Jacks

hunter164 · 26-12-2008 12:19AM #1

So I'm sitting here on the toilet, on the laptop. Brought a bottle of Stella and a turkey leg with me. So what to you bring to the toilet with you?

emeraldstar · 26-12-2008 12:24AM

Shit all.

Rabies · 26-12-2008 12:24AM

Its not what you bring, Its what you leave behind that counts.

themadchef · 26-12-2008 12:27AM

hunter164 wrote: »

So I'm sitting here on the toilet, on the laptop.

For feck sake, it can't be comfortable. Get off the lap top. Have ya no respect.

Greasy turkey bum, *shudders* makes a change i guess.

Do not attempt to flush the bone :eek:

~Marky~ · 26-12-2008 12:28AM

A porno

AlmightyCushion · 26-12-2008 12:29AM

~Marky~ wrote: »

A porno

Unless you have a dvd player in your bathroom that's pretty pointless unless you plan to just look at the cover.

eVeNtInE · 26-12-2008 12:32AM

This post has been deleted.

allthedoyles · 26-12-2008 12:32AM

The leg of the chicken is already eaten , so i have to do with some breast instead

MIN2511 · 26-12-2008 12:32AM

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Unless you have a dvd player in your bathroom that's pretty pointless unless you plan to just look at the cover.

Erm... if he has a laptop with internet OFCOURSE he can watch porn in the jacks

Meh... dude, enjoy your ****... smoke some .....

Wurly · 26-12-2008 12:34AM

I can't remember his name offhand.....:)

towel401 · 26-12-2008 12:40AM

Tri wrote: »

I can't remember his name offhand.....:)

slutbag

Wurly · 26-12-2008 12:42AM

towel401 wrote: »

slutbag

Ha ha. In my dreams, really.

What did I really bring to the toilet? A fresh roll of toilet paper.:(

/cries

[Jackass] · 26-12-2008 12:45AM

I often text whilst on the crapper. Nothing like catching up with old friends whilst brining a new life into this world.

I also bring a newspaper at the weekend (love my sunday dump) and read the sports section.

I used to bring the laptop on occasion also and browse the net, but I got into the habbit of sitting there so long, well after the train had left the station, that when I eventually got up one of my legs would have gone numb.

Spending 30 minutes in the toilet, stinking it up and walking out limping is not a good sign to the innocent bystander.

AlmightyCushion · 26-12-2008 12:49AM

MIN2511 wrote: »

Erm... if he has a laptop with internet OFCOURSE he can watch porn in the jacks

Watch out you don't jizz on the keyboard. Brings a whole new meaning to sticky keys.

Holsten · 26-12-2008 01:04AM

Book, magazine, leaflet... anything to read really.

MIN2511 · 26-12-2008 01:08AM

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

Watch out you don't jizz on the keyboard. Brings a whole new meaning to sticky keys.

Meh....................... lmao

I always text, and sometimes surf boards from my mobile

jester77 · 26-12-2008 01:14AM

Maximum respect to the OP and his/her multitasking skills, are you female or a special breed of male?

No way I would be able to have a sh*t, balance a laptop on my knees while drinking a beer, eating a turkey leg and trying to wipe my ass :eek:

hunter164 · 26-12-2008 01:16AM

I'm a man

And you can put the other stuff down when wipng your arse.

bonerjams03 · 26-12-2008 01:18AM

Not Food.... Eh. Books, shampoo bottle, anything I can read.

SomeFool · 26-12-2008 01:27AM

junk mail is always good reading in the jacks

tony1kenobi · 26-12-2008 01:34AM

SomeFool wrote: »

junk mail is always good reading in the jacks

Thats like reading the calorific chart on the back of the tray cover in burger king. It really only means one isn't comfortable making eye contact with strangers while eating.

I combat this by leaving the bathroom door open when I sh1t......and talking to myself, ensuring people will approach me.

Wurly · 26-12-2008 01:40AM

Lads - can I ask.....

How do you make taking a sh1t last for as long as it takes to read a magazine??

I never ever understood this.

Yes, there is a certain element of relief involved by 'emptying your bowels'. But why would you want to make this practice last up to 30 mins in some cases??

Holsten · 26-12-2008 01:54AM

You ****, then read.

Not that hard.

Wurly · 26-12-2008 01:58AM

Holsten wrote: »

You ****, then read.

Not that hard.

But why would you wanna sit on the jacks and read after a sh1t? Would your arse not get cold??

Why not read elsewhere or does the jacks hold a 'narnia' esque quality that i'm not aware of?

Don't get it.

MIN2511 · 26-12-2008 02:05AM

The toilet can be very comfortable...

Wurly · 26-12-2008 02:06AM

MIN2511 wrote: »

The toilet can be very comfortable...

More comfortable than a soft chair or bed? Me arse. Pun intended!!:pac:

tony1kenobi · 26-12-2008 02:06AM

Tri wrote: »

But why would you wanna sit on the jacks and read after a sh1t? Would your arse not get cold??

Why not read elsewhere or does the jacks hold a 'narnia' esque quality that i'm not aware of?

Don't get it.

The possibility of something remotely erotic in the reading material added to the privacy of the sh1tter offers the option of an opportunistic ****.

Now I've cleared that up I'll clear myself up and wipe my hole.

Wurly · 26-12-2008 02:09AM

tony1kenobi wrote: »

The possibility of something remotely erotic in the reading material added to the privacy of the sh1tter offers the option of an opportunistic ****.

Now I've cleared that up I'll clear myself up and wipe my hole.

I have to say. I'd prefer to do what I needed to do in the jacks. Leave and then have the oul opportunistic ahem somewhere warm and comfortable.

I never found anything remotely erotic about Armitage Shanks!

MIN2511 · 26-12-2008 02:12AM

Tri wrote: »

More comfortable than a soft chair or bed? Me arse. Pun intended!!:pac:

None taken:D
Meh i dunno about you but when you but before i take a dump i have to be very comfortable

i can't believe we are talking about dumps

Wurly · 26-12-2008 02:17AM

MIN2511 wrote: »

i can't believe we are talking about dumps

I know - we're supposed to be Ladies!!!:pac:

tony1kenobi · 26-12-2008 02:21AM

Tri wrote: »

I have to say. I'd prefer to do what I needed to do in the jacks. Leave and then have the oul opportunistic ahem somewhere warm and comfortable.

When one has somewhere warm and comfortable to empty their bollocks a **** isn't necessary.........

Jacks

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