Stupidest thing you have ever heard anyone say?

homerun_homer · 04-12-2009 02:43PM

My German manager was talking about having seen Valkerie in the cinema and the woman beside him asked what it was like and he described the premise - true story about one of the more successful attempts to assassinate Hitler.

As he continued to describe she said "oh don't spoil the ending on me... What happened again, did they succeed?"

mawk · 04-12-2009 03:27PM

way back when i worked in a shop. two wahs come in one day to get some groceries. one says something like 'jacinta! get a litre of milk' to the other. jacinta picks a litre of milk only to be told 'NO! get a BIG litre!'

jacinta picks up a two litre bottle, gets the nod.

so dumb that Im nearly sure it made me dumber to see.

epgc3fyqirnbsx · 04-12-2009 03:44PM

A few years back a girl I know, who is now a national school teacher, asked me
'Where's Islam?'

The Volt · 04-12-2009 03:51PM

Sitting in class a few years ago our teacher says to the class; All that's left now is to watch the film.

Bimbo down the back shouts out; I have a watch!

getz · 04-12-2009 03:55PM

one woman i knew once said to me,;they will have to stop putting the clocks back, its interfering with nature;

Armin_Tamzarian · 04-12-2009 03:57PM

Few years back Donna Air was interviewing the Corrs on MTV.

Donna: "So, how did you guys get together?"

whiterob81 · 04-12-2009 04:08PM

a mate of mine started going out with a girl a few years ago. anyways, here's the general getting to know you conversation they had

him: so what are you hoping to do in college?
her: montessori teaching
him: oh cool, learning about dinosaurs and stuff.

also, was in a pub in offaly a few years and one of my mates thinking he was really suave ordered "Scotch on the rocks.....no ice please"

emeraldstar · 04-12-2009 04:10PM

Two blonde D4 heads in the Arts Block of UCD:

Blonde No. 1: "I can't go out tonight, we've got guests. My uncle is coming over. He's my mom's twin."

Blonde No. 2: "Twins, cool! Are they identical?"

Instant Karma · 04-12-2009 04:13PM

Both of these were overheard by me at work in the last fortnight;

One girl shouted to her supervisor - "What does incompetent mean?"

2nd incident happened during a game of guess who, having a post-it note stuck to her head of a famous actor -

"Am I a woman?"

"No"

"Am I a man?"

...

actuallylike · 04-12-2009 04:18PM

Guy in school around Christmas time was heard singing to himself the Coca Cola tune ("holidays are coming, holidays are coming, etc"). Nobody took notice until someone listened in to the words he was using.

"How many days till Christmas, how many days till Christmas..."

He couldn't have gotten it more wrong!

Ahoy! · 04-12-2009 04:20PM

Back in 5th or 6th year this young one goes 'I hate questions that make you think' :P

Around the same time in sex ed class one of the lads mentioned something about durex and one girl goes 'Durex?! I thought that was an insurance company!'

She was fairly innocent.

Duggy747 · 04-12-2009 04:24PM

"Is a Panda a bear?"

"Where's Wales?"

"What's a foreign minister?"

"Can you fast forward live tv on Sky+?" (Eh, no, you'd be going into the future then causing a time paradox which would result in a black hole in the TV..............killing us all!)

Once convinced someone with a cold that if they sat by a computer they'd give it a virus

silvervixen84 · 04-12-2009 04:24PM

brummytom wrote: »

Nope, it's in Eastern Europe.

And sick

I kinda imagined you as a modern day Ferris Beuller before now, but this has confirmed it

magma69 · 04-12-2009 04:28PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJuNgBkloFE

Couldn't resist some Yank bashing! :pac:

MrSquishSquash · 04-12-2009 04:28PM

"I know this salmon but is there chicken in it?" - Jessica Simpson

star.chaser · 04-12-2009 04:28PM

"I owe some people some money"

The answer when I asked some scumbag who applied for a loan, what he needed it for.

04-12-2009 04:31PM

One of my girlfriends friends didnt know weather a male should put his balls in also while having sex.........

a guy i knew from when i was in secondary only found out in 5th year that the moon and sun were different things no joke

magma69 · 04-12-2009 04:35PM

My sister thought the Celtic tiger was a green tiger they kept in Dublin which brought us good luck. Facepalmtastic!

Adam · 04-12-2009 04:44PM

jokettle wrote: »

There is such a thing as 7th class...my secondary school had an age limit (you had to turn 13 by January of 1st year or something) and my birthday was later than that, ergo i entred 7th class. It's basically 6th class all over again, except it was called 7th so we wouldn't feel we were being held back/too dumb for Loreto :rolleyes:

Back OT, a friend was describing a trip to Berlin and called brandenburg gate "that big gate thing beside Starbucks"

aahahahahhahahahahahaaaaaaa.....you're stupid

"a corner has three corners..." referring to the point where two walls and the roof meet. still makes me laugh to this day...

jokettle · 04-12-2009 04:53PM

Adam wrote: »

aahahahahhahahahahahaaaaaaa.....you're stupid

Personal abuse much? Unless you're referring to the typo in my post, in which case....fair enough

emeraldstar · 04-12-2009 04:56PM

MrSquishSquash wrote: »

"I know this salmon but is there chicken in it?" - Jessica Simpson

Wasn't it tuna?

Sea Sharp · 04-12-2009 04:58PM

Person 1: School is boring with a capital B.
Person 2: There's no B in school.

Closed ac · 04-12-2009 05:01PM

My friend telling me that if we voted yes in the Lisbon Treaty we'd all have to go to war.

cloneslad · 04-12-2009 05:10PM

"liverpool are going to win the league this season"

August 1990
August 1991
August 1992
August 1993
August 1994
August 1995
August 1996
August 1997
August 1998
August 1999
August 2000
August 2001
August 2002
August 2003
August 2004
August 2005
August 2006
August 2007
August 2008

"Rafa will definitely win it this year for us, He is a legend and knows how to pick a winning team" August 2009

Adam · 04-12-2009 05:12PM

football fanatics aren't funny

daveyboy_1ie · 04-12-2009 05:16PM

Walking through my local village one night a few years back and the entire main street was plunged into darkness as there was a power failure, I heard one girl (who was not young, which made it worse) asking her bloke:

'If theres a power failure, how come the cars lights are still on?'

Genuine answer from our Commerece teacher to my question on what exactly a debit note is, in a study class two weeks before my Inter Cert (yeah am that old) definition wise as the book only had the definition for a Credit note and it occured to me to have both definitions:

'A Debit Note is the same as a Credit note..................(Thinking).........except its different'

He then dismissed the class and walked out so this was our official definition. Thankfully we were not asked on the exam.

Bazzy · 04-12-2009 05:21PM

cloneslad wrote: »

"liverpool are going to win the league this season"

August 1990
August 1991
August 1992
August 1993
August 1994
August 1995
August 1996
August 1997
August 1998
August 1999
August 2000
August 2001
August 2002
August 2003
August 2004
August 2005
August 2006
August 2007
August 2008

"Rafa will definitely win it this year for us, He is a legend and knows how to pick a winning team" August 2009

You can only lol at that to be fair

whiterob81 · 04-12-2009 05:51PM

On a bus once "Ironic woman? Is that like the Bionic Man?"

A primary school teacher once told my class that there's no gravity on the moon and that's why they have to wear thos big heavy boots"

Another one also told us that crows have specially padded feet and that's why they can perch on electric wires

sometimes it's better to say i don't know

Prof.Badass · 04-12-2009 06:00PM

On the way back from a piss up in galway we were wondering why the land is so shit in connemara.

So we ask our friend why there was such a small layer of soil that rocks were pointing out and he says "because the bedrock is higher up"

.

To make things better he was adamant that he was right and we were wrong for 2 whole minutes of us grilling him over it, saying stuff like "but when you go up some mountains they have a decent amount of soil and they're higher" etc. (and laughing all the while) untill he suddenly went silent

.

When you consider the fact that this guy had almost 2 years of university level geology under his belt it has to be the most retarded thing i have ever heard.

powerfade · 04-12-2009 06:02PM

Limerick skobes

'Come here til I tell you a question'

Stupidest thing you have ever heard anyone say?

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