Giving up seats for pregnant women

AnnieB82 · 20-04-2009 10:26AM #1

I'm not sure whether or not I'm alone here, but I was always under the impression that it was polite to offer your seat on a bus/train etc to any person who needs it more - be they elderly/ disabled, pregnant, or otherwise less able to handle standing when compared to a young fit person.
It seems to me that the general opion of pregnant women in particular seems to be is that: ' it's their fault they're pregnant, so why should I give up my seat?' This kind of annoys me as the point is not really how a person got in the situation, it's more so that they may be extremely uncomfortable and it's just a nice gesture to let them have your seat.
Now I know that there is absolutely no danger of our species dying out at the moment through underpopulation (and I know experts are encouraging max 2 kids etc etc), but people tend to forget that reproduction is a necessary (in general - not for each individual) thing, not some mess that silly people get themselves into. ( at least not in all cases)
I have a son and thankfully only used public transport once while heavily pregnant, and a nice guy gave me his seat which was really appreciated as I was so uncomfortable. ( I would not have done anything if it wasn't offered )
It just seems according that most pregnant women are left standing are receive no sympathy as it's all their fault.
I mean it doesn't cost much to be nice does it? I always have and will give up my seat for anyone that I think might need it more than me whether they're in that situation through their own doing or not.
Am I the only one who feels like this, or does everyone seem to see pregnant women as whining attention seekers?

20-04-2009 10:33AM

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watna · 20-04-2009 10:40AM

A lot of people (men especially) are afraid that the woman is not pregnant - but just a bit chubby. Unless a woman is very obviously pregnant (giant bump sticking out miles in front or a baby falling out of her) I wouldn't expect people to offer a seat. As Jimmy Carr says, better a pregnant woman standing than a fat woman sitting down crying!

I got off the bus a few days ago and a woman behind me got in to a car that was waiting for her. She let rip at the man collecting her (funnily enough she was Irish too so the accent made my ears prick up). She said (in very colourful language might I add) that nobody had got up to give her their seat and how dare they treat a pregnant woman like that. I looked back at her before she got in to the car and she didn't look pregnant at all. She just looked like a regular curvy woman. Either she wasn't very pregnant or she was the kind of woman that had a bit of extra weight on her to begin with so you oculdn't tell.

Morgase · 20-04-2009 10:40AM

AnnieB82 wrote: »

Am I the only one who feels like this, or does everyone seem to see pregnant women as whining attention seekers?

I'd always offer my seat to a pregnant woman, or anyone who is in more physical need of a seat than me.

Scien wrote: »

If a Man has any ounce of decency & manners he'll offer his seat to any woman, regardless of physical state.

I have to disagree with you there, I'd find it a bit strange if a man offered me his seat simply because I'm female!

AnnieB82 · 20-04-2009 10:45AM

I also agree that you shouldn't be offered a seat just for being female. I guess my point is that I think it's good manners to offer your seat to anyone who may need it more e.g you're fit and healthy and the other person looks uncomfortable. (becasue of age, pregnancy, disability etc.)
I understand the danger of asking a large lady if she'd like your seat and then everyone being embarrassed if she's not pregnant. I guess I would be hesitant myself if I wasn't sure. I was obviously pregnant as I was very slim apart from a giant round belly sticking out! It just seems reading on other websites, that most women who are pregnant don't get offered a seat...

20-04-2009 10:46AM

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watna · 20-04-2009 10:48AM

I could well believe that (obviously) pregnant women don't get offered a seat . The girl who did my job before me had to change her working hours as she was very uncomfortable and nobody would give her a seat on the train. She had to change to pregnancy hours and work 9.30 - 4.30 so she could get a seat on the train. That is a sad state of affairs! Luckily I work for a company that would let you do that.

This is in NZ, btw - so it's not confined to Ireland.

themadchef · 20-04-2009 10:48AM

I wouldn't expect someone to give me their seat just because i was pregnant. If someone was kind enough to offer it to me then fair play.

It all boils down to good manners. A mother struggling with kids, a pensioner, you do what you were raised to do.

A bit off topic but, last week i was walking through town (Mayo). I watched at a distance an old lady who seemed to be a bit dazed or confused try to cross a reasonably quiet roundabout. Poor thing more or less walked straight through it. A boy racer sped onto the round about, stopped about two inches from her and kept blowing his horn till the lady practically crawled across the road. She was obviously dazed and confused. My reaction? i was so angry, yes she done something very dangerous but the poor woman was in trouble.

I got her to Dunnes as she could remember her son was to pick her up there. She went off home happy enough in the end. But what if no one had helped her? What if everyones reaction was that of the boy racer?

All im saying is age is honourable too.

prinz · 20-04-2009 10:52AM

AnnieB82 wrote: »

It seems to me that the general opion of pregnant women in particular seems to be is that: ' it's their fault they're pregnant, so why should I give up my seat?'
Am I the only one who feels like this, or does everyone seem to see pregnant women as whining attention seekers?

Scien wrote: »

I think you'll be hard pushed to get anyone to agree with that.

That kind of attitude is far more widespread than you think. Personally I find it a lot more prevalent among women too, the mid-twenties career-driven types especially.

prinz · 20-04-2009 10:55AM

themadchef wrote: »

. A boy racer sped onto the round about, stopped about two inches from her ... What if everyones reaction was that of the boy racer?

What if two inches were three inches, we'd have another statistic.

Morgase · 20-04-2009 10:57AM

Something I have often noticed is that the train is so packed full that the people sitting down cannot see the person standing near the doors who is in need of a seat. I never really know what to do in that situation, I feel like I want to tell someone to give up their seat but it's not really my place.

Scien wrote: »

I wouldn't be offering it to teenagers or adolescents but generally any woman with shopping bags or 'weight difficulties' i would.
Not sure how it's strange, as far as i'm concerned it's common courtesy, plus random acts of kindess are good.

I agree with what you said there (except I would also offer my seat to a man struggling with lots of shopping or small children). It was what you said below that I found strange.

Scien wrote: »

If a Man has any ounce of decency & manners he'll offer his seat to any woman, regardless of physical state.

This is what I found strange. Why offer your seat to a perfectly fit and healthy person just because they have a vagina? I would offer my seat to a person who is less able than me to stand on the train, regardless of gender.

Mitch Connor · 20-04-2009 11:07AM

My uncle offered his seat to a pregnant woman one time, she accepted. all fine.

Next morning, same dart. She asked him for his seat, he said ok.
Next morning, same dart. She asked him for his seat, he said ok, a little annoyed though.
Next morning, same dart. She asked him for his seat, he said ok, a little more annoyed though.
Next morning, same dart. She asked him for his seat, and just as he told her to ask someone else, the train went rrrrrrrreal quiet. Filthy looks from everyone

JC 2K3 · 20-04-2009 11:08AM

I'm awful at telling whether a woman is pregnant or not, and don't want to insult some fat girl.

Also, it's not really on topic here, but I'm of the opinion that reproduction isn't necessary. I care about my life, not the continuation of the human species. Having kids is ultimately for reasons of self gratification. That's not to say I disagree with having kids, or indeed that I would never have them myself, but that I wouldn't consider pregnancy to be something to be inherently revered and admired.

Tabnabs · 20-04-2009 11:09AM

My SWMBO is 8 months pregnant and has to take the LUAS to work as there are no parking facilities for her in work (city centre). She almost never gets offered a seat and it's pretty obvious what her condition is. It comes down to manners and upbringing, it was drilled into me when I was a kid.

Anecdotally, she has never been offered a seat by non Irish and 20 something Irish men are the best at giving up their seats.

To cap it off though, she was in Holles Street recently waiting to be seen. When she arrived in the corridor there were no empty seats. But a father-to-be sat there happily chatting away to his partner for almost ten minutes before a seat came free and she could sit down. Tossers (both of them!) :mad:

FruitLover · 20-04-2009 11:09AM

Scien wrote: »

If a Man has any ounce of decency & manners he'll offer his seat to any woman, regardless of physical state.

Ah, I see the spectre of sexism is alive and well in Ireland, hiding under the mask of 'chivalry'...

20-04-2009 11:14AM

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shellyboo · 20-04-2009 11:16AM

JC 2K3 wrote: »

I'm awful at telling whether a woman is pregnant or not, and don't want to insult some fat girl.

Also, it's not really on topic here, but I'm of the opinion that reproduction isn't necessary. I care about my life, not the continuation of the human species. Having kids is ultimately for reasons of self gratification. That's not to say I disagree with having kids, or indeed that I would never have them myself, but that I wouldn't consider pregnancy to be something to be inherently revered and admired.

But I wouldn't give up my seat out of reveration (is that a word?) or admiration... I'd give up my seat because that woman is essentially carrying something very heavy, which is throwing off her balance. It's uncomfortable and dangerous for her to stand, just the same as it's uncomfortable and dangerous for an elderly person to stand - if they fall, they could get injured more easily that I could if I fell.

I don't think it has to do with revering pregnancy, I think it's basic manners to give the seat to the person who needs the seat the most.

justsomebloke · 20-04-2009 11:20AM

yes I would offer my seat to a pregnant woman however I would also be of the train of thought that if said pregnant woman wanted to make sure she had a seat she should of got a taxi and has no right to complain if someone doesn't offer her a seat as they have paid the same fare as them.

fonpokno · 20-04-2009 11:34AM

I'm always a bit uncertain about giving up my seat just in case the person isn't pregnant or old enough. My old piano teacher was telling me one day that somebody gave up their seat for her on the bus and it made her feel ancient. She was only in her 50s so it knocked her about! If someone was very obviously pregnant/struggling I'd be the first to let them sit.

michellie · 20-04-2009 11:34AM

Dyflin wrote: »

To cap it off though, she was in Holles Street recently waiting to be seen. When she arrived in the corridor there were no empty seats. But a father-to-be sat there happily chatting away to his partner for almost ten minutes before a seat came free and she could sit down. Tossers (both of them!) :mad:

yeah it was the same last year when i was at maternity clinics in waterford regional...it was always packed there and clearly not enough seats, and many times, heavily pregnant women were standing while other womens boyfriends sat and watched them, i thought it was awful! I dont use public transport but i certainly would offer my seat to an elderly person or someone who looks pregnant.

JC 2K3 · 20-04-2009 11:39AM

shellyboo wrote: »

I don't think it has to do with revering pregnancy, I think it's basic manners to give the seat to the person who needs the seat the most.

Of course, that's why I said it wasn't really on topic

The fundamental reason I don't is, as I've said, I find it very hard to tell in a lot of cases.

metrovelvet · 20-04-2009 12:03PM

I always always gave up my seat for women who were recognisably pregnant and then when I was pregnant myself, carrying an extra 50 lbs in water retention in a NYC summer I was pretty shocked at how few people offerred their seats. i did notice that those who did offer, were far and wide black and hispanic men, never white guys and rarely women.

Dyflin - I noticed the same thing in the rotunda emergency waiting room. All these fathers to be sitting on their asses while heavily pregnant and most likely problematicly pregnant [assuming this since they wer ein the emergency waiting area] standing.

Hagar · 20-04-2009 12:14PM

A liitle bit of courtesy doesn't go far astray. I'd give up my seat to anyone who looks like they need it be they male or female. The fat woman / pregnant woman thing isn't really an issue unless you say something dumb like "When's it/they due". Just graciously offer the seat to her as a person.

blinding · 20-04-2009 12:15PM

michellie wrote: »

yeah it was the same last year when i was at maternity clinics in waterford regional...it was always packed there and clearly not enough seats, and many times, heavily pregnant women were standing while other womens boyfriends sat and watched them, i thought it was awful! I dont use public transport but i certainly would offer my seat to an elderly person or someone who looks pregnant.

If the expectant fathers did not do the right thing would it be too much too expect that their partners might suggest the right course of action

Tabnabs · 20-04-2009 12:19PM

I know I would get a sharp jab in the ribs if I sat looking around in the waiting area and there were pregnant women standing while waiting to sit.

Fighting Irish · 20-04-2009 12:21PM

depends who the father is

AnnieB82 · 20-04-2009 12:25PM

when I was in the Rotunda ( never again!) the nurses made the partners of pregnant women get up. It got a bit ridiculous though when there were plenty of seats available towards the end and not enough pregnant ladies to fill them, and they were still being asked to get up...

WindSock · 20-04-2009 12:54PM

I'd happily stand if someone who isn't obviously up to standing for very long needs my seat. I would put pregnant women in that category. I know if I were pregnant I would not like to stand on a packed carriage with people bumping into me.

Nevyn · 20-04-2009 01:08PM

FruitLover wrote: »

Ah, I see the spectre of sexism is alive and well in Ireland, hiding under the mask of 'chivalry'...

Oh look someone who doesn't know the logical reason why women were always offered ( offered not given ) a seat,that answer is periods.
Nothing worse then being wracked with craps and feeling unwell and having to stand,there for it was good manners and courtesy to offer your seat to a lady this assume that you are a gentleman.

michellie wrote: »

yeah it was the same last year when i was at maternity clinics in waterford regional...it was always packed there and clearly not enough seats, and many times, heavily pregnant women were standing while other womens boyfriends sat and watched them, i thought it was awful! I dont use public transport but i certainly would offer my seat to an elderly person or someone who looks pregnant.

I have seen the midwifes and nurses berate partners who have done that and rigthly so.

Oh and your fare on public transport does not entitle you to a seat and if someone more in needs boards the bus/train/luas they are meant to get a seat.

sam34 · 20-04-2009 01:48PM

it is basic manners and common (although maybe not so common?) courtesy to give your seat to someone who looks more in need of it than you, be that because tehy are pregnant, elderly, struggling with small kids, on crutches etc etc etc

i wouldnt expect to be offered a seat simply because im female, however if i was to be offered one i'd gratefully accept it. it happened recenylt at a meeting at work that i was without a seat and one guy gave me his and stood at the back - he went up many notches in my estimation!

nesbitt · 20-04-2009 01:59PM

I would always offer my seat to an elderly or pregnant lady. I just smile and say you seem very tired have my seat... so if lady is not pregnant just rotund no harm done...

Have 3 kids (incl. set of twins!!) so when I was rather large with child(ren) and so obviously preggers I was grateful and happy when people were kind to me on public transport. A random act of kindness costs you very little and is very very good for morale.

Giving up seats for pregnant women

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