How drunk haz u been

went to see a friend just outside london,about 4 years ago, and spent the night drinking champagne. i remember leaving the club and vaguely remember getting into a taxi to go back to his gaff ,where i'd never been before.
i dont remember arriving there.
i woke up the next morning on the bench of a changing room ,with no shoes or socks on and my right foot and right hip were in a great deal of pain.i didnt have my jacket,so phone to ring my friend and i did'nt know where his house was ,having blacked out before getting there.
it was february and very cold outside and i was in a bit of a fix not knowing wehre i was and in my bare feet.
by this time i realise i'm in some sort of school (luckily its a saturday so no-one's about).i wander around and i eventually come across a huge gymnasium.in the corner of the gym were some climbing ropes and at the bottom of the ropes were my shoes and socks,thus solving the mystery of my damaged foot and hip.
i eventually found my way to a train station and got back to london.i got a number for my friend and it turned out he'd had a blackout and could'nt remember what happened either.he woke up,i was gone,my jacket was still there and he had a sore jaw.we've never figured it out.
my best blackout.

right... went out one night with the specific intention of pulling a female friend of mine. a mate working in the bar we had a staff party at made us some very strong cocktails. she didnt show me much interest but i continued to drink solid. this was 8 years ago (i was 20 and off college for the summer) so if it was hazy back then...
anyway at some stage during the evening, it was dark out and was june, i went downstairs in the bar to the jacks and gawked at the bottom of the stairs. was promptly driven home by bar man.
wake up the next day and wander into the jacks. there is a nice sized poo in the bidet. at first i wondered how the cat had managed it but then decided it must have been me. oh ya there was a note on the door from my sister too! luckily the folks were away.
about a week later i was walking around the bedroom in socks and stood on a wet patch. again i initially blamed the cat. again i soon remembered the feeling of helplessness as i sat at the end of the bed, pants down unable to stop the stream...
after 8 years the sister finally dumped (pardon the pun) me in it with the folks a couple of months back! i think they chose to ignore her out of disgust!...