Travel by air??

towel401 · 05-10-2008 03:56PM

faceman wrote: »

Dear AH,

Im so cool I travel by airplane all the time. Therefore I going to massage my ego by ranting about it.

Yours etc,
ART6

traveling by airplane was cool before the infamous 'low cost carriers' came along and ruined it. you know when they would serve you actual food on the plane and you didn't have to pay extra for it. rather than a loudspeaker turned up beyond the maximum volume blaring out a recording about our new and very overpriced hot and cold snacks.

the high cost of fuel might help to bring those days back.

dr.bollocko · 05-10-2008 05:14PM

Planes suck.
Get some subtle revenge on the security nazis though.
One of these.
Only with a piccy of a goatse.

ageary08 · 05-10-2008 10:11PM

Sure, Michael O'Leary`s idea of an airport sounds good on paper, cheaper, faster, less security. But when your actualy in the airport listening to the GOD AWFUL jingle they play at the start of the flight and getting offered "super premium spirits" in a bag you might think otherwise. Then of course you have the fact you pay have to pay 2 euro to use the jacks, the colour scheme would make your eyes bleed and a bottle of water would cost 1c + 6 euro in taxes.

ART6 · 06-10-2008 11:10PM

faceman wrote: »

Dear AH,

Im so cool I travel by airplane all the time. Therefore I going to massage my ego by ranting about it.

Yours etc,
ART6

That comment is offensive. I didn't claim to be "cool" because I have to fly a lot. I do it because my company requires it. I don't see any superiority in it any more than taking a bus. To me it's a pain in the arse that has to be endured. My ego doesn't need "massaging". I am near the end of my career and don't really care either way any longer. However, top marks for spite.

randylonghorn · 06-10-2008 11:58PM

ART6 wrote: »

That comment is offensive. I didn't claim to be "cool" because I have to fly a lot. I do it because my company requires it. I don't see any superiority in it any more than taking a bus. To me it's a pain in the arse that has to be endured. My ego doesn't need "massaging". I am near the end of my career and don't really care either way any longer. However, top marks for spite.

Oh, lighten up and take a bit of gentle ribbing without having a fit!

For the record, I agree with you to a fair degree. I used to love flying, though I never really enjoyed the groundside bit (who does?). Recently though the latter has become more and more tedious.

There are still a few airports which are pleasant enough to fly through, but most of the bigger ones (including Dublin) have become a complete pain in the rear.

OPENROAD · 07-10-2008 12:25AM

ART6 wrote: »

That comment is offensive. I didn't claim to be "cool" because I have to fly a lot. I do it because my company requires it. I don't see any superiority in it any more than taking a bus. To me it's a pain in the arse that has to be endured. My ego doesn't need "massaging". I am near the end of my career and don't really care either way any longer. However, top marks for spite.

Do you travel with the same airline? If so join there frequent flyer scheme which will allow you to fly through check in,little or no queues and allow you lounge access which makes a huge difference to the overall flying experience.

faceman · 07-10-2008 01:32PM

ART6 wrote: »

That comment is offensive. I didn't claim to be "cool" because I have to fly a lot. I do it because my company requires it. I don't see any superiority in it any more than taking a bus. To me it's a pain in the arse that has to be endured. My ego doesn't need "massaging". I am near the end of my career and don't really care either way any longer. However, top marks for spite.

My comment was tongue in cheek my good man, not designed to cause offense. If i wanted to offend id probably have said you are one of those awful fat people who should pay for 2 airline seats!

I apologise if i have upset you. This is After hours.

from a historical perspective, back in the 80's and 90's it became frowned upon for comedians to have comedy slots about airline travel because it was deemed for them to be rubbing everyone's noses in it.

ART6 · 07-10-2008 05:49PM

faceman wrote: »

My comment was tongue in cheek my good man, not designed to cause offense. If i wanted to offend id probably have said you are one of those awful fat people who should pay for 2 airline seats! I apologise if i have upset you. This is After hours.

from a historical perspective, back in the 80's and 90's it became frowned upon for comedians to have comedy slots about airline travel because it was deemed for them to be rubbing everyone's noses in it.

OK Faceman. I misunderstood because of the emoticon you used. I accept your apology and offer mine in return. I'm quite used to ribbing since I get it all the time (and give it). I'll buy you a jar on the strength of it if we ever meet.

Your comment about the fat people -- Is there something in the natural order of things that when seats are allocated, they always seem to put the biggest guys and the fattest women in seats designed for midgets? Happens to me all the time. I never get the gorgeous blonde beside me, just the hairy arsed farmer or the woman with an a**s like a water buffalo. I ain't fat, but I do take up a lot of room.

I wonder, do any of you get into your seat and then watch the other passengers boarding and think "I wonder is she's going to be beside me?" only to find that she most certainly isn't. Air travel is a continual disappointment.

Then the other bit, where the safety sheet in the seat pocket describes how you have to adopt the crash position by bending over and cradling your head. In modern aircraft seats? My forehead would be touching the top of the seat in front. I can't get my knees in, never mind my torso. Do sardines have a crash position thet they are recommended to adopy before the can is opened?:D

oleras · 07-10-2008 06:41PM

ART6 wrote: »

At Gatwick airport they take cigarette lighters off everyone so that they then have to queue at WH Smiths in the departure louge to buy new ones.

When is the last time you saw this happen ?

I am sorry, but i call B.S. !

White_Feather · 07-10-2008 07:23PM

mp3guy wrote: »

Fixed.

But yeah, become a pilot, they don't go through security or check-in. As far as I know

They do. We all have our staff security which we have to go through!! And check in, well thats only if we are doing an over night!

ART6 · 08-10-2008 07:07AM

oleras wrote: »

When is the last time you saw this happen ?

I am sorry, but i call B.S. !

Happened to me late last year at Gatport Airwick. The queue at WH Smith's was mighty.

faceman · 08-10-2008 11:12AM

ART6 wrote: »

Your comment about the fat people -- Is there something in the natural order of things that when seats are allocated, they always seem to put the biggest guys and the fattest women in seats designed for midgets? Happens to me all the time. I never get the gorgeous blonde beside me, just the hairy arsed farmer or the woman with an a**s like a water buffalo. I ain't fat, but I do take up a lot of room.

I wonder, do any of you get into your seat and then watch the other passengers boarding and think "I wonder is she's going to be beside me?" only to find that she most certainly isn't. Air travel is a continual disappointment.

Have you seen the movie "private parts" where howard stern is on the plane and the only free seat left is beside him when the hot chick gets on? Classic!

Fratton Fred · 08-10-2008 12:48PM

I don't see what the problem is tbh. i travel from Dublin to London every week. I check in on line, only have hand luggage and arrive at the airport at 5:50 for a 6:40 flight, whisk through security (I find Dublin quite quick compared to Stanted and Gatwick) and on to my plane.

I wear shoes that don't usually need taking off and if i do, they are slip on one, I never carry liquids and my laptop is in a seperate pocket on my bag so it can be removed easily.

I have got past the point where, unlike a lot of people, I view the airport as a place to do my weekly shopping or to go for a meal. It is glorified train station with extra security.

BTW, book BMI and their prices include all taxes and charges form the off.

dlofnep · 08-10-2008 12:52PM

I hate flying and only fly when I have to. Nothing beats a good old adventure on a boat!

Oryx · 08-10-2008 04:16PM

I get seasick so the boat is a no no. I like flying. I like practically undressing in front of security people. In fact thats as exciting as my sex life gets, these days.

Im waiting for them to make bringing ties and shoelaces illegal. I mean, you could throttle someone!

Thoie · 08-10-2008 04:29PM

Oryx wrote: »

I get seasick so the boat is a no no. I like flying. I like practically undressing in front of security people. In fact thats as exciting as my sex life gets, these days.

Im waiting for them to make bringing ties and shoelaces illegal. I mean, you could throttle someone!

Some day I plan on just wearing bra, knickers and flipflops, covered by a trenchcoat. Then I'll sue them when they make me take off the trenchcoat.

I still can't understand why they haven't taken up my idea of dehydrating us all into little cubes, loading us on the plane with a forklift, then sending us out on a conveyor belt through water sprinklers on the other side. I think that would be far more enjoyable.

Oryx · 08-10-2008 04:42PM

Thoie wrote: »

I still can't understand why they haven't taken up my idea of dehydrating us all into little cubes, loading us on the plane with a forklift, then sending us out on a conveyor belt through water sprinklers on the other side. I think that would be far more enjoyable.

They take our water. Squash us into bottlenecks to get through security (grrr Gatwick). Make us carry 10kg suitcases up rattley stairs. Then do it all again backwards, after a stroll through the rain from the plane. So really, they do what you suggest, already.

SpookyDoll · 08-10-2008 04:52PM

Ah OP, I hear ya knockin....its pure and utter torture.

That lying sign there too when you go thru the metal detectors "These floors are disinfected on a regular basis" or whatever, No they fukking well are not, been thru there 100 times in the last 4 years and never saw a cnut with a mop, not that I give a sh1t as it would just only be one more delay, but dont bullsh1t me wh1le you are a** r****g me...

Then the priority boarding b0ll0x, yeh pay €8 extra to go and stand on a freezing cold staircase for 25 minutes while they "clean the plane" and let you on only to be joined 2 seconds later by the people who have had the sense not to buy the fukkin yoke

Then the cnuts spend the whole flight roaring over the intercom about scratch cards, safety b0ll0x and Gawd knows what else till you brain feels its gonna burst.

The hoops they make ya jump through

its just a total soul destroying farcical pile of steaming turdyness! ARGH !!!

seclachi · 08-10-2008 05:06PM

oleras wrote: »

When is the last time you saw this happen ?

I am sorry, but i call B.S. !

I thought the whole point of taking your lighter was so that it wouldnt explode in the cabin due to low pressure (or incase some durkadurkastani tries to scorch the pilot and make him crash). Doesnt make sense that wh smith sell them, do they sell box cutters too ? And I thought you couldnt smoke inside an airport any more anyway. The fact wh smiths q was huge might be due to the fact its like stansted and its the only bloody shop that sells drinks and snacks after security.

best boardsie · 08-10-2008 07:42PM

What I hate most about airports is how passengers are such panicky cnuts. I flew aer lingus recently where you book what seat you want to sit on in the plane. Yet for some reason people were queing at the boarding gate about 1 hour before the flight- what is the point???? what do they get out of queing so early when you know what seat you are sitting on? why not just relax in a bar or a cafe or at least just sit down and chill until its time to board?

Fratton Fred · 08-10-2008 07:48PM

SpookyDoll wrote: »

Then the cnuts spend the whole flight roaring over the intercom about scratch cards, safety b0ll0x and Gawd knows what else till you brain feels its gonna burst.

The hoops they make ya jump through its just a total soul destroying farcical pile of steaming turdyness! ARGH !!!

And THAT music, don't forget that ****ing awful tune thingy they play...then there's the ****ing god awful jingle when the ****ers manage to arrive on time.

Spend the extra €25, fly to an airport near where you want to go and get treated like a human being

OPENROAD · 08-10-2008 07:54PM

Fratton Fred wrote: »

Spend the extra €25, fly to an airport near where you want to go and get treated like a human being

+1 And often it can actually be spend 25 Euro less. Ryanair are not always the cheapest.

sdanseo · 08-10-2008 08:18PM

There's no condoning Ryanair but for fúck's sake STOP COMPLAINING. NOW.

You all know what it's like. Instead of complaining, vote with your feet and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. The constant moaning just makes us all nark as examplified by my tone.

/pacifies somewhat

As for the airports, they are all strictly bound by regulations set down by the ICAO (International Civil Aviation Organisation). They haveto impose restrictions as eset down and that's why most are as bad as each other. The people to complainabout, and to, are the ICAO.

dr.bollocko · 08-10-2008 08:20PM

sdonn_1 wrote: »

There's no condoning Ryanair but for fúck's sake STOP COMPLAINING. NOW.

You all know what it's like. Instead of complaining, vote with your feet and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

So you're the dude they employ to not answer the phones then?:D

sdanseo · 08-10-2008 08:25PM

dr.bollocko wrote: »

So you're the dude they employ to not answer the phones then?:D

No. Actually I work for a certain company that manages an airport and let's just say, chalk and cheese. :P

I'm just sick of the moaning when the end result is they're not going to change, they don't care - and they will continue to rake it in no matter what (barring stock market diarrhoea)

dr.bollocko · 08-10-2008 08:26PM

Ah I see. Fair play. I know what you mean. Man the ryanair bashing gets me down, and then everytime I step off of one of their flights I understand why again.
TBH I actively avoid using them at this stage.

Travel by air??

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