Room mate tried filming my girlfriend and I having sex

LegacyUser

Being living with my best friend in college for the last year. He transferred to my college this year and things had being going great until one night when my girlfriend came over and we found a spy camera in my room positioned towards my bed. Note at the start of the day I told my friend she was coming over out of respect

When I went to shut the lights out I noticed a tissue box that wasn't mine. Shook it, something was in it... It was so messed up. He was at my door in like 2 seconds (because he was watching on his laptop) and kept trying to take the kleenex box from me. I was like "WTF" are you in here for, but then he took from me and ripped the box open and started immediately yelling, "THIS IS A CAMERA... HOLY ****!"

My girlfriend and myself were in total shock because we didn't know who did it at the time. It was so weird. I kept saying I was going to have to call the cops and said roommate was flipping out saying we couldn't call the cops because the living room stunk of weed. (He smokes occasionally)

So like 20 minutes after I found the camera I just had this feeling it was my best friend. We share with 2 others who were in the library at the time. I confronted him in his room (where he hid like a bitch after I found the thing) and he was literally shaking and his voice just changed. It was so obvious he did it and after like 2 hours he admitted to me that he did it.

Here's the kicker; his excuse for doing it was "to see if it worked." I kicked him out of the house and he is back in our small town at home, telling his parents I presume that hes studying at home or something. My girlfriend and my relationship is ruined but she just wants to forget about it and us. I told the 2 lads and they said take it further.

Should I call the garda?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Should I call the garda?

Yes.

He is a scumbag and should be outed. Nobody should cover up this despicable act.

easyeason3

Yeah I'd call the Guards but have you got proof if they want to take things further?

zero_nine

Sometimes the Gardai can't legally do anything if its not your house. I take it was a rented property? What a B*******. Sleazy enough act. Pretty pathetic too.

Slow Motion

Yes! Speak to the Gards, if you hadn't caught him who is to say that the video wouldn't have been emailed to all his mates or ended up on some p0rn website, and if he thinks he got away with it what's to stop him doing it to someone else when he has perfected the technique?

PCPhoto

at the moment you dont have anything on him except a story (your version against his) - guessing he has the camera.

Report it to gardai - but dont think they will do anything other than scare him with threats of various infractions of the law - most likely he will get a warning and/or a fine. (Typical of the system that we have)

how is your GF after reacting ? you may need to sit her down and discuss this with her and how she feels about reporting it to gardai.

I dont want to freak you out but how do you know this is the first time that he has done this ? from reading the thread it seems like the guy may be a simple voyeur but has taken it up a level? was he recording or just watching ? this type of person may need proper attention...reporting him may stop him from doing similar or worse to others...at least it will put him on the radar of the gardai.

Fajitas!

Go to the Gardai.

If he was watching via his laptop, chances are there'll be evidence left on it, regardless of him deleting it or not... What a horrible intrusion.

StormWarrior

I would definitely call them if I were you. Who knows who else he films or what else he may d. A visit from the police may shock him into stopping.

enda1

Out of interest what would you like hte gardaí to do?

Fine him?
Charge him?

How far do you want to go?

Do you know if it has happened before?

Piste

It's such a pity you have to break up over this, maybe he was jealous and that's what he wanted?

Even if your girlfriend has decided it's over I'd ask her how she's feling and talk to her just to make sure she's ok. She could be thinking you were in on it so you need to make it clear that you're as much of a victim as her.

lala stone

Unregistered wrote: »

Being living with my best friend in college for the last year. He transferred to my college this year and things had being going great until one night when my girlfriend came over and we found a spy camera in my room positioned towards my bed. Note at the start of the day I told my friend she was coming over out of respect

When I went to shut the lights out I noticed a tissue box that wasn't mine. Shook it, something was in it... It was so messed up. He was at my door in like 2 seconds (because he was watching on his laptop) and kept trying to take the kleenex box from me. I was like "WTF" are you in here for, but then he took from me and ripped the box open and started immediately yelling, "THIS IS A CAMERA... HOLY ****!"

My girlfriend and myself were in total shock because we didn't know who did it at the time. It was so weird. I kept saying I was going to have to call the cops and said roommate was flipping out saying we couldn't call the cops because the living room stunk of weed. (He smokes occasionally)

So like 20 minutes after I found the camera I just had this feeling it was my best friend. We share with 2 others who were in the library at the time. I confronted him in his room (where he hid like a bitch after I found the thing) and he was literally shaking and his voice just changed. It was so obvious he did it and after like 2 hours he admitted to me that he did it.

Here's the kicker; his excuse for doing it was "to see if it worked." I kicked him out of the house and he is back in our small town at home, telling his parents I presume that hes studying at home or something. My girlfriend and my relationship is ruined but she just wants to forget about it and us. I told the 2 lads and they said take it further.

Should I call the garda?

OMG how awful for u.. that he has ruined everything for you... did you have any indication at all that he would do anything like that ??

You are totally justifed in going to the guards,,, altho if nothing was done do you think it would have a huge impact on him and his family..

LegacyUser

somthing lik this happened a few years back.Laws are pretty out of date for this sort of thing.Their is a guy called <snip> who specialises in voyeur cases.I have his number.hes attached to the guards bureau of inteilligence who specialises in elctroinc invsion of privacy

Oh The Humanity

Call the guards definitely.

Regardless of whether you can prove it or not, this needs to be reported.

At the moment its 'only' an attempt to record yourselves but his behaviour could escalate into something far more sinister.

How many times do you hear about sex criminals who begin as peeping Toms? Many!

His gross disregard for your rights shows he could become a dangerous individual left to his own devices. Do not forgive him and let him off. You have your girlfriends story too. I hope she will give a statement as well.

Voyeurism is not to be underestimated from the point of view of the victim. Do NOT let him away with this.

Hairy McGinty

Report him
It happened to you , don`t let it happen to some-one else

prinz

The only question is why you haven't taken this further already

Gardaí, landlord,other friends, whatever.. I know if this had been me he wouldn't have been physically capable of going back to his room. ( NOT advocating violence.... just saying I don't know how I would have controlled myself ).

Even without any evidence you can still report this matter to the Gardaí, and/or make a statement detailing exactly what happened. If they couldn't take it any further, it would sure make me feel better about it. If things aren't good with the girl now, you can give the gardai her details, name adress or whatever and they might contact her directly for her side of things.

Wibbs

I'm with the others. I honestly don't know how I would react in this situation. He violates your personal space and that of your partner? This causes your partner to question the relationship and you, from embarrassment and maybe even her feeling you were in on it and ruins a long standing friendship to get his screwed up jollies, when google would have sorted his "needs" out?

Go and report him. OK the Guards may not be able to do much, but reporting it should be a first step. They may be able to do more than we think. Inform others, like mutual mates while you're at it. Cut him out of your life. Complete excommunication. I would leave your now ex to cool down a bit as she's naturally well freaked out about this as her privacy and an intimate moment was violated. I would be freaked out in her situation too. I would try and approach her after you have reported this fool and explain that you've taken steps against this moron.

kevmy

While going to the Gardaí is definitely an issue (and I agree with the rest of the posters about it) there is a couple of other things I'd be more concerned about.

Firstly cutting him out of your life. Tell him it was sick and wrong and a total violation of trust and that he is never to be involved in your life again.

Secondly and probably more importantly, your gf. You didn't do anything wrong here either of you. You had no idea this was happening and you are just a victim. Breaking up with your gf over this would be sh1t. Tell her you had no knowledge of this, that your mate is now your ex-mate and that you don't think something low like this should cause you to break up. Also I advise talking to her before going to the Gardaí. If this goes to court she might not want the publicity and drawn out process that goes with it and considering she is just as much a victim as you she should have an equal say in things.

dilallio

Yes. I would definately report this.
Something very similar happened a few years ago (not going to say who, or when). Some guy I used to work with had hidden cameras inside shower vents and in the bedrooms of a rented house.
One of the girls discovered the cameras - The guards were called, and when they checked his work pc, they discovered a load of child pornography.
If someone is depraved enough to do this to a friend, then their moral compass is completely out of whack. The fright he suffered from you discovering what he was up to, may not be enough to prevent him from repeating this somewhere else, and if he was to get a warning from the guards, it might make him reconsider what he is at.

username123

Report it - the guy needs a psych assessment and probably needs mental health issues addressed. Not reporting it just leaves him free to do the same thing to the next person he comes across except this time he has learned from his previous 'mistake' and hides the camera better!!!

It was a gross violation of your privacy (and that of your GFs) and a pretty sick thing to do. If he could do that he could be well capable of other perverted acts. Report it. Stand up for yourself and your GF.

Otis Driftwood

Agree with everyone else.Report it but talk to your GF first just so she knows how serious a matter this is and that you wont tolerate it.
Even if the guards cant do much this time around,the report will be logged and records kept so if he ever pulls it again with someone else(which is highly likely considering he can do it to his best mate)at least then they will be able to take a more serious stance on it because he would be a repeat offender.

The Davestator

Why has no one suggested giving him a good kicking as well as reporting him?

Silverfish

The Davestator wrote: »

Why has no one suggested giving him a good kicking as well as reporting him?

Because they've read the charter, and advocating violence is against the rules

Zaph

The Davestator wrote: »

Why has no one suggested giving him a good kicking as well as reporting him?

Because it's a bannable offence in this forum, so I sincerely hope you're not suggesting it.

pwd

I was surprised at this too - there's been a higher level of cop-on than I expected. People can get criminal convictions for giving people "good kickings". So it's not a good idea. Reporting him as well as battering him is a ridiculous suggestion tbh.

Taltos

Definitely report it.

Pro's
> will be on cops radar - who knows just because he was never caught before does not mean this is his first time
> this action will make it clear to your GF you were not involved - who knows might help the reconciliation

Cons
> lost friendship - but lets face it - he threw away your friendship as soon as he put the camera there

You never know - if you do not get this out there now - who knows what version will soon start floating around your time.

At a min tell your GF you are going to the cops and ask her to come with you...

The Davestator

Apologies.

Disease Ridden

OP, is your friends normally a bit odd? Because seriously, what he did seems hilariously abnormal!!

cafecolour

What's stopping you from going to the police? You don't want it public? You don't want his parents to find out?

As most have said, I'd go to the guards. You don't actually have to push to have him charged, but if they give him a warning (and put it on his record), then that should hopefully dissuade him from doing it again. And if he does do it again, then they won't let him off with just a warning.

MagicMarker

Your girlfriend is not exactly showing a lot of trust in you here is she? If she thought you were in on it then why the fúck would you ''accidentally'' find the camera?

As others have said, call the garda.

CaptainSkidmark

holy god this is a first!

i cant understand why she wants to break up with you over it?

curious15

hey i know that everyone else is kinda saying that you should call the gardai and i know that what he did is wrong but he could just be messed up and do you really want t put yourself through courtcases and all for something like this?? id say let it slide but just dont be friends with him anymore!!!

KittyeeTrix

I would contact his parents and let them know what the hell he has been up to !!!!!!:eek:

dresden8

Maybe we could be kind here and say he was young and stupid and made a stupid mistake. We were all stupid when we were young (well, I was, but not in this way).

But........

He has started down a very dark road. Maybe the cops can scare the crap out of him and make him cop the fnck on.

Tristram

jaysus wow reportage methinks

Valmont

Weirdest part is you knew the guy for a year. That is some fucked up ****, to put it bluntly. Ring the garda, even if all they can do is scare him.

upmeath

Go to the gardai, and sit your girlfriend down for a talk, whatever sort of terms you're on at the minute, she needs to know you had no part in this and that you're taking it further.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

abouttobebanned

Personal Issues is quite a handy forum to hear people's opinions about activities and events in your life. However, it has one major flaw - we don't personally know the people in your life. What I mean is...only you know for sure what you should do here. People will say, report him....don't think twice about it!! But he's your best friend. Yes what he did was creepy, and it went too far...but is it possible that he's just a lonely guy and the fact that so many people already know about it is punishment enough. Do you want to see the guards and his parents get involved? If you do, then report away.

Rob113

Report the sick f#ck - sorry if thats a bit strong.

You said you both come from a small town. Id let it be known down that way what he has been up to. God only knows what else the little pervert has been up to, or what else he has on the hard drive on that computer. Get the gardai to seize the computer as there is prob a good chance there is film of you and the gf on there form other nights. Very unlikely this is the first time he has tried this.

:mad::mad::mad:

KittyeeTrix

curious15 wrote: »

hey i know that everyone else is kinda saying that you should call the gardai and i know that what he did is wrong but he could just be messed up and do you really want t put yourself through courtcases and all for something like this?? id say let it slide but just dont be friends with him anymore!!!

abouttobebanned wrote: »

Personal Issues is quite a handy forum to hear people's opinions about activities and events in your life. However, it has one major flaw - we don't personally know the people in your life. What I mean is...only you know for sure what you should do here. People will say, report him....don't think twice about it!! But he's your best friend. Yes what he did was creepy, and it went too far...but is it possible that he's just a lonely guy and the fact that so many people already know about it is punishment enough. Do you want to see the guards and his parents get involved? If you do, then report away.

I can understand what you mean about being young and that, but can you imagine if this is the starting point for something more sinister to come in the future and this young lad didn't report him.....
Like the other posters are saying a little intervention might not be a bad thing

Chucky the tree

Does anyone know what the guy could be charged with?

Zaph

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Does anyone know what the guy could be charged with?

This thread is for providing help and advice to the OP, not for speculating on what his friend may or may not be charged with. Please stay on-topic.

Rob113

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Does anyone know what the guy could be charged with?

not sure if there is a law around the whole 'voyeurism' issue, but surely he should be flagged as a possible predator / pervert. im assuming he is late teens because he is in college but if this kind of behaviour was to fester and develop further unchallenged, god knows what he could be capable of. It was definitely pre meditated - he went out and spent big money on a hidden camera system to try capture them at it. He obviously put a lot of thought and effort into it.

aare

I think you need to call the guards, or even go in, and ask their advice on how you can deal with this one.

I see numerous, potential, red flags in his staggeringly whacked behaviour.

On the other hand this may be the apex of his personal weirdness for life...

You really need impartial, expert advice...

You have also been personally invaded in a terrible way...take care of yourself, there may well be after effects.

I have absolutely no idea what I would have done in your shoes, beyond the fact that it would almost certainly breach the charter to suggest you do the same.

Good Luck

yuloni

This post has been deleted.

spurious

This really isn't on the low level of 'deviant' behaviour and I would be very surprised if he does not have a history of other inappropriate activities. Filming involved quite an amount of planning and opportunities to reconsider his actions - he carried on regardless.

You need to get the guards involved, if only to make him realise it's not a joke and that his personal code of behaviour is out of whack with what the vast majority of people find acceptable.

ManOfMystery

That's a good point. This wasn't a spur of the moment mistake made by the other guy; he likely thought about it for weeks before coming up with a plan to do it and actually putting the equipment in place. In either case it would have been wrong, but with something that takes that amount of planning he has ample opportunity to reconsider what he's doing and take a good look at his moral compass - and yet he still continued ahead. Report him.

Zaph

Condi wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Condi banned for a week for advocating violence despite the earlier warnings further up the thread.

Miss Fluff

Not to worry the OP even further but there is quite a high chance that he has done this before. It would be most fortuitious for you OP were you to have caught him before he ever had the opportunity to film anything. What's not to say he has been doing it consistently over a period of time? Where then does the footage end up? You don't want videos of you and your ex girlfriend (and I think it's really sad that this pig has ruined your relationship) on some amateur porn sites. And how do you know they are not? I'd go and seek legal advice if I were you. Maybe this isn't viable if you are still a student. If not then go to the Gardai. How long ago did this incident happen?

Searlait

This guy obviously has some mental health problems.

Apart from being caught, he needs to be stopped before he does this, or worse again. I can understand how hard it would be to go to the Garda, but if you can go to them great, if not, something along the lines of a social worker.

Something needs to be done, in some shape or form, otherwise if unchecked he might think he got away with it and do something else again.

Also, I'm not sure how you feel about it all, but yourself and your GF are victims here. Its understandable that she would want to distance herself from this incident, but you should try to talk to her/comfort her. Let her know that something will be done to stop this guy.

Cuddlesworth

ManOfMystery wrote: »

That's a good point. This wasn't a spur of the moment mistake made by the other guy; he likely thought about it for weeks before coming up with a plan to do it and actually putting the equipment in place. In either case it would have been wrong, but with something that takes that amount of planning he has ample opportunity to reconsider what he's doing and take a good look at his moral compass - and yet he still continued ahead. Report him.

.

Rob113 wrote: »

not sure if there is a law around the whole 'voyeurism' issue, but surely he should be flagged as a possible predator / pervert. im assuming he is late teens because he is in college but if this kind of behaviour was to fester and develop further unchallenged, god knows what he could be capable of. It was definitely pre meditated - he went out and spent big money on a hidden camera system to try capture them at it. He obviously put a lot of thought and effort into it.

Honestly, had he really premeditated this he would have found much smaller cameras and transmitters and a better hiding spot then a kleenex box in full view. Sounds like he gets off on watching people have sex, took a camera and put it in the room last minute for a chance to jerk off. Regretted getting caught after.

I like the way some people on this thread have insinuated that by doing this he will automaticly take it to the next step and one person even implied he was a pedo. What he did was wrong and a invasion of privicy but that doesn't mean he is the biggest freak in the world.


Do report him to the Gardai, nothing will come of it without clear cut evidence which the possibility of them getting is slim and none. But it will put a mark on his record, so if something similar comes up in future the Gardai can see a past(alleged) history and would be more inclined to follow it up seriously.