Best Movie Monologue?

Armin_Tamzarian · 20-02-2009 10:36PM #1

My number one comes from Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction.
I'll put number 2 in the next post...

Captain Koons: Hello, little man. Boy, I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your dad's. We were in that Hanoi pit of hell together over five years. Hopefully...you'll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Dad were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other. If it had been me who had not made it, Major Coolidge would be talkin' right now to my son Jim. But the way it turned out is I'm talkin' to you, Butch. I got somethin' for you.
(The Captain sits down and pulls a gold wrist watch from his pocket)
This watch I got here was first purchased by your great-grandfather during the first World War. It was bought in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. Made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. Up till then people just carried pocket watches. It was bought by private Doughboy Erine Coolidge on the day he set sail for Paris. It was your great-grandfather's war watch and he wore it everyday he was in that war. When he had done his duty, he went home to your great-grandmother, took the watch off, put it an old coffee can, and in that can it stayed 'til your granddad Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War II. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Dane was a Marine and he was killed -- along with the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. Your granddad was facing death, he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, your granddad asked a gunner on an Air Force transport name of Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he'd never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, your granddad was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant father, his Dad's gold watch. This watch. (holds it up, long pause) This watch was on your Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it'd be confiscated, taken away. The way your Dad looked at it, that watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slopes were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.

Armin_Tamzarian · 20-02-2009 10:37PM

Second has to be Mike Myers in Austin Powers...

Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential.
Therapist (Carrie Fisher): Oh no, please, please, let's hear about your childhood.
Dr Evil: Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
Therapist: You know, we have to stop.

20-02-2009 10:39PM

So there, I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylone, at about 3 O'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzie wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopkeeper and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really, but sure enough I got the M&Ms, and Ozzie went on stage and did a great show.

abouttobebanned · 20-02-2009 10:43PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AXTx4PcKI

storker · 20-02-2009 10:53PM

abouttobebanned wrote: »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AXTx4PcKI

I would also pick Al Pacino's abuse of Kevin Spacey towards the end of the same film. Also Al's thoughts on God from "The Devil's Advocate". Al gives good monologue...

My other favourite would be Marlon Brando's delivery of the Mark Antony speech in Julius Caesar, although...runner up would be his shorter private monologue over Caesar's body a few minutes before.

Storker

Pride Fighter · 20-02-2009 11:07PM

Carl in Caddyshack has so many. I particularly like this one,
License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.

Also this one is brilliant
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

weemcd · 21-02-2009 01:55AM

Few of my favourites:

I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. Years ago we had the church. That was only a way of saying - we had each other. The Knights of Columbus were real head-breakers; true guineas. They took over their piece of the city. Twenty years after an Irishman couldn't get a ****ing job, we had the presidency. May he rest in peace. That's what the **** don't realize. If I got one thing against the black chappies, it's this - no one gives it to you. You have to take it.

What else you gonna do on a satday? sit in your armchair whacking off to pop idol whilst trying to avoid your wifes gaze as you struggle to come to terms with your sexless marriage. Then spunk all your wages on kebabs and fruit machines, fcuk that for a laugh, i know what id rather do, tottenham away, LOVE IT!

flanree · 21-02-2009 02:01AM

I'd have to go for Quint telling his WWII tale in JAWS, that's a beauty.

Valmont · 21-02-2009 02:49AM

I had a few in mind from Glengarry Glen Ross too. Bloody best acting I've ever seen. Jack Lemmon was my favourite "Sheldon Lavigne".

eagle eye · 21-02-2009 05:23AM

The first two that come to mind for me when I seen the subject. There are so many of them but these two really stand out to me.

pljudge321 · 21-02-2009 11:51AM

"I'm somebody now, Harry. Everybody likes me. Soon, millions of people will see me and they'll all like me. I'll tell them about you, and your father, how good he was to us. Remember? It's a reason to get up in the morning. It's a reason to lose weight, to fit in the red dress. It's a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow all right. What have I got Harry, hm? Why should I even make the bed, or wash the dishes? I do them, but why should I? I'm alone. Your father's gone, you're gone. I got no one to care for. What have I got, Harry? I'm lonely. I'm old."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3OK0KgXjmk

Proof that the Oscars are mostly a populist sham.

yawnstretch · 21-02-2009 11:59AM

I thought the Christian Bale, Terminator 4 Bryce-Lighting guy spiel was pretty entertainig

Rhyme · 21-02-2009 12:34PM

Fight Club has a load of little ones that I'm quite fond of, this being my favourite;

"In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway."

nix · 21-02-2009 12:37PM

V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villian by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. (he carves a "V" into a sign) The only verdict is vengence; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. (giggles) Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.
Evey: Are you like a crazy person?
V: I'm quite sure they will say so.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uW6HbZXI9Y0

Mr. Frost · 21-02-2009 12:43PM

Kind of a monologue.

Carlito in the courtroom near the beginning.

And of course:

Sorry boys, all the stitches in the world can't sew me together again. Lay down... lay down. Gonna stretch me out in Fernandez funeral home on Hun and Ninth street. Always knew I'd make a stop there, but a lot later than a whole gang of people thought... Last of the Moh-Ricans... well maybe not the last. Gail's gonna be a good mom... New improved Carlito Brigante... Hope she uses the money to get out. No room in this city for big hearts like hers... Sorry baby, I tried the best I could, honest... Can't come with me on this trip, Loaf. Getting the shakes now, last call for drinks, bars closing down... Sun's out, where are we going for breakfast? Don't wanna go far. Rough night, tired baby... Tired...

21-02-2009 12:45PM

This is still one of my favourites

Bullworth: Obscenity? The rich is getting richer and richer and richer while the middle class is getting more poor/ Making billions and billions and billions of bucks/ well my friend if you weren't already rich at the start well that situation just sucks/cause the riches mother ****er in five of us is getting ninety ****in eight percent of it/ and every other mother****er in the world is left to wonder where the **** we went with it/ Obscenity?/ I'm a Senator/ I gotta raise $10,000 a day every day I'm in Washington/ I ain't getting it in South Central/ I'm gettin it in Beverly Hills/ So I'm votin from them in the Senate the way they want me too/ and-and-and I'm sending them my bills/ But we got babies in South Central dying as young as they do in Peru/ We got public schools that are nightmares/ We got a Congress that ain't got a clue/We got kids with submachine guns/ We got militias throwing bombs/ We got Bill just gettin all weepy/ We got Newt blaming teenage moms/We got factories closing down/ Where the hell did all the good jobs go? Well, I'll tell you where they went/My contributors make more profits makin, makin, makin, Hirin' kids in Mexico/ Oh a brother can work in fast food/ If he can't invent computer games/ But what we used to call America/ That's going down the drains/How's a young man gonna meet his financial responsibilities workin and mother****in Burger King? He ain't! And please don't even start with that school ****/ There aint no education going on up in that mother****er/ Obscenity? We got a million brothers in prison/ I mean, the walls are really rockin/But you can bet your ass they'd all be out/If they could pay for Johnny Cochran/ The constitution is supposed to give them an equal chance/ Well, that ain't gonna happen for sure/ Ain't it time to take a little from the rich mother****er and give a little to the poor? I mean, those boys over there on the monitor/ they want a government smaller and weak/ but the be speakin for the riches 20 percent when they pretend they're defendin the meek/ Now, ****, ****, cocksuker, that's the real obscenity/ Black folks livin with every day/ Trying to believe a mothe****in word Democrats and Republicans say/ Obscenity? I'm Jay Billington Bulworth And I've come to say/ The Democratic party's got some **** to pay/ It's gonna pay it in the ghetto/ It's gonna pay it in the-
[talks a little]
Bullworth: You know the guy in the booth who's talking to you in that tiny little earphone? He's afraid the guys at network are gonna tell him that he's through/ If he lets a guy keep talking like I'm talking to you/ Cause the corporations got the networks and they get to say who gets to talk about the country and who's crazy today/ I would cut to a commercial if you still want this job/ Because you may not be back tomorrow with this cooperate mob/Cut to commercial, cut to commercial, cut to commercial. Ok ok I got a simple question that I'd like to ask of this network/ That pays you for performing this task/ How come they got the airwaves? They're the peoples aren't they? Wouldn't they be worth 70 billion to the public today? If some money-grubbin Congress didn't give them away for big campaign money? It's hopeless you see/ If you're runnin for office with out no TV/If you don't get big money/ You get a defeat/ Corporations and broadcasters make you dead meat/ You been taught in this country there's speech that is free/ But free don't get you no spots on TV/If you want to have senators not on the take/ Then give them free air time/ They won't have to fake/ Telecommunications is the name of the beast/that, that, that, that, that's eating up the world from the west to the east/ The movies, the tabloids, TV and magazines/ they tell us what to think and do/ And all our hopes and dreams/ All this information makes America phat/ But if the company's outta the country/ How American is that? But we got Americans with families that can't even buy a meal/ Ask a brother who's been downsized if he's getting any deal/ Or a white boy bustin ass til they put him in his grave/ He ain't gotta be a black boy to be livin like a slave/ Rich people have always stayed on top by dividing white people from colored people/ but white people got more in common with colored people then they do with rich people/ we just gotta eliminate them. White people, black people, brown people, yellow people, get rid of 'em all/ All we need is a voluntary, free spirited, open-ended program of procreative racial deconstruction/ Everybody just gotta keep ****in' everybody til they're all the same color

Armin_Tamzarian · 21-02-2009 10:32PM

Just remembered this piece of genius from 'Good Will Hunting'...

Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a ****. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and ****in' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the ****in' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin', 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure **** it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

bullpost · 21-02-2009 10:44PM

Louise: How did you get here?
Johnny: Well, basically, there was this little dot, right? And the dot went bang and the bang expanded. Energy formed into matter, matter cooled, matter lived, the amoeba to fish, to fish to fowl, to fowl to frog, to frog to mammal, the mammal to monkey, to monkey to man, amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday.

Dennis the Stone · 26-02-2009 03:19AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbOuU3L3bQc

Creature · 26-02-2009 03:42AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HAQ3pNHwj4

Call Me Jimmy · 26-02-2009 03:53AM

Glengarry Glenross. Alec Baldwin. Monologue.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TROhlThs9qY

petes · 26-02-2009 09:51AM

I can't see youtube here but are any that have been put up Dennis Hopper in True Romance just before he is killed?

Great scene.

faceman · 26-02-2009 11:48AM

Im going to sound like a moan here but as Baldwin said, "Im going anyway, lets talk about something important".

The thing that bothers me about these thread (even though I enjoy most of them!

) is the meaning of "the best monologue". In what context? Most powerful speech? Most convincing performance?

Most of the time in these threads whatever is popular culture is picked and Pulp fiction always gets a mention. Its not a great film and its speeches are meh. IMO of course.

But to avoid being complete mundane heres my contributions:

+1 on the Baldwin Glengarry speech, performance of his career.

Liam Neeson in Schlindler's List, the ending. Very convincing and powerful.

Henry Fonda's farewell speech in The Grapes of Wrath always makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

The opening scene of the Godfather, the dude looking for vengence for his daughter's assault, such a beautiful piece of film. Everything about it is perfect! (cue the anti godfather brigade!)

Lamper.sffc · 26-02-2009 02:50PM

faceman wrote: »

Im going to sound like a moan here but as Baldwin said, "Im going anyway, lets talk about something important".

The thing that bothers me about these thread (even though I enjoy most of them! ) is the meaning of "the best monologue". In what context? Most powerful speech? Most convincing performance?

Most of the time in these threads whatever is popular culture is picked and Pulp fiction always gets a mention. Its not a great film and its speeches are meh. IMO of course.

But to avoid being complete mundane heres my contributions:

+1 on the Baldwin Glengarry speech, performance of his career.

Liam Neeson in Schlindler's List, the ending. Very convincing and powerful.

Henry Fonda's farewell speech in The Grapes of Wrath always makes the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

The opening scene of the Godfather, the dude looking for vengence for his daughter's assault, such a beautiful piece of film. Everything about it is perfect! (cue the anti godfather brigade!)

Its just about personal opinion. I alway take these type of threads to mean Personal to you. If somebody thinks scenes from pulp fiction warrant a mention then by all means put it down. I do think the film is over rated but there is still some great scenes worth mentioning(IMO). There is a counter culture sometimes that refuses to like something because its popular culture. I say if you like it fine, if you dont then thats fine also.

Anyway mine is The end of Devils Advocate

faceman · 26-02-2009 02:54PM

^ Al Pacino singing and dancing... *cringe*

Armin_Tamzarian · 26-02-2009 04:16PM

faceman wrote: »

The opening scene of the Godfather, the dude looking for vengence for his daughter's assault, such a beautiful piece of film. Everything about it is perfect! (cue the anti godfather brigade!)

Except of course the second sequel which it spawned, the shame, the shame...

ziedth · 26-02-2009 05:46PM

faceman wrote: »

(cue the anti godfather brigade!)

You Called!!!

+1 here for the devils advocate.

Locamon · 26-02-2009 06:20PM

Al gets all the great speeches...Any Given Sunday the life is inches speech has to be my favourite

You find out life’s this game of inches. So is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small - I mean one-half a step too late, or too early, and you don’t quite make it. One-half second too slow, too fast, you don’t quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us.
They’re in every break of the game, every minute, every second.
On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch, because we know when we add up all those inches that’s gonna make the f**kin' difference between winning and losing! Between livin' and dyin'!
I’ll tell you this: In any fight, it’s the guy who’s willing to die who’s gonna win that inch. And I know if I’m gonna have any life anymore, it’s because I’m still willin' to fight and die for that inch. Because that’s what livin' is! The six inches in front of your face!! :cool:
 