Need Help Finding Somebody

LegacyUser

Hi,

I went to school with this girl about 7-8 years ago and was madly in love with her - I'm sure I still am now as not a day has gone by in this time that I have not thought about her.

Anyhow at the time I made my feelings known to her - at this time she was seeing this guy who in my opinion was no good for her - it was a difficult situation as she was staying with him and his parents - her mother had died and she was not in touch with her father.

We spent one night together (nothing sexual) just kissed and I know for a fact she felt something for me that night - after this I was due to go to the Debs with her but she bailed on me - I would ring his parents house looking for her and would be told she was not available - as you can imagine I was utterly devastated and did not attend the debs as a result. I'm guessing this was as a result of the fact that the boyfriend found out about us kissing and gave her an ultimatum - go to the debs with me and lose your accomodation or stay put.. I can understand to a certain extent why she choose the latter.

Anyway I spoke to her a couple of years after this as she would try and get in touch with me every so often through brother/friends and eventually I put my broekn heart to one side and we had a chat - she had since left the guy above and was nowing seeing somebody else - I was also in a relationship. She asked me if we could meet up but i tried to avoid this as my partner at the time knew I had had feelings for this girl in the past and would not have approved.

A couple of weeks went by when one day she rang me at my mother's house - when I heard her voice I just hung up as I did not know what to say to her in relation to meeting up - she then text me telling me that she now understood how she had made me feel when she did not turn up the debs....

Since this point we have not spoken and I do not know where she lives nor do I have any contact telephone number - I know the area she was last in but that was some time ago so she could be anywhere by now...

I'm not in a relationship anymore and I just feel as though I owe it to myself to try and find this girl and tell her how I have felt for the past number of years - she may be married and have children, who knows.. but I have to at least see her one last time and see where that takes me...

I'm sorry if some people think I am being somewhat stupid but I just can't get this girl out of my mind....

Any advice on what I should do or where I should go would be much appreciated.

mac_attack

Your story sounds like the plot to a movie.

SO you have no idea where she is at all?!

If I was you, I would start with something simple, search google with her name and the likes of bebo/myspace/facebook etc, maybe she is beyond that but worth a try.
If that fails, surely she must have some family/friends from where she used to live, talk to them, find out where she works and look up the phone number and give her a ring! Sounds easy in theory though, good luck.

Gone Drinking

Move on, its not going to happen Jon

Kazvixen

There's something about mary perhaps?

cantdecide

I'm making a ton of assumptions here but I'm wondering if you've been in many relationships in the meantime?

If you're like some of us in that maybe you haven't had too much opportunities, you are possibly just re-hashing and re-analyzing the best ones so far. Trying to move on might be the best solution...

I might be way off, of course:)

LegacyUser

I know it sounds a bit corny but it's the absolute truth..

I've tried Bebo/Facebook/Myspace, Eircom phone book but no luck.

I don't know any of her family and friends so can't go down that road.

mac_attack

Kazvixen wrote: »

There's something about mary perhaps?

Yeah, except without all the slapstick comedy and more heart wrenching tragedy:rolleyes:

Wibbs

Kazvixen and anyone else, please stick to the topic. Thanks.

LegacyUser

I've been in one long term relationship since this that didn't work out so maybe you have a point cantdecide.

All I know is that I love this girl and I need to find out if there is a future for us - who knows - maybe she is single and this could be our time....

Otis Driftwood

Tough spot OP.Arent there websites out there for this sort of thing.Friends re-united or something like that.Have you tried any of them?

LegacyUser

Yes I've tried lostschoolfriends.ie and friendsreunited but no luck to date.

username123

Crazy as it sounds - if you know the area she was last in put a few posters in the local newsagents.

Desperately Seeking Susan type of thing. Someone who knows her from that area may see the poster and give you a call.

Failing that contact a radio station and ask them to give you a help out broadcasting that you are looking for her.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

this might not seem like the obvious option (note the sarcasm)
but why don't you contact some mutual friends who were in school with both of you

in this day and age i'd say its almost impossible not to find out about her unless she is sandra bullock from "the NET"

then, my good man, you are truely screwed

Ann22

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Move on, its not going to happen Jon

Why so negative? Surely it's worth trying to find her. What has he got to lose? No point in lying on his death bed 40yrs from now wondering what might have been. Op i really hope you find her, I believe you will. Even if it doesn't work out you'll know you've tried. Best of luck:).

kathy2

does she have children go to the local post office on childrens allowance day.

Try and see can you get your mums old phone records.:D

luckat

I trust you're not a stalker?

If not, mm, let's see. There's a website for old school friends to find each other - if you find your school on that and post a message (perhaps not so scarily long and rambling) saying you'd like to find this friend you've lost contact with, and asking one of the other people in your school to give her your contact details if they know her, that might work.

Leave it up to her to contact you, I'd say, settle back a little.

MoveOn

A long shot this, but - if you have a billed mobile and if you still have your bills her number might be on one of the bills. I know it might involve going back through a lot of bills and rooting through a lot of numbers but if you called or texted her at all, her number would certainly be on an itemised bill - if you still have one from the last time you were in contact with her.

quinnie123ie

i agree with 'gone drinking' - neva gonna happen... i suggest you buy a hamster or a gold fish and try and infatuate yourself with that... you could even name it after her...

pseudonym1

This could be the romantic quest we would all love to see come true - but romantic quests have been over sentaionalised Disney.

Heard something like this on Ray Darcy show if you are willing to go to that extreme - In fairness at the very least she owes you a date to black tie event!!

Care to divulge any details and we could try help you find her!?

JESSELVA

You'll never know unless you try. I suggest maybe getting someone from your school days to organise a class re union with you, like one of the previous posts suggested, but , also, think of the radio, I wouldnt go into too much detail, it would be very cruel to put her and possibly children too in an embarrassing sitution. Keep the quest platonic, and reveal all later if she is in agreemnt if/when you reconnect. You could go on the lines of having something belonging to her from years ago which you have just found and are very anxious to trace the owner Jane Doe, giving her name date of birth, last known whereabouts ect to return it to her. Make up some object, a bracelet or ring or some such. If she hears it, she will know what you are about and get in touch, and appreciate you leaving more personal details out of any public appeal. You should also ask in the post office where you know she once lived if they have a forwarding address. I still get the very odd letter from my old address of 18 years ago. Or better still, write to her at her old address, keep it simple, just a one liner asking her to get in contact. Post Office might be reluctant to give you her address in case you are a stalker or of unwelcome intent, but they would certainly forward on her mail and then if you have included your number she can contact you. Good Luck if you are genuine, and let us know if you succeed. If you are not of honest intent, well, consider how you would feel if situations were reversed. Get involved in other stuff and forget about her. Remember: The softest pillow, is a clear conscience.

jhegarty

Silly question.

You have tried google , facebook, phone book..etc...etc...

Wibbs

quinnie123ie As your a newbie to this forum, please read the charter about unhelpful posts. Infracted. Next time its a ban.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the helpful replies - I will definately be using some of the advice to try and find this girl.. think Ann22 summed up my feelings perfectly..

Have tried google, facebook, bebo, myspace, phone book etc...

Would it help if I gave the girls name?

dudara

Please do not give out this woman's name on the internet.

dudara

LegacyUser

Just to give an update.

I managed to track her down.. Emailed my old secondary school and turns out one of the girls I went to school with there is now a teacher and she is in contact with the woman I was looking for - she passed on my e-mail and she got in touch last Sat evening via e-mail - since then we have been up till 5am Sun morning and 3am last night texting each other - maybe this is because her brother was mowed down last week in a hit and run and had only just been moved out of Intensive Care - he is having his 4th op since it happened today - maybe she just needs somebody to talk to - a good distraction she said..

Anyway I basically told her how I've felt all these years and she seemed to be quite surprised - she mentioned that when she last tried to get in touch with me back in 01/02 she did so for similar reasons to why I am contacting her now - at the time I was with somebody and still hurting from what had gone before so that initial contact didn't lead to anything - as a result she assumed I must have hated her and moved on with her life...

Anyway unfortunately she is in a relationship but she says it is on the rocks - They have been going out 15 months but are not living together - says they have been through a lot of tough things together and they're both fighting for the relationship.. I told her that I didn't want to damage that in any way but I just wanted her to know how I've always felt about her so I can have no regrets..

She said she definitely felt something for me many years ago but that she was very young - not sure I know what she meant by this. She says she's completely different person to the one I knew all those years ago and if we met up I might not have any romantic feelings for her - fair point I suppose but I don't agree.

She apologised for the way she had treated me and said I was always a good friend..

Anyway we are due to meet up some time in the not too distant future - who knows what the future holds - fingers crossed...

Maybe I'm just being a fool...

Ann22

You're absolutely not a fool. I really hope it works out for you, at the very least you'll have the peace of mind to know that you tried. No regrets to keep you awake years from now:).

L-M

Ann22 wrote: »

You're absolutely not a fool. I really hope it works out for you, at the very least you'll have the peace of mind to know that you tried. No regrets to keep you awake years from now:).

+1

Fair play to ya. Hope things work out for you. As said above, at least you can get her out of your system, or indeed start something. Good luck with it.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

Heres to you putting added stress on an already fragile relationship while at the same time coming out of the blue and revealing your long lost love for this girl while her brother is in intensive care!

LegacyUser

I take your point and don't you think I feel bad about that !

LegacyUser

Hi - just another update - would appreciate some "constructive" feedback.

We have been keeping in touch over txt - her brother is doing much better thankfully but he has a long road ahead.

Was away at the week-end and got a txt from her to say that her bf had dumped her over a txt - why did she tell me I asked myself? Anyway I asked if she was free to talk and she said that she was too upset and she had to keep the phone free as her brother was in theatre.. I told her that if she felt better later I could give her a call. She text me back late the same night asking if I could talk but I did not get it until the following morning as I had fallen asleep.. When I then told her that I wanted to talk she told me to go and enjoy my holiday and I was mad to be worrying about her.. since then we have continued texting but whenever I mention giving her a call she seems to give the impression that she does not want to talk over the phone - maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Anyway I'm not sure what the latest is with her and the bf as don't want to push the issue - she told me that she was pregnant but that it had all gone wrong - again I've tried not to push that issue and she now feels as though she shouldn't have told me in the 1st place - she said she was upset and that was the only reason it had come out. Again is that the real reason she told me?

My head is all over the place right now so could maybe just do with a bit of advice.

Thanks.

Peewee_lane

I got shivers of a feeling that this girl mightnt be the girl you fell in love with all those years ago.

Nevertheless, the only way you can come across well in this situation, in my opinion, is to text her...and ask her could you take her out for a meal.

Its that simple. She will recieve the text (as she seems to prefer them) and will be able to decide whether to finish for good with the current guy or take a leap of faith with you.

She doesnt seem to be in a straightforward situation, did they go through a miscarriage together?

By taking her out to dinner, you are treating her, getting to know her, putting your best foot forward. I highly reccomend just biting the bullet and asking her out to dinner, then you can for a drink after.

If she refuses.. she may not be the fairytale you were looking for... people change.

I wish you the best of luck though bud, go on! Ask her to dinner and she will be able to take her mind off him and the brother.

LegacyUser

Hi Guys - Just need to let some things of my chest as am feeling very down.

Basically things have kind of gone a bit pear-shaped in the past couple of weeks..

Picking up from last update I bascially told her that I was in love with her - she said she didn't know what to say to that.. - since then I've text her on a couple of occassions but she has not responded. Last time I got a msg from her was last Sunday saying that she was mad busy (and not in a good way) and that she wasn't deliberately not replying to my msgs.
I think I've been sending her too many texts and now she probably thinks I'm desperate or something - I've only really been asking her how she and her brother is though..

Have not aksed her about situation with her bf as don't want to force the issue but something has definately changed as she's not been in touch at all - I know her brother is still in hospital and she has loads of assignments to do for College but this was the same situation a couple of weeks back when she would always reply to my msgs.

Last msg I got from her really threw me - she said that "she didn't think all the contact was appropriate given that we were supposed to be just friends" This really upset me as she didn't seem to have a probelm with it when she told me her bf had dumped her and she was pregnant and it had all gone wrong - as I said above I've only really been texting her to ask her how she and her brother is - is this not what a supportive friend would do in this situation?

I sent her an e-mail last Monday as needed to get a few things off my chest and would have been too much to put in txt msgs - mail basically apologised if I'd caused her and undue stress but explained that I had to tell her how I felt so I could have no regrets - told her that I didn't really know how best to handle the situation - as of yet I have not had any response to this either..

Maybe I'm paranoid... I'm sure most of you will say that this is a sure sign that she wants things to go no further - I feel like I've been a fool, this is eating me up inside and I'm really upset as a result.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

SarahMc

I don't think there is anything more you can do. You achieved what you sought out to do, you found her, and let her know your feelings.

You caught her at a vulnerable time, and your messages would have been a distraction/ego boost. She was understandably wary that you were in love with an image you had of her from years ago, and had built up a fantasy around that, hence the reluctance to move from text to any real life contact.

You are going to have to step back from this, I imagine you have freaked her out a bit with the volume of texts and intensity of feelings you have shown.

She has a huge amount going on in her life, when things settle down for her, she may or may not contact you. My advice - do not contact her again until she contacts you.

I don't think you have been a fool, I think what you did is very romantic. There may be a hollywood ending, equally you may never hear from her again but either way its something from the past you have 'put to bed'.

Jammyc

Hmm

Maybe give her a while then try pick it up?
Sounnds like you probably freaked her out a bit.

Nervous Wreck

SarahMc wrote: »

She has a huge amount going on in her life, when things settle down for her, she may or may not contact you. My advice - do not contact her again until she contacts you.

Word. You jumped the gun, son. You woulda been best not telling her anything about your feelings for a long long time. Sh1t hard to do but sometimes you gotta just grin and bare it. As is, it seems you've frightened her off. No more texts/e-mails. She'll eventually come around and get back in contact but I shudder to think how long it could be at this stage.... For now, move on.

Ann22

She clearly knew you had fairly strong feelings in the first place considering you remembered her after all these years, if she really didn't want to encourage your romantic hopes, why all the texts? Don't be too hard on yourself for declaring your undying love..you don't sound like an irrational obsessive person so her distancing herself may not be just because of that. She may have gotten closer to the bf and wants to make a go of it, maybe she's still pregnant and doesn't want to disrupt things in her relationship for the child's sake. Another thing....there's a chance this girl doesn't look as good as she did years ago and hasn't the bottle to meet up with you in case your jaw hits the floor in horror (not that it would but if she lacks confidence, this could be how she imagines a reunion going)...this comment is what makes me suspect this-
'She said she definitely felt something for me many years ago but that she was very young - not sure I know what she meant by this. She says she's completely different person to the one I knew all those years ago and if we met up I might not have any romantic feelings for her - fair point I suppose but I don't agree'.
Anyway, I don't think you have much of an option at this stage. You've told her how you feel so you can't wonder to yourself 'darn! I should've told her!!!!' No regrets...best bet is to get on with your life, you could waste years hankering after her. Hope all works out:).

K_P

Well done on finding her and making your feelings clear. However, that's about all you can do I'm afraid. If she doesn't feel the same or doesn't want to meet up, there's nothing you can do about that.

I'd disagree with the last poster though. The girl saying how they were very young when they had feelings for each other and how she's a different person now, is most likely completely true and not just down to a lack of confidence about her looks. I don't know the exact amount of time involved but I'd guess it's about 10 years since you were in school together and went on a date. You've gone from late teens to late twenties. People change HUGELY in those years.

She might have been the girl for you then, but there's no guarantee she's the girl for you now. Sad as that is, at least you know you did all you could and it looks like it might be time to finally move on now.

Ann22

I just said that there's a chance that she may be insecure about her appearance, it may not be so.

LegacyUser

Hi Guys - Thanks for all the replies I really need some support right now.

New development just this evening - she txt me to say that she didn't think it was a good idea if we had any contact.. Right now I'm crying while typing this - I'm absolutely devastated - this is not how I wanted things to end - I've obviously done something to upset her and freak her out and that is the last thing I wanted as my feelings for her are so strong. What must she think of me??

She said she wasn't going in to the reasons why but that she was sure I could figure it out - I'm not sure I can.. unless it's as a result of all my txts and expressing my true feelings - what I can't understand is that she said she wanted to meet even after I told her how I felt - now she's gone from that position to saying, she didn't think all the contact was appropriate, to now saying that she doesn't want any contact at all - how can this be? Maybe she or her bf or family have come across this post or something..

I haven't been able to move on for the past 10 years - this girl has been on my mind pratically everyday - I know I've now told her how I've felt but I don't feel as though I have any closure - I've felt this way about her for the past 10 years and just because it appears as though she wants nothing to do with me does not mean that these feelings will just disappear.

Her txt tonight had quite a nasty feel to it - I'm just really hurt at how she has changed her tune so much when for the past week or so I've only been txting her to ask her how she and her brother is - I fear she told the bf about what I've said and he gave her some sort of ultimatum.

The thoughts of now not hearing from her anymore is just too hard to take right now..

Sorry..

RLJ

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi,

I went to school with this girl about 7-8 years ago and was madly in love with her - I'm sure I still am now as not a day has gone by in this time that I have not thought about her.

Anyhow at the time I made my feelings known to her - at this time she was seeing this guy who in my opinion was no good for her - it was a difficult situation as she was staying with him and his parents - her mother had died and she was not in touch with her father.

We spent one night together (nothing sexual) just kissed and I know for a fact she felt something for me that night - after this I was due to go to the Debs with her but she bailed on me - I would ring his parents house looking for her and would be told she was not available - as you can imagine I was utterly devastated and did not attend the debs as a result. I'm guessing this was as a result of the fact that the boyfriend found out about us kissing and gave her an ultimatum - go to the debs with me and lose your accomodation or stay put.. I can understand to a certain extent why she choose the latter.

Anyway I spoke to her a couple of years after this as she would try and get in touch with me every so often through brother/friends and eventually I put my broekn heart to one side and we had a chat - she had since left the guy above and was nowing seeing somebody else - I was also in a relationship. She asked me if we could meet up but i tried to avoid this as my partner at the time knew I had had feelings for this girl in the past and would not have approved.

A couple of weeks went by when one day she rang me at my mother's house - when I heard her voice I just hung up as I did not know what to say to her in relation to meeting up - she then text me telling me that she now understood how she had made me feel when she did not turn up the debs....

Since this point we have not spoken and I do not know where she lives nor do I have any contact telephone number - I know the area she was last in but that was some time ago so she could be anywhere by now...

I'm not in a relationship anymore and I just feel as though I owe it to myself to try and find this girl and tell her how I have felt for the past number of years - she may be married and have children, who knows.. but I have to at least see her one last time and see where that takes me...

I'm sorry if some people think I am being somewhat stupid but I just can't get this girl out of my mind....

Any advice on what I should do or where I should go would be much appreciated.

Do you know people she knew? start there and work outwards.

Silverfish

RLJ wrote: »

Do you know people she knew? start there and work outwards.

Please read threads before posting in them. Thanks.

couerdelion

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Guys - Thanks for all the replies I really need some support right now.

New development just this evening - she txt me to say that she didn't think it was a good idea if we had any contact.. Right now I'm crying while typing this - I'm absolutely devastated - this is not how I wanted things to end - I've obviously done something to upset her and freak her out and that is the last thing I wanted as my feelings for her are so strong. What must she think of me??

She said she wasn't going in to the reasons why but that she was sure I could figure it out - I'm not sure I can.. unless it's as a result of all my txts and expressing my true feelings - what I can't understand is that she said she wanted to meet even after I told her how I felt - now she's gone from that position to saying, she didn't think all the contact was appropriate, to now saying that she doesn't want any contact at all - how can this be? Maybe she or her bf or family have come across this post or something..

I haven't been able to move on for the past 10 years - this girl has been on my mind pratically everyday - I know I've now told her how I've felt but I don't feel as though I have any closure - I've felt this way about her for the past 10 years and just because it appears as though she wants nothing to do with me does not mean that these feelings will just disappear.

Her txt tonight had quite a nasty feel to it - I'm just really hurt at how she has changed her tune so much when for the past week or so I've only been txting her to ask her how she and her brother is - I fear she told the bf about what I've said and he gave her some sort of ultimatum.

The thoughts of now not hearing from her anymore is just too hard to take right now..

Sorry..

At this moment in time you need to respect her wishes and cut your contact. I know it's hard but try not to analyse the reasons behind it. She knows your number now if she wants to get back in contact.

You've told her how you feel and are now feeling rejected and are understandably upset but you found her and told her how you felt and now need to move on.

Good luck.

smellslikeshoes

To be honest OP, its time to try and forget her and move on, its pretty clear that she has made her decision. It would be a very bad idea pursuing this any further.

aare

Y'know, I think this has been "just one of those things"...

By pure coincidence she was going through 2 different kinds of hell when you contacted her...so OF COURSE she was confused in her reactions...who wouldn't be? Very probably wishing she COULD go back to the time you were together for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her present being so awful, for a while...

You got caught between the wheels...and she probably feels terrible about having inadvertantly led you on when you had so much more at stake than she realised...

Unless she feels the same, all she can do is turn you loose, fast and firmly, and that is what she has done.

All you can do in turn is let go, and heal...

Heckler

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Guys - Thanks for all the replies I really need some support right now.

New development just this evening - she txt me to say that she didn't think it was a good idea if we had any contact.. Right now I'm crying while typing this - I'm absolutely devastated - this is not how I wanted things to end - I've obviously done something to upset her and freak her out and that is the last thing I wanted as my feelings for her are so strong. What must she think of me??

She said she wasn't going in to the reasons why but that she was sure I could figure it out - I'm not sure I can.. unless it's as a result of all my txts and expressing my true feelings - what I can't understand is that she said she wanted to meet even after I told her how I felt - now she's gone from that position to saying, she didn't think all the contact was appropriate, to now saying that she doesn't want any contact at all - how can this be? Maybe she or her bf or family have come across this post or something..

I haven't been able to move on for the past 10 years - this girl has been on my mind pratically everyday - I know I've now told her how I've felt but I don't feel as though I have any closure - I've felt this way about her for the past 10 years and just because it appears as though she wants nothing to do with me does not mean that these feelings will just disappear.

Her txt tonight had quite a nasty feel to it - I'm just really hurt at how she has changed her tune so much when for the past week or so I've only been txting her to ask her how she and her brother is - I fear she told the bf about what I've said and he gave her some sort of ultimatum.

The thoughts of now not hearing from her anymore is just too hard to take right now..

Sorry..

Sorry now to be harsh but you really need to get over it. 10 years you say and you still have not moved on. For the love of god man. You are wasting years yearning for something that might never happen. All the folks congratulating you for persuing the "love of your life" are hopeless romantics. I wish you the best but if this story has a happy outcome I'll eat my frickin hat.

dixiefly

I think that you should write her a letter and summarise where you were coming from and explain that the reason that you continued to text etc. was out of a genuine care for her.

After that you should leave things rest for a good while and see if she thinks things through and gets back to you.

You could always text her in about a month or two to ask how her brother is and see how the land lies.

To be honest, I would now try and get her out of my mind and move on. At least you know where you stand.

fabbydabby

I don't think you should write that letter at all. I think you should cease all contact forthwith.

The reason you got in touch with her was so that YOU could feel better after pining for so many years, because YOU needed closure. You tried and it didn't work out for whatever reason. Now leave her alone.

You now need to deal with the fact that she is not interested in you. She is at a stressful time. She didn't ask for the reintroduction of you into her life. Your advances didn't work (for whatever reason-my own theory from reading this thread in detail being that you freaked her out with a stalkerish volume of messages). You now need to move on.

In my own experience memories are always rose tinted, and indeed that which we can't have is always so much more desirable. I thought that I would never get over a girl I longed for in school. Now I can hardly remember her face. Why? Because I moved on. I think you need to too.

Ann22

Heckler wrote: »

Sorry now to be harsh but you really need to get over it. 10 years you say and you still have not moved on. For the love of god man. You are wasting years yearning for something that might never happen. All the folks congratulating you for persuing the "love of your life" are hopeless romantics. I wish you the best but if this story has a happy outcome I'll eat my frickin hat.

I was one of those hopeless romantics. I did believe he did the right thing contacting this girl...thinking that if it worked out-brilliant...and if it didn't, well, bad luck but no harm done.
Sadly, it now looks as if there has been harm done. This girl, without meaning to, I'd imagine, led him right up the garden path. She was likely having a hard time in her private life and welcomed the distraction of an ardent admirer.
Op, I feel so sorry for you...but it's been 10yrs out of your life! This contact with her was supposed to give you an end to all the wondering and hopefully a fresh start either with or without her. I think now is the time to grieve for a period, then get on with your life. The one for you could be just around the corner. I know people who've lost partners they've actually been with for more than 10yrs,(not just dreaming about them)through death or otherwise. They've been heartbroken but their lives have gone on...where happiness was there again for them. You sound like you're trying to think of reasons why she's not returning your texts other than that she may not be interested..it's like you don't want to face it. Don't let this develop into an obsession. I want to see you posting on here in about six months saying you've met the girl of your dreams, I'd be so delighted for you..best of luck.

LegacyUser

I agree it was a good idea to try find this girl and get in touch etc but what was NOT a good idea was to tell her how you feel when she was going through a possible miscarriage, break up and her brother in intensive care??? OP what were you thinking?? Your actions were extremely selfish if you ask me and I am sorry to say but you have probably ruined any chance of anything happening in the future.

This girl probably thinks you are extremely selfish. She was going through a tough time in her life and was probably glad you came back into her life and you comforted her and talked her through the bad times and then you told her you STILL LOVED her?? After all this time I can understand her being angry, she probably thought you were being a friend and now thinks you were trying to take advantage.

I would not contact her again OP for fear of making an even bigger fool of yourself, you did the running if it's meant to be she will do the running next time, unfortunately for you though it doesn't sound like it is meant to me.

K_P

You've done all you can OP, but to be perfectly honest, thinking about this girl every day for 10 years is extremely unhealthy. You HAVE to move on now. Of course getting in touch won't give you closure. You weren't looking for closure, you were looking to be with her and unfortunately for you it hasn't worked out.

If she's interested, she'll get in touch with you, but it's not something you should be waiting around for. You've wasted 10 years on an idea, a thought of someone. Either move on now or waste the rest of your life. Sorry to be harsh, but it's really the only next step.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Thanks for all the replies - they have been really helpful.

I sent her one last correspondance - just felt I needed to get everything off my chest and down on paper.. now it's time for me to move on no matter how difficult that seems right now - as you've all said if she's interested she will get in touch at some point in the future -maybe as Ann22 says the one for me could be just around the corner..

I do realise now that telling her how I felt was selfish and insenstive given what she was going through but blinded by love I couldn't hold back any longer after all these years - I would like to think that I'm not a selfish or insensitive person.. It seems that this irrational action has cost me dearly and I fully accept that.. unfortunately when your in love with somebody rational thoughts are often far from the forefront of ones mind.

I will not be conatcting her again unless she gets in touch with me - maybe I need to grieve for a while to help with the healing process but I honestly can't say whether or not I will ever get this girl out of my head.. maybe I just haven't met the special one for me yet.

Thanks to everyone for their comments, they have really helped me.

Ann22 - I will definately get back in touch in 6 months time to let you know where I stand :-)