15 Year Old Atheist...

RHRN · 28-02-2009 7:45pm #1

Ever since I was maybe 10/11 I kinda realised that "Hey.... I actually don't believe this stuff!"

I never told my parents about it when I was younger becuase I thought they wouldn't take me seriously.
Now, all my friends know I'm an atheist, and they don't really give a **** about it to be honest, neither does my religion teacher.

But, I have this feeling that my parents most likely won't be as......... tolerable? Maybe thats not the right word but they certainly seem to be quite conservative anyway.

Even though they know I read Dawkins and other atheist writers they seem to think I'm just some sort of intellectual (my bookshelf is filled with all sorts of science books, and I've had a subscription to BBC focus since I was 11), rather than reading atheistic literature because..... Hey, I'm an atheist!!

I'd also like to stress I'm not one of those "LOL GOD IS STOOPID" Atheists, but I mean I really thought about it long and hard before realising I didn't believe any of it.

I also hate having to go through the motions when my family go to mass and having to say prayers to a god I don't believe in, and accept sacraments in a religion I don't really follow.

What I want to ask is, should I tell my parents and family? If so, what should I say? I'm completely clueless A&A!

The Mad Hatter · 28-02-2009 7:48pm

When I was about your age, I told my parents I didn't believe in God. Their response, essentially, was 'yes, you do.' So I told them again last year, and they said 'fair enough'.

I'd say don't bother bringing it up. *shrug*

dlofnep · 28-02-2009 7:51pm

Don't bother. There is no need to bring it up. My father is pretty religious, but I'd feel awkward bringing it up. Ask no questions, tell no lies!

Latchy · 28-02-2009 7:57pm

It's not really an issue at your age .Perhaps when your older and have more life expierences you will Rethink or revalue your beliefs .

Mena · 28-02-2009 7:57pm

Personally, I'd tell them, and stop going to church. But that's me, and my background. I can't tell what/if any affect this may have on you and your relationship with them so it's best you give it a think and then make a decision yourself.

If my daughter comes to me one day and says she's decided to become a theist (read it again :P ), I'd be shocked and disappointed, but not in front of her. I'd support her in whatever decision she made, it is after all, her life.

Zillah · 28-02-2009 8:18pm

Well it does largely depend on what your parents are like. When I told my parents that I thought all this God lark was silly and I wasn't going to mass any more I was about your age, maybe a little older. Their response was "No, you have to go to mass, when you're 18 you can decide for yourself." My response was "No, I'm not going any more, as of now".

Just bear in mind that however badly they react, they'll get used to it and their opinion will mellow over time. It's a bit like coming out as gay, at first they might be shocked, appalled and upset, but after the initial surprise wears off it'll stop seeming so weird.

Don't approach them apologetically about it either. Last thing you want to do is to reinforce the notion that you're doing something wrong. Go in with the attitude that you have every right to decline mass attendence if you so choose. They'll probably think you're being childish or silly at first, stick to your guns. Also, maybe consider easing them into it. Drop a few hints about your atheism at first so that when you announce that you're giving up mass it won't be out of the blue.

Good luck.

Valmont · 28-02-2009 8:21pm

RHRN wrote: »

I'm not one of those "LOL GOD IS STOOPID" Atheists

Too bad, they have a little clique on here and everything:pac:

Handsome Bob · 28-02-2009 8:24pm

RHRN wrote: »

Ever since I was maybe 10/11 I kinda realised that "Hey.... I actually don't believe this stuff!"

I never told my parents about it when I was younger becuase I thought they wouldn't take me seriously.
Now, all my friends know I'm an atheist, and they don't really give a **** about it to be honest, neither does my religion teacher.

But, I have this feeling that my parents most likely won't be as......... tolerable? Maybe thats not the right word but they certainly seem to be quite conservative anyway.

Even though they know I read Dawkins and other atheist writers they seem to think I'm just some sort of intellectual (my bookshelf is filled with all sorts of science books, and I've had a subscription to BBC focus since I was 11), rather than reading atheistic literature because..... Hey, I'm an atheist!!

I'd also like to stress I'm not one of those "LOL GOD IS STOOPID" Atheists, but I mean I really thought about it long and hard before realising I didn't believe any of it.

I also hate having to go through the motions when my family go to mass and having to say prayers to a god I don't believe in, and accept sacraments in a religion I don't really follow.

What I want to ask is, should I tell my parents and family? If so, what should I say? I'm completely clueless A&A!

First of all I'd like to commend you for being a very eloquent 15 year old (hope that doesn't come across as patronising).

Now. From my own personal experience, parents just tend to feel your being rebellious or making excuses for not going to mass when you air your reservations at a young age. They don't take you seriously.

However, you sound very intelligent so I'm sure you can put across to your parents how firmly you feel about it all. You might get the cold shoulder or the silent treatment for awhile but that's as far as it will go. Unless your parents are religious zealots they won't do anything radical.

Finally, stop worrying. As I said just once your parents aren't fundamentalists they'll get over it. There are things that parents would dread hearing far more than just hearing their son is an atheist.

Thoie · 28-02-2009 8:35pm

I had a pretty similar personal experience. I was relatively lucky in that my parents didn't feel the need to beat me with a stick, though they were disappointed.

A few hints:

The time to bring it up is not just as everyone is getting in the car to go to mass. Pick a better time to discuss it, and try to reinforce the fact that this is not teenage rebellion.

Point out that you are open to changing your mind on the subject, but at the moment you'd find it hypocritical to attend weekly services.

Remember that what the neighbours think is irrelevant.

Don't refuse to set foot in a church ever again. Look on situations such as funerals, weddings and baptisms as paying respect to the recipient of the service. Regard something like annual mass at Christmas as a way of spending some quiet time surrounded by family rather than anything else. You don't have to go up for communion, but can spend your time doing sums in your head in the church if you like. Or use it as personal reflection time for yourself to review the year.

A last bit of interesting info - my father admitted it me many many years later that one of the reasons he was so annoyed at the time that I stopped going to mass was because he'd only been going for the previous 14 years out of a sense of duty to bring me up "right". His irritation wasn't really about what I or he believed, but more to do with the fact that he'd wasted so many Sunday morning lie-ins

Mickeroo · 28-02-2009 9:27pm

I went through the same thing, but i waited til I was 18 before i told them i'm not going anymore. Sure they were upset at first,but it didn't really take them long to get over it,they jokingly ask me am i going to mass still but thats about it. I still go at weddings,funerals,baptisms etc. I also still go at christmas just to keep them off my back. My younger brothers all stopped going when they turned 18 too.

Don't worry,they're your parents.

RHRN · 28-02-2009 10:08pm

Thanks for all the replies guys!

Of course if I were to tell my parents this, I would still go to funerals, weddings, baptisms other celebratory occassions out of respect for whomever died/is getting married/baptised and their families. I wouldn't take part in the prayer or go up for Communion though.

I have a feeling they wouldn't be too receptive however...
I was reading the God Delusion at my kitchen table and they asked me what it was about. Not willing to go too far into details I said "He wrote a book about why he doesn't believe in God". My mom said "What??" as if she was incredibly shocked. "How does he believe we came about then?"

I said probably the Big Bang Theory (well I said Big Bang, they didn't know the scientific meaning of Theory, I presumed. Slightly arrogant of me, I know). This was followed by a general consensus at the kitchen table (my dad and younger sister were there) that the Big Bang Theory was nonsense and they believed the Creation story.

Then they looked at me, presumably to agree with them. I mumbled some nonsense (well at least to me) about God and the evolutionary process, then carried on reading.

Quite awkward, to be honest.

I'll try telling them at some point soon. It doesn't seem that big to me, I just think it might to them.

Also:

First of all I'd like to commend you for being a very eloquent 15 year old (hope that doesn't come across as patronising).

After looking that up

, I can now say thank you!

Mickeroo · 28-02-2009 10:15pm

RHRN wrote: »

Of course if I were to tell my parents this, I would still go to funerals, weddings, baptisms other celebratory occassions out of respect for whomever died/is getting married/baptised and their families. I wouldn't take part in the prayer or go up for Communion though.

Dont forget the free food!

DublinWriter · 28-02-2009 10:23pm

RHRN wrote: »

What I want to ask is, should I tell my parents and family? If so, what should I say? I'm completely clueless A&A!

I wouldn't sweat it, it's a personal thing.

When I was aged 13, I announced to my Mum that I was an atheist. She contacted the local Parish Priest who told her that it was 'just a phase'.

The same parish priest died ten years later in the sauna of a Dublin City Centre Gay Club from a heart-attack induced by stiffing amyl-nitrate capsules.

Twenty-five years later, it's still 'just a phase'. I lost my Mum to cancer two years ago and excused myself out of the room in the hospice where she was eventually laid out and where another local Parish Priest and her friends were saying a decade of the Rosary over her body.

Said Parish Priest was a missionary in South America who had recently returned to Ireland. I was informed by a parish worker and one of my late-Mum's close friends that he had spent the majority of an €100K inheritance from a rich family member traveling to L.A. to get botox, hair transplant treatment and comprehensive dental work carried out.

To me, it felt hypocritical to take part a this ceremony that I thought was abject nonsense. I honour her memory in my own individual way.

STBR · 28-02-2009 10:48pm

Well I'm also a 15 year old Atheist, and I don't exactly remember a big kind of "coming out" to my parents about it.

But they both know fully and I've even managed to get any bit of belief that they had out of them also. [Which wasn't a lot though].

And I hadn't gone to church in years anyway, so I didn't have to say "No, I'm not going" or anything. So I'm not too similar to you really.

I can't really recommend what you should do, I guess it depends on your parents.
But either way, I think you should tell them. No matter the response.
I mean, what are they going to do? They can hardly give out because you don't believe something is true.

Anyways, good luck!

rainbow kirby · 01-03-2009 1:11am

I told my parents when I was 12 that I was an atheist, they kinda shrugged it off in a "yeah, she's just being a teenager" sort of way. I haven't gone (voluntarily) to a church since then, but I've been to family occasions which involve church services, and I survived going to a Catholic secondary school.

Zillah wrote:

Just bear in mind that however badly they react, they'll get used to it and their opinion will mellow over time. It's a bit like coming out as gay, at first they might be shocked, appalled and upset, but after the initial surprise wears off it'll stop seeming so weird.

In my experience, coming out as gay was a lot more difficult than telling people I was an atheist, then again the 10 year gap between the two might have had something to do with that.

01-03-2009 1:21am

Judging by how disappointed my mother was when I told her I didn't believe in Santa I think coming out as an atheist would kill her.

sukikettle · 01-03-2009 1:21am

Hey 15-year old you'll get a lot of support in here from the same old pie holes spewing their anti-God stuff...you don't know Him because you know nothing about Him. You say you read Dawkins, science books and subscribed to some BBC thing...you never said you read the bible and came to any conclusion and by the way God isn't a catholic or a protestant or any other religion. He's just your Father and mine besmirched by centuries of religious nonsense. You need to peel back the layers kid. God isn't into sacraments and babbling prayers either. He's just into you and who you are...

Handsome Bob · 01-03-2009 1:23am

sukikettle wrote: »

Hey 15-year old you'll get a lot of support in here from the same old pie holes spewing their anti-God stuff...you don't know Him because you know nothing about Him. You say you read Dawkins, science books and subscribed to some BBC thing...you never said you read the bible and came to any conclusion and by the way God isn't a catholic or a protestant or any other religion. He's just your Father and mine besmirched by centuries of religious nonsense. You need to peel back the layers kid. God isn't into sacraments and babbling prayers either. He's just into you and who you are...

That's an unfortunate way of putting in.:pac:

sukikettle · 01-03-2009 1:26am

Like I said...same old pie holes. Goodnight kid and watch who you listen to;)

rainbow kirby · 01-03-2009 1:42am

sukikettle wrote: »

He's just your Father and mine besmirched by centuries of religious nonsense. You need to peel back the layers kid. God isn't into sacraments and babbling prayers either. He's just into you and who you are...

Your belief, not the OP's. He's clearly thought about the issue enough and read widely enough to come to his own conclusions.

axer · 01-03-2009 1:43am

I kind of waited until I was about 17 before I started to refuse to go to christmas mass since that was the only mass that I could not get out of without my parents knowing (I still would attend funerals, baptisms and weddings etc out of respect to the parties concerned). Believe it or not even though that was nearly 10 years ago, my parents are still not happy that I am an agnostic atheist (they dont really understand what it means either).

As long as you understand that your parents grew up in a different Ireland than that which you are growing up in now so don't try and argue your beliefs with them since their believes are not rational.

In the ideal world, your parents would completely respect your beliefs but we do not live in that ideal world and they were not shaped in as kids in that ideal world either.

CDfm · 01-03-2009 2:39am

My son is 18. Im catholic and he has been atheist for a few years.

Its no big deal really.

So long as he doesnt go around burning crosses in the neighbours gardens or desecrating churches Im cool with it.You cant force somene to believe.He knows I was joking when i suggested exorcism a while back.

I still give him Xmas presents and Easter eggs -as his sister believes. Just joking there- but they are universal holidays and why not.

CDfm · 01-03-2009 2:40am

Deleted User wrote: »

Judging by how disappointed my mother was when I told her I didn't believe in Santa I think coming out as an atheist would kill her.

ROFL:D

Thoie · 01-03-2009 2:59am

RHRN wrote: »

I said probably the Big Bang Theory (well I said Big Bang, they didn't know the scientific meaning of Theory, I presumed. Slightly arrogant of me, I know). This was followed by a general consensus at the kitchen table (my dad and younger sister were there) that the Big Bang Theory was nonsense and they believed the Creation story.

Then they looked at me, presumably to agree with them. I mumbled some nonsense (well at least to me) about God and the evolutionary process, then carried on reading.

A younger sister does complicate things a little (I always forget other people have younger siblings

). Remember your parents are trying to watch out for the well-being of both of you, and if you don't go to mass that might "set a bad example" or lead to awkward questions from her depending on her age. Again, depending on her age, she might not be old enough to understand the Christian differentiations between what bits of the bible are "real" and what bits aren't.

You don't have to agree with it, but the fact is that many Christians will happily agree that creationism and the Garden of Eden is a nice analogy, and that they don't believe the world was actually made in 7 days. Some scholars will also argue about the translations used and have theories that the use of the word "days" is misleading, and that it should be something like "7 ages".

Anyway, whatever they do or don't believe, try and have the discussion sometime your little sister isn't likely to walk in.

Havok1610 · 01-03-2009 3:04am

Hey man,

I was just like you at your age, I even wrote in my Junior Cert exam about my life as an atheist. I know it sounds like a load of codswollop, but thats what I thought, and I still do. Last year my mother passed away, and losing your mother at 18 is one of the hardest things in life to go through. I'm not preaching here, but you should at least try and believe in something after death, doesn't have to be religious, but trust me, it will make losing someone slightly less hard.

CDfm · 01-03-2009 3:29am

RHRN wrote: »

I said probably the Big Bang Theory (well I said Big Bang, they didn't know the scientific meaning of Theory, I presumed. Slightly arrogant of me, I know). This was followed by a general consensus at the kitchen table (my dad and younger sister were there) that the Big Bang Theory was nonsense and they believed the Creation story.

Then they looked at me, presumably to agree with them. I mumbled some nonsense (well at least to me) about God and the evolutionary process, then carried on reading.

Just saw Thoie's post.

Funnily enough the Big Bang Theory was written by a Catholic Priest George Lamaitre and here is a link.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Georges_Lema%C3%AEtre

Catholics and I believe C of E accept evolution.Some Christian churches dont.

Atheists dont believe there is any God behind the universe. Theists say prove it.Stalemate.

Lots of believers are ignorant of the theological beliefs of their own faiths.I post and discuss stuff on A & A as some posters have a greater grasp of theology and ethics than lots of believers including those posting on the Christian forum.

jill_valentine · 01-03-2009 3:45am

I told my parents I didn't believe in God when I was twelve. We argued about it literally every single Sunday until I moved out at seventeen.

I'm twenty three now, and I think they still think it's a phase.

The point is, they may be entirely cool is, they might not be. You'll be alright either way.

Phototoxin · 01-03-2009 6:32am

I dunno I look at the cleverness behind creation and how it's evolved and how it has some sort of innate system that had to come from somewhere and I do wonder. Then again eyeball eating worms

Hey 15-year old you'll get a lot of support in here from the same old pie holes spewing their anti-God stuff...you don't know Him because you know nothing about Him

Perhaps the OP does know. I'm agnostic and I would wager (if I were a gambling man) that I know a lot more than most catholics I know about their religion.

CDfm · 01-03-2009 7:17am

Phototoxin wrote: »

Perhaps the OP does know. I'm agnostic and I would wager (if I were a gambling man) that I know a lot more than most catholics I know about their religion.

I'm Catholic and would take you up on that anytime:D

Galvasean · 01-03-2009 10:28am

sukikettle wrote: »

Hey 15-year old you'll get a lot of support in here from the same old pie holes spewing their anti-God stuff...you don't know Him because you know nothing about Him. You say you read Dawkins, science books and subscribed to some BBC thing...you never said you read the bible and came to any conclusion and by the way God isn't a catholic or a protestant or any other religion. He's just your Father and mine besmirched by centuries of religious nonsense. You need to peel back the layers kid. God isn't into sacraments and babbling prayers either. He's just into you and who you are...

Is this the part where you say 'Yo kid, lemme rap with you.' and try sit on your chair backwards?

CDfm · 01-03-2009 10:33am

Galvasean wrote: »

Is this the part where you say 'Yo kid, lemme rap with you.' and try sit on your chair backwards?

and also mentions Dawkins with science.:mad:

15 Year Old Atheist...

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