funniest quote you've ever heard?

Ginja Ninja · 01-09-2008 08:45PM #1

i'll get the ball rolling with one from PI

"never sh!t on your own doorstep i always say"

and one of mine "you've a face like a smacked arse"

let the copyright infringement commence

Quazzie · 01-09-2008 08:54PM

"I wouldn't ride her if she had pedals" - someone on boards said that a while back and I nearly pissed myself laughing

Zillah · 01-09-2008 08:55PM

My signature is Oscar Wilde.

LovelyHurling · 01-09-2008 08:56PM

to keep up with the sexual theme, if a boy at your school received quite a lot of rogerings in his time there (not really, but the fun is in the accusation), he might have been said to "have an arse like a wizard's sleeve"

RoosterIllusion · 01-09-2008 08:58PM

Myself and my friends get the most mileage from a line out of Norbit (Eddie Murphy movie).

This guy is opening up a strip club: "Nothing but cheap, watered down alcohol and fake ass, tig ol' bitties!

RobertFoster · 01-09-2008 08:58PM

Can't remember who said it...

Pot: What did you say?
Kettle: I MOCK YOUR ETHNICITY!!

Pigwidgeon · 01-09-2008 09:02PM

a friend of mine the other day talking about vin diesel:

"his voice is delicious, it makes me want to order desert"

made no sense then and still doesnt make any...

Zzippy · 01-09-2008 09:31PM

Its all fun and games til someone misses a period...

pseudonym1 · 01-09-2008 09:32PM

Everyone questions my drinking but no body my thirst?!

something to that effect -
Miller - i think

Havermeyer · 01-09-2008 09:36PM

Alex Ferguson on the his thoughts before the 2008 Champions League final (iirc)...

"It's squeaky bum time"

hiltonhater · 01-09-2008 09:38PM

out on a date with a TOTAL gimp a while back and he kept holiding pretend mistletoe over my head. he annoyed me so much i snapped his hand down and said 'Kiss you under mistletoe? sure i wouldnt kiss you under anasthetic'

sadly he didnt get the hint ....
and yes i stole it but cant remember from where!

Captain Slow IRL · 01-09-2008 09:44PM

"F*ck off, you donkey-raping sh*t eater"

Eric Cartman.

Elessar · 01-09-2008 09:46PM

Billy Connolly - "She's got a face that would turn a funeral down a side street"

RoosterIllusion · 01-09-2008 09:54PM

Elessar wrote: »

Billy Connolly - "She's got a face that would turn a funeral down a side street"

I lol'd

hiltonhater · 01-09-2008 09:58PM

Podge n Rodge : 'I wouldnt ride her into battle'

pablomakaveli · 01-09-2008 10:00PM

Iv got a homer simpson poster with that brilliant phrase "if somethings hard to do its not worth doing" .

01-09-2008 10:05PM

Some women in parliament accuses Winston Churchill of being drunk,

he replies: I maybe drunk, but ill be sober in the morning, you are ugly and will still be ugly in the morning.

(Not exact manuscript)

Duiske · 01-09-2008 10:05PM

hiltonhater wrote: »

Podge n Rodge : 'I wouldnt ride her into battle'

Another from that pair : "She's so feck'in ugly, even the tide would'nt take her out"

....shell.... · 01-09-2008 10:21PM

heard from a fella....he looks as awkward as a straight guy in a gay parade

Quazzie · 01-09-2008 10:29PM

homer - alcohol: the reason for and answer to all of life's problems

The_Minister · 01-09-2008 10:42PM

lmtduffy wrote: »

Some women in parliament accuses Winston Churchill of being drunk,

he replies: I maybe drunk, but ill be sober in the morning, you are ugly and will still be ugly in the morning.

(Not exact manuscript)

Well done.

You have absolutely BUTCHERED one of the greatest comebacks of all time.

Bravo sir.

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

CreepingDeath · 01-09-2008 11:09PM

From the film "Roxanne" :

"I would rather be with the people of this town than with the finest people in the world. "

Can't remember where I heard this but it's good to throw in the middle of an argument

"Lets stop this now or else as the midwife said to your mother.... this is going to get ugly".

CreepingDeath · 01-09-2008 11:16PM

Futurama : Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

A billion robot lives are about to be extinguished.
Oh, the Jedis are going to feel this one.

From "Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps"

One of the girls has to pad out her college essay to 3000 words.

Donna: Give me some phrases that don't mean anything
Janet : I'm not going to cum in your mouth.... <shrugs> that doesn't mean anything.

longshanks · 01-09-2008 11:17PM

now now love, lets not turn this rape into a murder....... that'll be slick mick

m83 · 01-09-2008 11:23PM

"I'm so horny I'd eat the scabs out of a whoors knickers!"

longshanks · 01-09-2008 11:29PM

he's so hungry he'd eat the snot off a knackers sleeve

Evenescent · 01-09-2008 11:30PM

............................. I would rather drink a barrel of my own piss

cormie · 01-09-2008 11:30PM

"I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't get a drink"

"There aint no devil, it's just God when he's drunk"

I heard them both from Tom Waits songs, not sure if they are originally his, probably :cool:

Reganio 2 · 01-09-2008 11:30PM

I wouldn;t do her with my worst enemies todger.

Evenescent · 01-09-2008 11:31PM

longshanks wrote: »

he's so hungry he'd eat the snot off a knackers sleeve

Brilliant LMAO

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 01-09-2008 11:34PM

"Qiff... in the game of chess, you must never let your opponent see your pieces."

funniest quote you've ever heard?

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