Why are most straight men seemingly repulsed with the thought of kissing another man?

pickarooney · 31-12-2009 10:33AM

Wibbs wrote: »

*nobody pull the ageist card either. The vast majority of 15 yr olds wouldnt want to snog perfectly attractive 35 yr olds, so thats a non starter.

I just had to respond as in all my years on boards I've never seen Wibbs say anything so completely untrue!

Wibbs · 31-12-2009 11:46AM

Ahh you know what I mean

.

Dragan · 31-12-2009 11:56AM

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Would you not have any curiousity as to why it makes you nauseous? Is it the product of societal conditioning or is it biological? Why don't women seem to share this repulsion of kissing another of their sex?

No apology is required. I'm not preaching from a high horse with this thread. I'm not saying it's necessarily wrong to feel this way. If I've written in a provocative manner, I apolgise, but I feel some of the responses here have been very unnecessarily defensive.

@Dragan
You draw a parallel with eating one's one poo. The point of this thread is to explore why this is a valid parallel in the minds of many men. Why would a member of the opposite sex coming on to you be as bad as eating poo, as opposed to, I dunno, eating some food you kinda disliked?

I didn't draw a parallel between kissing a member of the same sex and eating your own poo, I made a parallel between the look on someone faces if it was implied they should be physically intimate with someone they are NOT ATTRACTED TOO and the look on their face if you mentioned eating poo. I then said it would be one of distate. Don't get hung up on the metaphor as a point.

Ask any one to pick out the least attractive person they can see, and ask them would they kiss them. Largely the same response as you would get asking some to eat there own poo. One of distaste.

I also never mentioned ANYTHING about a member of the opposite sex coming on to someone. I made my point pretty plainly i think and my point is this....

I don't have to feel attracted to everyone because it's now the "done" thing to be open and accepting. People can live how they choose to live very happily, I am entitled to live how i live very happily. I am not attracted to blokes in any way ( there is no one in the world who can convince me that blokes are anything other than default ugly ) in much the same way as i am not attracted to many, many women so why should i feel anything other than distaste at the thought of physical intimacy with someone i am not attracted to?

Why would should anyone feel anything other than distaste at the thought? Who exactly do we need to try and make feel better in our responses?

I know plenty of women who find lesbianism to be something they would never experiment with, they would never kiss another girl, nor would they entertain thoughts of sexual activity with a girl....because they are not attracted to girls.

Since when did having a few party lesbians knocking around pubs kissing their mates for kicks mean that all girls are comfortable with it?

What i want to know is why the implication that not wanting to **** a guy means i am not cool with other people wanting to do it? Why reach beyond the simplistic answer of "sexual attraction is what it is"?

Honestly, it's not that complicated....it just seems cool to make it so.

Herbal Deity · 31-12-2009 01:53PM

Dude, you're jumping to way too many conclusions about the meaning and motives behind my posts.

Distaste is one thing, complete and utter repulsion is another. Surely if you read the second post I made in this thread you'd realise that this has absolutely NOTHING to do with me saying guys should be attracted in any way to other guys. Why does the idea of homosexual relations seem to repluse men to the point of nausea, to the point of fear, as opposed to a simple distaste?

(maybe it applies to women and to homosexuals in the case of hetrosexual relations, I don't know, IME it applies to men though)

Wibbs · 31-12-2009 02:04PM

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Why does the idea of homosexual relations seem to repluse men to the point of nausea, to the point of fear, as opposed to a simple distaste?

Dunno about fear, not personally anyway. Distast bordering on eeew would some it up for me anyway. Then again like I said on the AH thread, two women getting it on does noting for me. Less distaste of course, but that's down to me being sexually attracted to women I suppose.

Dragan · 31-12-2009 02:13PM

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Dude, you're jumping to way too many conclusions about the meaning and motives behind my posts.

Distaste is one thing, complete and utter repulsion is another. Surely if you read the second post I made in this thread you'd realise that this has absolutely NOTHING to do with me saying guys should be attracted in any way to other guys. Why does the idea of homosexual relations seem to repluse men to the point of nausea, to the point of fear, as opposed to a simple distaste?

(maybe it applies to women and to homosexuals in the case of hetrosexual relations, I don't know, IME it applies to men though)

If it helps, the idea of ****ing an chick i find unattractive is pretty repulsive too.

Goduznt Xzst · 31-12-2009 03:09PM

Dragan wrote: »

What a silly thread.

Dragan wrote: »

Which is, frankly, bollix.

Dragan wrote: »

Honestly, it's not that complicated....it just seems cool to make it so.

You seem to end a lot of your posts like this in this thread. As if trying to undermine everyone else's opinion on the matter by demeaning the topic entirely. This is not the case and it is a rather petty tactic. It is possible for a subject to have more facets and meaning than you are currently aware of.

Further, like Herbal Deity, I find it odd that you would liken the expression on your face to being intimate with a man to that of eating feces. This shows a base disgust. Even the symbolism of comparing the two is odd.

Very few things would evoke such an expression from me. A dead body, rotting flesh, mold and fungus encrusted food, you know, things instinctively that I know may be damaging to me existence... but an action of affection from the same sex? Never.

I'd turn the approach away as I'd turn away a cup of instant coffee instead of freshly ground. As something which is not to my liking, but not necessarily disgusting.

Can I ask though, would the sight of 2 men kissing evoke the same reactionary response? If a film features large amounts of homosexuality will you watch it?

Dragan · 31-12-2009 03:27PM

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

You seem to end a lot of your posts like this in this thread. As if trying to undermine everyone else's opinion on the matter by demeaning the topic entirely. This is not the case and it is a rather petty tactic. It is possible for a subject to have more facets and meaning than you are currently aware of.

Further, like Herbal Deity, I find it odd that you would liken the expression on your face to being intimate with a man to that of eating feces. This shows a base disgust. Even the symbolism of comparing the two is odd.

Very few things would evoke such an expression from me. A dead body, rotting flesh, mold and fungus encrusted food, you know, things instinctively that I know may be damaging to me existence... but an action of affection from the same sex? Never.

I'd turn the approach away as I'd turn away a cup of instant coffee instead of freshly ground. As something which is not to my liking, but not necessarily disgusting.

Can I ask though, would the sight of 2 men kissing evoke the same reactionary response? If a film features large amounts of homosexuality will you watch it?

I finish a lot of my posts on message boards that way. It's normally a way of distinguishing my finishing sentence from the body of my posts. I'm not trying to undermine anyone, i don't feel the need. Is it wrong of me to express my opinion that the subject is a basic non starter, or that i think the OP worded his posts in a manner I disagreed with? Or that i think it's not a leap at all that should be made, as men and women, gay and straight, all act with distaste at the thought of intimacy with someone they are not attracted to?

Interesting turn around on the "attempts to undermine" as well, generally speaking pointing out behaviour in another that you then replicate yourself is pretty funny. So thanks for the lulz.:D

This is not the case and it is a rather petty tactic. It is possible for a subject to have more facets and meaning than you are currently aware of.

Secondly, i already stated my poo comment was made outside of the bounds of a persons sex, and within the bounds of a persons attractiveness, people seem to be finding this hard to grasp, even though i thought i was pretty obvious about that? Especially the second time i went over the point.

Go back and reread the posts if you need to, I was talking about sexual attraction, not man on man action. I even explored my point further by stating i would also find the idea of sex with a woman who i found unattractive to appeal to me in the same manner...that is to say, not at all.

I don't give a flying crap about two men kissing, two women kissing, a man and a woman kissing....once any of them don't start going overboard on things i am all about signs of affection between people who love each other or find each other attractive.

With regards to a film having lots of homosexuality...it really all depends about what the rest of the film is about. Two gay superhero's kicking the crap out of bad guys? I'd most likely watch it ( I didn't watch Dare Devil, which had one gay superhero though ). If John McClean was gay, would he still be so bad ass? Sure he would, the 4th film would still have sucked though.

Threesome was a good movie, if you have ever seen it. I thought the complex emotions developing between the two male leads was pretty well done.

But this is exactly my point.....why does the fact that i am not down with dudes mean i might be homophobic...as that is largely what you are poking at.

Herbal Deity · 31-12-2009 03:34PM

Dragan wrote: »

But this is exactly my point.....why does the fact that i am not down with dudes mean i might be homophobic...as that is largely what you are poking at.

But it's not... If you think that then you're missing the point of the topic...

I didn't post to accuse people of homophobia or to provoke a reaction, I posted to evoke a discussion on the matter. I feel your posts have been exceedingly defensive and I don't know why.

Dragan · 31-12-2009 03:54PM

Herbal Deity wrote: »

But it's not... If you think that then you're missing the point of the topic...

I didn't post to accuse people of homophobia or to provoke a reaction, I posted to evoke a discussion on the matter. I feel your posts have been exceedingly defensive and I don't know why.

Because of the sweeping generalisations about males and females in your posts basically.

"but what is it about fear of sexual relations with another man that makes is so pervasive amongst men?"

"Why don't women seem to share this repulsion of kissing another of their sex?"

Basically, if you posted the a similar post in the Ladies Lounge, or on the Gay and Bisexual forum they would be struck down in a wave of posts saying "It has nothing to do with they fact that they are X, it's about me not being attracted to them" and it would be accepted. Yet, in here, apparently i am missing the point?

I am not missing the point, i understand EXACTLY what you are saying, i just happen to think it's

a) a rubbish point
b) Overblown because it's seen as "okay" to do that with regard to straight men.

That it, we can go in swings and roundabouts all day but basically i disagree with you. It happens.

Herbal Deity · 31-12-2009 04:19PM

Dragan wrote: »

Basically, if you posted the a similar post in the Ladies Lounge, or on the Gay and Bisexual forum they would be struck down in a wave of posts saying "It has nothing to do with they fact that they are X, it's about me not being attracted to them" and it would be accepted. Yet, in here, apparently i am missing the point?

You are missing the point because it's not about not being attracted to them, it's about being repulsed by the idea.

not being attracted to something != being repulsed by something

Broaden it to include ugly females if you like. The idea of kissing/fucking an ugly woman seems distasteful, but doesn't seem completely repulsive to me. It's just not something I would want to do.

Goduznt Xzst · 31-12-2009 04:30PM

Dragan wrote: »

Interesting turn around on the "attempts to undermine" as well, generally speaking pointing out behaviour in another that you then replicate yourself is pretty funny. So thanks for the lulz.:D

Well you'd be incorrect. You where demeaning the topic, I was arguing in regards to your posts. It is fully possible that my opinion is also wrong and I am, likewise, not fully aware of all the facets of the subject we are discussing, so to decide whether a topic is relevant or not is neither for you nor I to decide.

Consistently belittling the topic is petty and insulting to anyone who feels they have an opinion that may add depth to the discussion.

Dragan wrote: »

Secondly, i already stated my poo comment was made outside of the bounds of a persons sex, and within the bounds of a persons attractiveness, people seem to be finding this hard to grasp, even though i thought i was pretty obvious about that? Especially the second time i went over the point.

Yes I know, I read all of that. My point was on the oddity of bringing up feces at all as a symbolic comparison. Perhaps you just show an inordinate amount of disgust at a persons physical attractiveness.

Dragan wrote: »

why does the fact that i am not down with dudes mean i might be homophobic...as that is largely what you are poking at.

Em.. nobody is even hinting that you are. I am just trying to keep the lines of discussion on the subject open. I'm just curious as to how these opinions formed for you. Why all males are equal in aesthetics as a female you find repulsively ugly.

Dr Galen · 31-12-2009 04:33PM

i'm sure what your trying to get at Herbal?

Something doesn't repulse you, but it repulses another person. I fail to see the big deal or point here?

My wife loves octopus, i find it repulsive. Simplfying the point a bit, but its the same emotions as such. No big deal.

I don't find the though of kissing another man repulsive. I don't find it appealing though. In fact, its not something that enters into my head, as although I can appreciate the fact that a man might be handsome, I don't see them as attractive or unattractive. For the record, I've found myself repulsed by the thought of having relations with certain females. So how does that fit into your analogies and points?

I think your spiltting hairs and arguing semantics here tbh esp with relation to what Dragan is saying

the_syco · 31-12-2009 04:49PM

I like killing people in video games. Knifing them, shooting them in the head, or just running them over in a car, all fun.

OP: why are most peace loving people repulsed by this violence?

Herbal Deity · 31-12-2009 04:58PM

There's no big deal.

IME, the thought of homosexual relations seems to repulse many hetrosexual men.

If the thought of octopodes seemed to repulse many men, then maybe I'd start a topic about that.

I don't know why this is being dismissed. It's like going into the GP thread and saying "some people think GPs have a point and others don't, what's the big deal?".

Make an argument that makes my points seem ridiculous, convince me that it's all in my head or that I'm unfairly generalising. There's absolutely nothing worthwhile about coming into a thread, getting defensive, twisting what I've said and vaguely dismissing the topic as stupid.

Herbal Deity · 31-12-2009 05:04PM

the_syco wrote: »

I like killing people in video games. Knifing them, shooting them in the head, or just running them over in a car, all fun.

OP: why are most peace loving people repulsed by this violence?

IME most people aren't repulsed by videogame violence. Some people might be repulsed by videogame violence because of the similarities it bears to actual violence, which is almost universally repulsed because it harms people. It would be interesting to investigate the pychology behind this and see if there is a distinctive psychological trait in those who are repulsed by videogame violence, perhaps causing them to have more difficulty separating fantasy from reality than others.

Consensual sexual relations, however, cause no direct harm to anyone, so why repulsion would be felt at the idea of certain sexual encounters is an interesting topic for discussion.

KamiKazi · 31-12-2009 05:11PM

Why are the north poles of magnets so repulsed by the north poles of other magnets?:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Wompa1 · 31-12-2009 05:20PM

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I'm a straight man who's kissed men before. I always figured I should support my beliefs and so, in supporting homosexuality, made the choice to experience it to quash any remnants of the homophobia that's been embedded in my subconscious by a predominantly homophobic society (particularly living in Ireland) since I was young. The world is moving in the right direction now and so I forced myself in that direction as well. I'd never be interested in a sexual relationship with another man or anything like that cos, well I really love bewbs and feefees.... But I'm certainly not afraid or repulsed by 'dem bleedin gayz'..!

I appreciate the senitment of what you were trying to acheive but for me and I'm sure alot of others guys on here. I'm not attracted to men, I'm not curious for the sake of having more of an understanding. I heard Russell Brand say he tried to just to just to experience it and have more of an appreciation for it.

But how could you be with someone your not attracted to?...at least ugly girls still have the bits and peices that would attract you...but guys just don't have anything I want..meh to each his own I guess

Red Hand · 31-12-2009 05:20PM

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Consensual sexual relations, however, cause no direct harm to anyone, so why repulsion would be felt at the idea of certain sexual encounters is an interesting topic for discussion.

Well, other people may do what they like and it is consensual for them, and I have no problem with them doing whatever.

Am I not allowed to not be attracted to certain people and yeah, even allowed to be repulsed at the idea of kissing someone I don't like?

Paulegend · 31-12-2009 05:54PM

Dragan wrote: »

This isn't about same sex couples though.

This is basically a thread telling us we are wrong because we feel distaste at the idea of physical intimacy with someone we are in no way attracted to.

Which is, frankly, bollix.

if you have violent tendencies towards it then yes you are wrong. just goes to show how you(not saying you as in you but anyone who feels that way) where raised.

ye might think its sick because some guy kisses another guy.

i know a couple of girls who think its sick that girls kiss other girls...............

i think its sick that anyone thinks that they are holyier than thou with their uptight attitude saying that people cant feel/do what they feel. its ok not to be attracted to the same sex the same as its ok not to be attracted to the opposite sex. get over it.

if your not attracted to a person whether its looks, race, color, creed or sexual orientation thats ok. its not being a biggot. but it doesnt mean that you can beat the crap out of a person that comes on to you because they dont fit into your criteria. the next time a person(any person) comes onto you, if you dont find them attractive then just say sorry im not interested. why would you feel embarrased. you didnt do anything. so why make them feel embarrased because they done nothing wrong. dont resort to childish insecure behaviour trying to act like the big kid at school. why would you want to live like that. people like that deserve to be alone forever.

dont hate

Jim · 31-12-2009 05:59PM

Penis.

Massive erect penis.

G-Money · 31-12-2009 05:59PM

Probably because the thought of kissing girls is so much more appealing

A lot of girls will kiss other girls but it's often a case of Katy Perry wannabe's or some stunt to get guys to look at them pay them attention.

To be honest, if it's not like the scene in Mulholland Drive, it just bores me and I look away

Dr Galen · 31-12-2009 06:00PM

Herbal Deity wrote: »

There's no big deal.

IME, the thought of homosexual relations seems to repulse many hetrosexual men.

.

ok

well then maybe its just you that finds this interesting? I don't think people are outright calling you stupid but I think your reading something into nothing.

I don't think its something limited to straight men. Plenty of straight women find the idea of being with another women sexually repulsive. Many people find other sexual practices repulsive.

I just don't get it really. Maybe its because I don't give a rats ass about peoples sexual orientation. Once people are happy its all cool. If 2 blokes fall in love and treat each other properly, then more power to them, but its little or none of my business.

Herbal Deity · 31-12-2009 06:18PM

Perhaps this topic is more suited to Humanities with a more general title...

Bodhisopha · 31-12-2009 06:24PM

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Perhaps this topic is more suited to Humanities with a more general title...

I don't see what you're getting at. Of course many are repulsed, just like many are repulsed at the thought of being urinated on while it's a big turn on for others.

It's human nature, hardly surprising.

Snowie · 31-12-2009 06:27PM

I dont really care it doesnt concern me because i dont think id ever kiss a bloke .....

Each to there own the thaught of eating a well done steak repulse's me the thaught of kissing another man well its just doesnt really bare thaught.... I think if people find it repulsive thats the way they are...

Speeking as a bloke i used to be very uncomfortable around homosexuals... But then I found out that some one who I knew hung out with a got drunk with was gay it didnt bother me in the slightist...

so to be honest I dont really give to ****'s it aint my buisness. It doesnt repulse me at all because i dont think id be in that position.

Dr Galen · 31-12-2009 07:30PM

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Perhaps this topic is more suited to Humanities with a more general title...

i think whats happened here is that you have come up with an idea for a topic and posted. All well and good. Then the posters who followed, in the main did not back up what you thought, did not conform so to speak.

Its quite likely that there are many man out there who are repulsed by kissing another man, because of homophobic reasons. Going by this thread though, it appears they are not in the majority as your thread title would suggest.

I would submit that maybe, because of the reactions of a few, you tarring all men with the same brush, that is, a) that this repulsion is common place and b) that there must be something sinister behind it e.g homophobia, being in the closet etc.

For the record, I don't think your doing this deliberately or to get a rise out of people. I think you have some valid points and some not so valid imho. Your just expressing what you think, no harm in that really.

A wider discussion on male attitudes to homosexuality is a good idea, (like you suggested), I think the discussion might be surprising.

Reflector · 07-01-2010 06:33PM

As a gay I have some insight.

When I was first with guys I found it quite sickening and I think this was a reaction to me suppressing my gayness for so long. As a teen I didn't want to be gay so I pretty much trained my mind to push these feelings aside. Obviously your nature gets the better of you eventually.

I'd say the repulsion is from when you are younger and a raging ball of hormones, same sex attraction may come into your mind at some point which is quite common.
Now as a young straight lad you are more likely to make yourself feel sick at this thought and push it immediately aside then go

"actually I'm going to drop the gob on Richie next Saturday night and see what it's like".

I guarantee that if you lived somewhere like the gay area in sydney or worked in a gay bar you would very quickly lose this nausea but develop an indifference to it.

starchild · 07-01-2010 07:10PM

Reflector wrote: »

I guarantee that if you lived somewhere like the gay area in sydney or worked in a gay bar you would very quickly lose this nausea but develop an indifference to it.

I think this is a very good point. I believe its a cultural thing, society over the last century is predisposed towards viewing homosexuality as a "wrong" or "bad" thing.

Granted this is changing but for anyone in their 20's and upwards its highly likely that they received negative messages about homosexuality on either a conscious or unconscious level. Hence the extreme reactions of straight people to gay people.

As society develops and enhances itself ultimately this prejudice like many other prejudices will wear away. Only 50-60 years ago the same feelings of violence would emerge in white people when a black person attempted to avail of the same human rights as everyone else.

Why are most straight men seemingly repulsed with the thought of kissing another man?

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