"I'm a dope" moments.

Burial · 10-10-2008 03:34PM

YUK!

smk135 · 10-10-2008 03:41PM

JaneyMc wrote: »

Came from school one day, walked into the kitchen my Mam was on the phone, and wasn't paying attention to me. There was a bottle of coke on the drainer, I opened it and went to take a swig. My Mam's eyes widened and she shouted " NOOOO, THAT'S NOT COKE". It was too late, she had just cleaned out the deep fat fryer yoke, and it was the dirty oil , waiting to be put in the bin. I was lucky I hadn't swallowed it, and I spat it out straight onto the floor. Bits of burnt chips still in it.

God I'm feeling sick now even thinking about it. :pac:

UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH minging. That's gross. ugh.

I did the same, TWICE in the same night with a beer bottle that had millions of cig butts in it. I actually spat about three butts out.ugh.

But the oil story is much worse I reckon

JaneyMc · 10-10-2008 03:43PM

Oh I know. I can still taste it . :mad:

ibFoxer · 10-10-2008 03:46PM

About 4 years ago the missus and meself came down home to tipp for the weekend for my 21st and went out to the nightclub in town. Yer one decided to wear this little black number tht she had just bought, and needless to say muggins here took into the double vodka red bulls with gusto. So, feeling a little frisky and spotting herself talkin to one of my mates i proceed to slide up behind her, grab her by the arse and start issin her neck and swayin around in a circle...... to come face to face with the missus who had just returned from the ladies.....

Needless to say i never lived that one down....

and2 · 10-10-2008 03:47PM

ran into a chimney brest on side of a house. had the outline shape of a brick on my forehead for weeks. it was very dark..
another time ran into a two way door that was locked, put had on door, door didnt move but i kept going, big big lump on my head.... prob more incidents but for some reason my memory isnt the best!

Loopy · 10-10-2008 04:09PM

JaneyMc wrote: »

Came from school one day, walked into the kitchen my Mam was on the phone, and wasn't paying attention to me. There was a bottle of coke on the drainer, I opened it and went to take a swig. My Mam's eyes widened and she shouted " NOOOO, THAT'S NOT COKE". It was too late, she had just cleaned out the deep fat fryer yoke, and it was the dirty oil , waiting to be put in the bin. I was lucky I hadn't swallowed it, and I spat it out straight onto the floor. Bits of burnt chips still in it.

God I'm feeling sick now even thinking about it. :pac:

Reminds me of when I thought I'd do my mum a favour and clean out the deep fat fryer for her. It was kept on a high shelf so I clumsily pulled it down and the whole contents spilt all over me, my mouth was open too:eek:

Yuk, even an hour long shower would not remove that grease properly. Had a date that night too and poor guy didn't even kiss me goodnight cos I smelt of the local macari... Had greasy hair for about 2 weeks after!!

soontobesmokin · 10-10-2008 04:10PM

Was stretched out on the sofa a few years ago watching tv, a fly decided to start buzzing around above me really annoyingly. I had the remote in my hand, (the one with the outer sleeve/cover where you can slide out the main part to turn around the remote showing other buttons), took a swipe at the fly, missing of course, was left with te remote cover in my hand while the main part lashed of the wall and broke. The fly survived, I to get upfor years after to change the channels.

cormie · 10-10-2008 04:44PM

JaneyMc wrote: »

Came from school one day, walked into the kitchen my Mam was on the phone, and wasn't paying attention to me. There was a bottle of coke on the drainer, I opened it and went to take a swig. My Mam's eyes widened and she shouted " NOOOO, THAT'S NOT COKE". It was too late, she had just cleaned out the deep fat fryer yoke, and it was the dirty oil , waiting to be put in the bin. I was lucky I hadn't swallowed it, and I spat it out straight onto the floor. Bits of burnt chips still in it.

God I'm feeling sick now even thinking about it. :pac:

Probably would have been healthier to drink than the coke though :pac:

Another time I was in the kitchen with my mam and the phone started ringing in the hallway and for no reason at all I decided I wanted to race to it before my mam got it, I wasn't expecting a phone call, just one of these spur of the moment things, whatever way the door to the hallway was, I ended up running into it with my hand and ended up on the floor crying with the phone still ringing and a dent in my hand. My mam answered it and told them she'd call them back then at the same time a neighbour comes and sees me sprawled out crying on the hallway floor and I'm taken to the hospital.

Another time I was cycling to school on an icy morning, where I grew up there was a little hill that you'd go down to get out of the estate and when going down this I pulled the brakes slightly and skidded and managed to keep on the bike, with this, I pulled the brakes again to stop and get off the bike without copping the reason I skidded in the first place is because I'm hitting the brakes so down I went sliding down the whole hill with a big wet patch to accompany me to school for the day

Irishcrx · 10-10-2008 04:54PM

At a house party pretty drunk, put my drink down beside a glass with water and ashes , smokes in it, picked that up instead drank it realised what it was spat it back out and proceeded to throw up the smokes etc I had downed everywhere...

Soby · 10-10-2008 05:02PM

ive done the whole your holdign a empty yogurt box and a spoon and u put the spoon in the bin..Ive walked(unsuccessfuly) down the wrong escalator the odd time..Also had my weights on my bed one time and bed wasnt made douve was on the floor..so i just through it over the weights been lazy..half a hour r so lazy im wreaked and just stand over my bed then fall onto it for a nice nap...sore sore head..huge bump off it too

mumhaabu · 10-10-2008 05:20PM

One of my most famous "Dope" moments (I have a few) occurred this year at Cork Airport on a flight to Europe, After clearing security in Cork I put my watch forward one hour to Central European time (pre-pre-emptively - bad idea).

Anyway I was idling around a bought a paper read it and looked at the Departures gate a saw "Prague 17.40 Gate 4" so I grabbed my hand luggage and and joined the Queue at Gate 4, gave my ticket to the dopey cabin crew who tore off the stub and let me through, up the steps said hello and went to my seat. I was just getting ready to plug in my earphone when I heard good evening ladies and gentlemen aboard our flight to London Heathrow this evening.

I immediately jumped up and showed them my ticket to Prague and told them of the error, I was escorted back in to the hall and later made my way onto my right flight.

By adjusting my watch forward the hour I though it was 17.40 when it was 16.40 and I had joined the Heathrow queue which also operated out of stand 4. I was listening to my iPod and reading the paper so had lost track of time and got well confused! If I had plugged in my earphones I'd have ended up in Heathrow unless some cabincrew spotted the extra passenger!

It was a real lol! moment for me!!

Another time I was filling the trolly in Tesco and wandered up the isle for something only to come down and take off with an old womans trolley, to hastily shouts "give me that back you young roughin!" Another time I took the thw wrong trolley to checkout and the first item I threw on the counter were women sanitary pads - queue major embarresment for plus weird looks from the cashier girl!

Ciaran B · 10-10-2008 05:36PM

I got home from work one evening around half five. I was pretty tired so I decided to take a nap before getting my dinner and heading out that evening. I lie down on the couch and when I wake up I check my watch to see how long I’ve been out for. 8:55 it says. So I freak out completely. I’ve somehow got it into my head that I’ve slept for 15+ hours and that I’ve to be in work in 5 minutes.

I tear around the house getting my act together, I’m still dressed so that saves me a bit of time. I grab my bicycle and head for work as quick as I can peddle. The traffic is pretty light, a lucky break I think. Then I get to the row of pubs/takeaways and notice they’re doing a pretty good trade for nine o’clock in the morning. I’m not really awake yet but I know there’s something wrong with this picture……. Eventually I cop-on; I was only asleep for a couple of hours and it’s nine o’clock at night. Massive facepalm right there.

Daz R1 · 10-10-2008 06:29PM

Recently rejoined the gym again ,had been away that long that you were now issued with a handy little swipe card for your keyring to gain access ,So the following day I arrive up to the counter and while staring at the beautiful young foreign girl behind the counter i go to swipe to gain access ,first attempt no joy ,5th attempt no joy ,im now getting a little p***ed thinking that my direct debt hasnt gone tru ,finnally the girl walks towards me and says "Can I elp you" to which I said in a rather sharp tone "This card is not working" to which her reply was " Zat is a Tesco club card"............ Yea I turned the same colour red as the fat bloke on the treadmill ....:o

Captain Slow IRL · 10-10-2008 07:05PM

Years and years ago, the parents had a patio door installed, I forgot about it one afternoon - ran face first into it and landed on me arse, confused.
It took me a while to see the funny side; a couple of friends who happened to be lucky enought to witness the spectacle couldn't stop laughing - even me dad who was at the front door was cracking up.

taram · 11-10-2008 12:57AM

God, patio doors seem to be the bane of everyone's life! I did one better than running into a door, I knew it was there, so I ran up to it, stopped, stuck my leg out to check if it was open or closed, saw it was open, but fell over the slidy rail on the floor it was on and broke my nose on the tiles.

Was iceskating with some friends and as the only one who had experience I was showing people what to do. So I was skating away fast, having a blast while my 3 friends bravely left the side of the rink and started skating in the middle for the first time. I turn the corner too fast, slide half way across the rink and take all 3 of them out in one go. They never skated with me again...

Tried to scan a box at work today and it wasn't coming up on the system until one of the girls pointed out I was holding a stapler not a scanner.

towel401 · 11-10-2008 01:04AM

i walked into a glass door a while back...

and then i walked into it a second time

mumhaabu · 11-10-2008 01:39AM

I once touched an electric fence (farmers use them to control cattle) and got a nasty shock, however it never clicked with me and I thought it was static so grabbed it again!

Upon my arrival back though the same fence (several hours later) I proceeded to straddle it and shocked myself through my shorts (summertime) and got a proper roasting into the danglies! I hate those things with a passion now. I'm telling you the shock woke me up proper as I was half alsleep after a days fishing/snoozing/relaxing! Fishing is great btw, except when herself accompanies you! :eek:

stovelid · 11-10-2008 02:12AM

True: Was sent out to buy beers for visitors last summer. I bought a load of Corona and bought some limes to stick in the bottles, trying to impress the guests. My wife took one look at the first round of beers and said why did you stick fuckin avocados in the beer?

Dudess · 11-10-2008 02:16AM

LOL

That'll learn ya for trying to be all posh... :pac:

stovelid · 11-10-2008 02:20AM

Dudess wrote: »

LOL

That'll learn ya for trying to be all posh... :pac:

Never again.:)

Wurly · 11-10-2008 02:28AM

Mine is this:

A colleague of mine at work always rings my extension and says things such as 'howya Doreen, do ya want a go of me mickee'... etc etc. And i'd call him saying the same sort of things.

Anyway, one day, my phone rings and I see 'post room' coming up on the phone. So I know it's my joking colleague. He says 'howya, this is Esther' and I say 'alllllrigggghhh Esther, how's your geeeeeeee?

It turned out to be a 50+ year old colleague from a department I would never deal with - the print room (not the post room as I had previously thought).

There was just silence and then she carried on with her work query... I nearly died. I didn't know what to say so I just carried the conversation on as normal. I then had to send her an email profusely apologising for what i'd said. Later I found out that she was just back from Lourdes the night before.

I still haven't lived it down in work. Luckily, Esther saw the funny side.

:o:o:o:o

Just thought of a second one... This is criiiinge.

I was staying in my parents house one night while they were away. The next morning, I woke up having slept it out for work. I was legging it round trying to get ready etc. Slammed the front door behind me and went to open the porch door. I then realised that the key to it wasn't in the lock. Not to worry, I thought. I'll just get my keys out of my bag. Imagine my horror when my keys were nowhere to be found along with my phone. So there I was, locked between the 2 doors for 6 hours until my next door neighbours arrived home. Thank god they had the keys to my house.

c - 13 · 11-10-2008 07:08AM

I went ice skating with the girlfriend around xmas time just gone, took my sister and her friends as well. They all took to it straight away ... me - not a hope. Kept landing on my arse.

The g/f was giving me a right slagging about it, skating around me and showing off. So the balance started to go again so I thought it would be funny to grab her and take her down with me.

So I grabbed out to where she was standing caught onto her and looked up with a triumphant look on my face ... into the face of a very confused 40-something year old man. She had skated away when I started to topple.

Talk about mortified. Still haven't lived that one down at home.

pajodublin · 11-10-2008 07:48AM

similar to the oil drinker.
My ma used to be a contract cleaner and had her own little concoctions of cleaning products. One day i see a nice bottle of lucozade in the kitchen and decide to have a little sup. Next thing i know my mouth is burning and my lips were in agony. I had drank some acid stuff my ma had put together for unblocking drains.

antodeco · 11-10-2008 08:35AM

Farting when having the squits. Thats mine.

Victor · 11-10-2008 08:40AM

jim o doom wrote: »

Similar one to above, which I have nearly fallen prey to, but not quite but has gotten MANY mates.. big filthy session in a gaff usually with few ashtrays, hence empty cans being used - seriously wasted person holding can ashtray then goes and sips said device. vom.

One of the lads: "why are these peanuts so chewy?"

Blitzkrieger · 11-10-2008 09:27AM

looptheloop wrote: »

Yuk, even an hour long shower would not remove that grease properly.

Use wasing up liquid.

Don't ask.......

RxQueen · 11-10-2008 10:15AM

Was in a taxi , with my friend and we were talking about where we would go to get something to eat later after a few drinks. Taxi driver said " oh i heard that place got taken over by "Sam and Ella" .... I goes "omg i didnt even know the place was sold, wonder will it still be as nice, may say hi to the new owners to". Was wondering why the two of them was laughing at me..... it took me another five minutes to understand why haha!

ART6 · 11-10-2008 10:47AM

Two cases in a long history of acting like a plonker:

Sitting in my car on a hot summer day, window open, at a pedestrian crossing. One car in front with an elderly driver, man crossing slightly unsteadily from the nearby pub. Fly flew in through window and landed on the centre of my steering wheel. A quck hard whack dealt with the fly and let loose a blast on the horn. Guy on the crossing leaped a good ten feet into the air and came down cursing his head off and pounding on the bonnet of the old feller's car in front, while I studied the nearest shop window, radiating innocence.

Then, with OH and friends, at an old stlye pub while on holiday in Wales. The door had an old fashioned latch, and I lifted the lever but the door wouldn't budge. Tried several times while friends etc waited patiently. I gave up and knocked on the window. The landlord opened the door, held it, and slowly pushed the lever down as I watched. "There. It's not rocket science, is it?" he asked patiently.

jetski · 11-10-2008 11:12AM

Eh that was posted already

RxQueen · 11-10-2008 03:07PM

jetski wrote: »

Eh that was posted already

yeah duh get with it jetski! its his "im a dope moment" shur! :P

"I'm a dope" moments.

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