Can you really say you're ok with gays?

Transitional · 26-12-2009 11:34PM #1

Hi all. Hope everyone had a good Christmas. Long time lurker of boards here, decided to make a new account for this thread 'cause I want to remain anon.

I know the majority of people on boards are fairly liberal minded and would be in favour of gay marriage, which is great. On the surface, it seems like there is a general acceptance of homosexuality in our society. However, this is not what I see in day-to-day life, in interpersonal relationships between people. It actually seems like most people are still uncomfortable around gay people. I've noticed this applies to men especially, and can testify to this as men tend to treat me differently when they find out I'm gay.

Any time there's a gay marriage thread the majority of people are for full gay rights in Ireland. But I don't see this in real life. Would you hang around with a gay? What would u do if your best friend told you they were gay?

So I was just wondering, how many of ye can honestly say you’re 100% comfortable with gays? Bear in mind that I do not mean this in an offensive or accusatory way. People can’t help what makes them uncomfortable.

Biggins · 26-12-2009 11:35PM

Yes. One was my best man to me and along with my wife at our wedding.
Why shouldn't I be?
Actually, that question shouldn't even arise.

Wurly · 26-12-2009 11:38PM

I'm absolutely 100% comfortable with people that are gay. I have numerous gay friends.

Why am I comfortable? Because it is absolutely none of my business who they choose to sleep with.

OutlawPete · 26-12-2009 11:39PM

Transitional wrote: »

Long time lurker of boards here, decided to make a new account for this thread 'cause I want to remain anon.

All the time I was reading this I was thinking about who you really are .. have it down to two

Crann na Beatha · 26-12-2009 11:40PM

This post has been deleted.

WanderingSoul · 26-12-2009 11:40PM

Transitional wrote: »

Would you hang around with a gay? What would u do if your best friend told you they were gay?

One of my best friends is gay.

I am 100% comfortable around gay people in general.

Transitional · 26-12-2009 11:41PM

Biggins wrote: »

Yes. One was my best man to me and along with my wife at our wedding.
Why shouldn't I be?
Actually, that question shouldn't even arise.

A tad defensive. This isn't a case of should/shouldn't. The question wasn't a prescriptive one.

galwayrush · 26-12-2009 11:42PM

It's not even an issue.

Transitional · 26-12-2009 11:42PM

OutlawPete wrote: »

All the time I was reading this I was thinking about who you really are .. have it down to two

I don't post that much - I'm pretty much a nobody on boards

Like I said, I mostly lurk

Piste · 26-12-2009 11:42PM

I'm totes comfortable. If a friend told me in confidence they were gay, their sexuality wouldn't be an issue. I'd be more concerned for their mental wellbeing and how they'd deal with coming out and the negative reactions they might get from friends and family.

Transitional · 26-12-2009 11:43PM

People don't seem to be reading my post in its entirety

Biggins · 26-12-2009 11:44PM

Transitional wrote: »

A tad defensive. This isn't a case of should/shouldn't. The question wasn't a prescriptive one.

Long story short, I'm ok.
For me, its not a situation that arises with any hesitation in the first pace.
Thats all.

MagicMarker · 26-12-2009 11:44PM

I'm comfortable with all the gays in the village.

koHd · 26-12-2009 11:45PM

I'm comfortable with gay people and I'm very defensive when people would slag them. But in all honesty I'm not 100 percent comfortable when there is two men kissing and the like. It just feels weird to see close up. But sure that's just a small thing. Besides that I'm comfortable with hanging around with a gay person.

OutlawPete · 26-12-2009 11:45PM

Transitional wrote: »

A tad defensive. This isn't a case of should/shouldn't. The question wasn't a prescriptive one.

Ahhhh haaaaa!!! ..

You sad "a tad defensive" .. only one person ever uses that expressionon on Boards and that is ....

**rips of Transitional's latex max** -- it's Old man Willows from The Mill!!!

Atavan-Halen · 26-12-2009 11:46PM

Yes, I've no problem being around someone who is gay. It's no one elses business who they are or what they do so why should anyone else feel uncomfortable about it.

jumpguy · 26-12-2009 11:47PM

I'm perfectly fine, as with any person, aslong as they're not a dickhead then it's okay. Same with any person.

If they came onto me I'd probably be quite freaked out though, admittedly.

Ostrom · 26-12-2009 11:47PM

Living with a gay couple for two years now, (myself and my girlfriend - I'm male, if it matters...). Close friends, have never assessed the friendship/dynamic in terms of sexuality because it is a non-issue. I cant understand why people would either

D-Generate · 26-12-2009 11:47PM

If my best buddy said he was gay then I would have no problem. If my best buddy started acting camp then regardless of whether he was gay or straight I would find it irritating and not pal around with them anymore.

I'm hang around with some guys who are gay alright but then again they are exactly like me except for what porn they watch and who they sleep with. They like the same sports as me and the same pubs and like any of my friends I don't poke my nose in to the business of who they are poking.

To be honest, I think that Pride marches are one of the final barriers to equality for homosexuals in todays society. I think that anyone who marches down the street in garish colours and feels that public displays of affection are the way to gain acceptance needs their heads checked.
Want to be accepted? Then stop being outlandish one day a year! It just gives an awful stereotype to the whole gay community just because a subset are camp. Since they are the loud ones then society hears them most!

Foxhound38 · 26-12-2009 11:47PM

Transitional wrote: »

Would you hang around with a gay?

I do, on a regular basis.

Transitional wrote: »

What would u do if your best friend told you they were gay?

Several of my best friends are gay.

At the end of the day, I couldn't give a toss whether they are or arent. I do not presume to pass judgement on anyones sex life whether they be gay, straight or indifferent, it's none of my business nor is it anyone elses. Far better to judge people based on how sound they are instead!

Transitional · 26-12-2009 11:48PM

koHd wrote: »

I'm comfortable with gay people and I'm very defensive when people would slag them. But in all honesty I'm not 100 percent comfortable when there is two men kissing and the like. It just feels weird to see close up. But sure that's just a small thing. Besides that I'm comfortable with hanging around with a gay person.

Thank you for your honest input. I have a question for you: would you be just as uncomfortable if you saw a hetero couple kissing like that? Less comfortable? Not uncomfortable at all?

Snowie · 26-12-2009 11:50PM

dont have a problem with people who are gay regardless of sex.
its there buisness not mine...

Transitional · 26-12-2009 11:50PM

D-Generate wrote: »

If my best buddy said he was gay then I would have no problem. If my best buddy started acting camp then regardless of whether he was gay or straight I would find it irritating and not pal around with them anymore.

I'm hang around with some guys who are gay alright but then again they are exactly like me except for what porn they watch and who they sleep with. They like the same sports as me and the same pubs and like any of my friends I don't poke my nose in to the business of who they are poking.

To be honest, I think that Pride marches are one of the final barriers to equality for homosexuals in todays society. I think that anyone who marches down the street in garish colours and feels that public displays of affection are the way to gain acceptance needs their heads checked.
Want to be accepted? Then stop being outlandish one day a year! It just gives an awful stereotype to the whole gay community just because a subset are camp. Since they are the loud ones then society hears them most!

I find this a tad offensive. People are always going on about how "of course I'm ok with gays, as long as they don't shove it in my face". I have to have heterosexuality shoved in my face every day, in every aspect of the media. Why should we have to be discreet? Sad how there's a double-standard like that.

Foxhound38 · 26-12-2009 11:52PM

Transitional wrote: »

Thank you for your honest input. I have a question for you: would you be just as uncomfortable if you saw a hetero couple kissing like that? Less comfortable? Not uncomfortable at all?

Depends on the setting. In a nightclub etc - I don't mind. On the other hand, nobody wants to have people making out right next to them on a bus in the middle of the day while hungover whatever the variety of the participants.

Tar.Aldarion · 26-12-2009 11:52PM

Love them, more women for me! Also great opportunities for jokes about the cock with them

D-Generate · 26-12-2009 11:53PM

Transitional wrote: »

I find this a tad offensive. People are always going on about how "of course I'm ok with gays, as long as they don't shove it in my face". I have to have heterosexuality shoved in my face every day, in every aspect of the media. Why should we have to be discreet? Sad how there's a double-standard like that.

Well to be honest I am not comfortable with anyone scoring out right in public. Doesn't matter if its a heterosexual couple or not, kissing passionately in public is just not attractive!
Kissing on the lip without big make out sexes is all cool in my opinion from either side of the spectrum. Lots of tongues... no thanks

stovelid · 26-12-2009 11:54PM

I honestly don't care.

Which is probably the best thing to say.

I don't think in terms of pro or anti: I just couldn't imagine actually bothering about who other people sleep with. It would factor on my radar of a new person as much as their taste in music.

I'll be honest and say that if my son turned out to be gay, I'd be worried because I'd hate to think of him facing prejudice but other than that. I really could not care less.

genericguy · 26-12-2009 11:54PM

Transitional wrote: »

A tad defensive. This isn't a case of should/shouldn't. The question wasn't a prescriptive one.

personally, for me it's not a question of comfort with me, i just don't care tbh. to be blunt, people can ride whomever they choose, doesn't affect me, doesn't disturb me. my gay friends are to me no different than my straight friends. it's not 'gay john', it's just 'john'.

but the quote above illustrates to me the attitude of many gay people, like members of different ethnic groups, that they assume people have a problem with them. biggins, one of the more tolerant/human AHers, made a perfectly sound comment, and the OP straight away searches for ambiguity.

if you're gay, you're gay. enjoy your life. just because dermot ahern and benedick hate you doesn't mean everybody does.

Transitional · 26-12-2009 11:54PM

Good to see such positive responses so far!

Dubs · 26-12-2009 11:55PM

A couple of my best friends are gay and we're all perfectly comfortable around them, nothing changed around them when they came out. There was the initial "wow, really?" reaction when they first told us but things quickly went back to normal. It didnt and doesnt bother us, as long as theyre comfortable with it.

It does get a little wierd though when we're in a club together, they get a little drunk and try to undress me but i dont think anything of it afterwards... In fact, i feel a little flattered :cool:

lugha · 26-12-2009 11:56PM

OP, I think there is an element of self delusion among many folk with regard to their full acceptance of gays. It is a peculiarity that anti-gay prejudice seems to arise independently in so many cultures and I think it's a little unfortunate that there isn't more popular discussion as to why this happens, rather than simply dismiss such thinking as bigoted (even if it is). Liberal minded folk will reason that there is no rational reason to think of gays any different that you think of straight people and I suspect many believe that they have genuinely shed any cultural prejudice that they inherited, but I am not so sure that they always succeed completely. Perhaps this is less the case with younger folk as undoubtedly prejudice against gays is being driven down all the time. Prejudice can be funny in that you can genuinely believe yourself to be free of it, only to find your delusion to be betrayed by a spontaneous feeling or reaction to something.

Can you really say you're ok with gays?

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