Stupid things you say without realising

thealltimelow · 23-06-2009 05:51PM

your dieing nope i am looking at the wrong one

DazMarz · 23-06-2009 05:55PM

Working in a Post Office, it's amazing how many little gems you hear:

Customer: How much is a stamp?
Me: 55c anywhere in Ireland, 82c all other countries.
Customer: What about Australia?

(I take a very bulky and large padded envelope through the parcel hatch; as it's being sent outside the EU, they must fill in a customs declaration for it)
Me: if you could just fill that in and put what's in it on the form.
Customer: Ah, there's nothing in it.

-really? didnt realise empty envelopes weigh so much...

(while filling in a Dog Licence for a female customer; I need to know the name and details of the dog's owner... and without thinking I say to her: )
Me: So, is this dog licence for yourself?

(A customer comes tearing in at warp speed, brandishing an envelope at me)
Customer: This has to be there tomorrow! It's really urgent!
Me: Ok, Express Post is €5.50, Courier Post €12.50.
-pause-
Customer: Ah **** it, giz an ordinary stamp. It's not that urgent.

Customer: How much is a 55c stamp?

(a man is in getting a new passport with the Passport Express service; this is his first passport)
Me: so, you've never been abroad before, no?
Customer: Nah, I've always been a bloke.

(I was hungover and feeling quite scaldy when this exchange occurred)
Customer: Hello, what's the best way to get money out of a post office?
Me: with a shotgun and a balaclava.

Customer: Hello, I'd like to open a Post Office account please.
Me: Certainly, no problem.
-I hand him out the necessary form-
Me: Now, I'll need this to be filled in with all details of the account holders, proof of PPSN, proof of identity, proof of address and I need to witness you signing the form.
Customer: **** me, it'd be easier to buy a gun...

(there is a Garda in getting some PMO's for the local sergeant, when a little old lady comes rushing up; the thickness of her glasses indicate she is as blind as a bat.)
Lady: Ooh, I havent missed the post have I?
Me: No, no. Doesnt go out until 3.
Lady Oh good!
-She then proceeds to hand a pile of letters to the stunned Garda
Lady: if you wouldnt mind taking them with you, postie, thank you.

can be a bit of a laugh at times..

keefg · 23-06-2009 06:04PM

Just remembered another gem from when I was about 14.

Me & a mate were in a busy barber shop one Thurs (must have been school hols) and he asks me as loud as you like....

"What's an oap?"

Me: "Fcuk knows, why'd you ask"

Him: "Says up on the price board that oaps are half price on a Thursday"

Me: " That's O.A.P....... for Old Aged Pensioner you fcukin' idiot"

Lots of dirty looks from all the old codgers in the barbers.

BroomBurner · 23-06-2009 06:21PM

Unfortunately, most of what I say causes offence or is very stupid.

Randomer phoned our house looking for Joe Broomburner, told him that noone lived here by that name, but that he should try ringing the people in the house behind us, a Broomburner lives there.

In an old job I had, had to ring people to organise appointments. Rang one guy and there was a weird sound, like a cat's death miaow or something. Laughed so hard that I was crying hanging up the phone on him (hadn't said a word). Anyway, thought the laughing fit had stopped, so rang the guy back to apologise, only the laughing started again and I only managed to get the name of the company out before having to hang up on him again.

Oh, and while in primary school, made a card for my teacher who was in hospital. I drew a lovely car on the inside, with balloons coming out of it and "get well soon" written in the balloons. It was only when my mam reminded me that my teacher was in hospital after having to be cut out of a car following a head-on collision that I copped

GrumPy · 23-06-2009 06:25PM

Me: Can I have a hotdog and chips please?
Waitress: Yes no problem
<pause>
Waitress: Mustard and ketchup?
Me: Hotdog

brummytom · 23-06-2009 06:26PM

Was in an indian restuarant as a 5 year old. At this time, I was going through a phase of calling people by the colour of their shirts (red lady, blue man etc.); it was inevitable that the Indian waiters would be wearing a black uniform.

Cue me screaming "WHEREE'S THE BLACK MANNNNNN?!!"

Also as a young kid in an Indian, mom was explaining to me that "every lady has a baby inside them"... I pointed to a woman and asked (loudly) "Does that lady have a baby in her?"

She ran off crying

Caoimhín · 23-06-2009 06:33PM

I am always putting my foot in my mouth, for example; about ten years ago a cousin of mine (we shall call him James) died in a tragic accident, only his mother and brother left in the family. Fast forward five years, there was a family reunion and the party was in the same cousins house.

I walked in in front of everyone and felt a little awkward so i decided to run with some small talk. Without thinking i just blurted out, WHERES JAMES?

SeraphIRL · 23-06-2009 06:37PM

GrumPy wrote: »

Me: Can I have a hotdog and chips please?
Waitress: Yes no problem
<pause>
Waitress: Mustard and ketchup?
Me: Hotdog

ROFL

was there. can vouch that it was indeed legendary! lol

GrumPy · 23-06-2009 06:38PM

Caoimhín wrote: »

I am always putting my foot in my mouth, for example; about ten years ago a cousin of mine (we shall call him James) died in a tragic accident, only his mother and brother left in the family. Fast forward five years, there was a family reunion and the party was in the same cousins house.

I walked in in front of everyone and felt a little awkward so i decided to run with some small talk. Without thinking i just blurted out, WHERES JAMES?

Oh god,

*cringe*

Michellenman · 23-06-2009 07:09PM

Friend of mine was walking through town and saw a particularly attractive man wearing a brown jacket. She proceeded to exclaim 'Oh, I'd have that guy in the brown!!'

foxy06 · 23-06-2009 09:07PM

After a really cold night my husband was telling me about the ice on his windscreen that morning "You should have seen my windscreen this morning, it was like glass!" :rolleyes:

Novella · 23-06-2009 09:59PM

"Can blind people cry??"

23-06-2009 10:07PM

Abigayle wrote: »

A kinda recentish one was on Fathers day. A friend of mine was working on this day and asked me to drop a card into her dad.......... And as fcuking usual because I'm always in a hurry and completely miss the finer details and generally come across as insensitive for it..

I said "Cool, so you going out for a few Fathers day drinks then?"

Him "Well no, I'm going in to see how the wife is doing"

My father in law saw a guy he knows running down the street with a suit bag over his shoulder and shouted to him, off somewhere nice? The man was going to his wife's removal :eek:

TriceMarie · 24-06-2009 03:45AM

Today at starbucks:

Me:"I'll have a vanilla latte please"
Waitress:*mumbles something*
PAUSE
Me:"What else,is that what you asked me?"
Waitress:"No,what size"

Sometimes I honestly need volume buttons on peoples voices:o:p

red_ice · 24-06-2009 04:21AM

shut your mouth and eat your dinner

Whoze · 25-06-2009 09:42PM

My God I've loads:

Woman comes into our lecture to talk about voting for class president or something, she finishes by saying 'Thanks a million, Bye!', and then I said really loud (not looking up from my book) 'Ok bye, love you'. It was only when I'd noticed the place was silent that I realised something was wrong.

In the queue at McDonalds last week, I was telling my friend about the time I went into McDonalds and asked for a Mightymac instead of a Big Mac. I was just finished telling her when I got to the front of the line:
Cashier: 'Hi! How can I help you?'
Me: 'Hi, can I have a Mightymac please?'

On the phone to a friend:
Friend: Hello?
Me: Hey
Friend: Hello!
Me: I'm grand!

Friend: Name a famous Irish band quick!
Me: Shrek!

Got quite a few more...:rolleyes:

aligator_am · 25-06-2009 09:57PM

LOL some of these are well awkward, have been in the same situation myself, there's a guy I work with that only has 1 arm (he has a "hook" (don't know what it's called tbh)) but I was talking to him one day and he was opening a door and carrying stuff in his "good" hand, and I asked him if he "needed a hand", I wanted to laugh because it was so silly, but didn't. Another time he was telling me bout how he had a couple of girls on the go at the same time years ago, and I said to him "ah, sure you were only chancing your arm" I nearly withered, I really felt bad after that

but looking back it's actually really funny, and he took no offence, lol his response was to hold up his damaged arm and say "yeah, I lost" lol, sound bloke

:D:D

Synods · 25-06-2009 10:40PM

Researching accommodation for college one day my friend turned around and proclaimed "I can't spell NUIG!"

Nallandnanyways · 25-06-2009 11:07PM

In a sandwich bar with a mate waiting for our order one day. I had the newspaper up in front of my face, flicking through, we're chatting idly.

I come across an article on the Jade Goody/racism/Celeb BB kerfuffle, and say to him, "Ya see this thing about Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty?" He'd stepped across the other side of the (small) room to get a drink from the fridge or something, so hadnt heard me properly, "Who?" he calls.

"Shilpa Shetty!" shouts I, lowering the paper to look at him. 2 feet away from me, in a now-stony silent cafe, sits an Indian girl and her work-mates, starting icily at me. I wanted to climb into the bin.

Leftyflip · 25-06-2009 11:48PM

Walking through town one day and my friend kicked me in the leg,
"Oh My God!!!! My leg, why?!?!?! I think you broke it!!!"
Just as a man in a wheelchair (double amputee) went past,
I was like "B*LL*CKS!!!" and then a nun walked past, just as I said it...

docdolittle · 26-06-2009 03:42PM

I was in class in college and teams where being put together for a group asignments. The lads initials where S,K,K and K. So somebody was joking saying it was the super KKK. We found out just after that one of the guys was leaving the class, one of the 'k's

So later on we where all getting onto the bus talking about the guy leaving, and I shouted out "Ah No! there's not gonna be any super KKK anymore!!" then realised there where two black guys sitting right in front of us... :eek:

Trankton · 26-06-2009 03:57PM

Out with some friends drinking before, they had some friends with them I'd never met so was chatting away with one of them :

me - 'so what team ya follow anyway?'
him - 'not really into soccer'
me - 'what're you GAY...ha ha ha ha'

*queue silence all round

him - 'well...actually I am'
me 'ah ****e, sorry'

is if that wasn't bad enough.

me about 5 minutes later 'you really gay????'

Tool.

eddiehead · 26-06-2009 04:09PM

Overheard this conversation.....

Friend1: Ya goin' out tonight?
Friend2: Yea, goin to a benefit thing for a girl I know.
Friend1:Oh really, what happened her?
Friend2:She got a brain tumor in her head

I know, I know, not something I should laugh at

Bill-e · 26-06-2009 04:59PM

After a night on a beach in Spain with this girl i met in a club. I managed to crawl into my buddies car with this chick. I was too wrecked to talk for much of the ride home. Anyway, I was being dropped off first and broke the silence by says:
"Urm nice beach time, bye."
Then i got out of the car and almost cried at how sh!t an exit I had just made...:rolleyes:

A Neurotic · 26-06-2009 05:04PM

First céilí at the gaeltacht, when I was 13 or 14. Was dancing with an intimidatingly hot 17/18 year old girl.

Her: "Conas atá tú?"
Me: "Eh, Liam"

It was an awkward dance, after that.

JamesTaylorfan · 26-06-2009 05:08PM

I innocently asked my chubby neighbour when the baby was due.....there was no baby due. :0)

Bonavox · 26-06-2009 05:15PM

My aunt introduced me to her boyfriend for the first time last month.

When I asked did he want a cup f tea, he said he was in a hurry, and it was his mothers anniversary.

I said "Tell her I said Congrats! How long is she married?"

He replied: "She died this day 15 years ago"

Soooo embarrassing!

bronte · 26-06-2009 05:26PM

Me: (watching Lost with pals) Wow, how does Claire manage to feed that baby?
Bronte's pal: Errr..quite easily actually!
Me: Really? how?
Cue lots of thinking about it
Me: Oh right!

A Dougal/Blonde moment if ever I had one

In fairness those things just sit there doing nothing 90% of the time..it's very easy to forget the original purpose.

Poor Uncle Tom · 26-06-2009 05:56PM

On my bike one day many years ago roaring along a rural road. Came upon a farmer neighbour and his son (about 4 or 5) fixing a puncture in the boy's bike. I didn't slow down, I also didn't see the boy's cat. Badump - badump later I stopped and went back, the cat's tongue was out about four inchs and his legs were kicking out. que stupid question "will I dump him now?"

The little boy is in his 30's now, and even after all that therepy, I think he still hates me.:(

pikachucheeks · 26-06-2009 06:26PM

"Where's Prague, that's in Portugal, isn't it?"

"I know who he is! He's the guy who writes quotes!"

:rolleyes:

Stupid things you say without realising

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