unable to talk to girls...

LegacyUser · 13-05-2009 03:06AM #1

Hi

I feel numb i feel like the real me is going mad..
My bigist problem is I'm a nice guy to nice I'l help any one in any way I can because I hate seeing trouble for other people in any way if I can help I will, regardless of if they could return the favour...
I'm good looking funny bright intelgent but I lack confidance with the oposit sex... I get nervous, self conscious, over the most stupid of things when talking to a woman and put of making a move.. I know tons of women who are really beautifull but of course I'm a friend.....

I'm sick of it, I hate it.... It drives me nuts on the inside knowing that i can look but i dont make the grade... Ive read those Dateing advice books, I get weekly emails etc...

but I notice one thing they try to change you from the inside, and allso its about notching up a score tab on a bed post of, how many people you've nailed again somthing, I have little interest in... Any body can get layed and sex is sex if its just sex regardless, of how good she looks I dont need that kind of an ego boost. If thats what those guys want...

I just want to learn how to make conversation with women and be interesting and attract the kind of woman I want I've little or no experence with women and It would be a good feeling to be able to use the jun a say qua to attract women but I lack it.....
But my lack of ability to a walk over to a girl I like the look off and be funny make conversation and just be that kind of person but I don't know how...

I don't know why I've allways been so timid as a kid Granted I had issue's revolving from my next door neighbor who used to tell me.. I was never good enough for her friends etc, yet good enough to get a lift home at the end of a night...

I just feel like I'm missing a big part of me... The women I find attractive dont find me attractive and the women That find me attractive I dont find attractive which in turn speeks for its self... But how do I change this How do I go from 0 women in my life to 3 women who I'm seeing...

I tried online dating did it work? nope, I tired paying for online dateing did it work? nope...
Not only do I suck at chating up women but I suck at dateing sites to I can't even open a conversation with a girl on the freekin internet...

I dunno if it my approach I dont know if it what I say....

Please, please some one say there hope some where....

Thank you..

Nervous Wreck · 13-05-2009 11:21AM

There's hope somewhere OP. But I'm afraid it lies entirely with you. You've got to learn to like yourself before you can expect anyone else to like you. Starting a conversation is daunting when you don't even know who you are. When you're confident, it's not much easier. But when you like yourself and develop a confidence, you do it anyway. Cos that's what it's all about man, taking chances. But you have to work on yourself first. Throw out the dating guides and the websites. Learn to be at rest with yourself and do things that make you happy. Your post just screams unhappy.

coadyj · 13-05-2009 12:27PM

I think you got to be honest with yourself,

Go home and look in the mirror and rate yourself from 1-10, if you give yourself a 6 don't expect women who are 10's to be interested in you off the bat. If you are a 6 go after 4-8s. This whole "I cant talk to women" rubbish is in your head, of course you can talk to women, you just need to build up to it.

for one month, go out every day at talk to at least 10 women, start with old ladies, move on to check out women at supermarket and slowly make your way up. now when i say talk, i mean talk, actually have a conversation.

Build it up, in no time you will be the bed notch king.

GL

NOGMaxpower · 13-05-2009 12:38PM

Be yourself, all this rating buzz is complete toss. If you put people into categories thats your 1st problem. We're all people, we're all equal, just because your both 8s or 10s doesn't mean you'll be attracted to eachother.

Men are a simple breed we're easy to please. Women are far more comlex however we're all people and we all want the same things. Be yourself and look like yourself NEVER compromise this. I think you have a fear of being rejected, thats fine EVERYONE is the same. Girls especially and the soc alled 10 rating girls are even more insecure than most! People judge them on their looks as opposed to whot hey really are.

Looks are only important to young, immature, shallow people. In the end the person who you'll spend the rest of your life with will be the one who you can talk to, be yourself with and well just be happy and content with being you. We all grow old and we all lose our looks so STOP judging people on their looks and never rate anyone. Personality is what you should be going for and hey I dont mean looks aren't important they just shouldn't be the be all and end all in finding someone you like.

I am speaking from personal experience and well I used to be the exact same as you. Chillout, enjoy yourself and dont get hung up on meeting someone. If you do you do, if you dont you dont but eventually you will.

Be yourself and accept people for who they are not what they look like and you'll be surprised who you'll end up with.

coadyj · 13-05-2009 12:46PM

NOGMaxpower wrote: »

Be yourself, all this rating buzz is complete toss. If you put people into categories thats your 1st problem. We're all people, we're all equal, just because your both 8s or 10s doesn't mean you'll be attracted to eachother.

Men are a simple breed we're easy to please. Women are far more comlex however we're all people and we all want the same things. Be yourself and look like yourself NEVER compromise this. I think you have a fear of being rejected, thats fine EVERYONE is the same. Girls especially and the soc alled 10 rating girls are even more insecure than most! People judge them on their looks as opposed to whot hey really are.

Looks are only important to young, immature, shallow people. In the end the person who you'll spend the rest of your life with will be the one who you can talk to, be yourself with and well just be happy and content with being you. We all grow old and we all lose our looks so STOP judging people on their looks and never rate anyone. Personality is what you should be going for and hey I dont mean looks aren't important they just shouldn't be the be all and end all in finding someone you like.

I am speaking from personal experience and well I used to be the exact same as you. Chillout, enjoy yourself and dont get hung up on meeting someone. If you do you do, if you dont you dont but eventually you will.

Be yourself and accept people for who they are not what they look like and you'll be surprised who you'll end up with.

yeah right, I'm sure YOU feel this way but the reality is in this world, looks do count. I can guarantee you that any of my female friends who would be a 10 are not even remotely insecure about anything, and wouldn't even look at a bad looking guy in a club. just like you wouldn't look at some rank looking girl.

The OP clearly stated that people who he doesn't find attracting are attracted to him, so I'm simply telling him to put himself into the proper category of attainable people, if he followed you advice he would feel even more insecure because he would get rejected a lot more.

LegacyUser · 13-05-2009 12:46PM

Read 'The Game' by Neil Strauss and 'Instant Confidence' by Paul McKenna.

Changed my life!

Nervous Wreck · 13-05-2009 12:49PM

coadyj wrote: »

for one month, go out every day at talk to at least 10 women, start with old ladies, move on to check out women at supermarket and slowly make your way up. now when i say talk, i mean talk, actually have a conversation.

Build it up, in no time you will be the bed notch king.

GL

Haha, that actually is pretty good advice to start off on!

shellyboo · 13-05-2009 12:58PM

coadyj wrote: »

yeah right, I'm sure YOU feel this way but the reality is in this world, looks do count. I can guarantee you that any of my female friends who would be a 10 are not even remotely insecure about anything, and wouldn't even look at a bad looking guy in a club. just like you wouldn't look at some rank looking girl..

That's not even a little bit true. Show me someone who says they have no insecurities and I will show you a liar.

I bet you money those perfect 10 friends of yours are insecure about men only wanting them for their looks, for one thing.

And if they're not giving guys a chance based on their looks or whatever bullshlt "level" they perceive the guys to be on, that's their loss.

The OP needs to stop seeing women as some sort of unattainable goal and just get out there and talk to them - find out that they're not another species, they're just people, and he might find he clicks with someone he'd never have expected to.

He shouldn't be putting ANY limits on himself.

legend365 · 13-05-2009 12:58PM

coadyj wrote: »

for one month, go out every day at talk to at least 10 women, start with old ladies, move on to check out women at supermarket and slowly make your way up. now when i say talk, i mean talk, actually have a conversation.

True! Say if your in a club just even say hello with a smile to every girl you see(regardless of looks). If other women see you confident in chatting to girls they'll become curious themselves

Edit: eye contact first.....ye dont want to look a creep

Nervous Wreck · 13-05-2009 01:19PM

shellyboo wrote: »

That's not even a little bit true. Show me someone who says they have no insecurities and I will show you a liar.

I bet you money those perfect 10 friends of yours are insecure about men only wanting them for their looks, for one thing.

And if they're not giving guys a chance based on their looks or whatever bullshlt "level" they perceive the guys to be on, that's their loss.

The OP needs to stop seeing women as some sort of unattainable goal and just get out there and talk to them - find out that they're not another species, they're just people, and he might find he clicks with someone he'd never have expected to.

He shouldn't be putting ANY limits on himself.

Here here.

Porkpie · 13-05-2009 02:09PM

Unable wrote: »

Hi

I know tons of women who are really beautifull but of course I'm a friend.....

I wish I had that problem! Come on, that's a great start! I'm sure if you really tried you might have a bit of luck with one of them or even a friend of a friend! You need to put the word out there that you're a really great catch!

Unable wrote: »

I'm sick of it, I hate it.... It drives me nuts on the inside knowing that i can look but i dont make the grade... Ive read those Dateing advice books, I get weekly emails etc...

Unsubscribe from those weekly emails. They'll just leave you feeling inferior. They'll bombard you with advice about being 'congruent' and all that
bullsh!t. However, regarding books, there is one that's been mentioned already, 'The Game'. If you haven't read it, you should. It's entertaining, hilarious and gives you some insight into the complex workings of the female mind, without being too patronising.

Unable wrote: »

but I notice one thing they try to change you from the inside, and allso its about notching up a score tab on a bed post of, how many people you've nailed again somthing, I have little interest in... Any body can get layed and sex is sex if its just sex regardless, of how good she looks I dont need that kind of an ego boost. If thats what those guys want...

At least you're mature enough to realise this. That's a good start.

Unable wrote: »

I just want to learn how to make conversation with women and be interesting and attract the kind of woman I want

Then you'll have to practise, practise then practise again. It's the only way. Why don't you do this when you're on nights out with all your female friends? Firstly you'll have 'social proof' (look it up in 'The Game'), also you can get them to be your 'wing women'

Unable wrote: »

The women I find attractive dont find me attractive and the women That find me attractive I dont find attractive

And toast always lands butter side down. That's life unfortunately.

Greyfox · 14-05-2009 12:12AM

Unable wrote: »

Hi

I feel numb i feel like the real me is going mad..
My bigist problem is I'm a nice guy to nice I'l help any one in any way I can because I hate seeing trouble for other people in any way if I can help I will, regardless of if they could return the favour...
I'm good looking funny bright intelgent but I lack confidance with the oposit sex... I get nervous, self conscious, over the most stupid of things when talking to a woman and put of making a move.. I know tons of women who are really beautifull but of course I'm a friend.....

I'm sick of it, I hate it.... It drives me nuts on the inside knowing that i can look but i dont make the grade... Ive read those Dateing advice books, I get weekly emails etc...

but I notice one thing they try to change you from the inside, and allso its about notching up a score tab on a bed post of, how many people you've nailed again somthing, I have little interest in... Any body can get layed and sex is sex if its just sex regardless, of how good she looks I dont need that kind of an ego boost. If thats what those guys want...

I just want to learn how to make conversation with women and be interesting and attract the kind of woman I want I've little or no experence with women and It would be a good feeling to be able to use the jun a say qua to attract women but I lack it.....
But my lack of ability to a walk over to a girl I like the look off and be funny make conversation and just be that kind of person but I don't know how...

I don't know why I've allways been so timid as a kid Granted I had issue's revolving from my next door neighbor who used to tell me.. I was never good enough for her friends etc, yet good enough to get a lift home at the end of a night...

I just feel like I'm missing a big part of me... The women I find attractive dont find me attractive and the women That find me attractive I dont find attractive which in turn speeks for its self... But how do I change this How do I go from 0 women in my life to 3 women who I'm seeing...

I tried online dating did it work? nope, I tired paying for online dateing did it work? nope...
Not only do I suck at chating up women but I suck at dateing sites to I can't even open a conversation with a girl on the freekin internet...

I dunno if it my approach I dont know if it what I say....

Please, please some one say there hope some where....

Thank you..

The first thing you've got to realise is that most men have been in the same situation that your in now at one point. Theirs only one way to becone succesful with women and that's to practice, practice and practice some more.

Well if don't think you make the grade then why should any women bother to go out with you? Confidence in everything and if you don't have this you need to fake it. Your also putting women on a pedastil, if you want to be succesful with women you have too view them as equals.

Personally my attitude is if I approach a girl she's just a silly little girl who's lucky to have a really cool guy like myself talking to her and she's got to prove to me that she's interesting otherwise I'll move on to the next girl who might be more fun...this attitude means you don't feel crap when you get rejected (which all men get loads of times). Don't buy the game or any of that dating advice rubbish (although some of David DeAngelo's emails make sense). The best advice which has already been given is to practice just chatting to women.

On a night out your goal is to just have a conversation with 4 or 5 women, that's all. Forget about getting a number or scoring until your comfortable with this (then you can add stage 2 and 3 etc into your goal) and you'll realise that the vast majority of women and friendly and a good laugh and sometimes you can even have fun chatting to women without scoring. Their is no secret formula to keeping a conversation going, instead just ask questions in order to get her talking about herself and what she likes while acting like you find whatever shes talking about to be very interesting!

LegacyUser · 14-05-2009 08:18PM

Hey guys Op lots of great help above the post I decided to message I
Have to say shellyboo Big thanks to you because you said something bang on the money I do feel like that I don’t know why maybe its my past but if you read on youle see why I’m not seeing things the way I did… :but thank you … and to everybody else that replied I might buy the game just to read more then anything…

Greyfox wrote: »

The first thing you've got to realise is that most men have been in the same situation that your in now at one point. Theirs only one way to becone succesful with women and that's to practice, practice and practice some more.

Well if don't think you make the grade then why should any women bother to go out with you? Confidence in everything and if you don't have this you need to fake it. Your also putting women on a pedastil, if you want to be succesful with women you have too view them as equals.

On a night out your goal is to just have a conversation with 4 or 5 women, that's all. Forget about getting a number or scoring until your comfortable with this (then you can add stage 2 and 3 etc into your goal) and you'll realise that the vast majority of women and friendly and a good laugh and sometimes you can even have fun chatting to women without scoring. Their is no secret formula to keeping a conversation going, instead just ask questions in order to get her talking about herself and what she likes while acting like you find whatever shes talking about to be very interesting!

Hey thanks for your reply, and thank you to every one its clear I need to do a few things for my self, I would say Im quietly confidant I’m not loud in your face,
Which generally shows some one has little confidence in them selves and relays on being mad as booster ….

The weirdest thing happened to me yesterday, I was at a train station ordering a coffee and the girl behind the counter out of no where, turns round to me and says
Where are you from ?

I was like wtf Ireland why? She proceeded to tell me I have no fixed accent at all
And that I don’t sound Irish she asked me why no fixed accent gave my reason’s
But I really struggled to talk or to make conversation and I don’t know why I lack
The skills? Too make good flowing conversation which was difficult for me but I really did make an effort I just don’t know what to say half the time I’m so shocked
That a hot girl/lady from Latvia is talking to me right now, but I did give it a go…

Greyfox wrote: »

Personally my attitude is if I approach a girl she's just a silly little girl who's lucky to have a really cool guy like myself talking to her and she's got to prove to me that she's interesting otherwise I'll move on to the next girl who might be more fun...this attitude means you don't feel crap when you get rejected (which all men get loads of times). Don't buy the game or any of that dating advice rubbish (although some of David DeAngelo's emails make sense). The best advice which has already been given is to practice just chatting to women.

This is really interesting because I’d love to develop this sort of state of mind it show’s confidence and self belief that you deserve what you want only I don’t know how to brake these barriers down. As a kid I was never that good with women then I left school and kinda missed out on all that stuff as I was away a lot and my sports came first.. So the question is how do I brake my mind set from a procrastinator with women to a go Get her I am able to talk to women I just a little shy now maybe I should stop being inner critical of my self which is quite easy to do… I read a few of his emails, I’m not to fond of him because he try’s to sell him self wayyyyyyyy to much, some of them are pretty interesting but very American… I guess like everyone has been said practice is important and will have to start talking to any woman I meet the more attractive the better not because less attractive one’s don’t interest me, but
Im more intimidated bye a hot girl so, maybe I should go talking to hot girls in shops about cloths I “might” be interested in or something… Also make's sence about other things youve said baout being interested in her more and less about me.. I would say I can be self Obsorbed at time's...

But Thank you

Wibbs · 14-05-2009 09:41PM

tomar-re please read this forum's charter before posting here again. Specifically the bit about unhelpful and off topic posting. PS replying on thread will just prove to me you haven't.

unable to talk to girls...

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