"I'm a dope" moments.

engrish? · 10-10-2008 10:48AM

Pint in one hand, smoke in the other. Go to drink your pint but instead you try to drink your cigarette and burn your nose.

Burial · 10-10-2008 11:02AM

At the cinema trying ot pay with an old cinema ticket receipt. I thought it was a tenner. Embarresed, I took out a card and it was a 3v card. Eventually I took out the right one... That's the only one I could think of quickly...

Burial · 10-10-2008 11:04AM

Oh yeah, pouring milk onto toast. That was pretty retarded...

chin_grin · 10-10-2008 11:08AM

I have a good few of these too. At Sydney Opera house (picks up name), I had a coffee and danish and for some strange reason had both in one hand (don't ask how I did it). Queue going to eat aforementioned delight but coffee spilling down my left tit......luckily my girlfriend had some aloe vera on her. So picture the scene, girlfriend applying aloe vera to my burnt nipple at the Opera House, it was beautiful.....

Also in brux when the bar was along the side was bringing back two pints and a shot of jaeger. But the shot was in one of those tall glasses that curved out. So drunken mind goes "hmm, I could just carry this back in my teeth" shortly followed by "ooh, I could just tilt my head back and drink the shot!". So I did. Tilted my head back only for the glass to snap out of my mouth leaving me chewing glass. Luckily (and I don't know how!) I wasn't drinking my own blood. Good times.

Also at a house party there were three ladies (one being better half) and four guys.....so don't know how but we all started playing a very polluted truth or dare. So it was getting seedier and going downhill fast. So the ladies dared one of the lads to dip their semi in a glass of red wine and down the wine........yep. While the other guys were saying "well, what's in it for us afterwards" C*ckwine here stands up and proceeds to do it, only to puke three different colours the next day........Me lad was okay though. A bit tipsy but ever have a mickey-hangover?

Another one at a friends dads' retirement do. My other half ran in to a guy she worked with so they're having a natter at the bar. I looked up and then the two looked at me. Yer man pretended to hug and chat up my beloved. So I did the whole one-eyed 'I'm keeping an eye on you' routine while pointing. Mate turns around to me and goes "eh, you know he only has one eye", "haha, no. You're kiddin'" I replied.....found out later it was true.....ah well.

10-10-2008 11:14AM

Damo9090 wrote: »

Getting out of bed at 5am on a Saturday and driving into work when i never work Saturdays!

Total brain failure morning!

Didn't notice that the traffic was 10 times lighter than it would on a week day!

Work in Dub city Center btw so drove in from north Wicklow!

My brother has done that on a couple of occasions. Gets up at 6 a.m....has his shower, eats breakfast and somewhere along the way, the penny drops.

For me it has to be putting my passport in the sleeve behind the seat on a plane in Thailand because "it'll fall out of my pocket and I'll lose it" and then leaving it on the plane and only realising at passport control. i got lucky though, I sweet talked my way back onto the plane and got it back....

/facepalm!

Dun laoire · 10-10-2008 11:23AM

I've said it here before somewhere but my dumbest moment has to be when i stuck my head out of a car window to ask this fella for directions. The window was about 3/4 way down so i taught i'd roll the window right down to give myself more room but instead rolled it up jamming my head between the window and the top of the door. Honestly....Your man couldnt give me directions because he couldnt stop laughing

twinytwo · 10-10-2008 11:24AM

was in wales at some like hall of something.. little brother goes missing.. so ya no **** it up off the fat ass to go look for him.. go to go outside to look for him.. there are two double doors on the way way out if u get what i mean so go outside no sign of the brother.. go back through the first double door and think **** better check the side of the building so spin around and wacked the glass with my head as it was closing.. went throught the door... like shattered it... needless to say i legged it

Zangetsu · 10-10-2008 11:24AM

Similer thing happened to me, came out of the shop and me and my da had gotten into the wrong car, the look on the owners face was priceless when he walked out... Funny thing was about 10 of my mates were watching this happen. fookin hi-larious

10-10-2008 11:28AM

Oh one time my Dad was collecting me from work, think i was about 15 or 16. Anyway I came out, opened a car door and all but sat on this ladys lap. My dad had parked beside another car of exact same make, year and colour. The woman screamed so loud!

Burial · 10-10-2008 11:42AM

My friend walked into a parked car. That was hilarious! He thought the car was reversing!

RandolphEsq · 10-10-2008 11:49AM

GAAman wrote: »

Mine was i was fixin the sink and when i took off the u bend i had to drain out the water so of course i poured the water into the sink.......while still holdin the u bend.

Laughed for a good five mins at myself for that one

My moment; took me 2 reads to see what happened here

10-10-2008 11:50AM

god I forgot about this til now.....

a good few years back while living in wicklow went on the hunt for a christmas tree finally found a nice on in arklow. Threw tree top of jeep which was parked on main st and whoopsies here had the great idea of opening the windows putting the rope in through the windows and around the tree, took a while cos we wanted to make sure it didn't come off on the M11! so when the tree was nice and secure, we went to get into the car -

Yes

we had tied all the doors shut

queue all the people at the banklink pi**ing themselves as we figured it out!

My poor baby girl was still in the car!
God I'm crying laughing remembering it!!!

cormie · 10-10-2008 11:54AM

Back in my chubby years, one night my dad bought orange juice, a new concept to me and I asked what's it for and he just goes "it's orange juice, you have it with your breakfast!" so the next morning my dads in the sitting room and I come in saying eww dad this is scum! I'd put the orange juice in my coco pops thinking that's what he meant:o

r3nu4l · 10-10-2008 11:57AM

Years ago, I was in a cinema and just as I arrived with my drink and popcorn, the lights dimmed and the trailers started. So I'm completely blind but start up the steps in this packed cinema. I'm looking out for a seat and spot one towards the middle of the cinema, at the end of the row, near the wall.

I walk up the steps, the screen is now black, I head towards the seat, brushing past people with the "excuse me, thanks" thing going on, make my way to the seat to sit down. I begin to park my butt on the seat only to realise I'm sitting in some guys lap

:eek: I shoot up out of the seat, apologising profusely and only then does the screen light up for me to discover that the free seat was a row further behind

Burial · 10-10-2008 11:58AM

Starting a thread on After Hours... It's only been up a few minutes and I already regret it...

engrish? · 10-10-2008 12:30PM

I have loads of these from being drunk, but sober(ish)

I drove myself to the chipper last week after being on a session the night before, walked out of the chipper and sat into the passenger seat of the car, forgetting that I had driven myself...

jim o doom · 10-10-2008 12:34PM

engrish? wrote: »

Pint in one hand, smoke in the other. Go to drink your pint but instead you try to drink your cigarette and burn your nose.

Similar one to above, which I have nearly fallen prey to, but not quite but has gotten MANY mates.. big filthy session in a gaff usually with few ashtrays, hence empty cans being used - seriously wasted person holding can ashtray then goes and sips said device. vom.

bronte · 10-10-2008 12:35PM

I spent a good half hour attempting to register my uk mobile number on the 'my t-mobile' section of the t-mobile website yesterday.
After numerous attempts at inputting my phone number and it being rejected, I emailed them asking for assistance.
Then I realised I'd been trying to register on the american website.
:rolleyes::o

jim o doom · 10-10-2008 12:41PM

Was about 13 in cousins house, was asked to get something from the garden, so out the double sliding doors I go, acquire said item and return to house - notice terminator (a favourite at that age) is on the telly, and sprint through the (not) open double glass doors. Break nose, break window - but survive with no glass cuts. fun times.

Burial · 10-10-2008 12:42PM

Ringing customer care, for why my tv wasn't working only for the guy to go, "Is it plugged in?" I invented a new problem and then hung up the phone. Nothings more embarressing then saying the tvs plugged in and finding out it's not...

Dardania · 10-10-2008 12:42PM

bronte wrote: »

I spent a good half hour attempting to register my uk mobile number on the 'my t-mobile' section of the t-mobile website yesterday.
After numerous attempts at inputting my phone number and it being rejected, I emailed them asking for assistance.
Then I realised I'd been trying to register on the american website.
:rolleyes::o

Not your fault - the website should've known where you were from...

Varkov · 10-10-2008 12:52PM

A mate of mine a few years back, we were standing outside a shop having a smoke and his phone rings. He answers the phone, and as he's talking glances around as if looking for an ash tray. He absent mindedly puts the still lit smoke into his pocket.
He chats for about half a minute and hangs up, and looks around again, not really sure what he's looking for.
I then noticed the nylon fumes coming from his trousers.

Insect Overlord · 10-10-2008 12:57PM

I don't have too many of these, fortunately enough!

When I was 14, in town with friends after school, standing outside a shop, the most stunningly beautiful woman I had EVER seen walking towards us in a tight red jumper. I tapped one of the lads on the shoulder and went to whisper "Oh the Lady in Red!" but ended up singing it out loud. Very loud. She heard it of course, walking right in front of me with a big smile on her face, leaving me with a head redder than her jumper and my friends wondering why I wasn't breathing properly

Same year, several months later, a few of us cycled out to the woods in Cratloe. It's a favourite haunt for bmx bikers and the like, so we thought it'd be fun to do a few ramp tricks. Eh, on mountain bikes. I took it upon myself to climb the highest slope and sprint towards the dirt ramp. At the last second I shouted out "Shhhiiiiiittttt!!!" but it was too late. I went 10 feet up in the air, lost control of the bike and landed on the handle-bars. It left me with bruised ribs and a front wheel in the shape of the letter 's'. I was mortified, but the lads who saw it think I'm a legend to this day because my first wheezed words were "Don't call a fu*king ambulance!"

helimachoptor · 10-10-2008 01:03PM

looptheloop wrote: »

My brother pulls up outside a shop in his red golf and I get out and run in, come back out and jump into the car (its pissing raining) and I say come on to f*ck, we are gonna be late and elbow him in the arm whilst searching for my mars bar in the bag.

Wrong car - I was elbowing a terrified ol' geezer in a red golf parked right in front of my brother (who was incidentially pissing himself laughing, watching me).

Did that myself one night in Galway last year. Was down with the in-laws. walking back from town and ended up getting a lift off the in-laws brother. Stopped at a garage to get some snacks and he moved out of the way to let another car fill up, pissing out and i jump back into the car screaming like a loony while a terrified girl is sitting across from me and her friend is putting in the petrol, man i was shamed!

Burial · 10-10-2008 01:04PM

@An_Fhile: Legend

L31mr0d · 10-10-2008 02:37PM

Can only think of 2 of these.

The first was when I was in a cinema with a few lads, the movie had been on for a few minutes and the row in front of us looked empty, so a friend a few seats down slung his legs over the seat in front of him, thinking it was a good idea also I swung my legs over the seat, only to feel a gut wrenching "thud" as both of my shoes landed on someone shoulders. I quickly pulled my feet back and this 5ft nothin woman stands up and yells some expletives at me. I just sank down into my chair, I was so embarrassed I can't even remember what the movie was.

The other time I remember is a classic. I looked up online about taking the Mensa test for people with high IQ's. I got the confirmation letter in the post and was told to go to UCD on the 10th of November and which room to go to. I moved my work dates around so that I had that day off and show up at UCD. I go up to reception and ask "Can I have directions to where they are holding the Mensa exam?" The guy looked at me with confusion and said there was no record of any exam being held today. He just said "maybe it wasn't written down, just go up to the room and wait". So I went up to the room and waited, and waited. The time for the exam came and went. Eventually, hungry, I went down to get some lunch. On passing the reception the guy went "any luck?" I said that no-one was there, so he asked to see the letter I had received. He started reading through it and then just burst into laughter. He turned it around and goes "The exam is on the 10/11, today is the 11/10" I was there a month early in October. He just handed me back the letter and went "I probably advise not coming back next month, save yourself the embarrassment".

Funny thing is, I came back the next month and actually got in with my IQ in the top 1%

The_Minister · 10-10-2008 02:51PM

So I'm not the only Mensa member on boards (actually my membership is lapsed for two years).

My story:
Was 13 and was at a Christmas party, visiting some friends of my parents.
I was in the garden and decided to back into the house, so bounded up the steps, and was in mid-air while I hit the still closed glass door.

It was like running into solid air. It didn't hurt, but the feeling of something there that wasn't there before was f*cked up.

thefinalstage · 10-10-2008 03:08PM

L31mr0d wrote: »

Can only think of 2 of these.

The first was when I was in a cinema with a few lads, the movie had been on for a few minutes and the row in front of us looked empty, so a friend a few seats down slung his legs over the seat in front of him, thinking it was a good idea also I swung my legs over the seat, only to feel a gut wrenching "thud" as both of my shoes landed on someone shoulders. I quickly pulled my feet back and this 5ft nothin woman stands up and yells some expletives at me. I just sank down into my chair, I was so embarrassed I can't even remember what the movie was.

The other time I remember is a classic. I looked up online about taking the Mensa test for people with high IQ's. I got the confirmation letter in the post and was told to go to UCD on the 10th of November and which room to go to. I moved my work dates around so that I had that day off and show up at UCD. I go up to reception and ask "Can I have directions to where they are holding the Mensa exam?" The guy looked at me with confusion and said there was no record of any exam being held today. He just said "maybe it wasn't written down, just go up to the room and wait". So I went up to the room and waited, and waited. The time for the exam came and went. Eventually, hungry, I went down to get some lunch. On passing the reception the guy went "any luck?" I said that no-one was there, so he asked to see the letter I had received. He started reading through it and then just burst into laughter. He turned it around and goes "The exam is on the 10/11, today is the 11/10" I was there a month early in October. He just handed me back the letter and went "I probably advise not coming back next month, save yourself the embarrassment".

Funny thing is, I came back the next month and actually got in with my IQ in the top 1%

I got in but I told those pretentious bastards to keep their condescending tones and maths problems to themselves.

scop · 10-10-2008 03:08PM

The cinema stories reminded me of one of my own dope moments although I have many.

Once, at a fairly rowdy party, at around 5am I walked into a darkened 'chill-out' room and proceeded to wander over to a couch. I plonked myself down only to noticed that I'd sat on some poor girl who'd been sleeping on the couch. :eek:Imagine waking up to that. I just got up, and proceeded to leave the room...no explanation. I always wonder if she thought it was a joke or something, but nobody else in the room seemed to care as they were all fooked up at the time. The room was dark so I made no mention of it to anybody and figured if it came up I'd just deny it

JaneyMc · 10-10-2008 03:29PM

Came from school one day, walked into the kitchen my Mam was on the phone, and wasn't paying attention to me. There was a bottle of coke on the drainer, I opened it and went to take a swig. My Mam's eyes widened and she shouted " NOOOO, THAT'S NOT COKE". It was too late, she had just cleaned out the deep fat fryer yoke, and it was the dirty oil , waiting to be put in the bin. I was lucky I hadn't swallowed it, and I spat it out straight onto the floor. Bits of burnt chips still in it.

God I'm feeling sick now even thinking about it. :pac:

"I'm a dope" moments.

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