Room mate tried filming my girlfriend and I having sex

LegacyUser · 16-04-2009 02:02PM #1

Being living with my best friend in college for the last year. He transferred to my college this year and things had being going great until one night when my girlfriend came over and we found a spy camera in my room positioned towards my bed. Note at the start of the day I told my friend she was coming over out of respect

When I went to shut the lights out I noticed a tissue box that wasn't mine. Shook it, something was in it... It was so messed up. He was at my door in like 2 seconds (because he was watching on his laptop) and kept trying to take the kleenex box from me. I was like "WTF" are you in here for, but then he took from me and ripped the box open and started immediately yelling, "THIS IS A CAMERA... HOLY ****!"

My girlfriend and myself were in total shock because we didn't know who did it at the time. It was so weird. I kept saying I was going to have to call the cops and said roommate was flipping out saying we couldn't call the cops because the living room stunk of weed. (He smokes occasionally)

So like 20 minutes after I found the camera I just had this feeling it was my best friend. We share with 2 others who were in the library at the time. I confronted him in his room (where he hid like a bitch after I found the thing) and he was literally shaking and his voice just changed. It was so obvious he did it and after like 2 hours he admitted to me that he did it.

Here's the kicker; his excuse for doing it was "to see if it worked." I kicked him out of the house and he is back in our small town at home, telling his parents I presume that hes studying at home or something. My girlfriend and my relationship is ruined but she just wants to forget about it and us. I told the 2 lads and they said take it further.

Should I call the garda?

LegacyUser · 16-04-2009 02:14PM

Unregistered wrote: »

Should I call the garda?

Yes.

He is a scumbag and should be outed. Nobody should cover up this despicable act.

easyeason3 · 16-04-2009 02:18PM

Yeah I'd call the Guards but have you got proof if they want to take things further?

zero_nine · 16-04-2009 02:19PM

Sometimes the Gardai can't legally do anything if its not your house. I take it was a rented property? What a B*******. Sleazy enough act. Pretty pathetic too.

Slow Motion · 16-04-2009 02:24PM

Yes! Speak to the Gards, if you hadn't caught him who is to say that the video wouldn't have been emailed to all his mates or ended up on some p0rn website, and if he thinks he got away with it what's to stop him doing it to someone else when he has perfected the technique?

PCPhoto · 16-04-2009 02:26PM

at the moment you dont have anything on him except a story (your version against his) - guessing he has the camera.

Report it to gardai - but dont think they will do anything other than scare him with threats of various infractions of the law - most likely he will get a warning and/or a fine. (Typical of the system that we have)

how is your GF after reacting ? you may need to sit her down and discuss this with her and how she feels about reporting it to gardai.

I dont want to freak you out but how do you know this is the first time that he has done this ? from reading the thread it seems like the guy may be a simple voyeur but has taken it up a level? was he recording or just watching ? this type of person may need proper attention...reporting him may stop him from doing similar or worse to others...at least it will put him on the radar of the gardai.

Fajitas! · 16-04-2009 02:30PM

Go to the Gardai.

If he was watching via his laptop, chances are there'll be evidence left on it, regardless of him deleting it or not... What a horrible intrusion.

StormWarrior · 16-04-2009 02:32PM

I would definitely call them if I were you. Who knows who else he films or what else he may d. A visit from the police may shock him into stopping.

enda1 · 16-04-2009 02:36PM

Out of interest what would you like hte gardaí to do?

Fine him?
Charge him?

How far do you want to go?

Do you know if it has happened before?

Piste · 16-04-2009 02:37PM

It's such a pity you have to break up over this, maybe he was jealous and that's what he wanted?

Even if your girlfriend has decided it's over I'd ask her how she's feling and talk to her just to make sure she's ok. She could be thinking you were in on it so you need to make it clear that you're as much of a victim as her.

lala stone · 16-04-2009 02:38PM

Unregistered wrote: »

Being living with my best friend in college for the last year. He transferred to my college this year and things had being going great until one night when my girlfriend came over and we found a spy camera in my room positioned towards my bed. Note at the start of the day I told my friend she was coming over out of respect

When I went to shut the lights out I noticed a tissue box that wasn't mine. Shook it, something was in it... It was so messed up. He was at my door in like 2 seconds (because he was watching on his laptop) and kept trying to take the kleenex box from me. I was like "WTF" are you in here for, but then he took from me and ripped the box open and started immediately yelling, "THIS IS A CAMERA... HOLY ****!"

My girlfriend and myself were in total shock because we didn't know who did it at the time. It was so weird. I kept saying I was going to have to call the cops and said roommate was flipping out saying we couldn't call the cops because the living room stunk of weed. (He smokes occasionally)

So like 20 minutes after I found the camera I just had this feeling it was my best friend. We share with 2 others who were in the library at the time. I confronted him in his room (where he hid like a bitch after I found the thing) and he was literally shaking and his voice just changed. It was so obvious he did it and after like 2 hours he admitted to me that he did it.

Here's the kicker; his excuse for doing it was "to see if it worked." I kicked him out of the house and he is back in our small town at home, telling his parents I presume that hes studying at home or something. My girlfriend and my relationship is ruined but she just wants to forget about it and us. I told the 2 lads and they said take it further.

Should I call the garda?

OMG how awful for u.. that he has ruined everything for you... did you have any indication at all that he would do anything like that ??

You are totally justifed in going to the guards,,, altho if nothing was done do you think it would have a huge impact on him and his family..

LegacyUser · 16-04-2009 02:39PM

somthing lik this happened a few years back.Laws are pretty out of date for this sort of thing.Their is a guy called <snip> who specialises in voyeur cases.I have his number.hes attached to the guards bureau of inteilligence who specialises in elctroinc invsion of privacy

Oh The Humanity · 16-04-2009 02:40PM

Call the guards definitely.

Regardless of whether you can prove it or not, this needs to be reported.

At the moment its 'only' an attempt to record yourselves but his behaviour could escalate into something far more sinister.

How many times do you hear about sex criminals who begin as peeping Toms? Many!

His gross disregard for your rights shows he could become a dangerous individual left to his own devices. Do not forgive him and let him off. You have your girlfriends story too. I hope she will give a statement as well.

Voyeurism is not to be underestimated from the point of view of the victim. Do NOT let him away with this.

Hairy McGinty · 16-04-2009 02:47PM

Report him
It happened to you , don`t let it happen to some-one else

prinz · 16-04-2009 03:15PM

The only question is why you haven't taken this further already

Gardaí, landlord,other friends, whatever.. I know if this had been me he wouldn't have been physically capable of going back to his room. ( NOT advocating violence.... just saying I don't know how I would have controlled myself ).

Even without any evidence you can still report this matter to the Gardaí, and/or make a statement detailing exactly what happened. If they couldn't take it any further, it would sure make me feel better about it. If things aren't good with the girl now, you can give the gardai her details, name adress or whatever and they might contact her directly for her side of things.

Wibbs · 16-04-2009 03:32PM

I'm with the others. I honestly don't know how I would react in this situation. He violates your personal space and that of your partner? This causes your partner to question the relationship and you, from embarrassment and maybe even her feeling you were in on it and ruins a long standing friendship to get his screwed up jollies, when google would have sorted his "needs" out?

Go and report him. OK the Guards may not be able to do much, but reporting it should be a first step. They may be able to do more than we think. Inform others, like mutual mates while you're at it. Cut him out of your life. Complete excommunication. I would leave your now ex to cool down a bit as she's naturally well freaked out about this as her privacy and an intimate moment was violated. I would be freaked out in her situation too. I would try and approach her after you have reported this fool and explain that you've taken steps against this moron.

kevmy · 16-04-2009 03:45PM

While going to the Gardaí is definitely an issue (and I agree with the rest of the posters about it) there is a couple of other things I'd be more concerned about.

Firstly cutting him out of your life. Tell him it was sick and wrong and a total violation of trust and that he is never to be involved in your life again.

Secondly and probably more importantly, your gf. You didn't do anything wrong here either of you. You had no idea this was happening and you are just a victim. Breaking up with your gf over this would be sh1t. Tell her you had no knowledge of this, that your mate is now your ex-mate and that you don't think something low like this should cause you to break up. Also I advise talking to her before going to the Gardaí. If this goes to court she might not want the publicity and drawn out process that goes with it and considering she is just as much a victim as you she should have an equal say in things.

dilallio · 16-04-2009 03:45PM

Yes. I would definately report this.
Something very similar happened a few years ago (not going to say who, or when). Some guy I used to work with had hidden cameras inside shower vents and in the bedrooms of a rented house.
One of the girls discovered the cameras - The guards were called, and when they checked his work pc, they discovered a load of child pornography.
If someone is depraved enough to do this to a friend, then their moral compass is completely out of whack. The fright he suffered from you discovering what he was up to, may not be enough to prevent him from repeating this somewhere else, and if he was to get a warning from the guards, it might make him reconsider what he is at.

username123 · 16-04-2009 05:06PM

Report it - the guy needs a psych assessment and probably needs mental health issues addressed. Not reporting it just leaves him free to do the same thing to the next person he comes across except this time he has learned from his previous 'mistake' and hides the camera better!!!

It was a gross violation of your privacy (and that of your GFs) and a pretty sick thing to do. If he could do that he could be well capable of other perverted acts. Report it. Stand up for yourself and your GF.

Otis Driftwood · 16-04-2009 05:12PM

Agree with everyone else.Report it but talk to your GF first just so she knows how serious a matter this is and that you wont tolerate it.
Even if the guards cant do much this time around,the report will be logged and records kept so if he ever pulls it again with someone else(which is highly likely considering he can do it to his best mate)at least then they will be able to take a more serious stance on it because he would be a repeat offender.

The Davestator · 16-04-2009 05:14PM

Why has no one suggested giving him a good kicking as well as reporting him?

Silverfish · 16-04-2009 05:17PM

The Davestator wrote: »

Why has no one suggested giving him a good kicking as well as reporting him?

Because they've read the charter, and advocating violence is against the rules

Zaph · 16-04-2009 05:17PM

The Davestator wrote: »

Why has no one suggested giving him a good kicking as well as reporting him?

Because it's a bannable offence in this forum, so I sincerely hope you're not suggesting it.

pwd · 16-04-2009 05:19PM

I was surprised at this too - there's been a higher level of cop-on than I expected. People can get criminal convictions for giving people "good kickings". So it's not a good idea. Reporting him as well as battering him is a ridiculous suggestion tbh.

Taltos · 16-04-2009 05:22PM

Definitely report it.

Pro's
> will be on cops radar - who knows just because he was never caught before does not mean this is his first time
> this action will make it clear to your GF you were not involved - who knows might help the reconciliation

Cons
> lost friendship - but lets face it - he threw away your friendship as soon as he put the camera there

You never know - if you do not get this out there now - who knows what version will soon start floating around your time.

At a min tell your GF you are going to the cops and ask her to come with you...

The Davestator · 16-04-2009 05:24PM

Apologies.

Disease Ridden · 16-04-2009 05:33PM

OP, is your friends normally a bit odd? Because seriously, what he did seems hilariously abnormal!!

cafecolour · 16-04-2009 05:50PM

What's stopping you from going to the police? You don't want it public? You don't want his parents to find out?

As most have said, I'd go to the guards. You don't actually have to push to have him charged, but if they give him a warning (and put it on his record), then that should hopefully dissuade him from doing it again. And if he does do it again, then they won't let him off with just a warning.

MagicMarker · 16-04-2009 06:35PM

Your girlfriend is not exactly showing a lot of trust in you here is she? If she thought you were in on it then why the fúck would you ''accidentally'' find the camera?

As others have said, call the garda.

CaptainSkidmark · 16-04-2009 07:37PM

holy god this is a first!

i cant understand why she wants to break up with you over it?

curious15 · 16-04-2009 08:11PM

hey i know that everyone else is kinda saying that you should call the gardai and i know that what he did is wrong but he could just be messed up and do you really want t put yourself through courtcases and all for something like this?? id say let it slide but just dont be friends with him anymore!!!

Room mate tried filming my girlfriend and I having sex

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