Can you really say you're ok with gays?

Transitional

Hi all. Hope everyone had a good Christmas. Long time lurker of boards here, decided to make a new account for this thread 'cause I want to remain anon.

I know the majority of people on boards are fairly liberal minded and would be in favour of gay marriage, which is great. On the surface, it seems like there is a general acceptance of homosexuality in our society. However, this is not what I see in day-to-day life, in interpersonal relationships between people. It actually seems like most people are still uncomfortable around gay people. I've noticed this applies to men especially, and can testify to this as men tend to treat me differently when they find out I'm gay.

Any time there's a gay marriage thread the majority of people are for full gay rights in Ireland. But I don't see this in real life. Would you hang around with a gay? What would u do if your best friend told you they were gay?

So I was just wondering, how many of ye can honestly say you’re 100% comfortable with gays? Bear in mind that I do not mean this in an offensive or accusatory way. People can’t help what makes them uncomfortable.

Biggins

Yes. One was my best man to me and along with my wife at our wedding.
Why shouldn't I be?
Actually, that question shouldn't even arise.

Wurly

I'm absolutely 100% comfortable with people that are gay. I have numerous gay friends.

Why am I comfortable? Because it is absolutely none of my business who they choose to sleep with.

OutlawPete

Transitional wrote: »

Long time lurker of boards here, decided to make a new account for this thread 'cause I want to remain anon.

All the time I was reading this I was thinking about who you really are .. have it down to two

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

WanderingSoul

Transitional wrote: »

Would you hang around with a gay? What would u do if your best friend told you they were gay?

One of my best friends is gay.

I am 100% comfortable around gay people in general.

Transitional

Biggins wrote: »

Yes. One was my best man to me and along with my wife at our wedding.
Why shouldn't I be?
Actually, that question shouldn't even arise.

A tad defensive. This isn't a case of should/shouldn't. The question wasn't a prescriptive one.

galwayrush

It's not even an issue.

Transitional

OutlawPete wrote: »

All the time I was reading this I was thinking about who you really are .. have it down to two

I don't post that much - I'm pretty much a nobody on boards Like I said, I mostly lurk

Piste

I'm totes comfortable. If a friend told me in confidence they were gay, their sexuality wouldn't be an issue. I'd be more concerned for their mental wellbeing and how they'd deal with coming out and the negative reactions they might get from friends and family.

Transitional

People don't seem to be reading my post in its entirety

Biggins

Transitional wrote: »

A tad defensive. This isn't a case of should/shouldn't. The question wasn't a prescriptive one.

Long story short, I'm ok.
For me, its not a situation that arises with any hesitation in the first pace.
Thats all.

MagicMarker

I'm comfortable with all the gays in the village.

koHd

I'm comfortable with gay people and I'm very defensive when people would slag them. But in all honesty I'm not 100 percent comfortable when there is two men kissing and the like. It just feels weird to see close up. But sure that's just a small thing. Besides that I'm comfortable with hanging around with a gay person.

OutlawPete

Transitional wrote: »

A tad defensive. This isn't a case of should/shouldn't. The question wasn't a prescriptive one.

Ahhhh haaaaa!!! ..

You sad "a tad defensive" .. only one person ever uses that expressionon on Boards and that is ....

**rips of Transitional's latex max** -- it's Old man Willows from The Mill!!!

Atavan-Halen

Yes, I've no problem being around someone who is gay. It's no one elses business who they are or what they do so why should anyone else feel uncomfortable about it.

jumpguy

I'm perfectly fine, as with any person, aslong as they're not a dickhead then it's okay. Same with any person.


If they came onto me I'd probably be quite freaked out though, admittedly.

Ostrom

Living with a gay couple for two years now, (myself and my girlfriend - I'm male, if it matters...). Close friends, have never assessed the friendship/dynamic in terms of sexuality because it is a non-issue. I cant understand why people would either

D-Generate

If my best buddy said he was gay then I would have no problem. If my best buddy started acting camp then regardless of whether he was gay or straight I would find it irritating and not pal around with them anymore.

I'm hang around with some guys who are gay alright but then again they are exactly like me except for what porn they watch and who they sleep with. They like the same sports as me and the same pubs and like any of my friends I don't poke my nose in to the business of who they are poking.

To be honest, I think that Pride marches are one of the final barriers to equality for homosexuals in todays society. I think that anyone who marches down the street in garish colours and feels that public displays of affection are the way to gain acceptance needs their heads checked.
Want to be accepted? Then stop being outlandish one day a year! It just gives an awful stereotype to the whole gay community just because a subset are camp. Since they are the loud ones then society hears them most!

Foxhound38

Transitional wrote: »

Would you hang around with a gay?

I do, on a regular basis.

Transitional wrote: »

What would u do if your best friend told you they were gay?

Several of my best friends are gay.

At the end of the day, I couldn't give a toss whether they are or arent. I do not presume to pass judgement on anyones sex life whether they be gay, straight or indifferent, it's none of my business nor is it anyone elses. Far better to judge people based on how sound they are instead!

Transitional

koHd wrote: »

I'm comfortable with gay people and I'm very defensive when people would slag them. But in all honesty I'm not 100 percent comfortable when there is two men kissing and the like. It just feels weird to see close up. But sure that's just a small thing. Besides that I'm comfortable with hanging around with a gay person.

Thank you for your honest input. I have a question for you: would you be just as uncomfortable if you saw a hetero couple kissing like that? Less comfortable? Not uncomfortable at all?

Snowie

dont have a problem with people who are gay regardless of sex.
its there buisness not mine...

Transitional

D-Generate wrote: »

If my best buddy said he was gay then I would have no problem. If my best buddy started acting camp then regardless of whether he was gay or straight I would find it irritating and not pal around with them anymore.

I'm hang around with some guys who are gay alright but then again they are exactly like me except for what porn they watch and who they sleep with. They like the same sports as me and the same pubs and like any of my friends I don't poke my nose in to the business of who they are poking.

To be honest, I think that Pride marches are one of the final barriers to equality for homosexuals in todays society. I think that anyone who marches down the street in garish colours and feels that public displays of affection are the way to gain acceptance needs their heads checked.
Want to be accepted? Then stop being outlandish one day a year! It just gives an awful stereotype to the whole gay community just because a subset are camp. Since they are the loud ones then society hears them most!

I find this a tad offensive. People are always going on about how "of course I'm ok with gays, as long as they don't shove it in my face". I have to have heterosexuality shoved in my face every day, in every aspect of the media. Why should we have to be discreet? Sad how there's a double-standard like that.

Foxhound38

Transitional wrote: »

Thank you for your honest input. I have a question for you: would you be just as uncomfortable if you saw a hetero couple kissing like that? Less comfortable? Not uncomfortable at all?

Depends on the setting. In a nightclub etc - I don't mind. On the other hand, nobody wants to have people making out right next to them on a bus in the middle of the day while hungover whatever the variety of the participants.

Tar.Aldarion

Love them, more women for me! Also great opportunities for jokes about the cock with them

D-Generate

Transitional wrote: »

I find this a tad offensive. People are always going on about how "of course I'm ok with gays, as long as they don't shove it in my face". I have to have heterosexuality shoved in my face every day, in every aspect of the media. Why should we have to be discreet? Sad how there's a double-standard like that.

Well to be honest I am not comfortable with anyone scoring out right in public. Doesn't matter if its a heterosexual couple or not, kissing passionately in public is just not attractive!
Kissing on the lip without big make out sexes is all cool in my opinion from either side of the spectrum. Lots of tongues... no thanks

stovelid

I honestly don't care.

Which is probably the best thing to say.

I don't think in terms of pro or anti: I just couldn't imagine actually bothering about who other people sleep with. It would factor on my radar of a new person as much as their taste in music.

I'll be honest and say that if my son turned out to be gay, I'd be worried because I'd hate to think of him facing prejudice but other than that. I really could not care less.

genericguy

Transitional wrote: »

A tad defensive. This isn't a case of should/shouldn't. The question wasn't a prescriptive one.

personally, for me it's not a question of comfort with me, i just don't care tbh. to be blunt, people can ride whomever they choose, doesn't affect me, doesn't disturb me. my gay friends are to me no different than my straight friends. it's not 'gay john', it's just 'john'.

but the quote above illustrates to me the attitude of many gay people, like members of different ethnic groups, that they assume people have a problem with them. biggins, one of the more tolerant/human AHers, made a perfectly sound comment, and the OP straight away searches for ambiguity.

if you're gay, you're gay. enjoy your life. just because dermot ahern and benedick hate you doesn't mean everybody does.

Transitional

Good to see such positive responses so far!

Dubs

A couple of my best friends are gay and we're all perfectly comfortable around them, nothing changed around them when they came out. There was the initial "wow, really?" reaction when they first told us but things quickly went back to normal. It didnt and doesnt bother us, as long as theyre comfortable with it.

It does get a little wierd though when we're in a club together, they get a little drunk and try to undress me but i dont think anything of it afterwards... In fact, i feel a little flattered :cool:

lugha

OP, I think there is an element of self delusion among many folk with regard to their full acceptance of gays. It is a peculiarity that anti-gay prejudice seems to arise independently in so many cultures and I think it's a little unfortunate that there isn't more popular discussion as to why this happens, rather than simply dismiss such thinking as bigoted (even if it is). Liberal minded folk will reason that there is no rational reason to think of gays any different that you think of straight people and I suspect many believe that they have genuinely shed any cultural prejudice that they inherited, but I am not so sure that they always succeed completely. Perhaps this is less the case with younger folk as undoubtedly prejudice against gays is being driven down all the time. Prejudice can be funny in that you can genuinely believe yourself to be free of it, only to find your delusion to be betrayed by a spontaneous feeling or reaction to something.

hawkmoon269

I know the majority of people on boards are fairly liberal minded and would be in favour of gay marriage, which is great. On the surface, it seems like there is a general acceptance of homosexuality in our society. However, this is not what I see in day-to-day life, in interpersonal relationships between people. It actually seems like most people are still uncomfortable around gay people. I've noticed this applies to men especially, and can testify to this as men tend to treat me differently when they find out I'm gay.

Like most of the others, no problem with me for sure. I would have one or two friends that are probably a bit homophobic, use expressions like 'fag', though not to gay peoples' faces.

koHd wrote: »

But in all honesty I'm not 100 percent comfortable when there is two men kissing and the like. It just feels weird to see close up. But sure that's just a small thing. Besides that I'm comfortable with hanging around with a gay person.

I saw this last week in a nightclub as regards a friend - that I had not known definitely was gay but had kind of suspected - whereby it became clear that his friend other that he went to meet at the nightclub was more than just a friend. I didn't find it icky or anything, it just seemed right somehow. Almost liberating or something?

Transitional

genericguy wrote: »

but the quote above illustrates to me the attitude of many gay people, like members of different ethnic groups, that they assume people have a problem with them. biggins, one of the more tolerant/human AHers, made a perfectly sound comment, and the OP straight away searches for ambiguity.

I don't see how my quote indicates this :-/

DoctorStrange

One of my best friends is gay, another is.....

Pushtrak

I think of a person who is gay as similar to someone who goes out with some chick I find ugly or whatnot. That is to say, I don't treat it alone as grounds for judging anyone. Any gay people I know know that I am not, and so I never had the issue of having an attempted come on.

Oh, I actually find it a bit strange that guys react so badly to guys who are gay. I mean, seriously, less competition.

genericguy

Transitional wrote: »

I don't see how my quote indicates this :-/

"a tad defensive" - where was there any suggestion of that in biggins' post?

just live your life OP, don't ask peoples' opinions on what you do.

Transitional

lugha wrote: »

OP, I think there is an element of self delusion among many folk with regard to their full acceptance of gays. It is a peculiarity that anti-gay prejudice seems to arise independently in so many cultures and I think it's a little unfortunate that there isn't more popular discussion as to why this happens, rather than simply dismiss such thinking as bigoted (even if it is). Liberal minded folk will reason that there is no rational reason to think of gays any different that you think of straight people and I suspect many believe that they have genuinely shed any cultural prejudice that they inherited, but I am not so sure that they always succeed completely. Perhaps this is less the case with younger folk as undoubtedly prejudice against gays is being driven down all the time. Prejudice can be funny in that you can genuinely believe yourself to be free of it, only to find your delusion to be betrayed by a spontaneous feeling or reaction to something.

Thank you for this very interesting and honest input. Certainly, this subconscious discomfort people have around gays is fostered by our "nuclear family" orientated society from very early on in life as children are only exposed to heterosexual relationships.

Davidius

Wouldn't say I'd be 100% comfortable if my friend told me that they were gay. In fact it would really annoy me. Not because they're gay but because they decided to tell me about it.

I don't care/want to know about people's sexuality and their sex lives. They should keep that shít to themselves.

genericguy

Davidius wrote: »

Wouldn't say I'd be 100% comfortable if my friend told me that they were gay. In fact it would really annoy me. Not because they're gay but because they decided to tell me about it.

I don't care/want to know about people's sexuality and their sex lives. They should keep that shít to themselves.

in fairness man, someone telling you that they are gay is a bit different to somebody talking about their sex life in general.

Pushtrak

Transitional wrote: »

Thank you for your honest input. I have a question for you: would you be just as uncomfortable if you saw a hetero couple kissing like that? Less comfortable? Not uncomfortable at all?

This wasn't directed at me, but yeah, there have been times when I have seen hetero couples really going at it and I thought, "ffs, get a damn room."

Davidius wrote: »

Wouldn't say I'd be 100% comfortable if my friend told me that they were gay. In fact it would really annoy me. Not because they're gay but because they decided to tell me about it.

I don't care/want to know about people's sexuality and their sex lives. They should keep that shít to themselves.

So, you'd rather when you were going to chat up girls they'd just chat up guys, and not bother even mentioning anything?

Tar.Aldarion

Davidius wrote: »

Wouldn't say I'd be 100% comfortable if my friend told me that they were gay. In fact it would really annoy me. Not because they're gay but because they decided to tell me about it.

I don't care/want to know about people's sexuality and their sex lives. They should keep that shít to themselves.

If only everybody had such good friends!

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Davidius

genericguy wrote: »

in fairness man, someone telling you that they are gay is a bit different to somebody talking about their sex life in general.

I don't really think it is. If somebody tells me they're gay, they're telling me they want to have sex with somebody of their sex. This is not something I want or need to know.

genericguy

Davidius wrote: »

I don't really think it is. If somebody tells me they're gay, they're telling me they want to have sex with somebody of their sex. This is not something I want or need to know.

it isn't really man. i think people tell you that they are gay so that you don't end up shocked when you see them with a partner. someone telling me that they have sex is fine. i draw the line when they tell me how they have sex. my freaky housemate recently told me over breakfast that i shouldn't use shower gel as lube because his gf (also in the room) was in agony because of the sting in her a-hole.that's not cool.

The Recliner

Makes no difference to me if someone is gay or straight, as long as they are decent people and good craic then I will hang around with them

I have been chatted up a few times on nights out by guys, I take it as a compliment and it is a good boost for the ego and it doesn't bother me

I worked and hung around with a guy for ages and didn't cop that he was gay until he told me, it didn't change anything and nor should it

Jack Daniels I

Foxhound38 wrote: »

I do, on a regular basis.



Several of my best friends are gay.

At the end of the day, I couldn't give a toss whether they are or arent. I do not presume to pass judgement on anyones sex life whether they be gay, straight or indifferent, it's none of my business nor is it anyone elses. Far better to judge people based on how sound they are instead!

i assume your a gayer then!

entropi

OP, I can say that yes, i am 100% comfortable talking to or being around gay people. I have also read your post closely like you think we are not, and i agree to an extent there are alot of people who would say they ARE comfortable, but are in reality, NOT if they had to interact with a homosexual in day to day life.

The reason mostly you see men being like this is that most, not all men are totally comfortable with it and never will be...sure most men you meet are not comfortable in their own skin, it may freak them out a little seeing someone that open about who they are.

Foxhound38

Jack Daniels I wrote: »

i assume your a gayer then!

You would be wrong, I'm just someone who doesn't give two s**t's where or how anybody but myself get's their hole TBH!

Dudess

I'm definitely down with people being gay, yes.

Red Hand

I don't really care.

utick

'can you say you're ok with gays?'.... no cant say i am to be honest