Bossy girlfriend driving us apart

LegacyUser · 19-07-2009 04:16AM #1

Been going out with this girl for just under three years. She's the love of my life. I love being around her. We're both just under thirty.

But for the last 6 months or so she's been incredibly bossy: my clothes, my general habits, how much I should have to drink, why her family is better, no more smoking allowed, and I can't talk to other girls (even old friends) without us having an argument about it. And each new request is prefixed by ''If you love me you'll...'' or ''It's just one tiny thing'' or some other nonsense.

She constantly makes totally illogical comparisons between our current relationship and my previous relationships. I.E. ''Well you did such and such with her'', even though my circumstances then were totally different, and the ex girlfirend enjoyed different things.

It's a vicious cycle. She wasn't always this bad. Rather it's the culmination of she gets bossy, I talk to her less, she gets bossier and more controlling so I'll be there for her more, which drives me away further, etc.

We've spoken about it several times but usually only in the context of an argument about something else.

SarahSassy · 19-07-2009 09:43AM

Have you a question?

Maybe yot withdrawing and not talking/ listening to her when she tries to talk to you is 'driving you apart'

19-07-2009 09:56AM

Tbh OP, I'd run a mile from anyone who starts an argument or request with "if you love me you'd...".

Agent J · 19-07-2009 10:19AM

3 years and its only the in the last 6 months?

Did something happen? Seems a bit unsual to switch to being so insecure like that.

2 Choices.

1)Try to fix siuation
2) Draw line under and walk away.

If you choose 1) then try to talk to her and explain to her that you arent happt with this and want go back to like it was before 6 months and maybe try to find out what has changed with. either she will be responave to this or she wont.

2)If you think she isnt going to change back then i'd bail. Wouldnt stand for that kind of emotional blackmail(if you love me etc..)

jmbkay · 19-07-2009 10:38AM

Sounds like its the end of the road. You can go 2 ways here, end it or marry her.

vixenbees · 19-07-2009 10:49AM

jmbkay wrote: »

Sounds like its the end of the road. You can go 2 ways here, end it or marry her.

how can he marry someone who he has no many arguments with?

shes gone a little paranoid about stuff from the past and picking out little things to vent her anger... is there anythin else happening in her life that might have sparked this? im sure shes still the girl you know and love and its just something small that you need to talk through with her to resolve the problem.

if you've been letting her get away with all the nagging for 6 months, she probably thinks its ok at this stage so try nip it asap.

Miss Fluff · 19-07-2009 10:57AM

bluewolf wrote: »

Tbh OP, I'd run a mile from anyone who starts an argument or request with "if you love me you'd...".

Couldn't agree more. You'll need to nip this in the bud asap or it will only get worse. She sounds like a manipulative control freak. Time for a talk.

unhappycamper · 19-07-2009 11:30AM

Sounds like things might be getting a bit stale in your relationship.

Mulan · 19-07-2009 11:32AM

Sit down with your partner and say exactly what you said in your post. If she reacts badly then I'm afraid its time to bail out. You don't want to be married with kids and realise your relationship is a mess.
Its no foundation for a longterm relationship.
IMO its not looking good.

NickNolte · 19-07-2009 12:31PM

She doesn't really sound mature enough to be in a relationship. End it.

R.D. aka MR.D · 19-07-2009 01:53PM

Maybe shes is finally 'comfortable' in the relationship and this is her true side coming out now?

Have you been doing all the things she wants?

You need to tell her that either it stops or else it's over. You don't need that kind of relationship. It's possible she thinks thats how a relationship works, the woman nagging the man to change? She possibly just needs to learn what a proper adult relationship is.

TheInquisitor · 19-07-2009 04:50PM

The Nagging woman syndrome. Tell her whats happening and say if she doesn't stop your gone.

pookie82 · 19-07-2009 08:11PM

Unregistered wrote: »

Been going out with this girl for just under three years. She's the love of my life. I love being around her. We're both just under thirty.

But for the last 6 months or so she's been incredibly bossy: my clothes, my general habits, how much I should have to drink, why her family is better, no more smoking allowed, and I can't talk to other girls (even old friends) without us having an argument about it. And each new request is prefixed by ''If you love me you'll...'' or ''It's just one tiny thing'' or some other nonsense.

She constantly makes totally illogical comparisons between our current relationship and my previous relationships. I.E. ''Well you did such and such with her'', even though my circumstances then were totally different, and the ex girlfirend enjoyed different things.

It's a vicious cycle. She wasn't always this bad. Rather it's the culmination of she gets bossy, I talk to her less, she gets bossier and more controlling so I'll be there for her more, which drives me away further, etc.

We've spoken about it several times but usually only in the context of an argument about something else.

What's triggered it? Has something changed suddenly to provoke a change in her behaviour? Over two years is a long time to hide such a dominantly "bossy" side without letting it show until now. Sounds like something has provoked it. Also, there are usually two sides to the story. Maybe she has just suddenly become hugely overbearing or maybe something external - or something you have done - provoked it. Can you think of anything? I'm sure my OH could come on here and type pages about how often I'm onto him about cleaning/getting up early/all manner of things, and it would sound like I'm being horrendous, unless you heard about how messy he was and how de-motivated he can get etc.

Need both sides IMO.

racheypachey · 19-07-2009 08:20PM

End of the road, if your not happy, leave.

Sephiroth_dude · 19-07-2009 08:29PM

Sit her down and talk to her tell how you feel,see how she react,then tell her if things dont change your gonna leave her,nobody should have to put with that kinda bull**** in a relationship.

Bossy girlfriend driving us apart

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