A dilema!! Pro-lifers!! HELP!!

Stones85 · 05-04-2009 07:22PM #1

I'm asking this question to people who are like myself, anti-abortion, because I know what the pro-choice people will say to my dilema.

Here goes......
A female friend of mine is about to go to England for an abortion. Her bf is encouraging it, this guy has a kid already with an ex and they had an abortion in the past as well.

Her reasons are that she's almost finished Uni, and the bf may be going to jail on minor drug charges, its not for certain. And although she hasn't told her family she has convinced herself that they will kick her out. She is leaving for England this weekend coming or the 1 after.

My question: Should I anonomously tipp off her family and hope to God they convince her to not kill her child?

orestes · 05-04-2009 07:24PM

It's none of your business.

Mena · 05-04-2009 07:26PM

orestes wrote: »

It's none of your business.

Can't put it any clearer than that. Nothing to do with you so drop it.

Stones85 · 05-04-2009 07:29PM

This is where the dilema is..... on the 1 hand everyone has freewill to do as they please, on the other, there is a human being who's life is about to be derminated in any number of horrific ways, there's a possibility to save that life?

Nevyn · 05-04-2009 07:32PM

Are going to offer to take and rear that child yourself?
I didn't think so, it is not your place to betray her confidence.

If people want to debate the ins and outs and rationales do with abortion then
start a thread in the humanities forum.

cafecolour · 05-04-2009 07:33PM

Tipping off the parents is definitely not the way to go.

Have YOU tried convincing her not to? Do you know anyone that might want to adopt the child if she were to have it, and you convince them to sign/arrange some sort of legal agreement about it? Or how about yourself, would you adopt and take responsibility for the child were she to have it?

Stones85 · 05-04-2009 07:34PM

orestes wrote: »

No there isn't.

That your personal opinion.

Listen I know exactly what pro-choice/abortion minded people think, I'm not asking for their view.

I know pro-lifers are few and far between here, but what do you think?

Stones85 · 05-04-2009 07:36PM

Thaedydal wrote: »

Are going to offer to take and rear that child yourself?
I didn't think so, it is not your place to betray her confidence.

If people want to debate the ins and outs and rationales do with abortion then
start a thread in the humanities forum.

Not debating the rights and wrongs of killing the unborn.

Just weather or not I should tell her family to save a childs life...

05-04-2009 07:37PM

Stones85 wrote: »

I'm asking this question to people who are like myself, anti-abortion, because I know what the pro-choice people will say to my dilema.

Here goes......
A female friend of mine is about to go to England for an abortion. Her bf is encouraging it, this guy has a kid already with an ex and they had an abortion in the past as well.

Her reasons are that she's almost finished Uni, and the bf may be going to jail on minor drug charges, its not for certain. And although she hasn't told her family she has convinced herself that they will kick her out. She is leaving for England this weekend coming or the 1 after.

My question: Should I anonomously tipp off her family and hope to God they convince her to not kill her child?

Not unless you plan to mind the child and bring it up yourself and pay any expenses for it , etc etc. Otherwise it's none of your business and keep your nose out. Don't get a girl kicked out by her family, that's not being a "friend".
If the bf is going to jail and she is having family trouble and now a crisis pregnancy she needs support not judgement and you being two-faced and going behind her back to get her into trouble with her family deliberately is not helpful at all.

MarkR · 05-04-2009 07:39PM

The lady has made a decision after weighing up her options. I think you should mind your own business.

Your issue is that you don't agree with her, either on religious or moral grounds. But these are your grounds, which don't apply to others. You can only use them to judge yourself.

sardineta · 05-04-2009 07:39PM

Stones85 wrote: »

My question: Should I anonomously tipp off her family and hope to God they convince her to not kill her child?

Absolutely not. You should identify those agencies that can suggest alternatives to her and give her the option to visit them should she choose.

Nevyn · 05-04-2009 07:40PM

Stones85 wrote: »

Not debating the rights and wrongs of killing the unborn.

Then please stop using emotive and provoking terms.

Stones85 wrote: »

Just weather or not I should tell her family

If she wished her family to know she would tell them, it is not your place to do so.

LegacyUser · 05-04-2009 07:41PM

I`ve been in a similar situation with a friend once. it doesn`t sound like she`s doing it for the right reasons and she needs to give herself time (without her bf pressurising her). And her family really could suprise her like my friends did,of course they were upset but it brought them closer in the end. Seen that happen a good few times. So my answer is yes interveen before she makes a mistake that i`m sure she`ll regret (more that her blatantly unsuitable choice of parterner).

Hope this helps!

Phlann · 05-04-2009 07:44PM

You should definitely tell them.

When I found out my friend was using the contraceptive pill I made a point of sending a strongly worded letter to her family and the parish priest condemning her for it.

We strung her up that very afternoon! Hallelujah!!

Nevyn · 05-04-2009 07:47PM

Phlann Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

05-04-2009 07:48PM

Unregistered wrote: »

I`ve been in a similar situation with a friend once. it doesn`t sound like she`s doing it for the right reasons and she needs to give herself time (without her bf pressurising her). And her family really could suprise her like my friends did,of course they were upset but it brought them closer in the end. Seen that happen a good few times. So my answer is yes interveen before she makes a mistake that i`m sure she`ll regret (more that her blatantly unsuitable choice of parterner).

Hope this helps!

Ok or it might get a girl cut off from her family with no support and possibly a baby on the way before she can finish uni. All because OP wanted to interfere. If the girl feels her reasons are enough for her then that's it and judging her partner has no relevance in this discussion.
If OP wants to actually help OP should point the girl toward agencies who can help and suggest counselling so girl is happy with whatever decision she makes.

CathyMoran · 05-04-2009 07:49PM

I would be pro-life (except when the mothers life is at risk) but unfortunatly I do not think that you can do anything here except support your friend after the abortion, you could also just inform your friend of positive options www.positiveoptions.ie She needs your sympathy, not you going behind her back when she is at her weakest.

Eric Cartman · 05-04-2009 07:50PM

Phlann wrote: »

You should definitely tell them.

When I found out my friend was using the contraceptive pill I made a point of sending a strongly worded letter to her family and the parish priest condemning her for it.

We strung her up that very afternoon! Hallelujah!!

very unhelpful,

OP dont you dare tell her family, its her life not yours, it doesnt matter what descision shes made, its none of your business , even if you do tell the family you may stop the faetus being removed but im willing to bet she wont be much of a friend to you anymore

SarahSassy · 05-04-2009 07:52PM

The Xmas before last a friend on mine was in touch and she was upset becuase she was pg and her live in bf didnt want her to have it cos it was not a good time. She was 32 and he was 35....

She had had an abortion when 18 and circumstances were much different. She was distraught but was afraid to lose him. I listened for about 2 weeks but when she asked me my opinion, I told her that I would not do it.. She wanted the baby but was thinking about abortion for him. This is my issue... If she wants an abortion for herself then let her off. If she is doing it for him then that is wrong and you should try your best to talk her round...

The end of my story is that she was so upset, she decided to have the baby even if it meant losing him and he came round and they are both now thrilled... Happy ending here but doesnt happen in every case.

ascanbe · 05-04-2009 07:53PM

Strange that you would seek advice only from so-called pro lifer's; that suggests you have already made your mind up as to what you should do.
My advice would be to offer your opinion to your friend, if that's what you feel you should do.
Then it's up to her.
There is something we can all learn from this, though. The word dilemma is spelt with two m's.

Stones85 · 05-04-2009 07:54PM

bluewolf wrote: »

Not unless you plan to mind the child and bring it up yourself and pay any expenses for it , etc etc. Otherwise it's none of your business and keep your nose out. Don't get a girl kicked out by her family, that's not being a "friend".
If the bf is going to jail and she is having family trouble and now a crisis pregnancy she needs support not judgement and you being two-faced and going behind her back to get her into trouble with her family deliberately is not helpful at all.

She has no family trouble, a very happy home with lovely parents. The bf has only been charged, gardai say he will prob only do a few weeks if that.
She came to me for advice, I told her what I thought, directed her to a number a agencies that can help. She made appointments to see them but her bf has convinced her not to go and just have an abortion because he thinks its "easier".
I will continue to be friends with her regardless.
I'm no councelor but she really doesn't seem to be in a good state to make the type of huge decision, she said she was gonna keep it 'till the bf convinced her otherwise.
The whole thing seems sooo wrong. Her family would help her out completely, they are lovely people, but she won't tell them!
I'm more afraid that she'll have huge regrets in the near + distant future about this and destroy herself. Her family would help!

We're all different I know and have different veiws on th topic, I'm not saying I will say anything, I prob won't.

But I see that unborn child as a live human being seperate to the mother, which it is as it has seperate DNA, sex, etc etc.

Surely you see the dilema for me here? I may be able to save a childs life....... and no I'm in no way religious Phlann.

Eric Cartman · 05-04-2009 07:55PM

if you want to stop her (which you do) op then adopt the child from her, otherwise its her body and she can make the descision

Stones85 · 05-04-2009 08:00PM

ascanbe wrote: »

Strange that you would seek advice only from so-called pro lifer's; that suggests you have already made your mind up as to what you should do.
My advice would be to offer your opinion to your friend, if that's what you feel you should do.
Then it's up to her.
There is something we can all learn from this, though. The word dilemma is spelt with two m's.

It's directed at pro-lifers as its a forgone conclusion what pro-abortion people will say.

Oh dilemma is spelt with 2 m's? so nice to point that out, really added to your post

SarahSassy · 05-04-2009 08:00PM

OP, I totally sympathise with you and I have the same beliefs on the subject. I dont believe that I have the right to eliminate another life because I got drunk and didnt use a condom for example....

You need to keep talking to her... She should not be doing it for him...

Nevyn · 05-04-2009 08:00PM

To get a referal to a clinic abroad she is meant to go have a neutral counelling session to talk about all the options first before a referal is offered if that is what she wants..
Please press upon her to do what.

www.positiveoption.ie

Hagar · 05-04-2009 08:00PM

I'm unashamedly pro-life but I must say that the post by CathyMoran has been the most civil and humane response to the OP question, I concur with the advice she has given. In the real world it's the best you can do. The child is lost regardless of what you do or say, all you can do after that is the least harm/greatest good. Support your friend when she needs it.

kraggy · 05-04-2009 08:02PM

You're entitled to your beliefs and you're even entitled to do your best to convince your friend not to have an abortion but in the end, it's HER decision and if you go behind her back and tell her family, then you deserve to have very bad things happen to you for a very long time.

Also, you're forgetting one crucial thing. You do not know for sure that the main reason for her not having the baby is her fear of her parents reaction.

There could be other stuff going on.

Stay out of it. It's none of your business.

Nevyn · 05-04-2009 08:02PM

kraggy infracted for unhelpful posting.

Stones85 · 05-04-2009 08:03PM

Eric Cartman wrote: »

if you want to stop her (which you do) op then adopt the child from her, otherwise its her body and she can make the descision

In your view the child and mother are 1 being I presume? I see it as 2 seperate people, I about to end the life of the other. The childs body his/her own. But we're off topic here, I won't debate the morality of abortion, just wondering what people with morals similar to mine would do in this situation?

MagicMarker · 05-04-2009 08:03PM

Stones85 wrote: »

She has no family trouble, a very happy home with lovely parents. The bf has only been charged, gardai say he will prob only do a few weeks if that.
She came to me for advice, I told her what I thought, directed her to a number a agencies that can help. She made appointments to see them but her bf has convinced her not to go and just have an abortion because he thinks its "easier".
I will continue to be friends with her regardless.
I'm no councelor but she really doesn't seem to be in a good state to make the type of huge decision, she said she was gonna keep it 'till the bf convinced her otherwise.
The whole thing seems sooo wrong. Her family would help her out completely, they are lovely people, but she won't tell them!
I'm more afraid that she'll have huge regrets in the near + distant future about this and destroy herself. Her family would help!

We're all different I know and have different veiws on th topic, I'm not saying I will say anything, I prob won't.

But I see that unborn child as a live human being seperate to the mother, which it is as it has seperate DNA, sex, etc etc.

Surely you see the dilema for me here? I may be able to save a childs life....... and no I'm in no way religious Phlann.

Listen, it's none of your business, you're in no position at all. She asked for your opinion and you gave it, that's where your input ends.

It's up to her whether she wants to abort or not.

Nevyn · 05-04-2009 08:05PM

Stones85 I am only going to ask this once, is this an actual personal issue for you and do you have an actual friend in this situation
or are you just looking to see how many pro life posters there are here and what they would do ?

A dilema!! Pro-lifers!! HELP!!

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