Can you really say you're ok with gays?

hawkmoon269 · 27-12-2009 12:57AM

I know the majority of people on boards are fairly liberal minded and would be in favour of gay marriage, which is great. On the surface, it seems like there is a general acceptance of homosexuality in our society. However, this is not what I see in day-to-day life, in interpersonal relationships between people. It actually seems like most people are still uncomfortable around gay people. I've noticed this applies to men especially, and can testify to this as men tend to treat me differently when they find out I'm gay.

Like most of the others, no problem with me for sure. I would have one or two friends that are probably a bit homophobic, use expressions like 'fag', though not to gay peoples' faces.

koHd wrote: »

But in all honesty I'm not 100 percent comfortable when there is two men kissing and the like. It just feels weird to see close up. But sure that's just a small thing. Besides that I'm comfortable with hanging around with a gay person.

I saw this last week in a nightclub as regards a friend - that I had not known definitely was gay but had kind of suspected - whereby it became clear that his friend other that he went to meet at the nightclub was more than just a friend. I didn't find it icky or anything, it just seemed right somehow. Almost liberating or something?

Transitional · 27-12-2009 12:57AM

genericguy wrote: »

but the quote above illustrates to me the attitude of many gay people, like members of different ethnic groups, that they assume people have a problem with them. biggins, one of the more tolerant/human AHers, made a perfectly sound comment, and the OP straight away searches for ambiguity.

I don't see how my quote indicates this :-/

DoctorStrange · 27-12-2009 01:01AM

One of my best friends is gay, another is.....

Pushtrak · 27-12-2009 01:04AM

I think of a person who is gay as similar to someone who goes out with some chick I find ugly or whatnot. That is to say, I don't treat it alone as grounds for judging anyone. Any gay people I know know that I am not, and so I never had the issue of having an attempted come on.

Oh, I actually find it a bit strange that guys react so badly to guys who are gay. I mean, seriously, less competition.

genericguy · 27-12-2009 01:05AM

Transitional wrote: »

I don't see how my quote indicates this :-/

"a tad defensive" - where was there any suggestion of that in biggins' post?

just live your life OP, don't ask peoples' opinions on what you do.

Transitional · 27-12-2009 01:06AM

lugha wrote: »

OP, I think there is an element of self delusion among many folk with regard to their full acceptance of gays. It is a peculiarity that anti-gay prejudice seems to arise independently in so many cultures and I think it's a little unfortunate that there isn't more popular discussion as to why this happens, rather than simply dismiss such thinking as bigoted (even if it is). Liberal minded folk will reason that there is no rational reason to think of gays any different that you think of straight people and I suspect many believe that they have genuinely shed any cultural prejudice that they inherited, but I am not so sure that they always succeed completely. Perhaps this is less the case with younger folk as undoubtedly prejudice against gays is being driven down all the time. Prejudice can be funny in that you can genuinely believe yourself to be free of it, only to find your delusion to be betrayed by a spontaneous feeling or reaction to something.

Thank you for this very interesting and honest input. Certainly, this subconscious discomfort people have around gays is fostered by our "nuclear family" orientated society from very early on in life as children are only exposed to heterosexual relationships.

Davidius · 27-12-2009 01:07AM

Wouldn't say I'd be 100% comfortable if my friend told me that they were gay. In fact it would really annoy me. Not because they're gay but because they decided to tell me about it.

I don't care/want to know about people's sexuality and their sex lives. They should keep that shít to themselves.

genericguy · 27-12-2009 01:09AM

Davidius wrote: »

Wouldn't say I'd be 100% comfortable if my friend told me that they were gay. In fact it would really annoy me. Not because they're gay but because they decided to tell me about it.

I don't care/want to know about people's sexuality and their sex lives. They should keep that shít to themselves.

in fairness man, someone telling you that they are gay is a bit different to somebody talking about their sex life in general.

Pushtrak · 27-12-2009 01:13AM

Transitional wrote: »

Thank you for your honest input. I have a question for you: would you be just as uncomfortable if you saw a hetero couple kissing like that? Less comfortable? Not uncomfortable at all?

This wasn't directed at me, but yeah, there have been times when I have seen hetero couples really going at it and I thought, "ffs, get a damn room."

Davidius wrote: »

Wouldn't say I'd be 100% comfortable if my friend told me that they were gay. In fact it would really annoy me. Not because they're gay but because they decided to tell me about it.

I don't care/want to know about people's sexuality and their sex lives. They should keep that shít to themselves.

So, you'd rather when you were going to chat up girls they'd just chat up guys, and not bother even mentioning anything?

Tar.Aldarion · 27-12-2009 01:15AM

Davidius wrote: »

Wouldn't say I'd be 100% comfortable if my friend told me that they were gay. In fact it would really annoy me. Not because they're gay but because they decided to tell me about it.

I don't care/want to know about people's sexuality and their sex lives. They should keep that shít to themselves.

If only everybody had such good friends!

Mimikyu · 27-12-2009 01:15AM

This post has been deleted.

Davidius · 27-12-2009 01:16AM

genericguy wrote: »

in fairness man, someone telling you that they are gay is a bit different to somebody talking about their sex life in general.

I don't really think it is. If somebody tells me they're gay, they're telling me they want to have sex with somebody of their sex. This is not something I want or need to know.

genericguy · 27-12-2009 01:24AM

Davidius wrote: »

I don't really think it is. If somebody tells me they're gay, they're telling me they want to have sex with somebody of their sex. This is not something I want or need to know.

it isn't really man. i think people tell you that they are gay so that you don't end up shocked when you see them with a partner. someone telling me that they have sex is fine. i draw the line when they tell me how they have sex. my freaky housemate recently told me over breakfast that i shouldn't use shower gel as lube because his gf (also in the room) was in agony because of the sting in her a-hole.that's not cool.

The Recliner · 27-12-2009 01:26AM

Makes no difference to me if someone is gay or straight, as long as they are decent people and good craic then I will hang around with them

I have been chatted up a few times on nights out by guys, I take it as a compliment and it is a good boost for the ego and it doesn't bother me

I worked and hung around with a guy for ages and didn't cop that he was gay until he told me, it didn't change anything and nor should it

Jack Daniels I · 27-12-2009 01:28AM

Foxhound38 wrote: »

I do, on a regular basis.

Several of my best friends are gay.

At the end of the day, I couldn't give a toss whether they are or arent. I do not presume to pass judgement on anyones sex life whether they be gay, straight or indifferent, it's none of my business nor is it anyone elses. Far better to judge people based on how sound they are instead!

i assume your a gayer then!

entropi · 27-12-2009 01:43AM

OP, I can say that yes, i am 100% comfortable talking to or being around gay people. I have also read your post closely like you think we are not, and i agree to an extent there are alot of people who would say they ARE comfortable, but are in reality, NOT if they had to interact with a homosexual in day to day life.

The reason mostly you see men being like this is that most, not all men are totally comfortable with it and never will be...sure most men you meet are not comfortable in their own skin, it may freak them out a little seeing someone that open about who they are.

Foxhound38 · 27-12-2009 01:45AM

Jack Daniels I wrote: »

i assume your a gayer then!

You would be wrong, I'm just someone who doesn't give two s**t's where or how anybody but myself get's their hole TBH!

Dudess · 27-12-2009 01:50AM

I'm definitely down with people being gay, yes.

Red Hand · 27-12-2009 01:51AM

I don't really care.

utick · 27-12-2009 01:53AM

'can you say you're ok with gays?'.... no cant say i am to be honest

Jack Daniels I · 27-12-2009 02:02AM

Foxhound38 wrote: »

You would be wrong, I'm just someone who doesn't give two s**t's where or how anybody but myself get's their hole TBH!

thats crap!
all lads talk about who they poked or want to poke among themselves.
your immediatly treating gay lads different when you dont do this and your right.
dont think id like to hear from some gayer about who they banged in the bum or how they had their trombone played in the early hours of sunday morning!

AARRRGH · 27-12-2009 02:04AM

My honest opinion on gay people:

I know a lot of gay people (more lesbians than gay men). I would describe most of them as unhappy. For whatever reasons, they are obsessed with being gay and are super defensive about their sexuality. They handle this by creating drama and in general trying to be a bit "mad".

I am ok with this, but every now and then they try to take it out on me and this pisses me off. As a result I've had to distance myself from some of my gay friends as I am simply not into drama.

Saying all this, I can see past the bull**** and I know they are decent people.

"Queens" used to bother me (because it is so fake) until I realised the straight world has all sorts of personas too, e.g. the ultra macho male (with his fake deep voice) and the queen are just as fake as each other.

[controversial]I do have a different opinion of people who were born gay and the ****ed up types who have decided to become gay.[/controversial] For example, my ex-flatmate became a lesbian because (sorry) she is ugly and no men will talk to her. This was painfully obvious when I lived with her, and for a few other reasons I don't want to discuss here. I try to avoid being around these people because I know their sexuality is based on issues rather than being born gay.

But overall I would be a supporter of gay rights and in general would be very compassionate of the issues they are having to deal with, even if I can't fully understand them.

I would hire a gay person, I would share an apartment with a gay person, and in general their sexuality would be irrelevant.

mikemac · 27-12-2009 02:04AM

Transitional wrote: »

I know the majority of people on boards are fairly liberal minded and would be in favour of gay marriage, which is great. On the surface, it seems like there is a general acceptance of homosexuality in our society.

There are people from all ages on boards. And most backgrounds too. However, the views and attitudes you see on boards isn't representative of the majority in Ireland at all

AARRRGH · 27-12-2009 02:06AM

mikemac wrote: »

There are people from all ages on boards. And most backgrounds too. However, the views and attitudes you see on boards isn't representative of the majority in Ireland at all

I agree.

All you have to do is go to a "boards beers" event and you realise quite quickly that the average boards.ie user and the average Irish person are not the same as each other...

browner85 · 27-12-2009 02:09AM

D-Generate wrote: »

If my best buddy said he was gay then I would have no problem. If my best buddy started acting camp then regardless of whether he was gay or straight I would find it irritating and not pal around with them anymore.

I'm hang around with some guys who are gay alright but then again they are exactly like me except for what porn they watch and who they sleep with. They like the same sports as me and the same pubs and like any of my friends I don't poke my nose in to the business of who they are poking.

To be honest, I think that Pride marches are one of the final barriers to equality for homosexuals in todays society. I think that anyone who marches down the street in garish colours and feels that public displays of affection are the way to gain acceptance needs their heads checked.
Want to be accepted? Then stop being outlandish one day a year! It just gives an awful stereotype to the whole gay community just because a subset are camp. Since they are the loud ones then society hears them most!

couldnt have put it better my friend!!!!!!!!!!

mikemac · 27-12-2009 02:10AM

Well if the average boards user was the only voter in Ireland then FF would barely exist, we'd probably have gay marriage and a host of other liberal ideas are still a long way off here. Or may never happen.

I may spend a lot of time of boards but I would rarely bother to vote in a poll. Go search for a thread before the last election and see how accurate boards was.

Dudess · 27-12-2009 02:11AM

Some gay people are inately camp though - it's not put on.

iguana · 27-12-2009 02:11AM

Davidius wrote: »

I don't really think it is. If somebody tells me they're gay, they're telling me they want to have sex with somebody of their sex. This is not something I want or need to know.

Surely that reasoning would also apply to someone telling you if they are single/married? If someone tells you they are married you automatically know that they (probably) only have sex with one person. And if they introduce you to that person you know that they have sex with each other. TMI, eh?

The same applies if somebody has a child, you know they had sex with the child's other parent. In fact if they say, 'it's my kid's 6th birthday tomorrow' you know they probably had sex in March 2003.:eek: That must be unbearable to your sensitivities.

Someone telling you they are gay is general information about them as a person. Not them going ott about sharing their personal information.

Hank Scorpio · 27-12-2009 02:12AM

Trí wrote: »

I'm absolutely 100% comfortable with people that are gay. I have numerous gay friends.

Why am I comfortable? Because it is absolutely none of my business who they choose to sleep with.

hahaha

AARRRGH · 27-12-2009 02:13AM

D-Generate wrote: »

If my best buddy said he was gay then I would have no problem. If my best buddy started acting camp then regardless of whether he was gay or straight I would find it irritating and not pal around with them anymore.

I disagree.

If one of your straight friends started lifting weights and getting into MMA and started acting more macho with a deeper voice, would you also want to stop hanging around with him?

I agree queens are irritating, but they are no more fake than macho straight guys.

D-Generate wrote: »

To be honest, I think that Pride marches are one of the final barriers to equality for homosexuals in todays society. I think that anyone who marches down the street in garish colours and feels that public displays of affection are the way to gain acceptance needs their heads checked.
Want to be accepted? Then stop being outlandish one day a year! It just gives an awful stereotype to the whole gay community just because a subset are camp. Since they are the loud ones then society hears them most!

I agree. "Pride" marches damage the image of gay people.

Can you really say you're ok with gays?

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