No money from father

LegacyUser · 14-03-2009 09:29PM #1

Im looking fro some advise here. my ex partner who i have a child for is a total waste of space and how i was ever with him puzzles me now. Anyhow i am now happily married to someone else obviously but my ex has stopped paying me my child maintaince. When we split up we agreed he would pay €120 p/w towards edgucation/clothing/food/etc etc. this happened for approx 2 months and then he stopped paying totally as he said he now had no job and was on the dole. he then stopped taking my son for the wend's also as agreed and made no effort to take him either.
I got fed up of this so i brought him to court where i had to speak for myself as i could not afford a solicitor. The judge gave him 3 months to get a job this was back in march of last year and for those 3 months he would have to pay €60 p/w and when he got a job this would then go up to €90. well he never got a job and but he did pay the €60 p/w untill approx 3 weeks ago when he told me that they stopped paying him the dole. so now i dont get a penny from him which puts me in a difficult situation as i like most people are on a average wage and struggle to get bye,
I know he has money as we sold our house when we were togerther and made approx 60k each, he claims its all gone but i know he has it in his mothers bank account.
I just want to point out that the money he gives me is solely for my son and not for me, it helps but barley pays for his weekly needs.
What can i do?

Thanks.

LegacyUser · 14-03-2009 09:50PM

Hi OP,
Know how you feel as I have had nothing for my 2 kids in months. My ex claimed he had nothing but was able to take his GF out for meals.
Have you applied for Free legal Aid? I was told they can fast track maintenance orders through the court. I am afraid I am gonna have to attach my exH's earnings to get some child maintenance.I am single so just staying barely afloat.
Sorry not much help to you I'm afraid..

Wink · 14-03-2009 09:57PM

You have a few options.

Take him to court again, he's in breach of the court order. You could be entitled to legal aid, look up their website. Or you could go to the Courthouse where the Order was made and speak to someone in the District Court Office (assuming the District Court was the Court from where the Order came?). They'll help you to fill out the necessary forms, but they can't give you legal advice.

The most important thing, I would say, to do if you bring him back to Court, whether you represent yourself or are legally aided, is to ask either the Judge or the Solicitor who represents you for the maintenance to be paid through the District Court Clerk. This means that every week, your ex will have to give the money to the District Court Clerk who will, in turn, give it to you. Then if he stops paying the money, it's up to the District Court Clerk to make him pay it, so you don't have to go back to Court.

Best of luck!

Overheal · 14-03-2009 10:36PM

+1 on DCC. Takes all the work off of you to have to hunt down payments. Plus the DCC will keep better records of what gets paid and when it gets paid.

pseudonym1 · 14-03-2009 11:45PM

He doesn't pay his dues and doesn't want to see his kid.. then he is not a father! Pending on age of your son would you not write him off as a bad loss anf move on with your life as a family with your husband.

Overheal · 14-03-2009 11:58PM

pseudonym1 wrote: »

He doesn't pay his dues and doesn't want to see his kid.. then he is not a father! Pending on age of your son would you not write him off as a bad loss anf move on with your life as a family with your husband.

I don't think this is about him being a figure in the children's life, but about him dodging his responsibility to make payments. No court will force a divorcee to spend time with their children. The payments are another story.

Its easy to raise your child without that bad blood in their life and still get payments in the mail through the DCC.

Butterfly baby · 15-03-2009 08:16AM

Im looking fro some advise here. my ex partner who i have a child for is a total waste of space and how i was ever with him puzzles me now. Anyhow i am now happily married to someone else obviously but my ex has stopped paying me my child maintaince. When we split up we agreed he would pay €120 p/w towards edgucation/clothing/food/etc etc. this happened for approx 2 months and then he stopped paying totally as he said he now had no job and was on the dole. he then stopped taking my son for the wend's also as agreed and made no effort to take him either.
I got fed up of this so i brought him to court where i had to speak for myself as i could not afford a solicitor. The judge gave him 3 months to get a job this was back in march of last year and for those 3 months he would have to pay €60 p/w and when he got a job this would then go up to €90. well he never got a job and but he did pay the €60 p/w untill approx 3 weeks ago when he told me that they stopped paying him the dole. so now i dont get a penny from him which puts me in a difficult situation as i like most people are on a average wage and struggle to get bye,
I know he has money as we sold our house when we were togerther and made approx 60k each, he claims its all gone but i know he has it in his mothers bank account.
I just want to point out that the money he gives me is solely for my son and not for me, it helps but barley pays for his weekly needs.
What can i do?

Thanks.

I'm sorry but the obvious needs to be pointed out here, if he was signing on he should never have been told to pay anything simply because the dole only pay him enough to live as a single man whereas you'd be the one that could claim for you and your child, I'm not trying to say that what the government give you would be enough to support yourself and a child but the truth is it's what they deem as enough and if they find it acceptable to pay that amount then they have no right to change the rules of what they themselves see as "enough" and instead extort your ex for more money that he simply doesn't have. Also who the hell was the judge that said he had only 3 months to get a job? as far as I know they don't have the power to make such ridiculous demands. You say that you know he has 60k from the sale of your house but then so do you, is it any more unlikely that all his proceedes of the sale are gone than it is that all your proceedes are gone? and finally

I just want to point out that the money he gives me is solely for my son and not for me, it helps but barley pays for his weekly needs.
What can i do?

what he was giving you for your son is suppose to be a contribution towards his upbringing not pay it all, you're also the childs parent so it's assumed that if he pays €60 p/w then so are you so that would be €120 p/w and there is no person anywhere that couldn't bring a child up very comfortably if they had €120 p/w to spend, hell half the unmarried mothers out there have to do it on less than €20 per week with no support at all from the father

That said there's nothing you can do about him not wanting to see his child, he'll either see him if he chooses or regret it later in life, again that's not something you or anyone else can force on him. As others said go see Free Legal Aid but chances are on the court date you won't get the same judge and if he's not employed and not being paid from the state then they can't really force him to pay anything since he has no income to pay from.

LegacyUser · 15-03-2009 08:42AM

the DCC sounds like a good idea and could well do take some weight off my shoulders.thanks for that advise.

Butterfly Baby, obviously u do not have any children as €120 per week goes nowhere, my son is 3.5, i work fulltime like my husband to support my family just like everyone else out there, therefore my son needs to be minded during this time so his chreche fees are €180 p/w. this is the cheapest in the area i live in, so i still have to dress my son, feed him, pay for his activities etc etc. he starts school next year so i am going to have to buy him scholl uniform, books, tracksuits etc etc.

Although he is on the dole you are still responsible for making a minimum contribution of €50-60, Also the judge gave him 3 months to get a job as he could not prove that he attempted to try and get employment from when he got his P45 from his previous job, he was just living off his money he got from the sale of the house, at the end of the day thats his business but all i want is my small contribution each week guarenteed.

pseudonym1 · 15-03-2009 09:41AM

OP I dont have children - but I do have close relations to those that do. Yes no getting away from it - their needs are expensive.

Paying €180 a week is crazy. Would you think of offering your ex an alternitive and the opportunity to mind his son during the week? Dont know what relations are like but it could benefit everyone...

LegacyUser · 15-03-2009 11:33AM

TBH i wouldnt let him mind him on his own,(i mean its grand for a night or 2) as i know he would just let his mother mind him while he goes out galavanting during the day and his mother is not capable of that at her age.
Also i want the best for my son and everytime he comes home after he minds him he is wired as his father just fills him up on sweets and macdonalds, as it is handy for him and also my son thinks he is gr8 as he just gets what he wants. this in turn makes it hard for my husband to act as a father figure to my son at home and impliment rules and guidelines for his upbringing.
I cant ask my parents either as they help out already with my nephew.

LegacyUser · 15-03-2009 12:44PM

Hi I posted above about my ex and 2 kids.

If he is on the dole he still has to pay a contribution to his child..even if it's only a token amount.
Legal aid deal with fathers on the dole all the time and they make them cough up.

And 60euro is not much to pay for a child's upkeep IMO.

pseudonym1 · 15-03-2009 12:46PM

Mmm understand about the junk thing my mates ex asks a 4 year old child does would she prefer chinese or chips when he minds their daughter!!!

Shame childcare is so expensive - hope you get it sorted!

Best of luck!

rio-rose · 15-03-2009 10:00PM

im on partly the same wave link as you op..

at this stage i have 4 warrents out for his arrest to get maintance money of him this is going on almost a year now..
saying that the warrents can be a eye opener for him, because if he doesnt pay he get put into jail, which in turn you dont get your money but on the other hand it might just frighten him enough to start paying

go to your local court and speak to the court clerk he/she will organize it for you

last week i got my first warrent sorted as he paid it straight into the court for us
so looks postive

lau1247 · 16-03-2009 10:38AM

whattodo? wrote: »

TBH i wouldnt let him mind him on his own,(i mean its grand for a night or 2) as i know he would just let his mother mind him while he goes out galavanting during the day and his mother is not capable of that at her age.
Also i want the best for my son and everytime he comes home after he minds him he is wired as his father just fills him up on sweets and macdonalds, as it is handy for him and also my son thinks he is gr8 as he just gets what he wants. this in turn makes it hard for my husband to act as a father figure to my son at home and impliment rules and guidelines for his upbringing.
I cant ask my parents either as they help out already with my nephew.

Before I begin, I want to say I know how you feel but I also have sympathy with the ex. I'm also gonna assume your parents are retired or more or less have free time.

Why can't you ask your parents??
Yes they already help out with the nephew as you've said but surely adding one more child will not be too much additional burden..
Also this is their grandchildren.. If anything they should be happy that they get to spend time with kid..

What about your new husband's parent??
Can they not help out??

Like you said, childcare is expensive, you can barely get by.. surely you could use a portion of the money you pay for creche towards your parents.. In doing so you also save yourself a bit of money..

To sum it up, the child get looked after, you save a bit from creche, and you're parents will be earning some money while getting time to spend with their grandchild.. everybody wins..

As for your ex, if he's on the dole.. I'd say he is worst off than you.. Imagine yourself with no job which are really hard to come by these days (Just read the news yesterday that top graduate have to apply for work in Subway Sandwich chain or McDonalds), only dole money to support you.. How do you expect him to survive if he's to give you 120p/w?? Sounds like a bit like extortion..

From his point of view, I can only imagine he is already as low as he can go.. poor guy

lau1247 · 16-03-2009 10:41AM

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi OP,
Know how you feel as I have had nothing for my 2 kids in months. My ex claimed he had nothing but was able to take his GF out for meals.
QUOTE]

As for this unreg member, I feel for you.. you ex as you described is just not willing to fork out the money.. that's just total irresponsible

Poloman · 16-03-2009 12:27PM

Im really sorry but you are asking for peoples opinions here.

You are re-married. Stop looking for money and move on. If the man doesn't want to see his son thats his choice not yours. Dont pester him to make contact. Sure this is going to hurt the child in later life but if the man is like this now, the child is probably better off not knowing him.

You have a family now so make the most of it. Stop thinking about your 120 euros or what the other fella should be doing. He shouldnt even cross your mind.

LegacyUser · 16-03-2009 01:50PM

lau1247//////////i appreciate your thoughtful suggestions but to sum it up my parents are in their 70's and my nephew is a handful already, they have spent their lives bringing up 6 kids so now that they are retired i dont think it would be fair for them to have to start over again. alsothey have their own life's to get on with other than transporting children around with them where ever they go. TBH i have absolutly no symphaty for my Ex, he has plenty of money from the sale of our house and i know it is in his parents bank account, he told me this after our first court case, its there so i cant claim anymore(not that i want anymore from him as that is his) but he should atleast pay his maintainance.He goes away every second wend to football matches with his mates, he has a new car too.
The money i got from the sale of the house i used to buy another house for me and my son.

Poloman//////////yes i am re-married but that is my choice. my husband is not responsible for my son although he is more of a father figure to him than his dad.Yes i agree totally he would be better off without him totally but he loves his dad because he spoils him and i cant stop that. my husband also insists that he pays his dues as if he doesent it wll end up coming out of his pocket instead.
At the end of the day he is his dad so he should be responsible for him.

Poloman · 16-03-2009 02:38PM

Ya ok I hear your point of view own that. I agree the man should be around for the son and it sounds like he is spoling him. I dont know if that is pure affection for him, a way to try and make him think that he treats him better (kids are materialistic) or if he thinks that now you have a prtner he doesnt have to support his child.

Thankfully I am not in this position but if I was him I would WANT to be around for him. I cant give more advice as I'm not in that situation sorry.. I hope I wasnt time wasting.

Mr. Incognito · 16-03-2009 02:50PM

As far as I am aware if you remarry your ex does not have any legal obligation to pay you any more maintance though I think this may not apply to dependent children. Have you remarried since the court order? I reckon a family law solicitor might be your man but it seems like you are trying to get blood out of a stone here.

carlybabe1 · 16-03-2009 02:57PM

Overheal wrote: »

I don't think this is about him being a figure in the children's life, but about him dodging his responsibility to make payments. No court will force a divorcee to spend time with their children. The payments are another story.

Its easy to raise your child without that bad blood in their life and still get payments in the mail through the DCC.

They will actually, cause I brought my ex to court for this very reason, and he now takes him almost every weekend.....
Op you may be entitled to free legal aid, but definitely ring the court and they may be able to do something for you

stovelid · 16-03-2009 03:55PM

whattodo? wrote: »

my husband is not responsible for my son although he is more of a father figure to him than his dad.Yes i agree totally he would be better off without him totally but he loves his dad because he spoils him and i cant stop that. my husband also insists that he pays his dues as if he doesent it wll end up coming out of his pocket instead.
.

Your husband pays nothing towards your son? Not even for food or clothes?

LegacyUser · 17-03-2009 10:47AM

yes my husband does pay towards my son absolutely, i have never asked him to contribute but he knows that he has to respect us both and therefore does not even hesitate. he does not make a point of it but he makes sure that i still get my maintainance from my ex as he is more responsible for my son than he is.
I got a phone call from him this morning to say that he is going away to a football match this wend so wont be taking him again.

Slutmonkey57b · 17-03-2009 07:07PM

There are a lot of people stating "as far as I know" followed by comments contradicting what the Judge in the case laid down.

I think it's safe to say that the Court knows the law reasonably well in this situation.

OP, your ex is a scumbag and an asshole, but there's nothing you can do about that other than to press him through the courts for the money he owes his child. Your partner is being tough, but he is right - the child has a father and that father should be maintaining his child like it or not.

LegacyUser · 18-03-2009 01:10PM

couldent have put it better myself. I think the best suggestion is to gp through the courts though for the money.

ellie1 · 18-03-2009 03:36PM

I understand that the father of your child should be maintaining him and that you have every right to go through the courts for this money.

I think you should encourage him to develope a positive relationship with his child. Try talking to him about the food and spoiling him. If he does continue to spoil him , it wont be for long and maybe he feels he has to over compensate for not being there. Maybe he doesnt know how to be a good father. This was a man you once had a relationship with and its important that your son is encouraged to have a positive relationship with him.

Its not your business what he spends his money on and you sound somewhat bitter and indeed you have a right to some money but dont let it consume you. Hundreds of single parents are getting by and you seem to be in a better position than others. At the end of the day, money does make the world go around however having your father in your life is much more important.

Maybe, if you sat down with this man and arranged proper access and maintenance it may resolve the issue rather than go down the court route just yet..

No money from father

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