The Random Thread.

Jumpin' Jesus!

Putrid Dunce...

Also:

Don't breathe the air around the old carpet warehouse. It stinks of children and should be avoided until further notice.

Dogs can hear tin whistles and are not afraid of television.

If you leave your iron on when departing for a holiday, your neighbours will begin to ooze.

October is illegal in Russia, but only during September.

Horses have the smallest brain of all amphibious mammals.

If you wash your clothes on a Sunday, you will see Jesus in 10 dreams.

Potatoes are the most indiscreet food source.

Water tastes like apples if you put it in your mouth before drinking it.

Silver is actually a form of onion.

If you look directly into the sun, you will see Mars at night.

Llamas are the most corrupt animal, especially when shouted at.

Beware of gates and doorknobs.

Hermy wrote: »

And what does it taste like if you put it in your mouth after drinking it?

53% of people in a study carried out by Charles Manson (on horseback) have claimed that the most frequent taste they encounter is that of "Mediocre Childhood Memories".

Lynskey wrote: »

Sorry TinyMontgomery but i'm fresh out of gold stars...

Gold stars were invented in 1974 to combat the rise in popularity of traditional Mongolian trousers. Men were offered the chance to trade the politically incorrect garments for gold stars. One pair of trousers was equal to 4 gold stars. The plan was a success, although many people felt that the streets were much more dangerous at night with the absence of the trousers.

Thugs and scumbags did indeed become bolder after the elimination of the pants. It emerged that the trousers gave off a mystic stench which went unnoticed by the general public, but appeared to criminals as an unbearable, rancid aroma which could only be avoided by not committing crime.

445279.ie wrote: »

Where do all the birds go at night?

This is actually the title of a lost song written by Burt Bacharach. It was written during his 'bird' phase, wherein he wondered about the various activities of those wonderful feathered creatures. The lyrics to this song were supposedly quite absurd and vicious, completely unlike his more famous 'bird' song '(They Long to Be) Close to You'..

In a 1965 interview with an underground communist newspaper, Burt said "I wrote those lyrics in what seemed to me like a fit of the most rancid madness. I can't remember picking up a pen or getting the paper. I woke up as if emerging from a coma, with those horrific lyrics in front of me. My carpet was soaked with urine and all the blood vessels in my eyes had popped. I had three fractured ribs and I had lost two stone in weight. I knew then that my musings on the habits of birds had turned into a dangerous obsession, with potentially lethal consequences. I destroyed the lyrics and proceeded to bash my face against a wall in a vain attempt to knock out all avian thoughts. My good friend Hal David found me in an unconscious, bloody heap and brought me to hospital. I was given shock therapy, and nowadays I feel dandy".

Don't bother with 'em. Be stupid like me.:D