treated badly by friend or jealous?

LegacyUser · 02-12-2009 04:54PM #1

I'm annoyed at a friend but I'm not sure if I have any right to be, or if it's jealousy. I fooled around a few times with one of my friends, slept together once, all the time fairly drunkenly, but there was a lot of chemistry there. the day after, we always went back to being mates and it didnt affect our friendship, though others in the group started to notice we talked a lot together on nights out and seemed close. i'll be clear though - there was nothing there besides friendship and teh occasional drunken fumble - i'm not interested in a relationship at the mo' as I was badly hurt by my last, and he's not the type nor seems to see me that way.

well, crux came last week, early in the week we'd gone home together (our third time to kiss) and whilst it was a bit awkward the other times, we were fairly sober this time, enjoyed it and the next morning had a good laugh over little stuff before dropping me home. later that week, we all went out and i saw him and a work mate holdign hands and kissing, they even sat beside me while making out.

i spent the night fairly annoyed at him and feeling quite dejected. but i'm not sure if i have any right to be. i dont want a relationship with him, but surely he should be more subtle - we've both been with other people whilst fooling around, tho didnt really discuss it, we were both aware of it. i havent seen him since, and avoided him on the night - should i bring it up that i felt he was rude to me that night, and should have been more discreet???

MissFlitworth · 02-12-2009 05:18PM

Urrh that sounds like a sucky thing to have to observe! I dunno did he do anything wrong though if you're both in agreement that it's just an occasional no-strings-attached-shag you're having. If you guys hang out and go out in the same group of friends it'll be hard to avoid being with other people in front of eachother, and if alcohol is involved then all subtlety tends to leggit out the window. TBH it sounds like you need to find yourself another f*ckbuddy

One you won't have to be around when he's scoring someone else

LegacyUser · 02-12-2009 07:18PM

OP here, yeah I just can't figure it out - I know he hasn't done anything wrong, we're both free to mess around, and on nights out we've both met other ppl - but have been discreet about it like going off somewhere.....this just sucked tho! I doubt he'll try it on again with me - as I've generally been the one to initiate tho he flirts pretty heavily before hand....if it happens again (him flirtin or tryin it on), I'll have to turn him down, and think of some excuse - I just couldnt kiss him after seeing him act all couply with someone else, and feelin this "awkward angry at him tho it's irrational'...god I wouldnt like to have to explain it to him!

and i'm not good at hiding things either....

MissFlitworth · 02-12-2009 08:56PM

Completely normal to feel fupped off even though it's irrational and technically no ones done anything wrong. I don't think I'd say anything to him though, unless you actually did want something more than you guys have at the moment it might be a bit confusing of the issue to give out to him for being with someone else in front of you. The annoying anger will pass though

CDfm · 02-12-2009 09:25PM

OP - you are friends with benefits. The situation is what you signed up for.

The little green monster has appeared though.In fairness,its normal if you have feelings for him.

Are you entitled to feel jealous -not really as you are not available for a relationship by choice. So if he is looking for a stable relationship with you then its not available to him.

Grimlock · 03-12-2009 01:34AM

I think OP you'll need to do a little soul searching, you've got feeling for him but is it more than friendship?
He's not your ex, he didn't screw you around so you are not being honest with him or more importantly yourself.
Life is too short to lock yourself away because you've been hurt in the past. I speak from experience here.

If you don't want anything more serious with him then I think you should take yourself out of this situation because things are too complicated.

Good luck

cafecolour · 03-12-2009 01:38AM

It's jealousy. It's not unusual, but he did nothing terribly wrong, though it's not in the best form to be shifting all night sitting next to someone even if you haven't slept with him

Don't mention it to him. I'd stop seeing/sleeping with him, as you're developing feelings for him that he's not reciprocating.

LegacyUser · 03-12-2009 01:44AM

eeek, I'd be peed if it happened to me. You know yourself he technically he did nothing wrong but it's very bad taste alright. Snogging someone in front of another person you just snogged is bad taste in my eyes.

If you're mates and you are annoyed with him you should probably say something as otherwise you'll stay annoyed with him and he won't know why. I don't know though, that could make it awkward too. eeeek. Actually if it was me I'd try to snog a really hot guy and make him jealous. But that's just playing games isn't it.

LegacyUser · 03-12-2009 11:42AM

OP here,

thanks guys for your responses - I agree with most of the posts, techincically he didnt do anythign wrong but it was a bit rude, and I can't help being a bit peeved. but if he likes the girl, or even just fancies her, then that's his right. I'll say nothing - we're mates, I don't think it was very nice of him to do what he did, but there's no point starting a row out of it as it'll not fix things, and I don't want him thinking I feel anythin more than friendship with him. also, he prob didnt cop how it'd make me feel, as he hasnt been on the other side.

I also like ur post qweert - tho it's playing games, i'll go find a nice hot boy to kiss just to show we're on the same page then

ah sure, that'll be the end of things with him now, so the eek feeling will pass soon enough

oh and grimlock there really isn't anything more than friends with extras - as a friend i hoped for a bit more consideration though as a boy, he didn't pick up on that sort of thing (please, no rants about stereotyping boys, he's a pretty thick boy in that he doesnt think of subtleties, discretion, picking up on hints etc - trust me, he's had enough hints from me but it's always been up to me to take moves, so i'm pretty sure he wont even imagine that i'm annoyed)

treated badly by friend or jealous?

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