"Stay at home" Fathers.

AckwelFoley · 10-11-2009 08:52PM #1

I was watching a program earlier that had a man that was considered a "Stay at home" father and his wife was the bread winner essentially.

I know its more common today and perhaps with jobs less scarse its becomming more of a necessity than a decision, but how do you feel about it?

Could you see yourself if your wife had perhaps a very good wage staying at home to minfd the children all day and do the housework?

Personally, i dont think i could, actually - i know i couldnt, id have to work outside the home, perhaps its my neanderthal view on relationships or perhaps its because i simply wouldnt be able to do it -

My name is URL · 10-11-2009 08:56PM

I'd imagine it could be quite emasculating for some men, but fcuk it, if she's on a higher salary then it's the sensible thing to do

either way, it's better to have at least one parent at home with the kids rather than having a child-minder, imo

brummytom · 10-11-2009 08:57PM

My cousin finished his job last friday to become a stay-at-home dad. His wife's an accountant, she's earning a bomb so it's not like they'll be scraping.

I think it's nice. Money's not everything, having time to spend with your child during the best years of their lives, when they need the most care, love and attention; by far makes up for maybe having a little less money coming in.

Cadiz · 10-11-2009 08:58PM

I don't think that's neanderthal, it's a tough gig and it doesn't suit everyone - male or female, and there's no shame in admitting it wouldn't be for you.

Two of my male friends are at house husbanding due to the recession. One loves it, one can't wait for it to end. But both of them find it a bit socially isolating.

10-11-2009 09:00PM

So Snyper isnt inheriting the farm.....

Wertz · 10-11-2009 09:00PM

Have 3 mates who do or have done this.
None of them had any complaints about it....wife/gf on better money and/or was the only one who could get work....better the father doing it than paying for impersonal childcare and basically working to pay for that care.
Once you get past the male ego thing of not wanting to be a kept man or whatever, then I suppose you do what makes most sense be it financially or emotionally.

Don't have kids myself and can't really comment on whether I could do it or not...

AARRRGH · 10-11-2009 09:02PM

I wouldn't have a problem with it. I plan to give up the 9 - 5 in about 6 months anyway, so it wouldn't bother me being at home looking after the kids.

phasers · 10-11-2009 09:03PM

My dad has been at home a lot more recently and my mam is earning a bit more than him. I can tell he hates my mam "Having to work" as he sees it because he's an old-fashioned guy who wants to take care of his family.

I can't comment on how more modern men feel, but I like having my daddy home more :cool:

Turd Ferguson · 10-11-2009 09:03PM

I dont see a problem in a man doing it...at long as he is not personally breastfeeding. I wouldnt mind saying at home taking care of a kid all day, I think I'd be pretty damn good at it

AckwelFoley · 10-11-2009 09:04PM

Cadiz wrote: »

I don't think that's neanderthal, it's a tough gig and it doesn't suit everyone - male or female, and there's no shame in admitting it wouldn't be for you.

Two of my male friends are at house husbanding due to the recession. One loves it, one can't wait for it to end. But both of them find it a bit socially isolating.

MY NAME IS URL probably said it best, saying it must be emasculating.. i think that bit would be a big toughie for me, i do however accept that because of the recession some men do it by necessity and perhaps not by choice, but it must be a tough one to get over.

Granted, of course .. a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do, and if staying at home is what needs to be done for the best interests of the family, fair play to them, but i couldnt see myself ever doing it

c0rk3r · 10-11-2009 09:06PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmWp-rI6vSw

MrEko · 10-11-2009 09:06PM

If I couldnt find a job or, which could be very likely, she had a higher paying job and for whatever reason we could not afford or did not want someone else minding the kids I would have no problem being a stay at home Dad.

The idea that it makes you less of a man is crazy these days. But then I can cook, bake, clean and do other such un manly things probably means I'm a lost cause anyway.

stovelid · 10-11-2009 09:06PM

I would do it although it's tougher work than most people (men) imagine and I imagine it gets isolating.

The benefit is seeing more of your kid which would be fantastic and been able to manage your own day, but not having your own money wouldn't feel good.

AARRRGH · 10-11-2009 09:07PM

snyper wrote: »

MY NAME IS URL probably said it best, saying it must be emasculating.. i think that bit would be a big toughie for me

I thought you were a cross dressing DJ? No joke. Or maybe I have you confused with another poster!!

AnonoBoy · 10-11-2009 09:08PM

I'd be a stay at home dude if I had a wife who'd support me.

Oh wait..... Dad? Nevermind.

brummytom · 10-11-2009 09:10PM

AARRRGH wrote: »

I thought you were a cross dressing DJ? No joke. Or maybe I have you confused with another poster!!

I only know of one strange DJ on here... you thought snyper was that one?

AckwelFoley · 10-11-2009 09:14PM

AARRRGH wrote: »

I thought you were a cross dressing DJ? No joke. Or maybe I have you confused with another poster!!

Spyder . . . .Snyper...

wantolose · 10-11-2009 09:16PM

well in our house we both reduced our hours and we both look after our little one on our days off, it works out fairly ok, neither of us wanted to send him to a childminder or creche, we were both looked after at home by a parent and it didnt do us any harm, we just didnt want taking him out of his little cot at 7am and packing him off for the day, things can be tight but, we live within our means , grow our own veg and have 4 hens, and no we are not farmers we just have a small little back garden that we gro:)w our veggies on, it works for us!

Cadiz · 10-11-2009 09:22PM

Nice balance you've got there wantolose, good fer you two.

Shivers26 · 10-11-2009 09:56PM

Currently OH works F/T and I work 3 days a week but I know he would happily be a SAHD if we could manage financially. He is an amazing father but he is in a good, secure job so it would be senseless leaving now. Maybe in the future if we have another nipper it would make more sense to have one of us at home. Childcare costing almost a grand a month for P/T places.

I am really enjoying the days I have at home with the kids. I am up early getting the older lad out to school so housework is done early, this leaves the afternoons free to do more interesting things with them.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 10-11-2009 10:01PM

snyper wrote: »

MY NAME IS URL probably said it best, saying it must be emasculating.. i think that bit would be a big toughie for me, i do however accept that because of the recession some men do it by necessity and perhaps not by choice, but it must be a tough one to get over.

Granted, of course .. a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do, and if staying at home is what needs to be done for the best interests of the family, fair play to them, but i couldnt see myself ever doing it

phasers wrote: »

My dad has been at home a lot more recently and my mam is earning a bit more than him. I can tell he hates my mam "Having to work" as he sees it because he's an old-fashioned guy who wants to take care of his family.

I can't comment on how more modern men feel, but I like having my daddy home more :cool:

Cadiz wrote: »

I don't think that's neanderthal, it's a tough gig and it doesn't suit everyone - male or female, and there's no shame in admitting it wouldn't be for you.

Two of my male friends are at house husbanding due to the recession. One loves it, one can't wait for it to end. But both of them find it a bit socially isolating.

Do you know, this came up in conversation with me and my friends the other day and I was quite shocked how many of them were saying they wouldn't be comfortable working to support a man. These girls are all around twenty not particularly conservative at all, but three of them were saying things which basically translated as "a man should work and a woman should stay at home". They're all quite driven, planning what masters to do to get a good job, I really didn't think they'd have held backwards opinions like that

Gyalist · 10-11-2009 10:04PM

At the time it seemed like a good idea. After all, Richard Dean told himself, he was earning less than his wife Louise, a high-flying marketing executive. And did it really matter who was at home to look after their children?

With that in mind, it was not such a difficult decision for him to give up his career as a manager in the manufacturing industry to look after their ten-month-old son, Jack.

He hoped it would bring them closer together as a family. In reality, it sounded the death knell for their marriage.

"I sensed that Louise was becoming more detached and less interested in me sexually within a year of becoming a househusband," says Richard, 50. "She was always picking on me for silly little things she said I hadn't done, like the washing up or not tidying away the toys.

"It was as if she was losing all respect for me, just because I was the one at home, doing the domesworktic duties. Then, one day two years ago, she announced she was leaving me - and taking the children with her. She told me she was going to go and live with her mother 20 miles away. To say I was devastated does not do my feelings justice. It was as if the bottom had fallen out of my world."

LINK

The article is from the Daily Mail but is still an interesting exploration of the unintended consequences.

Cadiz · 10-11-2009 10:06PM

Gyalist wrote: »

LINK

The article is from the Daily Mail but is still an interesting exploration of the unintended consequences.

Standard Daily Mail bilge tbh

stovelid · 10-11-2009 10:17PM

Gyalist wrote: »

LINK

The article is from the Daily Mail but is still an interesting exploration of the unintended consequences.

There it is, lads. From the horse's mouth.

Don't do any housework or your wife will fuck off on you.

AARRRGH · 10-11-2009 10:43PM

brummytom wrote: »

I only know of one strange DJ on here... you thought snyper was that one?

snyper wrote: »

Spyder . . . .Snyper...

Haha! Sorry.

Joey the lips · 10-11-2009 11:07PM

I am a stay at home dad. Its a combination of factors. I lost my job last year then my child was declared disabled. So now even if I want to work a cresh cannot take my child. My wife is on good money thank god. So we are lucky. She is not on excellent money so we are just getting by. Anybody in the same position knows what we get.

Personally I hate staying at home. It goes against all my logic as a man. I have worked since i was 16(While i was still in school) I feel lost. I feel like I am not contributing to the house. I am paying the bills but I pay them with my wifes money.

But then on a plus side. I have become very understanding of the stay at home role. I understand the pressures. I love the fact I am looking after my kids.

Any parent staying at home is not easy. Having said that if you can get by it is very enjoyable,

AARRRGH · 10-11-2009 11:09PM

Joey the lips wrote: »

I am a stay at home dad. Its a combination of factors. I lost my job last year then my child was declared disabled. So now even if I want to work a cresh cannot take my child. My wife is on good money thank god. So we are lucky. She is not on excellent money so we are just getting by. Anybody in the same position knows what we get.

Personally I hate staying at home. It goes against all my logic as a man. I have worked since i was 16(While i was still in school) I feel lost. I feel like I am not contributing to the house. I am paying the bills but I pay them with my wifes money.

But then on a plus side. I have become very understanding of the stay at home role. I understand the pressures. I love the fact I am looking after my kids.

Any parent staying at home is not easy. Having said that if you can get by it is very enjoyable,

You should learn PHP and the basics of web design and start running websites from your home. I do something similar and it is really satisfying and enjoyable.

Overheal · 10-11-2009 11:14PM

snyper wrote: »

I was watching a program earlier that had a man that was considered a "Stay at home" father and his wife was the bread winner essentially.

I know its more common today and perhaps with jobs less scarse its becomming more of a necessity than a decision, but how do you feel about it?

Could you see yourself if your wife had perhaps a very good wage staying at home to minfd the children all day and do the housework?

Personally, i dont think i could, actually - i know i couldnt, id have to work outside the home, perhaps its my neanderthal view on relationships or perhaps its because i simply wouldnt be able to do it -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lion

ejmaztec · 11-11-2009 12:02AM

If guys are that ashamed, they should take the kids to the park, or whatever, chat up the milfs and tell them that their wives got killed in a tragic accident when the microwave exploded.

They'll then enjoy some sympathy shag evenings away from home.

Joey the lips · 11-11-2009 12:05AM

ejmaztec wrote: »

If guys are that ashamed, they should take the kids to the park, or whatever, chat up the milfs and tell them that their wives got killed in a tragic accident when the microwave exploded.

They'll then enjoy some sympathy shag evenings away from home.

There is a difference in shame and prostitution. You also undermine women with your pathetic comments. I would report it only i dont think you will learn anything by it.

Coriolanus · 11-11-2009 12:07AM

I'd probably channel my resentment into making the children fear and/or loathe their mother.

"Stay at home" Fathers.

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