He slept with another girl

LegacyUser · 22-03-2009 10:55pm #1

just found out my bf slept with another girl while he was drunk last night. He tried to blame it on being totally wasted but i cant believe for one minute that he didnt, even minutely, know what was going on. I thought this would be the guy i'd spend my life with and now i just feel totally lost....i love him to bits and dont know whether i could trust him again.

anyone have any suggestions what i could do??

samhail · 22-03-2009 11:00pm

i wouldnt forgive him. move on. sooner the better in the long run.

ellie1 · 22-03-2009 11:01pm

How long are you two together?
Just asking this because it depends on how much you have to lose by walking away. AND drunk he knew what he was doing.

Stheno · 22-03-2009 11:02pm

ellie1 wrote: »

How long are you two together?
Just asking this because it depends on how much you have to lose by walking away.

Sorry but for me, the longer I am with someone the worst it would be, even in a new and exclusive relationship, cheating for me is an instant "walk away" offense.

22-03-2009 11:04pm

If theres one thing I cannot tolerate and cannot stand its when somebody blames something like this on alcohol. It wasn't because you were drunk. It's because you wanted to do it. The alcohol is just a lame ass excuse someone uses to make themselves feel less guilty.

LegacyUser · 22-03-2009 11:08pm

we were together for nearrly 4 months....

im thinking of just moving on....

fabbydabby · 22-03-2009 11:09pm

Totally agree. Dump his ass. It's not as if it's a messy drunken 30 second dancefloor snog which (while still bad form) MAY be excusable.

jhegarty · 22-03-2009 11:10pm

How did you find out ?

Was it a confession , or was he caught ?

ellie1 · 22-03-2009 11:11pm

I know its easy for some to say walk away and i would hope i would do this. However, what if there is children, property, a long history , family. I think its easier to walk away from something shorter. Then if you love someone its always hard to walk away even harder sometimes than staying and trying to work it out.

Four months: walk away.

LegacyUser · 22-03-2009 11:12pm

your absolutely right there....

i would have got over a kiss but not this...

this is the second time in less than 6 months ive had my heart broken my a scumbag and i dont think i can handle it anymore

LegacyUser · 22-03-2009 11:15pm

i was asking him what time we were meeting up tomorro and he just came out with it

Zapho · 22-03-2009 11:15pm

fabbydabby wrote: »

Totally agree. Dump his ass. It's not as if it's a messy drunken 30 second dancefloor snog which (while still bad form) MAY be excusable.

I also totally agree. I wouldn't consider 3 months a very long time and whats to stop him from getting drunk and doing this again a year later? You're better off without a jerk like that.

LegacyUser · 22-03-2009 11:19pm

thanks for all the replys...

its stil only 4 hours since i found out so its abit raw still

22-03-2009 11:21pm

I'm not defending him or anything. What he did was inexcusable. But it is somewhat admirable that he confessed. And so quickly too. Shows that he does regret what he has done.

LegacyUser · 22-03-2009 11:24pm

i do agree that at least he was honest enough to tell me but still doesnt make it any better

fabbydabby · 22-03-2009 11:26pm

Seriously, I'd be outta there like a bat outta hel. Alcohol is NOT an excuse. They don't accept it in court as an excuse for assault/ causing traffic accidents or anything else and you shouldn't either.

If you REALLY want to chap his ass, sleep with one of his mates. Or his brother!

samhail · 22-03-2009 11:29pm

if your looking for revenge s*x then gimme a shout !!! heh no i was kidding.

if it was only a few hours then let it settle. tell him you need a few days and think about it... and let it settle in.

Only you can make a decision like this but dont do it while your annoyed.

LegacyUser · 22-03-2009 11:32pm

ive made up my mind were over,....no ammount of time is gonna change the fact what happened ....just time to move on

thanks for all the replies
x

Soul Stretcher · 22-03-2009 11:35pm

There must be repercussions...especially at such an early stage in the relationship.... I'm a man... there is not enough alcohol in the world to FORCE me to have sex against my will !!

Good aspect... he confessed early.

Bad aspect.... he wanted to and did have sex with another woman.

Look on this as him testing you.

If you don't punish him for this, I can see it happening again and again.

My suggestion, I know I don't know either of ye from Adam but this is what Id like to do I'd do, is:

A 3 month break.... if he's really into you, he'll wait and you can start the relationship kinda afresh.... in the mean time, you can get out there and see what your options are.....

johnnyrotten · 22-03-2009 11:40pm

Dump him. you don't need an STD as well as an arsehole!

WellyJ · 22-03-2009 11:44pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm not defending him or anything. What he did was inexcusable. But it is somewhat admirable that he confessed. And so quickly too. Shows that he does regret what he has done.

Or it shows that he doesn't want to stay with her and is too spineless to tell her, and is using it as a horrible way to get rid of her

PCPhoto · 22-03-2009 11:45pm

johnnyrotten wrote: »

Dump him. you don't need an STD as well as an arsehole!

How will she take a Poo ? ........on a more serious note :

He cheated ..... he wasnt comitted to the relationship - yes- he said it at the earliest opportunity,talk to him and see if you can agree something ...explain to him that you are hurt and hopefully you'll both walk away feeling better.

Alcohol is not an excuse - but means that he wasnt 100% comitted, he could have confessed over guilty, or fear of getting caught.....or realisation that he really likes you.

Gyalist · 22-03-2009 11:46pm

Unregistered wrote: »

I thought this would be the guy i'd spend my life with and now i just feel totally lost....i love him to bits and dont know whether i could trust him again.

Unregistered wrote: »

we were together for nearrly 4 months....

You knew he was "the one" after four months?

Unregistered wrote: »

i was asking him what time we were meeting up tomorro and he just came out with it

Wait, you asked him a question and he gave you a totally unrelated answer?

Soul Stretcher wrote: »

There must be repercussions...especially at such an early stage in the relationship.... I'm a man... there is not enough alcohol in the world to FORCE me to have sex against my will !!

Good aspect... he confessed early.

Bad aspect.... he wanted to and did have sex with another woman.

Look on this as him testing you.

If you don't punish him for this, I can see it happening again and again.

My suggestion, I know I don't know either of ye from Adam but this is what Id like to do I'd do, is:

A 3 month break.... if he's really into you, he'll wait and you can start the relationship kinda afresh.... in the mean time, you can get out there and see what your options are.....

As the OP's boyfriend clearly has no problem getting women to sleep with him, your suggestion is hardly a punishment.

Soul Stretcher · 23-03-2009 12:50am

As the OP's boyfriend clearly has no problem getting women to sleep with him, your suggestion is hardly a punishment.[/quote]

Kicking him to touch for 3 months would hopefully be an emotional punishment. Especially if he sees OP out enjoying herself with other men in bars/clubs.

That is of course if she ever really meant anything to him, emotionally, in the first place. Which one would have to doubt.

The punishment I was suggesting wasn't only about depriving him of sex. The only way to stop him having sex would to do a John Wayne Bobbit on him which I do NOT recommend

CDfm · 23-03-2009 2:11am

OP -sleeping with someone else is a definte bye-bye move.

I have heard before of someone just saying it & using that as a tactic to check commitment to a releationship.

Forget the at least he was honest BS he is what he is and you are better of without him.

Joey the lips · 23-03-2009 7:15am

I am not trying to analysise you as such but judging from your answers your asking 2 question

1, Would you stay with him and 2. Why did another guy be unfaithful to me

I dont know you so cannot really decide but dont let it eat you to much that you met 2 pcs of dirt. Get rid of him by the sounds of the way he came out with it he does not want to be around anyway.

Put it down to experience

LegacyUser · 23-03-2009 8:40am

could you ever trust him again after this? i know i couldnt if it was my boyfriend,id always be wondering what he was up to when he was out without me etc... thats not a relationship that will be good for you at all, you deserve better,so what if he told you,he shouldnt have had anything to tell you in the first place

idontknowmyname · 23-03-2009 9:52am

Kick him to the curb- 4 months isn't a huge amount of time and sorry to say this but he sounds like he's doesn't see too much of a future with you if he's sleeping with other girls, you say this is the second time he's done this. No respect for you at all......move on and find someone who appreciates you!

Wibbs · 23-03-2009 9:55am

If he'll do this after only 4 months, when most couples are in the can't take their eyes of each other phase, then what about 3 or 5 years in when that has cooled off? TBH I would be more understanding of cheating 4 years in than 4 months strangely enough. Alcohol is not an excuse. If he was so drunk that it "just happened" he wouldn't be able to get it up anyway 9 times outa 10. So I would concur with everyone else on this one. Leave(which it looks like you're doing".

Sephiroth_dude · 23-03-2009 10:03am

Unregistered wrote: »

we were together for nearrly 4 months....

im thinking of just moving on....

I think it would be better if you did,giving him another chance is just giving him a ticket to do it again.

carolinearc · 23-03-2009 10:04am

Honestly you should leave him. He knows very well what he was doing, being drunk is not an excuse.

hobochris · 23-03-2009 10:10am

I have to disagree with the people in this thread who think that he should get the chance to explain himself... IMO He should be written off and forgotten about already.

why should someone who has very little respect for the op (as proven by him cheating) get the chance to explain himself or even get any type of closure?

he tied his own nuise now he can hang from it.

prinz · 23-03-2009 10:30am

Boot.Hole.Kerb.Three simple words. People like him give drinking and drunkeness a bad name. It's no excuse. IMO he obviously wasn't that drunk if he can still do the dirty deed.

Blue_Wolf · 23-03-2009 10:31am

What? You are actually thinking of keeping him???? You mad?? He did the ultimate no no. You might love him to bits but if he felt the same he wouldn't have done what he had done. I'm sorry I have been twisted off my face plenty of times and done stupid things that I care not to mention but I was fully aware of what I was doing and frankly if I was that drunk that I didnt no what I was doing I wouldn't even get a hard on to cheat in the 1st place.

Move on, don't talk to him again.

Unregistered wrote: »

just found out my bf slept with another girl while he was drunk last night. He tried to blame it on being totally wasted but i cant believe for one minute that he didnt, even minutely, know what was going on. I thought this would be the guy i'd spend my life with and now i just feel totally lost....i love him to bits and dont know whether i could trust him again.

anyone have any suggestions what i could do??

blondiegirl · 23-03-2009 12:47pm

dump him while it is early days u will find somebody that deserves and appreciates you.

Redpunto · 23-03-2009 6:31pm

Well dont on walking away - remove all traces of him from your life and maybe take a break from men for a while, get yourself to a "happy" place:)

Snowie · 23-03-2009 7:11pm

Do you disserve to be cheated on = no
is it ok that he cheats on you = no
Is there any trust in your reletionship = no

LegacyUser · 23-03-2009 7:15pm

yeah ive just blocked him out of my life...

realised i can do much better and just *** him!!!

thnks for all the replies x

He slept with another girl

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