Need Help Finding Somebody

LegacyUser · 20-02-2009 02:31PM #1

Hi,

I went to school with this girl about 7-8 years ago and was madly in love with her - I'm sure I still am now as not a day has gone by in this time that I have not thought about her.

Anyhow at the time I made my feelings known to her - at this time she was seeing this guy who in my opinion was no good for her - it was a difficult situation as she was staying with him and his parents - her mother had died and she was not in touch with her father.

We spent one night together (nothing sexual) just kissed and I know for a fact she felt something for me that night - after this I was due to go to the Debs with her but she bailed on me - I would ring his parents house looking for her and would be told she was not available - as you can imagine I was utterly devastated and did not attend the debs as a result. I'm guessing this was as a result of the fact that the boyfriend found out about us kissing and gave her an ultimatum - go to the debs with me and lose your accomodation or stay put.. I can understand to a certain extent why she choose the latter.

Anyway I spoke to her a couple of years after this as she would try and get in touch with me every so often through brother/friends and eventually I put my broekn heart to one side and we had a chat - she had since left the guy above and was nowing seeing somebody else - I was also in a relationship. She asked me if we could meet up but i tried to avoid this as my partner at the time knew I had had feelings for this girl in the past and would not have approved.

A couple of weeks went by when one day she rang me at my mother's house - when I heard her voice I just hung up as I did not know what to say to her in relation to meeting up - she then text me telling me that she now understood how she had made me feel when she did not turn up the debs....

Since this point we have not spoken and I do not know where she lives nor do I have any contact telephone number - I know the area she was last in but that was some time ago so she could be anywhere by now...

I'm not in a relationship anymore and I just feel as though I owe it to myself to try and find this girl and tell her how I have felt for the past number of years - she may be married and have children, who knows.. but I have to at least see her one last time and see where that takes me...

I'm sorry if some people think I am being somewhat stupid but I just can't get this girl out of my mind....

Any advice on what I should do or where I should go would be much appreciated.

mac_attack · 20-02-2009 03:09PM

Your story sounds like the plot to a movie.

SO you have no idea where she is at all?!

If I was you, I would start with something simple, search google with her name and the likes of bebo/myspace/facebook etc, maybe she is beyond that but worth a try.
If that fails, surely she must have some family/friends from where she used to live, talk to them, find out where she works and look up the phone number and give her a ring! Sounds easy in theory though, good luck.

Gone Drinking · 20-02-2009 03:20PM

Move on, its not going to happen Jon

Kazvixen · 20-02-2009 03:29PM

There's something about mary perhaps?

cantdecide · 20-02-2009 03:33PM

I'm making a ton of assumptions here but I'm wondering if you've been in many relationships in the meantime?

If you're like some of us in that maybe you haven't had too much opportunities, you are possibly just re-hashing and re-analyzing the best ones so far. Trying to move on might be the best solution...

I might be way off, of course:)

LegacyUser · 20-02-2009 03:35PM

I know it sounds a bit corny but it's the absolute truth..

I've tried Bebo/Facebook/Myspace, Eircom phone book but no luck.

I don't know any of her family and friends so can't go down that road.

mac_attack · 20-02-2009 03:36PM

Kazvixen wrote: »

There's something about mary perhaps?

Yeah, except without all the slapstick comedy and more heart wrenching tragedy:rolleyes:

Wibbs · 20-02-2009 03:39PM

Kazvixen and anyone else, please stick to the topic. Thanks.

LegacyUser · 20-02-2009 04:02PM

I've been in one long term relationship since this that didn't work out so maybe you have a point cantdecide.

All I know is that I love this girl and I need to find out if there is a future for us - who knows - maybe she is single and this could be our time....

Otis Driftwood · 20-02-2009 04:12PM

Tough spot OP.Arent there websites out there for this sort of thing.Friends re-united or something like that.Have you tried any of them?

LegacyUser · 20-02-2009 04:15PM

Yes I've tried lostschoolfriends.ie and friendsreunited but no luck to date.

username123 · 20-02-2009 05:46PM

Crazy as it sounds - if you know the area she was last in put a few posters in the local newsagents.

Desperately Seeking Susan type of thing. Someone who knows her from that area may see the poster and give you a call.

Failing that contact a radio station and ask them to give you a help out broadcasting that you are looking for her.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn · 21-02-2009 01:28AM

this might not seem like the obvious option (note the sarcasm)
but why don't you contact some mutual friends who were in school with both of you

in this day and age i'd say its almost impossible not to find out about her unless she is sandra bullock from "the NET"

then, my good man, you are truely screwed

Ann22 · 21-02-2009 01:36AM

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Move on, its not going to happen Jon

Why so negative? Surely it's worth trying to find her. What has he got to lose? No point in lying on his death bed 40yrs from now wondering what might have been. Op i really hope you find her, I believe you will. Even if it doesn't work out you'll know you've tried. Best of luck:).

kathy2 · 21-02-2009 10:18AM

does she have children go to the local post office on childrens allowance day.

Try and see can you get your mums old phone records.:D

luckat · 21-02-2009 10:55AM

I trust you're not a stalker?

If not, mm, let's see. There's a website for old school friends to find each other - if you find your school on that and post a message (perhaps not so scarily long and rambling) saying you'd like to find this friend you've lost contact with, and asking one of the other people in your school to give her your contact details if they know her, that might work.

Leave it up to her to contact you, I'd say, settle back a little.

MoveOn · 21-02-2009 02:19PM

A long shot this, but - if you have a billed mobile and if you still have your bills her number might be on one of the bills. I know it might involve going back through a lot of bills and rooting through a lot of numbers but if you called or texted her at all, her number would certainly be on an itemised bill - if you still have one from the last time you were in contact with her.

quinnie123ie · 21-02-2009 08:20PM

i agree with 'gone drinking' - neva gonna happen... i suggest you buy a hamster or a gold fish and try and infatuate yourself with that... you could even name it after her...

pseudonym1 · 21-02-2009 08:55PM

This could be the romantic quest we would all love to see come true - but romantic quests have been over sentaionalised Disney.

Heard something like this on Ray Darcy show if you are willing to go to that extreme - In fairness at the very least she owes you a date to black tie event!!

Care to divulge any details and we could try help you find her!?

JESSELVA · 21-02-2009 11:09PM

You'll never know unless you try. I suggest maybe getting someone from your school days to organise a class re union with you, like one of the previous posts suggested, but , also, think of the radio, I wouldnt go into too much detail, it would be very cruel to put her and possibly children too in an embarrassing sitution. Keep the quest platonic, and reveal all later if she is in agreemnt if/when you reconnect. You could go on the lines of having something belonging to her from years ago which you have just found and are very anxious to trace the owner Jane Doe, giving her name date of birth, last known whereabouts ect to return it to her. Make up some object, a bracelet or ring or some such. If she hears it, she will know what you are about and get in touch, and appreciate you leaving more personal details out of any public appeal. You should also ask in the post office where you know she once lived if they have a forwarding address. I still get the very odd letter from my old address of 18 years ago. Or better still, write to her at her old address, keep it simple, just a one liner asking her to get in contact. Post Office might be reluctant to give you her address in case you are a stalker or of unwelcome intent, but they would certainly forward on her mail and then if you have included your number she can contact you. Good Luck if you are genuine, and let us know if you succeed. If you are not of honest intent, well, consider how you would feel if situations were reversed. Get involved in other stuff and forget about her. Remember: The softest pillow, is a clear conscience.

jhegarty · 21-02-2009 11:17PM

Silly question.

You have tried google , facebook, phone book..etc...etc...

Wibbs · 21-02-2009 11:27PM

quinnie123ie As your a newbie to this forum, please read the charter about unhelpful posts. Infracted. Next time its a ban.

LegacyUser · 22-02-2009 05:04AM

Thanks for all the helpful replies - I will definately be using some of the advice to try and find this girl.. think Ann22 summed up my feelings perfectly..

Have tried google, facebook, bebo, myspace, phone book etc...

Would it help if I gave the girls name?

dudara · 22-02-2009 10:24AM

Please do not give out this woman's name on the internet.

dudara

LegacyUser · 03-03-2009 03:14PM

Just to give an update.

I managed to track her down.. Emailed my old secondary school and turns out one of the girls I went to school with there is now a teacher and she is in contact with the woman I was looking for - she passed on my e-mail and she got in touch last Sat evening via e-mail - since then we have been up till 5am Sun morning and 3am last night texting each other - maybe this is because her brother was mowed down last week in a hit and run and had only just been moved out of Intensive Care - he is having his 4th op since it happened today - maybe she just needs somebody to talk to - a good distraction she said..

Anyway I basically told her how I've felt all these years and she seemed to be quite surprised - she mentioned that when she last tried to get in touch with me back in 01/02 she did so for similar reasons to why I am contacting her now - at the time I was with somebody and still hurting from what had gone before so that initial contact didn't lead to anything - as a result she assumed I must have hated her and moved on with her life...

Anyway unfortunately she is in a relationship but she says it is on the rocks - They have been going out 15 months but are not living together - says they have been through a lot of tough things together and they're both fighting for the relationship.. I told her that I didn't want to damage that in any way but I just wanted her to know how I've always felt about her so I can have no regrets..

She said she definitely felt something for me many years ago but that she was very young - not sure I know what she meant by this. She says she's completely different person to the one I knew all those years ago and if we met up I might not have any romantic feelings for her - fair point I suppose but I don't agree.

She apologised for the way she had treated me and said I was always a good friend..

Anyway we are due to meet up some time in the not too distant future - who knows what the future holds - fingers crossed...

Maybe I'm just being a fool...

Ann22 · 03-03-2009 06:52PM

You're absolutely not a fool. I really hope it works out for you, at the very least you'll have the peace of mind to know that you tried. No regrets to keep you awake years from now:).

L-M · 03-03-2009 07:00PM

Ann22 wrote: »

You're absolutely not a fool. I really hope it works out for you, at the very least you'll have the peace of mind to know that you tried. No regrets to keep you awake years from now:).

+1

Fair play to ya. Hope things work out for you. As said above, at least you can get her out of your system, or indeed start something. Good luck with it.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn · 03-03-2009 09:38PM

Heres to you putting added stress on an already fragile relationship while at the same time coming out of the blue and revealing your long lost love for this girl while her brother is in intensive care!

LegacyUser · 04-03-2009 02:19PM

I take your point and don't you think I feel bad about that !

LegacyUser · 10-03-2009 01:45PM

Hi - just another update - would appreciate some "constructive" feedback.

We have been keeping in touch over txt - her brother is doing much better thankfully but he has a long road ahead.

Was away at the week-end and got a txt from her to say that her bf had dumped her over a txt - why did she tell me I asked myself? Anyway I asked if she was free to talk and she said that she was too upset and she had to keep the phone free as her brother was in theatre.. I told her that if she felt better later I could give her a call. She text me back late the same night asking if I could talk but I did not get it until the following morning as I had fallen asleep.. When I then told her that I wanted to talk she told me to go and enjoy my holiday and I was mad to be worrying about her.. since then we have continued texting but whenever I mention giving her a call she seems to give the impression that she does not want to talk over the phone - maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Anyway I'm not sure what the latest is with her and the bf as don't want to push the issue - she told me that she was pregnant but that it had all gone wrong - again I've tried not to push that issue and she now feels as though she shouldn't have told me in the 1st place - she said she was upset and that was the only reason it had come out. Again is that the real reason she told me?

My head is all over the place right now so could maybe just do with a bit of advice.

Thanks.

Peewee_lane · 10-03-2009 04:19PM

I got shivers of a feeling that this girl mightnt be the girl you fell in love with all those years ago.

Nevertheless, the only way you can come across well in this situation, in my opinion, is to text her...and ask her could you take her out for a meal.

Its that simple. She will recieve the text (as she seems to prefer them) and will be able to decide whether to finish for good with the current guy or take a leap of faith with you.

She doesnt seem to be in a straightforward situation, did they go through a miscarriage together?

By taking her out to dinner, you are treating her, getting to know her, putting your best foot forward. I highly reccomend just biting the bullet and asking her out to dinner, then you can for a drink after.

If she refuses.. she may not be the fairytale you were looking for... people change.

I wish you the best of luck though bud, go on! Ask her to dinner and she will be able to take her mind off him and the brother.

Need Help Finding Somebody

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