friends for years. While they are dancing around it i've already danced on it and stomped it into the fúcking ground. They try side with everything the girl says and be nice and stuff. Whereas i seem to be able to have proper conversations and debates with the girls i've slept with. Yes there are girls i have not been with that i get on great with and vice versa. But for the most part the above has been true for me.

Chris Rock said it best. Men don't have plantonic friends. They just have women we haven't fúcked yet.

Mike 1972 · 15-01-2010 3:39pm

Nevore wrote: »

It is possible for adults.

Even Hetrosexual adults

orourkeda · 15-01-2010 4:07pm

dvpower wrote: »

This question was extensively dealt with in this documentary.

I also found this documentary to ber most insightful

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077415/

bonerm · 15-01-2010 4:14pm

InKonspikuou2 wrote: »

No. Just head.

Spit, swallow or gargle?

Fracture · 15-01-2010 4:26pm

Here is an example of what it is for me, put it like this....imagine you have a good friend, who is of the opposite sex, you both think your good friends and you head out for a night on the beer with a few other friends, and say your friend (which was a girl in my case) score some lad at the bar, when you see it your just like "wtf" or get a bit uneasy with what your seeing. Its then that you realise you might have some feelings for her which never crossed your mind before. Now, if your a lad and one of your lad friends scores some girl your like sweet! so it different........for me anyway.

okioffice84 · 15-01-2010 4:31pm

bugler wrote: »

Girls think it's a great idea, because they're not men and don't understand us.

There is a word for a man who has platonic only female friends...what is it again...oh yeah: "homosexual".

We will screw you if given half a chance (assuming you're attractive). If you're not attractive, we still might screw you if we're drunk/horny/vulnerable enough.

It's not that we don't like you as people, or think you're wonderful, and intelligent and smart. It's just that we have an over-riding, hard-coded desire to put our penises in you. And while we can ignore it, or restrain it, it probably is only the lack of the opportunity that means we won't do it. If you think that this denial of biological desire is friendship, then yes we can be friends. Just don't be surprised when you wake up in the morning and your "friend" who slept in the bed beside you because you're so close in a platonic sense-like is poking you with an erection you could herd goats with.

If you are a man and you disagree with me, please consult your GP. You are probably a homosexual.

+1
At the very least ladies; that male 'friend' has had an auld **** while thinking about you. Fact.

orourkeda · 15-01-2010 4:34pm

Isn't contradictory and ironic. We're friends with the person we're banging but not supposed to be banging our friends

General Zod · 15-01-2010 4:36pm

Kiera wrote: »

Yup i'm durty

Stopped reading there.

Mike 1972 · 15-01-2010 4:41pm

Is it possible for a Bisexual person to be "just friends" with anyone FFS

brummytom · 15-01-2010 4:54pm

I'm mates with a few girls. Some of them, yes, because I want to ride them; but some of them just because I get on well with them, and can talk to them more openly than I could to a male mate.

It's slightly immature to assume relationships with the opposite sex can't be platonic.
I was texting a girl on the coach home the other night, the lad next to me said "Texting your girllllfrrriend?" "No, just a mate" "Yeaaah sure". That's the mindset of a 5 year old FFS

Chucky the tree · 15-01-2010 5:07pm

brummytom wrote: »

I'm mates with a few girls. Some of them, yes, because I want to ride them; but some of them just because I get on well with them, and can talk to them more openly than I could to a male mate.

It's slightly immature to assume relationships with the opposite sex can't be platonic.
I was texting a girl on the coach home the other night, the lad next to me said "Texting your girllllfrrriend?" "No, just a mate" "Yeaaah sure". That's the mindset of a 5 year old FFS

You put kisses at the end of your texts to you male mates, putting you into the homosexual category tbh. I'd hazard a guess that the ones you wouldn't ride are the ugly ones. Not only that but I'm sure if you were drunk and went of them made a move on you and one of them started heading down south you wouldn't stop her either. It's still possible to be friends, but there's no way a friendship between a straight guy and a girl is anything close to a friendship between two straight guys.

genericguy · 15-01-2010 5:28pm

Kiera wrote: »

Of course it can work. One of my best mates is a guy and we've been best mates for 25 years and have never crossed the line. I see him as a girl and he sees me as a guy target

fyp

genericguy · 15-01-2010 5:34pm

vinylmesh wrote: »

I think you can be friends in the sense of "they're in my top 10/20 etc." but i don't really think two heterosexual people of opposite sexes can be best mates without biology kicking in and those feelings growing untill they become something else.

If they are not attractive enough for you I don't think you would allow yourself to get this close to them for fear of sending them the wrong message.

Interestingly enough, I remember reading somewhere that relationships between people who were friends first have a higher success rate (I'm guessing because you already know them well so there's no surprises). I think having a short period of increasing friendship is a more natural way of starting a relationship than setting a sexual tone right from the beginning and then waiting for feelings to develop.

i sort of agree with this. i was friendly with genericgal for a good while before we actually started going out. however, i was only friendly with her because she's good looking, and I wanted to ride her. It's possible to be civil and polite with women, and get along with them to some extent. but I wholeheartedly believe that any guys who hang out with women are purely waiting for the opportunity to have sex.

i can't see any man meeting a girl for a platonic game of snooker, to watch a platonic movie or to go for a platonic walk in the park together. it doesn't happen.

rubensni · 15-01-2010 5:39pm

bugler wrote: »

If you are a man and you disagree with me, please consult your GP. You are probably a homosexual.

So GPs can "cure" gays then? Didn't know Iris Robinson posted on here!!!

Wibbs · 15-01-2010 5:44pm

Yep I have a couple of women mates that nothing has or would ever happen in the jiggy jiggy sense. A couple are good looking, but they just dont do it for me. If we were stuck on a desert island maybe, but even then it would be like sleeping with a sister.

genericguy · 15-01-2010 5:46pm

rubensni wrote: »

So GPs can "cure" gays then? Didn't know Iris Robinson posted on here!!!

i'd say talking can, because gays are made, not born.

admiralofthefleet · 15-01-2010 5:48pm

i have some very close friends that are female, one of them posts here kazzy_09. she is like the sister i never had

AnonoBoy · 15-01-2010 5:49pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep I have a couple of women mates that nothing has or would ever happen in the jiggy jiggy sense. A couple are good looking, but they just dont do it for me. If we were stuck on a desert island maybe, but even then it would be like sleeping with a sister.

So you'd sleep with your sister if you were on a desert island?

Jaysus! Family holidays must have been odd round your way Wibbs.

WanderingSoul · 15-01-2010 5:56pm

Definitely possible.

unreggd · 15-01-2010 6:28pm

genericguy wrote: »

gays are made, not born.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

R0ot · 15-01-2010 6:31pm

Nevore wrote: »

It is possible for adults.

No it really isn't mate. Well not the legal definition of adults anyway.

Friends with the opposite sex

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