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Father not paying maintenance...or any attention!

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Comments

  • #92
    K-9
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,316 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    I thik she is more worried about him turning up and making a show of himself and the family and ruining the day.

    It does tend to be a worry in Single parent families. 99% of the time it's a worry as usually nobody will make a show of themselves in a chapel.

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



  • #93
    Femelade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,820 ✭✭✭Femelade


    K-9 wrote: »
    It does tend to be a worry in Single parent families. 99% of the time it's a worry as usually nobody will make a show of themselves in a chapel.

    He would probably be the 1% that wouldnt care where he was...
    His parents are invited to the day, and if he comes he will bring along, his girlfriend, her 2 kids and a kid they have together.
    I have already made arrangements for the rest of the day which include my family - not his , which is one main reason why he might kick off.

    He doesnt have any interest in her really, but he will go to the communion just to annoy me.


  • #94
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Femmy wrote: »
    He doesnt have any interest in her really, but he will go to the communion just to annoy me.

    Why not discuss it with the school headmaster. They may assign seating and they may wish to allocate seats for him or at least the school could write to him and tell him they do.Its unlikely his new partner and kids would want to attend.That way -you can plan for it and can allocate say an hour for him say after the church then continue as normal.

    Its unlikely that he would act up or be unreasonable to the headmaster- and you could tell the headmaster what arrangements you are comfortable with.

    That gets it out of your direct responsibility.It also gets it away from the idea that you fraustrate his attempts to see the child and particpating.

    I would be against some of the aggressive tactics on maintenance. I think you need to start with a clean sheet and regularise things. It would be great if you could get something regularily every week and have certainty when dealing with the D of SW about what your income is.

    Its a bit unfair for them to ask you to pursue a maintenance claim when you have been disappointed in the past. Its also wasteful to go for back payments if he has no means paying.But start out afresh and tackle it.


  • #95
    Femelade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,820 ✭✭✭Femelade


    There wont be allocated seating there, but i might tell him that there is..
    I dont mind him coming if i know he wont cause trouble, but i honestly think he will.
    I just find it very hipocritical of him if he does turn up..


  • #96
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Let the school do it and take the if out of it . THey love playing Social Workers:)

    I used the school with my ex and Im a guy and she was more interested in impressing them and had her extended family there.

    The important thing is have it regulated and to allow you get on and have your day planned.

    I get the hippocritical bit - my ex's family are out and out atheists but will do anything for show.


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  • #97
    Femelade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,820 ✭✭✭Femelade


    CDfm wrote: »

    Its a bit unfair for them to ask you to pursue a maintenance claim when you have been disappointed in the past. Its also wasteful to go for back payments if he has no means paying.But start out afresh and tackle it.

    I have been making fresh starts with arrears for the last few years..
    I have lost out on a good few grand because of it.


  • #98
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Draw a line behind it and regulate it. Check if you are eligible for free Legal Aid. Check what advice is available using Citizens advice and FLAC(Free legal Advice Centres)

    If you don't make the Court Applications yourself and as part of the application ask the Judge to regulate it.

    That way any missed payments are between him and the Courts and not him and you.

    Whatever you get take. If the assessment is nil then it is nil. Move on.


  • #99
    Femelade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,820 ✭✭✭Femelade


    Its not as easy as "moving on"..
    when i am broke and withou the help of my parents, my daugther wouldnt have much of a childhood to look back on as i cant afford the the things she needs and wants on my own.


  • #100
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Femmy wrote: »
    Its not as easy as "moving on"..
    when i am broke and withou the help of my parents, my daugther wouldnt have much of a childhood to look back on as i cant afford the the things she needs and wants on my own.

    Thems the breaks - but you yourself dont want to end up bitter & spitefuland need an independent life too. I know I did. You need to know where you stand.

    For that matter so should he.It cant be nice waiting for court enforcement orders etc. As another poster said there is a friendly Court Clerk in Fermoy who will show you what you need to apply for and may even contact and give you the name of someone in your local court to help you with the paperwork. I always found the Court staff helpful and they will be if you are positive and not using the court for a feud or vendetta.

    You should follow up on what the other posters said on things like CE schemes etc and things to maximize your income SW wise etc and improve your quality of life.

    I really do wish you well & know how very stressful this all is.


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