Stupidest thing you have ever heard anyone say?

ItsNoAlias

All,

Was reading some of the threads posted recently and thought the above would be a good subject to discuss.

What is the stupidest thing you have ever heard.

Personally, for me, it was when I was in school, during a perticularly unruley business studies class. Dead serious, one of the 'lads' down the back of the class was trying to annoy another bloke across the room.

So he goes ''Here Maurice, I bet I can throw this 50 cent across the room, into your mouth, down your neck and into your stomach and you wouldnt even know it! Thats how good a money thrower I am!''.

Maurice just shook his head, and died a little inside.

AnonoBoy

I sat behind Brendan O'Connor on a bus once for 3 hours. He was talking loudly on the phone the whole time.

3 hours worth of material right there.

5starpool

Thread Fail?

DOC09UNAM

Was living in England for a few months...

A nameless friend from Ireland rang me up and asked me what time was it over there.

Needless to say, i just laughed, and led him to believe it was an hour later.

Dunno if he's realised yet.

Sean Quagmire

Has to be the post by someone here a while back before Lisbon II. He wrote something like 'I was walking down the road and I seen a bunch of yes voters abusing an old woman and pushing her because she wanted to vote NO. We should all vote no!'

What an arse clown.

Armin_Tamzarian

"Look it's a bleedin tornado".

Said from one skanger bird to another outside a pub on the Northside (Dublin).

What she was actually looking at was smoke from the Sandymount towers.
The actual tower were obscured from view by a double-decker bus that had pulled in.

brummytom

I was reading through some old texts yesterday. I go on to telling a mate (girl) about a holiday to America earlier this year.
I mentioned I'd saw a moose and were amazed by how big they were.


"Mooses? Are they real?!"
"Erm.. yeah?"
"Like real animals? In the zoo?"
"Erm I doubt they'd be in a zoo here"
"What do they look like?"
"I dunno.. massive reindeer type things, hard to describe"
"Wow. I'm gonna go to the zoo just to see them"
/facepalm

I'll think of a few good ones in a bit, I know plenty of idiots

fintonie

i heard a priest say, let he who has cast the first stone do a sin :eek:

Hogzy

A few years ago when there was a general election my girlfriend saw a poster of some random candidate Cllr. Joe Bloggs, She then went on to ask me what cllr meant and she said "oh wait its clergyman isnt it?"

Every time is see Cllr now when im with her i make her feel bad due to her stupidity.

ibarelycare

One of my friends talking about a person he met on a night out...
"I've known him since 6th or 7th class."


My friend and I in London...
Her: "Can we go and see Trafalger Square?"
Me: "Yeah, why?"
Her: "To see where Eastenders is made!"


Same friend another time:
"I forgot Tipperary existed........except South Tipperary"

ItsNoAlias

Have another one, again at school.

I was in second year and the geography teacher puts a map of Ireland on the board. He asks one of the girls to point out offaly on the map. She stares at him without speaking. He repeats himself.

She stands up and says, But sir, dats a map of Ireland, Offaly is in bleedin africa!

Jeege

Was giving out to my then 5 year old for picking up the kittens I had just told her not to touch (I caught her when I looked out an upstairs window) and asked her to explain herself..
" But Mammy, I didn't think you'd see me":rolleyes:

Talk about digging yourself a bigger hole..

Hogzy

Jeege wrote: »

Was giving out to my then 5 year old for picking up the kittens I had just told her not to touch (I caught her when I looked out an upstairs window) and asked her to explain herself..
" But Mammy, I didn't think you'd see me":rolleyes:

Talk about digging yourself a bigger hole..

At least shes honest, most 5yr olds would probably lie

IvySlayer

No thank you, to a Garda

IvyTheTerrible

An American girl in Paris pointing at a pigeon, she asked her friend if it was a crow.

brummytom

A mate was telling a girl he was going on holiday to Bulgaria


"Is that in Spain?"

But she's fit, so I'll forgive it

IvySlayer

brummytom wrote: »

A mate was telling a girl he was going on holiday to Bulgaria


"Is that in Spain?"

But she's fit, so I'll forgive it

Well?? Is it????

And why aren't you at school young man :mad:

brummytom

IvySlayer wrote: »

Well?? Is it????

And why aren't you at school young man :mad:

Nope, it's in Eastern Europe.


And sick

IvySlayer

brummytom wrote: »

Nope, it's in Eastern Europe.


And sick

How much did you have?

Jeege

Hogzy wrote: »

At least shes honest, most 5yr olds would probably lie

Ye, too bloody honest for her own good sometimes!
And as for the 3 year old, he'd sell sand to an arab, he'll be taoiseach one day, polished experienced liar at this stage!!!

wudangclan

My friend: "Can I get a taxi from A to B,in half an hour please?"
Taxi-operator: "Of course you can."
My friend: "How long will it take you to get here?."

brummytom

IvySlayer wrote: »

How much did you have?

Ex-cer-use mee! :eek:


Nope, I haven't had a 'drink' at all since last Tuesday And that was only a pint with the father.
Haven't got pissed for two or three weeks

JCDUB

In skewl, many moons ago, the aul history muinteoir was asking us a few questions about Columbus on his travels.

So, he asks this fella in the class what cape Columbus came around before passing Africa or some such question, (can't remember precisely) and your man pipes up: "Cape Canaveral?!"

Even the teacher pissed himself laughing....

It was funny at the time:o

Intothesea

From a gawdawful TV show years ago:

Host: What's the shortest distance between two points?

Questionee: an arc.

jokettle

ibarelycare wrote: »

One of my friends talking about a person he met on a night out...
"I've known him since 6th or 7th class."

There is such a thing as 7th class...my secondary school had an age limit (you had to turn 13 by January of 1st year or something) and my birthday was later than that, ergo i entred 7th class. It's basically 6th class all over again, except it was called 7th so we wouldn't feel we were being held back/too dumb for Loreto :rolleyes:

Back OT, a friend was describing a trip to Berlin and called brandenburg gate "that big gate thing beside Starbucks"

Twin-go

In America a few years back, Got chatting to this really good looking girl at a house party.

Talking for about an hour at this stage and then she came out with it,

Her: "Your accent is nice"
Me: "why Thanks!"
Her: "Where you From?"
Me: "Ireland"
Her: "Wow, neat. Thats like a foriegn Country isn't it?"
Me: " eh, ya"
Her: "Do you actually understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?"
Me: "Eh..... WTF" Only been talking with you for the past hour you freak.

Still hooked up, She was very hot..........:D

sparky360

Twin-go wrote: »

Still hooked up, She was very hot..........:D

Riding a girl with a fever! nice

Ross_Mahon

"Are you watching the Eurovision tonight?"
"Yeah i think America will win this time"

*Facepalm*

thebossanova

"Yes I'm an atheist, thank God!"

frman

In school, fourth class, one of the lads (not too bright) ....


Q. What's the Capital of Turkey

A. Chicken


Everyone laughed though.

actuallylike

In America a while back chatting to some hot bird in a bar...

Her: So where you from?
Me:Ireland
Her:Oh yeah, where's that?

Didn't surprise me, most people I met there are pretty ignorant to the world anyway so I proceed to use my hands to describe where England is (which she knew) and then explained where Ireland was.
Chat continues...

Her:So what do you do in college?
Me:Engineering
Her:Oh yeah? So do you do like, bio engineering?
Me: (a bit stumped) eh no, why do you say that?
Her:Cause you know so much about maps and stuff!

Confused to say the least, yes I know where my country is on a map and what has that got to do with anything 'bio'?

I left her alone...

homerun_homer

My German manager was talking about having seen Valkerie in the cinema and the woman beside him asked what it was like and he described the premise - true story about one of the more successful attempts to assassinate Hitler.

As he continued to describe she said "oh don't spoil the ending on me... What happened again, did they succeed?"

mawk

way back when i worked in a shop. two wahs come in one day to get some groceries. one says something like 'jacinta! get a litre of milk' to the other. jacinta picks a litre of milk only to be told 'NO! get a BIG litre!'

jacinta picks up a two litre bottle, gets the nod.

so dumb that Im nearly sure it made me dumber to see.

epgc3fyqirnbsx

A few years back a girl I know, who is now a national school teacher, asked me
'Where's Islam?'

The Volt

Sitting in class a few years ago our teacher says to the class; All that's left now is to watch the film.

Bimbo down the back shouts out; I have a watch!

getz

one woman i knew once said to me,;they will have to stop putting the clocks back, its interfering with nature;

Armin_Tamzarian

Few years back Donna Air was interviewing the Corrs on MTV.

Donna: "So, how did you guys get together?"

whiterob81

a mate of mine started going out with a girl a few years ago. anyways, here's the general getting to know you conversation they had

him: so what are you hoping to do in college?
her: montessori teaching
him: oh cool, learning about dinosaurs and stuff.


also, was in a pub in offaly a few years and one of my mates thinking he was really suave ordered "Scotch on the rocks.....no ice please"

emeraldstar

Two blonde D4 heads in the Arts Block of UCD:

Blonde No. 1: "I can't go out tonight, we've got guests. My uncle is coming over. He's my mom's twin."

Blonde No. 2: "Twins, cool! Are they identical?"

Instant Karma

Both of these were overheard by me at work in the last fortnight;

One girl shouted to her supervisor - "What does incompetent mean?"

2nd incident happened during a game of guess who, having a post-it note stuck to her head of a famous actor -

"Am I a woman?"

"No"

"Am I a man?"

...

actuallylike

Guy in school around Christmas time was heard singing to himself the Coca Cola tune ("holidays are coming, holidays are coming, etc"). Nobody took notice until someone listened in to the words he was using.

"How many days till Christmas, how many days till Christmas..."

He couldn't have gotten it more wrong!

Ahoy!

Back in 5th or 6th year this young one goes 'I hate questions that make you think' :P

Around the same time in sex ed class one of the lads mentioned something about durex and one girl goes 'Durex?! I thought that was an insurance company!' She was fairly innocent.

Duggy747

"Is a Panda a bear?"

"Where's Wales?"

"What's a foreign minister?"

"Can you fast forward live tv on Sky+?" (Eh, no, you'd be going into the future then causing a time paradox which would result in a black hole in the TV..............killing us all!)

Once convinced someone with a cold that if they sat by a computer they'd give it a virus

silvervixen84

brummytom wrote: »

Nope, it's in Eastern Europe.


And sick

I kinda imagined you as a modern day Ferris Beuller before now, but this has confirmed it

magma69

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJuNgBkloFE

Couldn't resist some Yank bashing! :pac:

MrSquishSquash

"I know this salmon but is there chicken in it?" - Jessica Simpson

star.chaser

"I owe some people some money"


The answer when I asked some scumbag who applied for a loan, what he needed it for.

Sirsok

One of my girlfriends friends didnt know weather a male should put his balls in also while having sex.........

a guy i knew from when i was in secondary only found out in 5th year that the moon and sun were different things no joke

magma69

My sister thought the Celtic tiger was a green tiger they kept in Dublin which brought us good luck. Facepalmtastic!

Adam

jokettle wrote: »

There is such a thing as 7th class...my secondary school had an age limit (you had to turn 13 by January of 1st year or something) and my birthday was later than that, ergo i entred 7th class. It's basically 6th class all over again, except it was called 7th so we wouldn't feel we were being held back/too dumb for Loreto :rolleyes:

Back OT, a friend was describing a trip to Berlin and called brandenburg gate "that big gate thing beside Starbucks"

aahahahahhahahahahahaaaaaaa.....you're stupid

"a corner has three corners..." referring to the point where two walls and the roof meet. still makes me laugh to this day...

jokettle

Adam wrote: »

aahahahahhahahahahahaaaaaaa.....you're stupid

Personal abuse much? Unless you're referring to the typo in my post, in which case....fair enough