How did you find out Santa wasn't real ?

LordSutch · 09-12-2009 06:07PM

Keano A Legend wrote: »

When I discovered Santa used the same wrapping paper as us that was no longer in the press!!

Instead of ironing ?

Dudess · 09-12-2009 06:11PM

Camelot wrote: »

Why do inner city people say Santee

I've actually found it to be used by people who hail from various regions. Not that it's worth paying attention to - it's a word.

Joey the lips · 09-12-2009 06:46PM

R0ot wrote: »

I for one think this thread should be closed as Santa is real and you may just ruin it for some random child of a boardsie that may glance at this thread and be lied to by it because SANTA IS REAL!

If your child has the intelligce to actually log into a thread I guarantee you s/he knows your takeing the p1ss....

pikachucheeks · 09-12-2009 07:45PM

My parents told me when I was about 11, so I could help pick out presents for my brother and sister.

We're 21, 18 and 16 now ... and they still give us Santa presents. It's excellent!

This strange man, who was about fourty (I mention age because he should have known better than to say what he said) started talking to me on the bus a few weeks ago...
Got in to a conversation about Christmas being "only five weeks away"
Then, he told me the following...

Him: You have to hear this! This is the funniest story ever! Listen to my story!
Me: Ok, what's the story?
Him: Last Christmas, right? I told my five year old neighbour Santa wasn't real! You should have seen the look on his face! PRICELESS! His mother nearly killed me!

... then he started cackling and laughing like a lunatic.

Poor child.

:eek:

bellapip · 09-12-2009 07:47PM

Seriously

Santa is real, he was just on the phone to me,.

He told me not to worry about the Budget or the fact that the country is sinking and that if I stay up really late on Christmas Eve he will drop down the chimney and give me something nice.......

How can he not be real..........

Bell:D

AckwelFoley · 09-12-2009 07:52PM

i found out about santa not being real from my girlfriend. what a heartless bitch

Jay P · 09-12-2009 08:18PM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

My parents told me when I was about 11, so I could help pick out presents for my brother and sister.

We're 21, 18 and 16 now ... and they still give us Santa presents. It's excellent!

Same as our house, except we're 21, 18, 15 and 10. Then 10 year old found out two years ago I think....
But yeah, we get Santa presents and other presents off our parents

Canard · 09-12-2009 08:30PM

Logic kicked in. :')

Paige Turner · 09-12-2009 08:40PM

Lemondrop kid wrote: »

With 100% = completely true, what % of truth are both of those stories?

100% i'm afraid.

But do remember getting loads of "big" presents that year to try make things better!

CrazyRabbit · 09-12-2009 08:47PM

Proper answer:
I can't actually remember. I think I was too busy dealing with my dads illness & death, my mums breakdown, and trying to raise my 3 younger siblings. I guess I was about 8 as there were no presents that year.

AH Answer:
I found out when 'santa' visited me late on christmas eve night and molested me in my bed. It was also my birthday on Christmas eve. I've never really gotten over my 4th birthday.

martinaaaa · 09-12-2009 08:53PM

I kinda figured it out by myself. But I wasn't sure, so I asked my parents and they told me the truth.

Johnny Giles · 09-12-2009 09:04PM

Where do the AnPost letters go?

Is it that when a letter is posted the postman brings the Lapland letters back to the mail centre, they're opened and a reply is sent back to every home?

midlandsmissus · 09-12-2009 09:23PM

I can't believe people here believed up till 10/11!

I see most of the people on here who found out at a very young age were told by older siblings, sometimes it really sucks to be the youngest!

I've never forgiven my older brother for telling me at 5, 5 like!

When we have the annual christmas row it's always brought up!

However, I do have great memories of believing in the tooth fairy for a few years after. My mam was great at doing the tooth fairy. I'd put my tooth under a pillow, wake up and find a pound there in the morning.

Just thinking back now, can still feel the the utter childish excitement of it. magical times!

Bonkers_xOx · 09-12-2009 09:24PM

When I was in Lapland, I was sitting on Santa's knee and his beard got caught in my zip and was tugged off his face. I think I ruined a lotta people's Christmas' that year.

My mam also managed to slip it into my sex talk for some reason

So I realised one type of man with a sack wasn't real but learned about a whole new one.

we'llallhavetea_old · 09-12-2009 09:58PM

what is goin on with people sussing out that the wrappin paper was the same?

i have that angle covered, he wraps them in the house.
never underestimate the power of denial.

we'llallhavetea_old · 09-12-2009 10:03PM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

My parents told me when I was about 11, so I could help pick out presents for my brother and sister.

We're 21, 18 and 16 now ... and they still give us Santa presents. It's excellent!

This strange man, who was about fourty (I mention age because he should have known better than to say what he said) started talking to me on the bus a few weeks ago...
Got in to a conversation about Christmas being "only five weeks away"
Then, he told me the following...

Him: You have to hear this! This is the funniest story ever! Listen to my story!
Me: Ok, what's the story?
Him: Last Christmas, right? I told my five year old neighbour Santa wasn't real! You should have seen the look on his face! PRICELESS! His mother nearly killed me!

... then he started cackling and laughing like a lunatic.

Poor child.

:eek:

what kind of sick lump of sh!te does that?? poor little child. if a forty yr old man did that to my five yr old, i would kill him.

or maybe just kick him very hard in the balls and throw things in a hysterical fit of tears

chem · 09-12-2009 10:05PM

I read this!

The Physics of Santa Claus

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, and assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of his sleigh, jump down the chimnye, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking aabout .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 punds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (refer to point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal load, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entereing the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per SECOND, EACH! In short, hey will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousanths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal* forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead by now.

we'llallhavetea_old · 09-12-2009 10:08PM

chem wrote: »

I read this!

The Physics of Santa Claus
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, and assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of his sleigh, jump down the chimnye, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking aabout .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 punds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (refer to point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal load, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entereing the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per SECOND, EACH! In short, hey will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousanths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal* forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead by now.

but like, he has magic to help with all this stuff....:rolleyes:

Adriatic · 09-12-2009 10:17PM

I was in primary school and was twelve years old. A lad in the class had this great story to tell everyone. He got a new Playstation 2 and was playing it when his mother trips over a wire and drops it on the ground, she says "it's a good thing I kept the receipt".

I got all my presents in a big black bag, snazzy, I didn't even have to unwrap, just straight out of the bag in a flash.

LionelNashe · 09-12-2009 10:23PM

I remember when I found out that clowns weren't real. That was a bit upsetting.

On the other hand, maybe the whole universe isn't real. Maybe this is just what it would be like if it it was real.

OutlawPete · 10-12-2009 01:24AM

LionelNashe wrote: »

I remember when I found out that clowns weren't real. That was a bit upsetting.

If you had watched The Budget today you would have been happy to see, that clowns do indeed exist.

Sharpshooter · 10-12-2009 01:48AM

chem wrote: »

I read this!

The Physics of Santa Claus
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, and assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of his sleigh, jump down the chimnye, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking aabout .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 punds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (refer to point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal load, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entereing the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per SECOND, EACH! In short, hey will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousanths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal* forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead by now.

The Grinch thanks you for reading.
:rolleyes:

On another note.
Funny that reminds me of a carol, Hark the Herald and such c*ap!:mad:

Misty Chaos · 10-12-2009 02:11AM

Well, my mother said to my face when I was 11. But my brother had being tormenting me for 2 years beforehand with it so I guess I figured it out for myself by then.

Funny thing is, my parents then got VERY cheap on me since for a few years afterwards. :mad:

Some of the stories here are horrible! I know that if my future children found out in such horrible ways, I'd be very angry, to say the least. I have grand plans for helping with the illusion for the kids, including making up a fake invoice from Santa.

Buceph · 10-12-2009 02:29AM

I found out when I didn't get what I wanted. There's only one thing I really want and need, and it's at the top of the list every year, I underline it and highlight it, but last year the ****er didn't give me a selection box. What kind of Christmas is that when you don't get a selection box. I was devestated.

There was never any real magic though. My parents always insisted that Santa was a cute whore who demanded a cheque be left by the fireplace for all the presents he was delivering, and the elf unions were bastards who demanded all kinds of perks and breaks and had stoppages all the time, so they might not get to make what I actually wanted.

Bloody elf unions.

punchdrunk · 10-12-2009 03:05AM

Top Floor of Switzer's
two Curtains
Four Boots,two behind each curtain
one world collapsed...

iffy · 10-12-2009 03:15AM

i was 10, my mam sat me down after opening my presents on xmas day, told me santa wasnt real "but wil always be in my heart"!!

Ah yes my mother, the one-lines got better with age

grenache · 10-12-2009 03:24AM

the 'Croom Cycle Centre' sticker on the bike i got for Xmas '93 kind of gave it away. What would a Swedish bloke be doing in Croom buying a bike!!

DO'Carlo/Wex · 10-12-2009 03:38AM

Not sure of year but for the mathemagician & nostalgist out there..............I'm 31 Y.O. Now & One Year, I went rooting around in Wardrobe in Olds' Room & found a (the only?) Zig & Zag Book.
When I got it for Christmas, that knew it for me!

KingLoser · 10-12-2009 03:58AM

I found me santa letter in the wreckage the old binmen used to leave behind before the days of wheelie bins!

My mam said santa must've dropped it. It was a sad day for me to tell her the truth of it all.

Greenmachine · 10-12-2009 04:20AM

Santa is real I tell you. He just doesn't come to see me any more. Not since the men in white coats got to me. At first I just agreed he wasn't real so we could plan a burglary together. I took my medicine like a good boy and was on my merry way. So I broke into a house and was knocked out by santa himself the bastard. When I cam too the ambulance men were there and said I needed a rest. They told me that it was in fact my house and eventually that santa wasn't real. But I know the truth. It was all a setup because I was a bold boy one year.

Santa I know where you live and if I catch you when you come back. You willget what is coming to you. Iam still mad at you but if you could somehow bring me the following all will be forgiven.

Toyota IQ (cos i am smarter than the docs)
A fishing net so I can catch the tooth fairy. Appparently teeth will be the new gold.
A pair of your wifes worn undies.
An A-team matchbox car circa 1980 in it's original packaging. I have been waiting 24 years for this one.
And if it is not to much t o ask can you give my chimney a sweep while your up there.

Love you satan (I mean santa)

Green

How did you find out Santa wasn't real ?

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