Can A Woman Feel Settled With A Man Better Looking Than Her???

LegacyUser · 13-10-2009 12:00PM #1

Basically, we were doing some shopping a couple weeks ago and some fella on the street shouted out that I could do better than the girl I'm with twice.

I am so attracted to her. She is hot as hell. She gets chatted up in bars. Why he said that I don't know.....

But she reckons I am the better looking in the relationship and it seemed to get to her a lot! I tried to tell her it's not an issue 'cause I'm so attracted to her and click with her.

Why is this such an issue for her?

Darthhoob · 13-10-2009 12:49PM

i'm not suprised it got to her

what a bastard for saying that.

some people are just nasty, i've had similar said to me and my OH has has similar said to him. i consider my OH to be better looking than me, he considers me to be better looking than him lol.

maybe the guy had mistaken her for someone he knew and thought was a skank (maybe even someone he slept with) and decided to be a twat because of that.

dont dwell on it, fact is you love her yes? you find her 'hot as hell'. remind her of all the good to cancel out the bad. it's stranmge how we take the good in our stride but when one bad comment is said it effects us alot more.

i imagine it afects her cos maybe she has some self esteem issues? like alot of women.

Beruthiel · 13-10-2009 12:54PM

adflkj wrote: »

Why is this such an issue for her?

Lack of self confidence?
If she knew what a fantastic person she was, the looks wouldn't matter too much.
After all, they will fade in time and she will still be fantastic.

What happens when your fantastic looks fade?

Joke people!

martdalto · 13-10-2009 01:02PM

Darthhoob wrote: »

i imagine it afects her cos maybe she has some self esteem issues? like alot of women.

I imagine it affected her because some stranger on the street choose to roar at you in public - and imply that she is ugly.

Self-esteem issues or not (that so many women seem to have (?)) THAT would affect anybody.

As Beruthiel says, you (both!) are not going to be "gorgeous" forever!! There needs to be more to a relationship than just that, and the fact that you mentioned that you click so well, I think you'll be fine!

Tell her maybe she just wasn't his type... it's possible he fancied YOU! It's a very unusual situation for a man to shout across the street at a random stranger to basically tell him he's good looking! (TWICE!)

BraziliaNZ · 13-10-2009 01:11PM

Beruthiel wrote: »

Lack of self confidence?
If she knew what a fantastic person she was, the looks wouldn't matter too much.
After all, they will fade in time and she will still be fantastic.

What happens when your fantastic looks fade?

Joke people!

our looks don't fade, only women's, we just get all silvery richard gerey michael douglasy george clooney-ey and distinguished

Oh The Humanity · 13-10-2009 01:16PM

But is it an issue for her?

Has she said so?

opinion guy · 13-10-2009 01:19PM

adflkj wrote: »

Basically, we were doing some shopping a couple weeks ago and some fella on the street shouted out that I could do better than the girl I'm with twice.

I am so attracted to her. She is hot as hell. She gets chatted up in bars. Why he said that I don't know.....

But she reckons I am the better looking in the relationship and it seemed to get to her a lot! I tried to tell her it's not an issue 'cause I'm so attracted to her and click with her.

Why is this such an issue for her?

Wait, wait, wait. Some random nutter on the street repeatedly shouts you could do better than the girl you are with, and BOTH you and your GF's response is to decide you are better looking ?

I'm sorry, this makes no sense. I mean why would a randomer on the street tell you you were selling yourself short ? I mean who does that. What guy looks at a couple on the street and says to the fella you are selling yourself short ? And what couple actually pays any heed to such crazyness. Is there more to this story ?

krudler · 13-10-2009 01:19PM

was the guy on the street an adonis with a gaggle of models hanging from each arm? no didnt think so, so **** what he said, as long as you both find each other attractive then who cares what some moron on the street said, he'll be a dickhead forever, lifes too short to be worrying about hat strangers think.

Me and the oh feel the same, I've never really had much confidence in my looks even though she tells me she thought I was hot the first time we met, and she thinks shes pretty but not overly so,where i think shes absolutely beautiful

LegacyUser · 13-10-2009 02:08PM

But is it an issue for her?

She said it was something she was thinking anyhow and he confirmed it for her.

It's not an issue for me... I feel secure and happy for once. I've never had it like this before... And I always say so.

We were having such a good day until it happened. I noticed a big change in her afterwards and was very worried. I couldn't get her to click out of it.... I don't blame her though. He was so rude! I just hope it was a reaction to his nastiness rather than a deeper problem she has concerning our looks...

racheypachey · 13-10-2009 02:40PM

I have little confidence in myself but my boyfriend thinks I'm gorgeous and many people have said that i should go out with somebody way hotter than my boyfriend, people are shallow, thats life....

opinion guy · 13-10-2009 05:07PM

OP

How did you react when this happened ? did you say anything or do anything ?

Oh The Humanity · 13-10-2009 05:10PM

OPheree wrote: »

She said it was something she was thinking anyhow and he confirmed it for her.

It's not an issue for me... I feel secure and happy for once. I've never had it like this before... And I always say so.

We were having such a good day until it happened. I noticed a big change in her afterwards and was very worried. I couldn't get her to click out of it.... I don't blame her though. He was so rude! I just hope it was a reaction to his nastiness rather than a deeper problem she has concerning our looks...

Don't put any store in it then. It was just one rude/mental person probably doing it for a wind up. Forget it and don't spin it out.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder y'know!

LegacyUser · 13-10-2009 05:16PM

I told him 'I tried your mother but she wasn't up to scratch'. His friends laughed at him which shows what they thought of him.

He was overweight and ugly. He was a loser basically.

I explained to her that he sees us happy and enjoying ourselves and he knows he can't have that. He's frustrated and that's his way of expressing it. I know he thought she was great looking under it all 'cause she is! But he needed to put her down...

Do you think I did right? Is there anymore I can do?

Eve_Dublin · 13-10-2009 05:45PM

I´m guessing more mental than rude. Really odd thing to say to a couple walking down the street and I´d pay no attention to such crazy-talk; the man was clearly not all there in head.

I guess people have their insecure moments in every relationship but I don´t think I´d ever compare myself physically to a boyfriend or any male for that matter....aren´t women and men physically attractive in very different ways? Lots of women love men who are greying or balding or hairy but those same attributes are not considered particualarly attractive in female form just as large mammary glands, small hips and a shaply bum aren´t considered particularly attractive in a man. Apples and oranges in my opinion and beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.

opinion guy · 13-10-2009 06:00PM

OPhereee wrote: »

I told him 'I tried your mother but she wasn't up to scratch'. His friends laughed at him which shows what they thought of him.

He was overweight and ugly. He was a loser basically.

I explained to her that he sees us happy and enjoying ourselves and he knows he can't have that. He's frustrated and that's his way of expressing it. I know he thought she was great looking under it all 'cause she is! But he needed to put her down...

Do you think I did right? Is there anymore I can do?

LOL. Nice put-down. But what I'm wondering about is - how did it make her feel? That response would certainly smack the weirdo like he deserved, but it wouldn't exaclty make your GF feel to special no would it ? I'm thinking your reaction probably more important than the randomer. She might be wondering why you didn't publicly say she's gorgeous or something. Just a thought.

Either that or she has a selfesteem issue I reckon.

Eve_Dublin · 13-10-2009 06:07PM

OPhereee wrote: »

I told him 'I tried your mother but she wasn't up to scratch'. His friends laughed at him which shows what they thought of him.

He was overweight and ugly. He was a loser basically.

I explained to her that he sees us happy and enjoying ourselves and he knows he can't have that. He's frustrated and that's his way of expressing it. I know he thought she was great looking under it all 'cause she is! But he needed to put her down...

Do you think I did right? Is there anymore I can do?

Fair play to you for thinking up something so quickly and far play for saying something at all. You did everything you could in the situation....but the man was either a) p%ssed or b) mad. Easier said than done but she shouldn´t have even entertained the comment from this guy. I think you hit it the nail on the head when you pointed out the fact that some people don´t like to see other people happy and this kind of comment almost ALWAYS boils down to jealousy and an insecurity in himself. He wanted to agrivate BOTH of you and he chose the easiest target out of the two of you and the one least likely to give him a smack in the face...your girlfriend and particularly with such a baffling comment...he wasn´t insulting you...he was insulting your girlfriend so he WAS insulting you indirectly...it would leave you so confused that you couldn´t possibly act accordingly.

Still, it hit a nerve with your girlfriend and she was obviously thinking along those lines before. I said in my previous post that I never compared myself to my boyfriends in the past and that is true but if the truth be told, I went out with 2 very good-looking men in the past for a few years each, much, much better looking than me if were talking about a scale of 1-10.....but I WOULD say this being a heterosexual female. All my female friends and a couple of gay male friends agreed that these fellas were gorgeous and of course they would, they go for men. Men and women go for very different things in each other...things that aren´t even visible to the human eye. It´s usually the case that the most obviously good-looking person is not the most attractive. Good looks don´t equate to attractiveness but we´ve all been fed a different line by the powers that be.

martdalto · 13-10-2009 11:11PM

OP... I get the distince impression that YOU also think you are better looking than your gf?

The title of your thread and the fact that you didn't defend/compliment your gf in public, you just insulted HIM says as much.

Do you think you are better loking than her... and is THIS the issue for her.. and the crazy man on the street just said it out loud?!

Maybe if she feels that you are better looking and you think you could do better, that's where the problem lies.

zxcvbnm1 · 14-10-2009 12:32AM

The issue is as follows:

Some nut case roars a crazy obscenity at your girlfriend.
You basically let on to your girlfriend that you effectively agree with thsi weirdo to an extent. (Admittedly not directly - but it seems you both concluded that you were the better looking)

And you are on here trying to understand what is wrong with her??

Also - someposters have suggested she may have self esteem issues ?? Han on people - she got roared at in teh street by a stranger who called her ugly and her bf doesn't exactly go out of his way to convinvce her otherwise. How is that self esteem issues??
Of course she would be highly insulted !!

You also come out with some teenage mother-insult nonsense. That is far from a good comeback contrary to what other posters suggest.

What age are you by teh way?
I am suspecting that you are early 20's at the very most.

opinion guy · 14-10-2009 12:41AM

Clarification: I thought it was a good comeback cause it embarassed the guy in front of his mates. Like you I share the feeling that he didn't exactly do anything to dissuade what the guy said and almost seems to agree that he is outstandingly good looking which might well be why she is reacting like this.

But to be honest, I'm cutting the OP some slack because if it were me in that situation I think I would probably be so stunned as to not say anything sensible, so i find i can't be too hard on him for not having the perfect quip to mind as some random nutter happens to shout at them on the street. I've seen a situation where a randomer attacked my mates gf on the street - but she was slightly behind the rest of us so nobody knew what was going on for a bit. these situation can be confusing so i think to come up with any comeback is doing well.

The reason I'm saying maybe there is a selfesteem issue, is because well actualyl none of us were there. So many things were possible. I mean personally I wouldn;t pay a blind bit of attention to anything some nutter says on the street. From the OP's initial telling it seems like that simply did upset her which i think is waht put the selfesteem thing in peoples head. But on questinoing I do think on balance it is probably the OP's reaction to the situation not to say something publicly about how beautiful he thinks she is that is making her upset. but since i wasn't there i don't know that now do for sure now do I ?

e04bf099 · 14-10-2009 01:00AM

OP I have to be honest. I would've said exactly what you said. But I also think it is exactly what she is upset about. I'm almost certain, the more I think about it.

LegacyUser · 14-10-2009 10:12AM

I am early twenties...

I was stunned it happened in the first place. I thought about it loads after and I keep thinking about taking him on physically and making him apologise to her direct. But in the heat of the situation you're getting a rush of adrenaline, he's got his friends there and he's tanked up. It's always 20/20 looking back. And reasoning with a weirdo on the street about the merits of my gf's looks might be a bit frivolous I think...

I don't think I'm better looking. I think she is. Ironically, it was one of my insecurities when I started going out with her.... I used to think how could I live up to her looks. I explained that to her. I thought the guy was talking to her at first. I know it might sound like looks are a big thing in our relationship but they're not...

I'd love to know how I can make her feel more secure about it all. I know she's right to be insulted by that weirdo on the street. She is a confident person but maybe I need to do more to make her feel secure. Not sure.....

Oh The Humanity · 14-10-2009 11:00AM

The reason he said it is because he wants her to think she is batting above her average so that she loses confidence and starts to contemplate going out with ugly fat basids like him.

That's all nothing more, nothing less. He was trying to set the cats amongst the pigeons, cause trouble in paradise, rock the boat etc etc

And he did. He got what he wanted. He has the two of ye in a head spin wondering and contemplating what it all meant/means etc.

You will get a certain type of guy who will try to cause cracks in the self confidence of good looking girls. Girls who are unattainable to them. They do this in the hope that if they chip away enough it might work someday and the girl will decide to start sizing up losers like him as a potential partner.

He probably uses this line over and over again. Its likely that it wasn't particularly tailored to yourselves or even an off the cuff comment. Its probably a well worn wind up he falls back on automatically in pubs etc.

Anyway, thats one theory. Who knows for sure....Who cares!

Stop giving him what he wants, one day you are better looking that your girl another day shes better than you. Everyone sees things differently.

I say stop analysing it and giving it importance.

e04bf099 · 14-10-2009 11:25AM

martdalto wrote: »

OP... I get the distince impression that YOU also think you are better looking than your gf?

The title of your thread and the fact that you didn't defend/compliment your gf in public, you just insulted HIM says as much.

Do you think you are better loking than her... and is THIS the issue for her.. and the crazy man on the street just said it out loud?!

Maybe if she feels that you are better looking and you think you could do better, that's where the problem lies.

+1

As I said before, I woud've done exactly the same thing. BUT... the arse-hole on the street had much less to do with it than you.

You sound vain and quite chuffed at the public compliment. She is insecure, due to your reaction, that you are gonna try and do better.

Luckilly for you there are a thousand ways you can make it up to her, but you have to figure that out yourself.

opinion guy · 14-10-2009 11:28AM

ahjdhakd wrote: »

I am early twenties...

I was stunned it happened in the first place. I thought about it loads after and I keep thinking about taking him on physically and making him apologise to her direct.

Absolutely NOT. You could have gotten yourself knifed or something.

I know she's right to be insulted by that weirdo on the street.

No she's wrong. Who gives a f**k what some drunk idiot thinks.

She is a confident person but maybe I need to do more to make her feel secure. Not sure.....

Not realyl sure you can.

He probably uses this line over and over again. Its likely that it wasn't particularly tailored to yourselves or even an off the cuff comment. Its probably a well worn wind up he falls back on automatically in pubs etc.

Nah I'd say he was just drunk and playing up to his mates

martdalto · 14-10-2009 03:13PM

e04bf099 wrote: »

...... the arse-hole on the street had much less to do with it than you.

You sound vain and quite chuffed at the public compliment.

+1

I agree with this totally. Your title is.. "Can a woman feel settled with a man better looking than her". Not, "How can I reassure my girlfriend that I think she is gorgeous?"!!

You are saying that you are better looking, and you're wondering if you're girlfriend can ever be happy in herself, going out with such a stud!

Personally I tihnk you need to tone yourself down. Yes, you probably are both gorgeous - you possibly are even more gorgeous than she is. if you're happy together than you will be comfortable together. If one person is making the other feel inferior (intentionally or not) then you are heading for trouble.

If you want to both be happy and relaxed in your relationship, then.....

e04bf099 wrote: »

there are a thousand ways you can make it up to her, but you have to figure that out yourself.

Eve_Dublin · 14-10-2009 04:33PM

martdalto wrote: »

+1

I agree with this totally. Your title is.. "Can a woman feel settled with a man better looking than her". Not, "How can I reassure my girlfriend that I think she is gorgeous?"!!

You are saying that you are better looking, and you're wondering if you're girlfriend can ever be happy in herself, going out with such a stud!

Personally I tihnk you need to tone yourself down. Yes, you probably are both gorgeous - you possibly are even more gorgeous than she is. if you're happy together than you will be comfortable together. If one person is making the other feel inferior (intentionally or not) then you are heading for trouble.

If you want to both be happy and relaxed in your relationship, then.....

Ah no need for that! Jaysus, what´s wrong with some people in here coming off so bitter. People aren´t allowed think they´re good-looking without being accused as vain? What´s the difference between this and claiming your intelligent or kind or good at football? I reckon the title of the post related to the crazy man´s comment. He did nothing wrong here and I think the OP reacted like any man would´ve and should´ve after being confronted with such an unexpected and baffling comment. It sounds like he genuinely cares about how his girlfriend feelings. I doubt he tells his girlfriend daily how much better looking he thinks he is.

LegacyUser · 14-10-2009 05:06PM

Apologies....

Title should have read: Can a woman feel settled with a man (she thinks is) is better looking than her?'

If you knew me you wouldn't think me vain or cocky at all. It's not how I'm wired...

I just worry bout the whole effect of her feeling that way because it makes me feel worse. I don't know how to explain it. Like, when we were having a great time and just enjoying each other I was turned on and I was happy. But, when that thing happened and she explained to me bout how she was feeling I didn't feel turned on at all and I felt more distant from her if that makes sense.

I want her to erase that event and feelings surrounding it from her head altogether... Cause if she could I feel there could be something long term between us with the way we get on otherwise... That's all... Thanks...

dsmythy · 14-10-2009 05:18PM

You handled the situation well. No point approaching such people as you never know how many screws they have loose. On the flip side if he makes a habit out of this he'll find himself one day receiving a whooping from a less restrained person.

Popped in to comment because i recall a similar thing happen to me. Was walking up the street with a female friend when some guy getting into a car told me my "girlfriend" was ugly. Some people are just idiots. Hopefully you can both forget this incident.

opinion guy · 14-10-2009 05:43PM

dsmythy wrote: »

You handled the situation well. No point approaching such people as you never know how many screws they have loose. On the flip side if he makes a habit out of this he'll find himself one day receiving a whooping from a less restrained person.

Popped in to comment because i recall a similar thing happen to me. Was walking up the street with a female friend when some guy getting into a car told me my "girlfriend" was ugly. Some people are just idiots. Hopefully you can both forget this incident.

Holy crap. So this is actually a thing ? I mean more than one nutter does this ? Almost sounds like a psychiatric thing.

martdalto · 14-10-2009 09:52PM

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

what´s wrong with some people in here coming off so bitter.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to sound bitter!! But it genuinely did come across as this was said, and they both agreed/decided that he was better looking than her. That's just how it sounded from OP's posts, so that's what I was trying to put across, was maybe her problem..

Really didn't mean for it to sound bitter.. but it did sound a bit vain, and "I'm gorgeous" on the OP's part... but from his most recent post, it's clear that that's not the way it is at all!!

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I doubt he tells his girlfriend daily how much better looking he thinks he is.

I doubt it too.. otherwise I don't think she'd be his gf!!

OP, it sounds like you are mad about her.. tell her that, but don't keep going on about this incident.. it's only drawing attention to it, and keeping it current.

Carry on like you were before this happened, it will eventually fade into the back ground and you'll both forget it, and things should get back to how they were before.

ladymarmalade · 14-10-2009 10:31PM

Jeez cut the OP some slack here. An out of the blue insult was hurled at his girlfriend and he had a split second to make a remark back. He was shocked and rightly so. All well and good for us sitting reading his post to say '' well i would have said.......'' Don't get why anyone thinks he is cocky or thinks he is better looking than her, quite the opposite IMO.

OP he was a random half-wit who tried to get a laugh at a stranger's expense to look good in front of his mates. It backfired on him , fair play to ya. However, i understand why your gf is upset....... it was a derrogatory comment aimed at her in public and more importantly, in front of you. Keep on reassuring her that you think she is gorgeous.
Best of luck

Can A Woman Feel Settled With A Man Better Looking Than Her???

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