Getting past her Siamese-twin like guy friend to ask her out?!

Lizzy Lynott · 24-04-2009 01:33PM #1

Sup, lads. There’s this chick in my grad school that I’ve fancied for months now. We’ve had some sporadic polite conversations (that’s she’s kindly initiated), but I’ve never made a real go of it out of fear. Finese is not in my skillset, so I've decided to go for it with full-on honesty on Monday. Simple small talk about the weekend and then: “have you ever had coffee with a big mouth Irishman before?” If her response is no: “There’s a first time for everything, how bout tonight?”

Here’s my prob: she has a best friend dude who is on top of her every minute of every day. They car pool, sit together, eat together, and probably go to the loo together. How do I navigate passed this guy so I can set up the coffee date for Monday night? Literally, there’s never any day light. Should I just ask her right in front of him? Or would that not be in my best interest? Does this situation require bold action or tactical finesse? School is about to end in a few weeks. Who knows, any more delay and someone else might work up the bollocks to ask her!

Edit: Sorry, posted in the wrong forum.

Pyr0 · 24-04-2009 01:37PM

Just ask him while he's there, if they're just friends he shouldn't care. You'll know exactly how he feels for her also by his reaction. It also shows that you don't let him bother you, or view him as competition.

Kimia · 24-04-2009 01:43PM

Are you sure he's not her boyfriend?

Just ask her (while the weird clingy friend is there) if you could speak to her in private for a minute and see what happens. He can hardly refuse. Then just say 'fancy going for a drink some evening.'

Simple as! We girls aren't that complicated. Best of luck.

Swashbuckler · 24-04-2009 03:21PM

I agree with Kimia..Try and get her alone and then ask her. If you ask her in front of her friend she just might feel uncomfortable in that situation. You're much more likely to get a positive answer if you ask her when she's on her own.

Lizzy Lynott · 24-04-2009 03:23PM

Kimia wrote: »

Are you sure he's not her boyfriend?

Just ask her (while the weird clingy friend is there) if you could speak to her in private for a minute and see what happens. He can hardly refuse. Then just say 'fancy going for a drink some evening.'

Simple as! We girls aren't that complicated. Best of luck.

Def not her boyfriend, but most people suspect that he wants her. I guess his strategy is friend-zone incrementalism - i.e. the road to failure and frustration.

Yeah, you girls ain't complicated. Its the blokes that are because we over analyze this **** to such a degree.

Pyr0 wrote: »

Just ask him while he's there, if they're just friends he shouldn't care. You'll know exactly how he feels for her also by his reaction. It also shows that you don't let him bother you, or view him as competition.

I like your attitude. I probably have no choice in the matter of picking an opportunity when he's gone. Do or die. I'm sure he'll try to CBlock me by laughing like a bafoon, but as long as I stand firm in my intent and body language, I will rise above him and get her.

Lizzy Lynott · 24-04-2009 03:31PM

Swashbuckler wrote: »

I agree with Kimia..Try and get her alone and then ask her. If you ask her in front of her friend she just might feel uncomfortable in that situation. You're much more likely to get a positive answer if you ask her when she's on her own.

Yeah, this is my only concern. I do feel though that pulling her aside would put a lot of pressure on this situation and make the coffee pitch way more important than it has to be. I just want it to be chill, not with the build up of a marriage proposal. I do agree that the other alternative isn't ideal, but is it necessarily a death blow?

What kills me is that there was recently a school dance (yes, at the grad level!), that I didn't go to because I really can't stand the poxy people at my school. She was there, sitting alone a lot (he wasn't there!!!), and wasn't even asked to dance! Being anti-social backfired dearly for me on that one.

mrDerek · 24-04-2009 03:41PM

simple solution. head to your nearest pharmacy buy a bottle of eye drops.drop some in his drink and when he runs to the toilet to **** out half his bodyweight ask the girl

Lizzy Lynott · 24-04-2009 03:55PM

mrDerek wrote: »

simple solution. head to your nearest pharmacy buy a bottle of eye drops.drop some in his drink and when he runs to the toilet to **** out half his bodyweight ask the girl

HAHA!

List this under Plan B!

username123 · 24-04-2009 04:44PM

Lizzy Lynott wrote: »

I do feel though that pulling her aside would put a lot of pressure on this situation and make the coffee pitch way more important than it has to be. I just want it to be chill, not with the build up of a marriage proposal.

Definitely pull her aside!!! It might be embarrassing for her (if she fancies you a bit already - which is possible given initiated chats) to be asked for a coffee date in front of the siamese twin.

Just casually touch her elbow or something and say 'could I speak to you for a moment' and when she says yes (which she will), say your piece. Better to set the boundaries early!!!

cafecolour · 24-04-2009 04:56PM

Lizzy Lynott wrote: »

Yeah, this is my only concern. I do feel though that pulling her aside would put a lot of pressure on this situation and make the coffee pitch way more important than it has to be. I just want it to be chill, not with the build up of a marriage proposal. I do agree that the other alternative isn't ideal, but is it necessarily a death blow?

The pulling aside just ups anticipation - you just have to deliver 'can i speak with ya alone for a moment' in a flirty way, not a 'your dog just died' way.

But no, I don't think the other alternative is a death blow. If she's that concerned about her friend (you sure he's not gay btw?) being there, then that's prob not a good indicator for dating anyway.

dudara · 24-04-2009 04:59PM

mrDerek, we do not advocate the misuse of pharmaceuticals in this forum. Please take the time to read the charter with regard to posting in Personal Issues.

dudara

turgon · 24-04-2009 07:56PM

Just **** it and go for it, whats the worst that could happen?? Yeah it might get awkward but its not as if ye are in the same social group anyway so it wouldn't effect you that much.

Be sure and tell us how it goes

Lizzy Lynott · 24-04-2009 08:47PM

cafecolour wrote: »

The pulling aside just ups anticipation - you just have to deliver 'can i speak with ya alone for a moment' in a flirty way, not a 'your dog just died' way.

Okay, now I'm getting it. Yeah, sounds cool. Hmmm flirty.... usually my voice tone is pretty dead pan so maybe a fun sentence that is obviously playful. How bout, "CBlock, you don't mind if I have a word with her for a mo? She's the kinda girl that can give me answer to this top secret question I have." This engages him and makes him look like a weenie to say other wise and gets help curious (like you said) while getting her to go with the flow. Or am I talking bollocks here?

He isn't gay - he doesn't have the style for it. He looks like a gym teacher. Real slimey looking bugger.

turgon wrote: »

Just **** it and go for it, whats the worst that could happen?? Yeah it might get awkward but its not as if ye are in the same social group anyway so it wouldn't effect you that much.

Be sure and tell us how it goes

Exactly! The worst that can happen is that I have sex with her on the third date and not the second.

Don't worry, I'll give you guys a resolution. I hate when these threads build us up and don't give us an ending!

turgon · 24-04-2009 09:37PM

Lizzy Lynott wrote: »

Exactly! The worst that can happen is that I have sex with her on the third date and not the second.

I can just imagine every girl reading this raising their eyes to heaven, thinking "one of those"

Lizzy Lynott · 24-04-2009 09:43PM

turgon wrote: »

I can just imagine every girl reading this raising their eyes to heaven, thinking "one of those"

Hey, I think that's what Romeo said before he courted Juliet.

Kimia · 25-04-2009 08:47AM

You're thinking about it WAY too much, and are putting too much pressure on yourself.

Just pull her aside, don't plan what to say, just be natural. She'll pick up on it if you've got some killer 'line' planned.

Don't involve him! Why are you worrying about him???

Wagon · 25-04-2009 10:13AM

Lizzy Lynott wrote: »

Okay, now I'm getting it. Yeah, sounds cool. Hmmm flirty.... usually my voice tone is pretty dead pan so maybe a fun sentence that is obviously playful. How bout, "CBlock, you don't mind if I have a word with her for a mo? She's the kinda girl that can give me answer to this top secret question I have." This engages him and makes him look like a weenie to say other wise and gets help curious (like you said) while getting her to go with the flow. Or am I talking bollocks here?

Yes. But it's making me laugh!

He isn't gay - he doesn't have the style for it. He looks like a gym teacher. Real slimey looking bugger.

Well, he might fancy the hole off her and doesn't want anyone else to have her. Do the poor bastard a favour and just ask her out. Ask for a quick word though in private with her though.

turgon wrote: »

I can just imagine every girl reading this raising their eyes to heaven, thinking "one of those"

Yeah but he's funny.

Lizzy Lynott · 25-04-2009 01:09PM

Kimia wrote: »

You're thinking about it WAY too much, and are putting too much pressure on yourself.

Just pull her aside, don't plan what to say, just be natural. She'll pick up on it if you've got some killer 'line' planned.

Don't involve him! Why are you worrying about him???

Yeah, I'm trying to be too smart by half here. I'm worrying about him because, like you said, I am thinking way too much about it. I just don't want anyone mucking it up for me because I can do that enough on my own!

She's the one girl in this school that gets me gaga, so that ain't gonna help me in the logic department. She's the killer rabbit. On Monday, I'll either be King Aurthor's knights or General Washington.

I figure this, as long as I say my coffee 'line' with confidence and courage, I'll be okay. Who else is going to say that to her? so there's my edge, I guess.

Pyr0 · 25-04-2009 02:22PM

I'm telling ya OP, just say it to her if he's there or not. Start with a simple "What are you doing over the weekend ?" which might be met with "Oh you know X and X". There's your chance right there "Well if you're free, wanna go to the cinema, have lunch/coffee with me ?". There's 3 ways that will go, either she doesn't have enough time and is still intersted (which is grand) or she gets all "I uh.. dunno really..em.." which is that great but that could be down to nervousness at being suddenly asked out or you get the deal ender "Nah..I don't think so really..". The last one seems a bit harsh but you get what I mean.

Overheal · 25-04-2009 02:44PM

Couldn't you enlist her Bum Chum as a sort of wingman in some way? Maybe the opportunity to talk to him in private will come up before talking to her in private.

Either way he sort of seems like the Gatekeeper in this scenario

be prepared to answer riddles.

Lizzy Lynott · 25-04-2009 11:40PM

This thread has been really helpful. Big thanks to all. I’ve been thinking about this situation in an existentialistic way and pondering the responses provided. Ultimately, I think it would be incongruent for a big mouth to pull her aside so her bum chum doesn’t hear me utter the “obscenity” of asking her out. I have every right to breathe air and seek beauty in all its forms. I will not cop out or wilt in deference to the presence of others. I will not feed my fear by, either, by being indirect or compromising my intent. Not guts, no glory! In the end, she has to be good enough for me. If she rejects me because she felt uncomfortable, well, she’s saved me my money and my time.

I’m not leaving anything to chance. It’s warm here, so I’m going to sit on the bench near the school entrance, read some philosophy, and wait for her to come on in.

Lizzy Lynott · 25-04-2009 11:41PM

OOPS! Double post

Getting past her Siamese-twin like guy friend to ask her out?!

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