Wearing White to a Wedding

Senna · 25-08-2009 01:07AM #1

I never heard about this before, but it came up in conversation and it just seemed very bizarre.
If a female guest at a wedding wears white, it means they have "something against" "gripe" "hate" etc the bride.
A few of the girls in the conversation said that yes people had worn white at there own weddings and they knew the female guests in question wore it out of spite against them.
Is this true, do all women know this and would anyone be bitchy enough to do it? or are my friends just paranoid?

The Big Red Button · 25-08-2009 01:25AM

Look, I don't think it is necessarily a bitchy thing.

But why on earth would you wear an outfit to a wedding if you knew there was a chance of offending the bride?

In my opinion, it's just not very nice.

Senna · 25-08-2009 01:35AM

chatterpillar wrote: »

Look, I don't think it is necessarily a bitchy thing.

But what is it then??
does every woman know that wearing white will offend the bride or even, will wearing white offend every bride? Would some women not know and so not realise its going to offend?

peanuthead · 25-08-2009 01:40AM

I think it's kind of stupid.

Thats what I think it is. There are a lot of silly rules about what to wear/what not to wear to a wedding, eg: i recently went to a wedding wearing red shoes - I was told I was trying to steal the groom ... wtf??

But one thing I would NEVER do is wear white. Thats just stupid. I don't think your friends are being silly, and if they're not being bitchy, then they're just thick

The Big Red Button · 25-08-2009 01:45AM

Senna wrote: »

But what is it then??
does every woman know that wearing white will offend the bride or even, will wearing white offend every bride? Would some women not know and so not realise its going to offend?

I believe that wearing white will not offend every bride.

However, for some weddings you go to, if you wear white, the bride will be ... maybe not so much "offended" ... but hurt.

If it means so much to you to wear white to this particular wedding, of course you could clear it with the bride in advance.

But wouldn't it be SO much simpler to just ... not do it?

SeekUp · 25-08-2009 01:47AM

I don't even think it's about offending the bride . . . it's just that the bride almost always tends to be in white, and as a guest of her and the groom, you don't wear the same as the woman of the day. (If you want to wear the same as the man of the day, however, go right ahead!)

keefg · 25-08-2009 01:52AM

SeekUp wrote: »

I don't even think it's about offending the bride . . . it's just that the bride almost always tends to be in white, and as a guest of her and the groom, you don't wear the same as the woman of the day.

I agree, there should only be one woman in white on the day.

Senna · 25-08-2009 02:08AM

chatterpillar wrote: »

If it means so much to you to wear white to this particular wedding, of course you could clear it with the bride in advance.

But wouldn't it be SO much simpler to just ... not do it?

I'm a fella:D i just posted this because i though it was strange that a women would purposely wear white to a wedding to get a dig in at the bride. Thats the way the stories came across to me and i was wondering if its well known.

Das Kitty · 25-08-2009 08:04AM

I wouldn't have minded if someone had at mine. Then again my dresscode was "Whatever you're standing up in as long as you're there"

I'd never do it, I have heard of a girl who got the go ahead from the bride to wear a white dress (bride was wearing red) and all day at the wedding the guests were making snide comments about her and giving her dirty looks. Something similar happened at mine with my friend's baby, I even had him on the invite, some of our guests were so rude about the baby being there! Someone even came up to me bitching about the cheek of them bringing him.

Malari · 25-08-2009 10:31AM

I've been to weddings where several girls wore white dresses and nothing was said. It's another of those antiquated "rules" I think, depends on the ferocity of the bridezilla in question I suppose.

Novella · 25-08-2009 11:03AM

Ugh, this annoys me to no end!

A white dress someone buys in Penneys for seventeen euro is not gonna look anything like a white dress the bride will have spent hundreds or thousands on! Who cares if they are the same colour?!!! Seriously!

stovelid · 25-08-2009 11:07AM

You should never try and out-virgin the bride. Especially not in some communities.

banshee_bones · 25-08-2009 11:17AM

Does this "rule" apply to just white dresses or any white atall? Because I once wore White Linen Trousers with a light pink top to a wedding...?!! did my white linen trousers offend the bride? ummm i dont think so!

Cathmandooo · 25-08-2009 11:19AM

banshee_bones wrote: »

Does this "rule" apply to just white dresses or any white atall? Because I once wore White Linen Trousers with a light pink top to a wedding...?!! did my white linen trousers offend the bride? ummm i dont think so!

Probably not but an all white suit would have.

It's not a big deal to not wear white to a wedding, it's etiquette for guests not to wear white.

jellie · 25-08-2009 11:25AM

chances are the bride is going to be wearing white. you can wear any other colour you want - any colour - so why would you choose the one colour that you KNOW the bride will be wearing?

selfishness & attentionseeking tbh.

WesternNight · 25-08-2009 11:29AM

Jaysus...if the bride is put out by someone wearing the same colour as her...I'd say she's got her priorities slightly skewed. If I were getting married I don't think it would even occur to me to monitor people's attire.

rannerap · 25-08-2009 12:12PM

i always thought it was a big big no no wearing white to a wedding,i never wear white anyway so im fine!have a wedding coming up though and no idea what to wear:(

missmatty · 25-08-2009 12:35PM

Apparently you're not supposed to wear green either?

Only heard that after i wore a dark green top to the last wedding i was at. Tbh the whole thing is a bit silly.

rannerap · 25-08-2009 12:37PM

missmatty wrote: »

Apparently you're not supposed to wear green either? Only heard that after i wore a dark green top to the last wedding i was at. Tbh the whole thing is a bit silly.

damn i was considering a green dress!!!!!!

Curvy Vixen · 25-08-2009 12:47PM

It's absolutely ridiculous. The point of being a 'bride' is to be in a particular place at a certain time to marry the man that you love. Not to be a Trinny and Susannah spotting the woman that hates you in the congregation!

You can't wear white, you can't wear black, you can't wear green, you can't wear red shoes...wtf???

At my wedding both my Mum and my SIL to be wore white/cream and they looked stunning! Who cares? I was the one in the glittery tiara and the long veil carrying the bunch of flowers at the head of the aisle not them! If anyone missed me or confused me then they should have gone to Specsavers!

And what do you do if you turn up in a lovely red dress having left the white one at home and the bride arrives...all in red??? Times and traditions change and although the bride will 'probably' be wearing white (or one of the million versions of white) it's not guaranteed nowadays.

Brides need to get over themselves and know what the real priority of the day is!

pikachucheeks · 25-08-2009 12:48PM

I wouldn't say wearing white to a wedding means you have "something against" the bride, or you're trying to show hatred towards her.

However, considering white is a colour traditionally associated with brides, at a wedding ceremony, I would say it's quite disrespectful and certainly, unconventional to wear that colour to someone's wedding.

For a lot of women, getting married is the biggest day in their lives, something they've looked forward to for years. So, looking good and feeling like one of the most special people in the room is important - Other women should be consciously trying to not upstage her! :P

Whatever colour the bride's wearing, I think other people should avoid - The bride needs to stand out and be given centre stage! Turning up in the same colour will just cause problems ; "Look at her, she's such a limelight-stealer" "She ruined my big day" etc etc!

WesternNight · 25-08-2009 01:02PM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I wouldn't say wearing white to a wedding means you have "something against" the bride, or you're trying to show hatred towards her.

However, considering white is a colour traditionally associated with brides, at a wedding ceremony, I would say it's quite disrespectful and certainly, unconventional to wear that colour to someone's wedding.

For a lot of women, getting married is the biggest day in their lives, something they've looked forward to for years. So, looking good and feeling like one of the most special people in the room is important - Other women should be consciously trying to not upstage her! :P

Whatever colour the bride's wearing, I think other people should avoid - The bride needs to stand out and be given centre stage! Turning up in the same colour will just cause problems ; "Look at her, she's such a limelight-stealer" "She ruined my big day" etc etc!

I've been to a few weddings...and I can't say I ever knew what bloody colour the bride was going to wear before I actually saw her. Do people now have to ask what colour she'll be wearing so as not to cause offence?

If you don't feel special on your wedding day I'd bloody well hope it's not purely because someone dared to wear white, or ivory, or whatever colour you're wearing. If it is then, again, your priorities are skewed.

pikachucheeks · 25-08-2009 01:10PM

WesternNight wrote: »

I've been to a few weddings...and I can't say I ever knew what bloody colour the bride was going to wear before I actually saw her. Do people now have to ask what colour she'll be wearing so as not to cause offence?

It depends on the person.

Some brides might take offence to a guest turning up in a dress or outfit to rival theirs, due to colour or other factors, others might not be bothered. Just depends on the person.

But I have to say, if a friend of mine was getting married and someone turned up in the same colour as them, I'd understand if they were upset or annoyed by it.

Sure, there are more important things in life than fashion and clothes, but when it's a wedding, the bride deserves to look unique and stand out from everyone else, if she wants to.

thedizzler · 25-08-2009 01:20PM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

For a lot of women, getting married is the biggest day in their lives, something they've looked forward to for years. So, looking good and feeling like one of the most special people in the room is important - Other women should be consciously trying to not upstage her! :P

That's it exactly! I used to work with weddings, so I'd normally hop on any down-with-the-crazy-bride bandwagon, but this I've always understood is custom so's not to look better than the bride. Traditionally (and argue all you like, but tradition plays a huge role in weddings) the bride will wear white, or a variation, so to ensure she's the most beautiful woman in white present, it's polite of the guests to choose another colour.

That said, my aunt wore a full length white dress to my parents' wedding, and my mum, who wore peach, didn't even notice till I pointed it out to her in the photographs- 25 years later!

Ginny · 25-08-2009 01:31PM

TBH I think its a pile of crap, noone is going to mistake the person sitting in the congregation with the one walking up the aisle in the veil.
People who bitch about other guest really have little to be worrying about, I wore cream and black to one wedding and people (in all cases older middle aged biddies) were commenting. The bride knew exactly what I was wearing beforehand (we all usually check to make sure noone has the same dress...:D ) and couldn't have cared less if it was cream or neon pink, she was getting married and that's all she was concerned with.
I've also been told wearing a black dress to a wedding isn't on, seriously you'd be better turning up nude trying to avoid the ridiculous rules, and how come its all rules for the women?
If I ever get married I will be happy people are joining in to celebrate the day not dress code checking them at the church door.

pikachucheeks · 25-08-2009 01:34PM

thedizzler wrote: »

Traditionally (and argue all you like, but tradition plays a huge role in weddings) the bride will wear white, or a variation, so to ensure she's the most beautiful woman in white present, it's polite of the guests to choose another colour.

Isn't white supposed to symbolise innocence and virginity? I heard that before.
I've been paranoid ever since. If I ever did get married, I wouldn't want to be a fraud in my white dress for not being ... pure, but at the same time, I'd hate to cause outrage amongst the more traditional members of my family by not wearing a white dress!
:pac:

shellyboo · 25-08-2009 02:18PM

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Isn't white supposed to symbolise innocence and virginity? I heard that before.
I've been paranoid ever since. If I ever did get married, I wouldn't want to be a fraud in my white dress for not being ... pure, but at the same time, I'd hate to cause outrage amongst the more traditional members of my family by not wearing a white dress!
:pac:

Yup, if you're not a virgin you're not supposed to wear white on your wedding day. Not really an issue anymore, but for the likes of my mother (who was pregnant with me when she got married!), she had to wear an ivory colour.

Lollipops23 · 25-08-2009 02:26PM

It's not something i'd ever do tbh. yes it's an antiquitated rule, but is it really that much bother to wear something that's not white..??!! i mean, even if I was going to a formal ball or something I doubt I'd wear a white dress, for fear of looking like a bride!
I do realise some brides go over the top with regards to the dresscode- I recently heard of one sending an email around to all female guests telling them not to expose shoulders and legs, pick one or the other!!crazy cow!!

Marz66 · 25-08-2009 02:38PM

I think the tradition of no one other than the bride wearing white is slipping and most people would say its ok to wear white as long as its not full length/worn with some other colour. And most brides probably don't notice what colour the guests are wearing, they are focusing on the groom

Having said that, most people know that guests do not wear white for fear of upstaging the bride, so when someone goes right ahead and wears it anyway, i can see why the bride might be a little hurt and why the biddies might comment.

It wouldnt matter too much to me but seriously, how hard is it to keep your white dress for another occasion? When the bride goes to a bridal shop, the only colours there are white/ivory/cream/champagne etc. A guest can buy any colour they like so i don't know why they'd pick the same colour as the bride.

I think the not wearing red/green tradition is gone now though, people don't even know what it means anymore.

crazy angel · 25-08-2009 02:49PM

having worked in an occasion wear shop, i know that people have HUGE issues with wearing white to a wedding.

however....imo it would take some heck of a dress to upstage a bride.......unless you go for a floor length. its such a petty, childish thing to get upset over.

metrovelvet · 25-08-2009 02:49PM

It looks like an attempt to upstage the bride, that is why it is offensive. It is her day.

Wearing White to a Wedding

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