Best one liners in Sport / Entertainment

Captain Havoc · 12-10-2009 11:38PM

John Lambie telling his assistant what to say to a concussed striker who didn't know who he was: "That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."

My favourite for quotes is Ian Holloway the Blackpool manager, this one is about a scrappy win: "To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee"

Ulysses Gaze · 12-10-2009 11:38PM

Another Dunphy classic:

On about the Fergie V Strachen feud:
Eamon: "Scots they're either nice or they're horrid and these two are horrid.
Bill: "The Scots wont like that Eamon, thats bordering on racism".
Eamon: "Its not racism its ethnic criticism Bill".

me-skywalker · 12-10-2009 11:38PM

'The Germans are marching through Poland' - John Motson Euro 2008

kenon · 12-10-2009 11:41PM

jerseyeire wrote: »

My favourite for quotes is Ian Holloway the Blackpool manager, this one is about a scrappy win: "To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee"

Not exactly a one-liner but very funny none-the-less.

dreamer_ire · 12-10-2009 11:42PM

"The bowler's Holding, the batman's Willey" urban myth or Brian Johnston

kenon · 12-10-2009 11:43PM

"When I go, God's going to have to give up his favourite chair." - Brian Clough

Raze_them_all · 12-10-2009 11:44PM

GSP to Greg Jackson: "I think i pulled my groin"

Jackson: "I DON'T CARE, HIT HIM WITH IT!!"

When asked what the Matt Lindland fans would think of his trash talk...

"There's no such thing as a Matt Lindland fan" PHIL BARONI

Marvin Eastman's cut looked like a goat's vagina" JOE ROGAN

Can't remember if it was Bas or rampage commentating but during a fight when the grappling was happenin one of them came out with *I think I can see his balls"

Ulysses Gaze · 12-10-2009 11:45PM

Signor Trapattoni while at Bayern giving out about Mehmet Scholl, Thomas Strunz et al:

"Those player were weak like a bottle empty"

Sharpshooter · 12-10-2009 11:46PM

Wrestling:

/Sports Entertainment

"The only reason Jake 'The Snake' Roberts doesn't drink and drive anymore is because he is afraid he might hit a bump and spill his drink." -- Jerry Lawler.

"I have balls the size of grapefruits, and come this Sunday you'll be spitting out the seeds!" -- Vince McMahon

"You never really know a woman till you meet her in court." -- Jerry Lawler

"Kick him when he's down, he's easier to reach." -- Scott Hall

me-skywalker · 12-10-2009 11:49PM

I like Stalin's perspective on the Greeks he really showed a humble manor that many thought he couldnt posses.

"I'am sorry because I'am getting old and I shall not live long to thank the Greek people whoose resistance decided WW2." Joseph Stalin (From speech broadcast over radio after victory of Stalingrad January 31 1943)

'You fought unarmed and won, small against big. We owe you gratitude because you gave us time to defend ourselves. As Russians and as people we thank you.' Joseph Stalin

orestes · 12-10-2009 11:50PM

Wrestling:

/Sports Entertainment

Bret screwed Bret - Vince Mc Mahon

/runs

builttospill · 12-10-2009 11:51PM

"Seán Óg Ó hAilpín... his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold."

-Mícheál Ó Muircheartaigh

Ulysses Gaze · 12-10-2009 11:51PM

"I have resolved to wake up an hour earlier each day so I can hate you just a little bit longer." -William Regal

"Win if you can, lose if you must, but ALWAYS cheat!"
-- Jesse Ventura

"Tito Santana is like a cue-ball. The more you strike him,
the more english you get out of him." -- Bobby Heenan (different times when he said this I guess. Wouldn't get away with it now!)

Sharpshooter · 12-10-2009 11:53PM

orestes wrote: »

Wrestling:

/Sports Entertainment

Bret screwed Bret - Vince Mc Mahon

/runs

:mad:
"I'm gonna stick your head so far up your *ss your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!" -- The Rock

:cool:

kenon · 12-10-2009 11:57PM

"There is no "i" in team but there is in win." - Michael Jordan

"Usually it takes a bottle of Bacardi and a gallon of Coke to get John out of his seat." - Eamon Dunphy on Johnny Giles.

builttospill · 13-10-2009 12:00AM

I WILL LOVE IT IF WE BEAT THEM...LOVE IT!!!

cashville · 13-10-2009 12:00AM

Notts Forest left back takes a bad knock to the head, the physio checks him out and reports back to Brian Clough...

Brian Clough 'Well? Is he injured or what?'

Physio 'He's concussed boss, he doesn't know who he is'

Brian Clough ' Tell him he's Pele and I'll stick him up front'

K-9 · 13-10-2009 12:01AM

Belfast waiter - "Where did it all go wrong George?"

Waiter with bottle of Champers in hand, sees Miss World in see through Negligee and thousands of pounds spread on the bed from Roulette winnings.

*No doubt something is wrong with the above but you get the point.

ynotdu · 13-10-2009 12:11AM

every single post deserved the thank you button,so can i just say THANKS to all:)
The thread title also includes the option to post Entertainment one liners.
I saw on the Bio channel W C Fields life,he had a love hate relationship with an actress as long as they both lived!(i cannot remember her name but she was a famous actress at the same time as him,no doubt some boardsie will no her name!:))

Her quotes:"it's not the men in my life,it's the life in my men that counts"

or to a toyboy she got bored off "Oh go peel me a grape"

W C fields when a reporter told him she was dead,he said: "How could they tell?":)
Great thread OP!

orourkeda · 13-10-2009 12:15AM

"He's what is known in some schools as a f*cking lazy thick n*gger."

Controversial stuff by Mr Atkinson

K-9 · 13-10-2009 12:17AM

Swedes 2

Turnups 1

Ulysses Gaze · 13-10-2009 12:18AM

Not a one liner but hilarious nonetheless. After Norway defeated England 2-1 in a 1982 World Cup qualifier the commentator went a litle nuts:

"It is completely unbelievable! We have beaten England! England, birthplace of giants. Lord Nelson, Lord Beaverbrook, Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Anthony Eden, Clement Attlee, Henry Cooper, Lady Diana--we have beaten them all. We have beaten them all. Maggie Thatcher can you hear me?"

"Maggie Thatcher, I have a message for you in the middle of the election campaign. I have a message for you: We have knocked England out of the football World Cup. Maggie Thatcher, as they say in your language in the boxing bars around Madison Square Garden in New York: Your boys took a hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating!"

prinz · 13-10-2009 12:30AM

"Football is like chess,....only without the dice" - Lukas Podolski.

"I just wanked it in" - Lukas Podolski.

ynotdu · 13-10-2009 12:33AM

"it's fcuking freezing here"

Brian Kerr

Any key? · 13-10-2009 12:46AM

ynotdu wrote: »

every single post deserved the thank you button,so can i just say THANKS to all:)
The thread title also includes the option to post Entertainment one liners.
I saw on the Bio channel W C Fields life,he had a love hate relationship with an actress as long as they both lived!(i cannot remember her name but she was a famous actress at the same time as him,no doubt some boardsie will no her name!:))

Her quotes:"it's not the men in my life,it's the life in my men that counts"

or to a toyboy she got bored off "Oh go peel me a grape"

W C fields when a reporter told him she was dead,he said: "How could they tell?":)
Great thread OP!

Mae West....think I heard she came up with the first one

davyjose · 13-10-2009 12:50AM

Any key? wrote: »

Mae West....think I heard she came up with the first one

Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. - Mae West

CarefulNow · 13-10-2009 12:58AM

"Ardiles strokes the ball like it was a part of his anatomy." - Jimmy Magee

Sharpshooter · 13-10-2009 01:03AM

Winston Churchill.

Sir you are drunk!"

"And you're ugly, but in the morning, I shall be sober!"

Gyalist · 13-10-2009 01:06AM

The BBC's cricket commentator Alan Gibson had this to say about the NZ player Bob Cunis:

"Cunis is coming on to bowl at the Vauxhall End. Cunis - a funny sort of name. Neither one thing nor the other."

ynotdu · 13-10-2009 01:10AM

Any key? wrote: »

Mae West....think I heard she came up with the first one

Any Key, YES thats exactly her name!Thanks it would have had me wracking my brain all night!!!!!:)

Best one liners in Sport / Entertainment

Comments